How Often Should Mom Bring Child Before Starting?

[NeedaVaca]

I have a mom that already picked me as her daycare provider and gave me a deposit for her first week. It's the end of March, she won't start until May and wants to bring her little girl every Tues and Thurs for the entire month of April for 2 or more hours each day so she can get used to things. I am happy to have the mom visit and encourage parents to bring their children prior to the start date but...is that too much?

I worry that I won't be able to run on my normal schedule, that I will be distracted talking to mom instead of playing with the other children I currently watch. Will this new child start to question my authority? It seems hard to teach the new child the way things are done when her mom is around...thoughts?

For example, the first day they came the little girl (3 1/2) was up and down the stairs and doing things I really wouldn't normally allow, but it was hard for me to say anything with the mom there. I do want her to be familiar with the house etc but in normal situations I keep all the kids together and they are not allowed to have the run of the house. This is just an example of issues I see happening over the next month. Advice???

[wdmmom]

If you have the room, let her come in and get acclimated to you and your schedule. I, however, would not let mom hang out too. She would be welcome to start her part time but have it be on your terms...such as 9am to 11am only. No meals or snacks and $15 per day.

[cheerfuldom]

I wouldnt do this....its way too long. The best way to transition is just to have kid used to the full schedule from day one. She is going to get used to one thing and then you will have to transition again in a month. I would allow two part time days, the week before she starts full time

[saved4always]

I would never have a child come a couple times a week for over a month WITH thier mom. Awkward! That is a play date and I do not do play dates with clients. I agree that she could start part time for the month to ease into your care, but you should be paid and mom should not stay. I could see if she wanted to come once right before the child was starting in order to introduce you to the child but that should be a very short visit. That child is not getting used to your care if mom is there. The idea is to get her used to being with you, without mom and to get used to your rules and schedule. This child is going to be so confused once mom is no longer staying and she has to follow the rules.

I did watch a little guy who was very apprehensive about change. Mom brought him to meet me and asked if she could take a few pics of my play area, me, etc. She put them in a little photo album and looked at it with him to him used to the idea of coming to my house the following week. It was a great way for him to get comfortable about the situation without inconveniencing me.

[CheekyChick]

I let the parents come the first day so they can observe and then they are welcome to drop their child off for an hour or two here and there before their start date IF I have the room.

[Crazy8]

I've had children start a month or two part time before their "normal" full time schedule would begin - but I would NOT allow mom to hang out that whole time too. No way!! If you can fit a part timer into your schedule for a little while I would give her the days/times AND FEES that would work for you - no way would I do more than 1-2 hours with mom ONCE for free.

[cheerfuldom]

oh wait...the mom wanted to come every time for a month WITH the child? oh no, no, no. I would never allow that. Talk about helicopter mom. Once you open that door to her and her kid getting special, it will be hard to close it!

[Solandia]

I really, really encourage just dropping the child into their regular schedule ESPECIALLY once they are over 1yo. Mom being there is only for mom, it is NOT helpful AT ALL for the child.

What happens, in particular with the older they are....any change in the schedule, with mom there or not...they just NEVER know what is going to happen. It is a constant state of insecurity for the child...at 3.5yo...it will take weeks for them to get comfortable at your house after mom stops tagging along or changing from a short schedule to a FT schedule. The child remembers going home before lunch or right after lunch, and will expect that to happen every day for a long, long time.

Easing into daycare at this age is NOT doing any favors for the child, rather, it sets them up for failure. If it was beneficial to the child, I would do this, but it is NOT.

[momma2girls]

I would have the Mom drop off right away on the first day of daycare. If she sticks around, it makes the transition worse and worse and worse!!!

[NeedaVaca]

thank you!

Thank you so much for the replies! I have sent the mom an email explaining my concerns and I hope I receive a good response from her. I was so happy to see everyone thinking what I was thinking. Mom and daughter twice a week for a month is just too much and like you all said, not really beneficial to the child and could actually make the transition harder.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you so much for the replies! I have sent the mom an email explaining my concerns and I hope I receive a good response from her. I was so happy to see everyone thinking what I was thinking. Mom and daughter twice a week for a month is just too much and like you all said, not really beneficial to the child and could actually make the transition harder.

Welcome to the forum!

Your status has been upgraded so you can post freely now.

[Sprouts]

I do something called a "phase-in" that i learned in my montessori training and depending on the child it can take a day or a week, depending on how attached they are. I would have one of the parents or close relative stay with a child starting a week before. The first day it would be for about an hour, the second day a little longer, and so on until the child is acclimated. The main thing to remember though Is that the parent CANNOT interact with the child, provide help, they just become a fly on the wall, or like part of the back ground. I provide them with a chair in the same place everyday so the child knows where to expect them, they are to have something to read to distract them, no conversation between you and them as well. If they have to use the bathroom or take a super important phone call they're to leave something of theirs sp the child knows they're coming back. I explain this to them thoroughly before so we are both on the same page. I hope this info helps