Need Advice Please. Tough Decision

[small_steps]

I've posted about my cryer before. She cries A LOT!! She is now 17 months old and she still cries. She has her good days where she only cries a little but I'm now keeping her little baby brother and it's gotten worse again. Anyway, she cries when other parents are here. She cries if the phone rings and I pick it up. She cries the entire time I'm on it if I take the call. (that's on the days when she cries a little). Lately (the last few weeks) she has cried all those times mentioned before plus the hour or two before lunch & nap, and the last hour or two of the day. It makes for a really long/bad day, and even the other parents and kids get annoyed by it. I've tried other suggestions on here and nothing seems to be helping. I am licensed and can have up to 12 kids depending on the ages. Right now I can have 10 and that's how many I have.
SO a couple of my friends also do daycare and one of them is saying "TERM!! All that crying is going to get to you." Which she is right it is starting to get to me. Here's the deal...I'm about ready to term but when I do I know I will lose baby brother too. But they are also my neighbors. I have 2 other daycare kids from other neighbors right now. I don't actually think I would lose any of the other kids if I term even though we all kind of talk. But I really like the parents. They are very nice. Summer is coming up and when the mom enrolled I told her that she would need to keep them in at least part time to hold their spot. Well, I've considered telling her that I will hold her spot for the summer if she keeps them home without part time enrollment just to have a break. I hope that she would get a little better throughout the summer. What do you think? Do you think that I should term now, or cope the next two months until summer break and then see how it goes when they come back in August? Is that putting off the inevitable? Sorry so long, just so torn right now and down about this situation. Love these kiddos but I have a headache just from listening to the crying today.

[SunshineMama]

I've posted about my cryer before. She cries A LOT!! She is now 17 months old and she still cries. She has her good days where she only cries a little but I'm now keeping her little baby brother and it's gotten worse again. Anyway, she cries when other parents are here. She cries if the phone rings and I pick it up. She cries the entire time I'm on it if I take the call. (that's on the days when she cries a little). Lately (the last few weeks) she has cried all those times mentioned before plus the hour or two before lunch & nap, and the last hour or two of the day. It makes for a really long/bad day, and even the other parents and kids get annoyed by it. I've tried other suggestions on here and nothing seems to be helping. I am licensed and can have up to 12 kids depending on the ages. Right now I can have 10 and that's how many I have.
SO a couple of my friends also do daycare and one of them is saying "TERM!! All that crying is going to get to you." Which she is right it is starting to get to me. Here's the deal...I'm about ready to term but when I do I know I will lose baby brother too. But they are also my neighbors. I have 2 other daycare kids from other neighbors right now. I don't actually think I would lose any of the other kids if I term even though we all kind of talk. But I really like the parents. They are very nice. Summer is coming up and when the mom enrolled I told her that she would need to keep them in at least part time to hold their spot. Well, I've considered telling her that I will hold her spot for the summer if she keeps them home without part time enrollment just to have a break. I hope that she would get a little better throughout the summer. What do you think? Do you think that I should term now, or cope the next two months until summer break and then see how it goes when they come back in August? Is that putting off the inevitable? Sorry so long, just so torn right now and down about this situation. Love these kiddos but I have a headache just from listening to the crying today.

I termed a crier like that once before. I literally had a headache everyday after work due to all of the crying. Even if you can tune it out (which is hard by itself), it still grates on your nerves and causes stress. I have NEVER regretted the decision to term the crier.

[countrymom]

whats her nap schedual like. I have a crier too, so when she gets in her moods I just bring her back to the toys and tell her to "go play toys" if she follows me around, I bring her back. She is getting better but she was at the point where i wanted to term her too. Now she still doesn't like people, and I can't figure out how to fix that.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I'd probably term - there's no way I could stand that. Two months is a loooong time. Best of luck to you!

[momma2girls]

Does she seem tired, can you lay her down in the am and in the afternoon. If this doesn't help, I would probably term.

[Kim]

I had a child that was just not cut out for daycare. She cried the entire time she was here and I tried my best to help her adjust but after a few months I just couldn't do it anymore. I had to term for my own sanity and for the sanity of the other kids in care. Some kids are just not cut out for this type of setting and require more one on one care like with a nanny.

You CAN term nicely and professionally so hopefully there won't be any hard feelings. Here's the letter I sent home if it helps you. This was the only time I've termed and felt badly about it. I truly liked the child and her parents were wonderful people. It was a hard decision to make and I wished I never had to let them go but it was necessary. Prior to sending this home the mom and I had talked many times about how to better help her adjust so it didn't catch her off guard to be let go.

Dear X,

I regret to inform you that I feel that X is not adjusting as well as she needs to be in order to be in my childcare setting. X continues to have difficulty with being around the other children without crying, is unable to sleep on her own and cries excessively throughout the day if I am not giving her my undivided attention. It is unhealthy for X to be under such stress for so many hours a day. The excessive crying is also interruptive and stressful to the other children in care. I have exhausted all of my ideas to assist her in adapting to the daycare environment. Unfortunately I am not able to provide her with the level of care she needs and also meet the needs of the other children in my care at the same time. I believe that it is in the best interest of everyone involved that a more suitable childcare situation be found for X. It is my recommendation that you seek a situation that would better meet her needs, such as a nanny, babysitter or a child care setting with 2 caregivers so that one can devote more time to X. I’ve enclosed a list of resources that may help you in your search.


Please know that this was personally an extremely difficult decision for me to make. It is important for me as a child care provider to give each child in my care the same level of care. I do not feel this is possible in the current situation. Putting all personal feelings aside, I have made this decision out of consideration for what is best for all the children in my care, including what is in X’s best interest.


As per our child care agreement, a two week termination notice is hereby given. I will continue to provide care for X during the next two weeks allowing you time to find a caregiver that can better meet her needs. Her last day in care will be X. I know that this is a stressful situation for you so please let me know if you need additional time to find an appropriate caregiver. I will certainly help you as best I can.

[AnneCordelia]

I termed a crier too. Lost his brother in the mix as well and I don't regret it. Mind you, my relationship with the parents was purely business and they didn't talk with my other families.

My stress level went down a billion times more than I even thought it would simply by not having to listen to the constant crying/whining from the 18mo.

[small_steps]

Thanks everyone! I've got lots of thinking to do. It's not an easy decision but I know that I will feel better once it's done.

[momma2girls]

I have let go of 2 colicky babies, and 3 or 4 seperation anxiey ones as well.

[Blackcat31]

Thanks everyone! I've got lots of thinking to do. It's not an easy decision but I know that I will feel better once it's done.

What do her parents say about all her crying? Is she just a sensitive little girl? I have had kids like that before and sometimes it has to do with not having very good coping skills and not knowing how they are suppose to feel as far as anxiety, being scared, feeling frustrated, patience etc. Do you see any kind of a pattern as to when or why she cries? Or she one that just wants your full one on one attention?

I guess whether I termed or not would have a lot to do with WHY she is crying, whether or not I was able to change or adjust the environment to help her not cry so much and what the parents are or aren't doing to help the situation.

I do agree that long term crying is hard on a provider and it would definitely get to me after a while but if there is a possible cure, I would surely give it a try....

Hang in there...

[Soccermom]

hhhmmm....
That is tough because they are your neighbours. I had to term a neighbour dcg once for biting and I felt uncomfortable about it because they were so close but I was very careful about the way I went about it.
I invited dcm over for coffee and had a chat with her. I told her what was going on and explained why it was unfair for my ds to be getting bit all the time in his own home. I talked mom to mom with her and said what would you do if you were in my shoes? I love to be able to provide loving care to other children but my primary reason for being at home is for my children. I told her I loved her dd dearly but that she was just not happy here and it was just not a good fit for her. We both concluded that it would be wise for her to find something else which she did. I went over a few days later with a little album of pics I had taken of her and the other dck during her time here. I also wrote her a little card thanking her for being a little part of our lives and I wished her the best in her new daycare and wrote something funny about not biting the other kids I even bought her a little pail and shovel to play in the sand and put everything inside of it.
I would suggest you do the same. Explain to dcm that dcg is just unhappy in your care. Maybe she would be happier with more one on one care such as a Nanny or something similar could provide. I mean in all honesty it is unfair to both you and her if she is crying all day. I would want to know if my ds was crying all day in daycare. I would want to have the option to find something that would work for him.

Good luck hun!