It's Not OK, So I'm Done!

[Mary Poppins]

So I termed 2.5 yo dcg whose violent, unruly behaviors nearly broke my nose (more than once!). I had taken everyone's advice and enforced a personal space bubble around me, placed her on probation and she actually improved for a while but then it began up again, this time toward the other children. Several incidents, one severe enough to leave a mark. Then, at p/u, as I was handing her her coloring sheet from the day, she giggled and bit me HARD right in front of dcm so I decided enough was enough. Mostly because dcm's reaction was a casual "oh, she does that to me all the time. I'm used to it."

I also learned for the first time that dcd is a UFC watching "fanatic" and this is "probably part of her problem because her and daddy watch it together" (uh, ya think??).

Urrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Needless to say, terming didn't go well since dcm has no issue with a child who hits, bites, kicks, etc. her on the way in and out and I'm sure everywhere inbetween.

Her last words to me were "Well, I guess I have to quit my job now since you can't handle her.".

Whew. It's almost zen like for this to be over. Thanks for the advice, everyone. I am loving this backbone you all are helping me develop!

[SunshineMama]

Congratulations! I'm sorry you had to endure that for so long kids mimic what they see and tv violence is so bad for the little ones.

[cheerfuldom]

You'd did the right thing!

If a DCM tried to guilt trip me about having to quit her job to care for her child....oh no, I would not have been quiet on that one. Mom will get this taken care of when she has to stay home and get abused by a 2 year old all day. She will either find someone else that will put up with the bad behavior or she will make her daughter stop so that a daycare will accept her, either way, not your problem anymore!

[Mary Poppins]

Thanks you guys. The thing that bugs me most about terming (this is my 3rd time) is that somehow I am ALWAYS the bad guy. I know I shouldn't care, but I know they probably move on to the next dcp and tell them how horrible my care was because they aren't going to tell the truth.

Oh well, I'd rather be the bad guy than have a broken nose. I lovethis my nose!

[Heidi]

Thanks you guys. The thing that bugs me most about terming (this is my 3rd time) is that somehow I am ALWAYS the bad guy. I know I shouldn't care, but I know they probably move on to the next dcp and tell them how horrible my care was because they aren't going to tell the truth.

Oh well, I'd rather be the bad guy than have a broken nose. I lovethis my nose!

happyfacehappyfacehappyface

[Blackcat31]

Thanks you guys. The thing that bugs me most about terming (this is my 3rd time) is that somehow I am ALWAYS the bad guy. I know I shouldn't care, but I know they probably move on to the next dcp and tell them how horrible my care was because they aren't going to tell the truth.

Oh well, I'd rather be the bad guy than have a broken nose. I lovethis my nose!

uh huh!! No way!!

NEVER ever look at it like YOU are the bad guy!! You are the smart one!

Smart enough to know your limits. Smart enough to protect your group. Smart enough to know when parents are not supporting your efforts.
Smart enough to know that enough is enough!!

You are NOT the bad guy. Just because a parent says you are the bad guy does NOT mean it is true!

One thing I do know about having a backbone and being strong at work, in a marriage, in parenting and in life in general is:

NEVER EVER LET ANYONE ELSE DEFINE WHO YOU ARE!!!!!

[nannyde]

Whenever a parent gives you a silly response for a child's behavior hand it back to them.

When she said she would have to quit her job because you couldn't handle the child you should have said "oh you will easily be able to find someone who feels the same way you do about the hitting, biting, head butting. Just let them know BEFORE you start at the child care that your child hits, fights, head butts, and bites and that it doesn't bother you because you are used to it. You are sure to find many providers who feel the same way". happyface

Don't worry about what the next provider thinks before she takes the child. She will know within the first hour the truth.

Do worry about getting a visit from licensing. The sweetest revenge on an unexpected "no" is a call to the State to complain about your child care.

[Mary Poppins]

Blackcat and Nannyde, you two have the most useful advice I have ever found and if you ever collaborate on a book I will buy up truckloads just to help you make it to the NYT's best seller list! ::

This afternoon, like a gift from heaven, two of my dcm's (who had no idea of my terming dcg) randomly thanked me for the great job I do and told me how much I am appreciated. It was genuine and they had no idea that their words meant so much and were something I so needed to hear right at that moment! It was awesome.

[MizzCheryl]

Those moms will appreciate you for protecting their children by terming this dcg. It was very hard for me to term some of my abusive kids. I felt guilty but you cannot undo the influence of the parents. Your group will be so much happier and so will you.
I wish I was a quick to come up with the comments like Nannyde suggested. That was a great response.

[AnneCordelia]

Good job!!!

I have a friend who's child has changed daycares a few times because of violent behaviour. We often host "UFC Night" because my DH and I enjoy the fights...but we NEVER let our kids watch. This friend brought her 3yo to the last UFC night at our home!!! We thought maybe they'd put him to bed with our 4 kids (ages 18mo-8yo) but they intended for him to stay and watch! They also let him play Grand Theft Auto.

But they don't see the correlation between his behaviour and them allowing this. I see it from a mile away. They aren't willing to make changes and expect the daycare to put up with it, which they don't. They don't see their part in it. It's so frustrating.

This is totally on your clients and not you! You are not the bad guy. They need to be doing their part to curb his behaviour and violent tendancies and, because they do not, they are now without care. This is not on you! This is on them.

[dave4him]

I wouldnt stand for that

[Ariana]

happyfacehappyfacehappyfacehappyface