How Do I Tell The Parent?

[dice401]

I have a little boy (1 yo) who has been coming to my daycare since the end of March. Everyday since he has been here he has cried. I'm not talking about crying like he misses his mom, but more like the devil is after him! He cries if I walk across the room, if I stand up, if other kids come near him... The only times he is not crying is when he is sleeping. I've tried all kinds of ways to try and help him, but nothing seems to work (short of holding him all day). I initially thought this was a phase, but it has only become worse. He is now to the point that he is barely eating or drinking here. I've tried talking to his mother about it and she doesn't seem concerned! I'm starting to lose my patience with the whole thing. I want to tell his mother that I can't have him here anymore, but I don't know how to go about it. When she came for her interview, she never told me that he cried like this. I found out shortly after he started, that a aquaintence I know had him before me... And all he did was cry, yet his mother never told me this. I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Thanks

[momma2girls]

I have a little boy (1 yo) who has been coming to my daycare since the end of March. Everyday since he has been here he has cried. I'm not talking about crying like he misses his mom, but more like the devil is after him! He cries if I walk across the room, if I stand up, if other kids come near him... The only times he is not crying is when he is sleeping. I've tried all kinds of ways to try and help him, but nothing seems to work (short of holding him all day). I initially thought this was a phase, but it has only become worse. He is now to the point that he is barely eating or drinking here. I've tried talking to his mother about it and she doesn't seem concerned! I'm starting to lose my patience with the whole thing. I want to tell his mother that I can't have him here anymore, but I don't know how to go about it. When she came for her interview, she never told me that he cried like this. I found out shortly after he started, that a aquaintence I know had him before me... And all he did was cry, yet his mother never told me this. I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Thanks

SOunds like seperation anxiety. I have had to let 2 children go because of this in all the yrs. I have done daycare. I let the one go for a month, before I couldn't take it anymore, not fair to me, the other children, and himself!! I told both sets of parents all along, they had this, and if it continued, I couldn't keep them. It sure ****s, because both parents were very nice, but you can only do so much. These 2 wouldn't even take naps here either.

[QualiTcare]

maybe there's actually something wrong.

this sounds like a 2 year old i had one time. oh my god - the crying was enough to make you want to pull your hair out. i feel my blood pressure go up just thinking about it! he didn't want to play with anything. just wanted to cry nonstop if he wasn't being held, and i'm not a holder, so it was a problem.


he also wasn't doing things most of the other kids were doing. nothing major, but i'd tell everyone to go throw away their trash and he'd just sit and stare at me - or stare at my finger when i was pointing. the other kids would all be holding their trash and going to the trashcan tho - so i thought he'd pick up on what to do. there's a place where i live that provides Early Intervention Services for free. if you think a child might have something going on, they will come out and observe the child and figure out what it is. they work with the parent to set up whatever kind of therapy the kid needs. in that little boy's case, he had speech delays, and it had affected his ability to comprehend, communicate, process...everything. so, he just screamed all day!

you can google Early Intervention Services in your state - or call the school board or a University nearby for information.

[dice401]

I've thought there was something wrong with him as well. Sometimes he could be mid mouthful and just burst out crying, like he was in pain. His mom has taken him to the Dr twice and he can't see anything wrong. I've thought that he might have some sort of 'problem' because he does certain things... If he's having a crying jag, I can put him on a chair and he stops crying after 30 secs. But if he comes off that chair (which he usually does after 2-3 minutes), he starts all over again.

I live in a 4 lvl split, so Its not terribly child friendly (when you have 24 months and under), so I've dedicated the 3rd level to the daycare... Its all playroom with large windows. But I have to put up a gate at the stairs. If i were to let this little boy have free reign of the house, he's happier, but as soon as you put him in the playroom, he starts crying.

[Carole's Daycare]

Excellent advice. I agree- it may be more than just separation anxiety- after a year it should be very rare, maybe an occasional crabby morning. Sounds more like autism or sensory processing disorder. Just for kicks, try turning down any noise- separating bigger/louder kids and ask them to be quieter for a day- let them know you're trying to help this other child. Then give the child a "weighted blanket" I made one for my special needs daycare child out of a spiderman pillowcase- super easy and directions can be had online. Amazingly- it really helped self soothing/calming. Regardless, I would let the parents know the childs distress elevates the tension levels for everyone, and let them know that unless professional intervention/evaluation is done ASAP they'll have to go, but you will consider evaluating your ability to continue caring for their child depending on the evaluation results and whether the suggestions of the specialists are implementable in your daycare/seem to work.

[dice401]

I was thinking autism also! I don't have much noise here, I only have 2 children (1yo & 18 mo) plus my own little girl (1yo). Does the blanket still work as well when they just carry it around? His mom brought a little baby afghan with him, but I don't let him carry that around much as my daughter absolutely loves afghans and is always stealing it.

[momma2girls]

Excellent advice. I agree- it may be more than just separation anxiety- after a year it should be very rare, maybe an occasional crabby morning. Sounds more like autism or sensory processing disorder. Just for kicks, try turning down any noise- separating bigger/louder kids and ask them to be quieter for a day- let them know you're trying to help this other child. Then give the child a "weighted blanket" I made one for my special needs daycare child out of a spiderman pillowcase- super easy and directions can be had online. Amazingly- it really helped self soothing/calming. Regardless, I would let the parents know the childs distress elevates the tension levels for everyone, and let them know that unless professional intervention/evaluation is done ASAP they'll have to go, but you will consider evaluating your ability to continue caring for their child depending on the evaluation results and whether the suggestions of the specialists are implementable in your daycare/seem to work.

I agree as well, it could still be seperation anxiety over a yr. old though. I have seen it many times. It could be some form of autism as well.

[mamajennleigh]

I just had to let a little one go due to excessive crying. He was exactly like the little boy you describe! He cried all morning, slept for about a half an hour, then continued crying until mom picked him up. Not normal crying, crying like someone was pinching him. It was excrutiating! I finally told mom I couldn't keep him - it was too much for everyone here and my kids couldn't do their homework in the afternoons. I agree that it's rare, and there are just some kids who can't deal in a group setting.

[QualiTcare]

it could be any number of things. i would NOT mention autism to the parent or the person you call to evaluate him.. if you decide to do that.

it's hard not to self diagnose, but it's a touchy subject and we're not doctors.
if it is autism - signs usually start around 18 months, and someone would be able to "suspect and monitor" but not diagnose until at least 3. they COULD give you suggestions of things to try though whether it be autism or something else.

anyway, if it's something you're thinking about doing, i'd say go for it. the mother of the boy i approached took it really well because she knew deep down there was some kind of delay. i started off casually talking to her...like, "does he cry at home when....well how about when you...etc." and when we were deep into that i was like, "hey, i know this place that will come out and evaluate your child for free to see...blah blah" and then i wrote down the name of the place and told her to google it for the number.

it wasn't 2 or 3 days later that someone came out to observe. it was really easy and painless.

[MarinaVanessa]

I think that approaching the parents respectfully is the best thing to do. Since no one really knows what the problem is I know that I would feel just awful letting the child go only to find out later that there was something wrong with him medically. I agree that talking with the parents and approaching them with a possible solution (like phone numbers to resources as was mentioned). Explain that by contacting someone that can evaluate the little boy they will be helping him by trying to figure out if there is something wrong with him. If there is then they can get him help. They can even have someone come out to your daycare to do the evaluation and the therapy if he needs it. Don't be surprised if they become defensive and even angry at you bring it up. Hopefully they don't but parent's can be in denial about these things and would rather be angry than to admit that there is something wrong with their children.

Explain that you arent able to meet their little boys needs in either case whether it's that he has a sensory problem, is autistic etc. or if he is simply a cryer. If they evaluate him (give them a time limit or they may procrastinate) soon and it turns out that he has a medical issue then you'd be willing to work with them. If there is nothing wrong with him or they refuse to have him evaluated then you have no choice but to terminate care. Make a list of how it makes it difficult to care for the rest of the children and how it could put the other children at risk. Good luck.

[nannyde]

How one is he? How many months old? Is he part time?

[mismatchedsocks]

I would say that is the hardest age to start a child out in daycare. It has been a month and no progress? Is he fulltime? Its hard to say whether he cries all the time at home, because I bet he is held or babied there. Good luck. it is very trying!