Nanny-Question on Time Spent with Kids

[Country Kids]

Nan, I know you say your parents spend at least 5 hours with their children. Do they go to bed late-the ones that are picked up at 5 or do they have a shorter awake time with parents?

Here is my question-what happens if things change and the child isn't spending that time with parents in the evening. Example-one parent drops off/another picks up. Some nights the one dropping off isn't home till almost little one is in bed or after. Some nights the one dropping off is home in the evening but the one picking up, picks up then has other obligations-meetings and such. The child is here over 9 hours.

This started a couple months ago and then is when I started noticing big changes in childs behavior. Sometimes one of the parents also works on the weekends. I'm not sure if I should say something to the parents or not. I know you can't dictate how the families spend time outside of childcare but if its effecting the behavior of the child.

[Country Kids]

Bumping back up.

[MNMum]

While we are at it, do you tell parents in the interview that you are looking for clients to have 5 hours of face time per day, and give a rationale? I think this is a great policy and I'd like to incorporate something of the sort, but not exactly sure how to approach this.

[nannyde]

I do discuss this at the interview and I only allow nine hour days. So there's 15 hours a day they are with their parents in the worse case scenario.

My parents get up in the morning and have breakfast with their kids. The kids eat a second breakfast here once everyone is here.

The kids go to bed around 8:30 to 9 once they are past the infant stage. The ones that are here until five don't get here until after eight.

I don't have any problems with this policy because they can only be here nine hours and all the kids have a good solid nap every day. They aren't the kind to go to bed early because I send them home rested and ready to start their family time.

The rationale is that kids need to have AWAKE time with their parents. It's really that simple. I don't want to be the primary caregiver. I want to care for kids who are cared for by their parents. I also want my kids to have that time at home where they can run free without constant adult supervision. They really NEED that time every day so child care isn't a burden on them.

I don't get involved in the idea that BOTH parents need to spend five hours a day awake with their kids. I don't know what time the parent that's not picking up gets home. I'm a single Mom and know that one parent will "do the trick". I think it would be unrealistic to get all families where both parents have that kind of face time a day.

So schedule changes don't really affect it. They have at least 15 hours a day with their kid every day and the kids do a ten hour or so night.

[Country Kids]

So Nan, what would you do if a child started acting out because they don't get to see the one parent. We are talking child get dropped off at 6:30 am and sometimes doesn't see the drop off parent till 7:00 pm or later if they even get to before bed? Child goes to bed at 8:00 and there are "activities" after childcare so its not like sole facetime with the other parent either.

[nannyde]

So Nan, what would you do if a child started acting out because they don't get to see the one parent. We are talking child get dropped off at 6:30 am and sometimes doesn't see the drop off parent till 7:00 pm or later if they even get to before bed? Child goes to bed at 8:00 and there are "activities" after childcare so its not like sole facetime with the other parent either.

What is the acting out?

[littlemissmuffet]

Nan, I know you say your parents spend at least 5 hours with their children. Do they go to bed late-the ones that are picked up at 5 or do they have a shorter awake time with parents?

Here is my question-what happens if things change and the child isn't spending that time with parents in the evening. Example-one parent drops off/another picks up. Some nights the one dropping off isn't home till almost little one is in bed or after. Some nights the one dropping off is home in the evening but the one picking up, picks up then has other obligations-meetings and such. The child is here over 9 hours.

This started a couple months ago and then is when I started noticing big changes in childs behavior. Sometimes one of the parents also works on the weekends. I'm not sure if I should say something to the parents or not. I know you can't dictate how the families spend time outside of childcare but if its effecting the behavior of the child.

In my experience, my DCKs that spend the most amount of awake time with mom/dad are the best behaved... and those DCKs that spend little to no awake time with mom/dad are little monsters... and really, can we blame them?

I have had a few situations where mom or dad changed jobs/positions and were not able to spend as much time with their child and noticed behavioral issues as a result as well.

The majority of my kiddos have 4-5 hours of awake time w/ mom/dad each day as well. I love it! It's GREAT for my kids, and GREAT for me as a result!

[Country Kids]

Nan, the following is the behavior I'm talking about. I copied this from the overstimulation thread I wrote because after writing it I started wondering if it could be from lack of face time with parent or may still be just overstimulation.

Also, I was out sick last week, child did fine Monday for me and then downhill ever since. Like they got to spend time with parents while I was sick but now back to childcare and not getting to see parents.

Like I said not sure if its lack of face time or overstimulation.

One of mine can't handle things like dance/music time. Goes just wild with running, bumping into friends, etc. Then there is alot of high vocals constantly-screaming, whining, yelling, when singing drowns everyone else out. Becomes aggressive at times and you can see it on the face when its going to start.

Other one doesn't like people talking to them, being near them, touching them, playing with certain toys, etc.

Both kids do excellent if we do a quiet activity and will do it for a long time if I let them. Sensory bin, crafts, puzzles, things like that.


We have no battery operated toys but have building toys, play figure toys, things that you need to use your imagination.

We try to go outside but if its not snowing lately its raining and it just to wet to be in my backyard right now. Even when we are outside same problems, just outside-yelling, screaming, rams ride on toys into other kids, won't let them on or in play structures. At times the child almost looks like they are shaking when they do this.

This is why I'm wondering if they are being overstimulated because I've seen one of them outside of childcare alot and they are very quiet and almost reserved?

[nannyde]

Nan, the following is the behavior I'm talking about. I copied this from the overstimulation thread I wrote because after writing it I started wondering if it could be from lack of face time with parent or may still be just overstimulation.

Also, I was out sick last week, child did fine Monday for me and then downhill ever since. Like they got to spend time with parents while I was sick but now back to childcare and not getting to see parents.

Like I said not sure if its lack of face time or overstimulation.

One of mine can't handle things like dance/music time. Goes just wild with running, bumping into friends, etc. Then there is alot of high vocals constantly-screaming, whining, yelling, when singing drowns everyone else out. Becomes aggressive at times and you can see it on the face when its going to start.

Other one doesn't like people talking to them, being near them, touching them, playing with certain toys, etc.

Both kids do excellent if we do a quiet activity and will do it for a long time if I let them. Sensory bin, crafts, puzzles, things like that.


We have no battery operated toys but have building toys, play figure toys, things that you need to use your imagination.

We try to go outside but if its not snowing lately its raining and it just to wet to be in my backyard right now. Even when we are outside same problems, just outside-yelling, screaming, rams ride on toys into other kids, won't let them on or in play structures. At times the child almost looks like they are shaking when they do this.

This is why I'm wondering if they are being overstimulated because I've seen one of them outside of childcare alot and they are very quiet and almost reserved?

I don't know for sure that it's parent absence related because he not acting out all over the board. Are the quiet activities you do heavily involved in by you or do they have at it without much interaction?

[jenifer123]

This is a nice topic for discussion; I also agree with you that if parents spend their time with kids than they can learn many good things.

[AnythingsPossible]

I had a discussion with a Mom last week who has been having a rough time with her kids in the evening. She kept telling me that they wouldn't settle down for bed time and she thought they may be getting to much sleep during the day. These kids sleep an hour tops here. Upon further discussion, I found out she was putting them to bed at 7:30. She doesn't pick up till 5:30 to 5:45, then they have a 15 minute drive home. Add in dinner prep and things at home and they have what an hour with Mom?? No wonder they don't want to settle down for bed!!

[countrymom]

I had a discussion with a Mom last week who has been having a rough time with her kids in the evening. She kept telling me that they wouldn't settle down for bed time and she thought they may be getting to much sleep during the day. These kids sleep an hour tops here. Upon further discussion, I found out she was putting them to bed at 7:30. She doesn't pick up till 5:30 to 5:45, then they have a 15 minute drive home. Add in dinner prep and things at home and they have what an hour with Mom?? No wonder they don't want to settle down for bed!!

this is so common now, its acually scary. Parents don't want to deal with them so its easier to put them to bed.

[nannyde]

I had a discussion with a Mom last week who has been having a rough time with her kids in the evening. She kept telling me that they wouldn't settle down for bed time and she thought they may be getting to much sleep during the day. These kids sleep an hour tops here. Upon further discussion, I found out she was putting them to bed at 7:30. She doesn't pick up till 5:30 to 5:45, then they have a 15 minute drive home. Add in dinner prep and things at home and they have what an hour with Mom?? No wonder they don't want to settle down for bed!!

I fear it's really common and it's a bit of work to fetter that out with potential clients especially when the kids come as newborns.

[Blackcat31]

I had a discussion with a Mom last week who has been having a rough time with her kids in the evening. She kept telling me that they wouldn't settle down for bed time and she thought they may be getting to much sleep during the day. These kids sleep an hour tops here. Upon further discussion, I found out she was putting them to bed at 7:30. She doesn't pick up till 5:30 to 5:45, then they have a 15 minute drive home. Add in dinner prep and things at home and they have what an hour with Mom?? No wonder they don't want to settle down for bed!!

It is a VERY common misconception that when a child is running around like a banshee in the evening to assume it is due to having too much sleep or napping during the day. (This often leads to the please don't nap my child any more requests...) In reality however, the exact opposite is true.

When children get tired, the first thing to stop functioning properly is the brain. When the brains stops sending messages to the body on how to behave, use self control and stop acting like a rubberband, the body basically runs wild with no command center to tell it what to do and not do......

When children behave as if they are not tired is actually when they ARE tired. Parents should all read this book. Caregivers too, as good sound sleep is the key to many many child behviors...both positive and negative.

http://www.parentchildhelp.com/SleeplessinAmerica/tabid/55/Default.aspx

[mom2many]

It is a VERY common misconception that when a child is running around like a banshee in the evening to assume it is due to having too much sleep or napping during the day. (This often leads to the please don't nap my child any more requests...) In reality however, the exact opposite is true.

When children get tired, the first thing to stop functioning properly is the brain. When the brains stops sending messages to the body on how to behave, use self control and stop acting like a rubberband, the body basically runs wild with no command center to tell it what to do and not do......

When children behave as if they are not tired is actually when they ARE tired. Parents should all read this book. Caregivers too, as good sound sleep is the key to many many child behviors...both positive and negative.

http://www.parentchildhelp.com/Sleep...5/Default.aspx

I have found this to be absolutely true! When I have had a child with some behavior issues and I discuss it with the parents, I find out the child is going to bed at 10 pm or sometimes even later! Often times, the two go hand in hand!