How To Humble Spoiled Kids?

[SunshineMama]

I just realized my kids are spoiled

Dh and I didn't have a lot growing up so we always made sure our kids have the best of everything. Today at the grocery store my dd just kept asking for more and more and more. My kids aren't brats but they are spoiled. They don't appreciate what they have. Any ideas for raising appreciative kids?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

How old are your children?

[Live and Learn]

I don't know how old your kids are but the rule with my kids concerning asking for me to buy stuff at the store is if they ask for it then they automatically don't get it.

It has been my experience that kids want EVERYTHING when they are shopping and then only play with it for a few minutes at home.

I rarely bought treats and extras for my kids when they were with me. If they were extremely we'll behaved when running errands I might offer them a treat after we were done. When we were in the car or back home.

Good for you for recognizing the problem and trying to correct your behavior. Good luck.

[cheerfuldom]

I have the same rule....once they start asking for everything everywhere, nobody gets anything for a long time. We clean out toys and stuff on a regular basis and we dont buy expensive items for them, we shop secondhand and thrift stores, the older two (4 and 2) have small amounts of money sometimes (say $2 when we go yard sales) and once its gone, its gone. That way they have the visual experience of choosing, spending, and then living with the choice.

[Michael]

Bring them for a day on skid row.

[MizzCheryl]

My kids are 13 and 16. They get $7.00 a week and they buy what they want with that. Including trac phone minutes. They have to save their money for anything extra they want. They buy a lot of their clothes at the Goodwill and then go home and make alterations to them to make them more "hip".
I buy them some sheo and a few things that a more expensive now and then. Man you would think that it was Christmas when I do buy them something.
We stopped at thrift sale where it was fill a lage paper grocery bap for $3.00 Last week. They came out with 2 bags stuffed to the rim and were the happiest camper you ever did see. When we started the allowance they found out fast the money didn't go far.

[Country Kids]

Bring them for a day on skid row.

Some friends of ours did this and it still didn't work. They went to a different country even with very poor children and while their children felt bad, they knew they were still returning home to their comfy home, beds, clothes, etc.

Its kinds like when parents say "there are starving kids in other countries" our kids feel bad but it doesn't sink in because they know its a pretty rare chance it will happen to them.

[cheerfuldom]

My friends dad stripped my friend's room of everything but a mattress on a floor and clothing (no dresser, no extras)....that made an impact. Might be time to put away as much as possible and have them earn it back. Most will appreciate items they have earned themselves.

[Zoe]

Read to them the Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies. It pretty much repeats what everyone has already said. Sister and Brother get the gimmies wherever they go and have fits when they don't get something. So they come up with a plan that if they ever get that way, then they don't get anything.

Something I've also done with my own kids (they're 6 and 4) is I've given them each a piggy bank and at the end of the day if they've been obedient, kind, etc....then they get a dollar at the end of the day. They can use their dollars whenever they wish when we go out. It gave them the value of money. For instance, my DS4 has figured out that if he waits until he has 4 dollars then he can get a Disney Cars car. It's wonderful! So if they ask for something I tell them to save for it and tell them how much it is. They'll either do that or forget about it.

[cheerfuldom]

Read to them the Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies. It pretty much repeats what everyone has already said. Sister and Brother get the gimmies wherever they go and have fits when they don't get something. So they come up with a plan that if they ever get that way, then they don't get anything.

Something I've also done with my own kids (they're 6 and 4) is I've given them each a piggy bank and at the end of the day if they've been obedient, kind, etc....then they get a dollar at the end of the day. They can use their dollars whenever they wish when we go out. It gave them the value of money. For instance, my DS4 has figured out that if he waits until he has 4 dollars then he can get a Disney Cars car. It's wonderful! So if they ask for something I tell them to save for it and tell them how much it is. They'll either do that or forget about it.

I love your idea for teaching your kids to save and how to spend wisely, not enough parents do that. I wonder though about your paying for good behavior....just curious about how you feel about this. We don't give our kids money for good behavior because we feel this is counter productive to teaching integrity. They should be doing the right thing because it is right, not because they will get anything out of it. We do give a small allowance that is based on extra things they can do around the house (above their regular chores). We are trying to reward (if thats the right word...) them going the extra mile and showing initiate in helping others. My kids are young but this seems to be the best fit for us. I just hate when kids do something behavior wise and immediately follow that up with some question to mom about what they get for being good....do you have that issue? Does anybody else want to chime in on thoughts about that aspect?

[Countrygal]

I think the only way to do it is to "unspoil" them. Begin back at the beginning and teach them the value of : money, work, time wisely spent, kindness, thoughtfulness, truth, respect, citizenship, and especially responsibility. You may have to go back all the way to stripping everything from their lives except the "needs" for a few months (probably 3 - 6). Then adding in "privileges" as they are earned.

I think where most of us go wrong is that we want too much for our children, I know I did. We want to make their lives too easy. That philosophy is core to the beliefs of most working classes in our country for many generations. Most of our ancestors came here wanting more for their children. At what point is "more" no longer beneficial? We've all seen the spoiled rich kid. More is not always beneficial.

Sometimes getting back to the basics is more.

Just IMO

[SunshineMama]

How old are your children?

17 months and almost-4.

The 17 month old isn't too spoiled (with "things" anyway, I probably hold her a lot but I dont ship her off to anyone else to deal with that so I am not too worried yet). It is mostly my oldest.

[Blackcat31]

My kids were always required to save half of whatever money they came into. Whether from a birthday card from grandparents or a dollar found on the sidewalk...half goes straight into savings. My DH and I also made sure our kids knew that you get gifts on your birthday and at Christmas time only. Anything else they wanted was something they had to save and buy themselves (and not from the money in their savings accts).

DH and I supplied everything school related and aslo clothing (within reason). One pair of tennis shoes per year, one pair of boots one jacket, etc etc....everything else was on them.

When my kids got old enough to have a job, they were required to do so if they wanted to drive and have a car. DH and I contributed $500 to their first car and paid insurance on them. Gas and anything else was also on them. They also were not allowed cell phones until they drove and that was probably only for my benefit not so much theirs. If they got a ticket, they paid it, had consequences and had to pay any additional insurance costs related to the ticket.

I refused to buy Gameboys and exspensive electronics....if they wanted them, they saved and bought them on their own. Paying for something on their own helped them understand the value of a dollar as well as to take good care of the items they purcahsed. It meant more to them because they had to work to pay for it and knew exactly how long it took to earn something.

Today, my kids are 20 and 23. My 20 yr old has worked at the same job since he was 15 yrs old. He works full time and goes to college, my 23 yr old works 2 jobs and goes to college. She has even retained her job from high school so when she comes home from college for a holiday or long weekend will pick up shifts at her old job for extra cash. My kids both have newer cars and nice things but ALL were purchased by them and taken careof very well because they paid for them on their own.

Even if I had the money to spoil my kids rotten, I wouldn't because that does them no good. Did I want to give them everything I never had as a kid? Not really..... because I was also taught the value of a dollar and hard work.... those are the things I always knew I wanted for my kids. I coul dbe a millionaire and still wouldn't give them everything. I think that is a lot like giving them candy for breakfast; something they might want but not need.

In my book, there is a HUGE difference between want and need. Teach that to your kids and they should be alright.

[kayla]

Bring them for a day on skid row.

good idea!!! really makes you appreciate what ya have!!

[Country Kids]

My hubby always makes sure that my kids know they are lucky to have him because if it was just your mom you wouldn't have 1/2 of what you have. He's not saying it to be mean but to let them know that I wouldn't let them have 1/2 the stuff they do.

I always let them know not to be shocked when they come home one day and there is a buggy in the driveway and we no longer have electricity. They know I love the Amish people and would love to live a simpler life like them. Their life is simplier in way but harder in others so I guess its a give and take-