Best Friends and Play Dates... Do you allow??

[SunshineMama]

My best friend, who was a teacher lost her job and is now a SAHM. I love her to death, and her kids, but last summer when she was off, she was over a lot during the day for playdates for her kids, which was fun, but a bit distracting. (You know how it is, whenever anyone else is around the kids always put you through your paces...)

Now that she lost her job she is just going to be a SAHM, but she wants to bring her kids over a lot more.

NOT that I don't love her and the kids, or that I dont want to see them, but it really disrupts the day when they come over. It's completely fine occasionally, but I am afraid now since she is home all day she will want to come over more often.

What would you do? I dont want her to feel unwelcome (she is closer than a sister to me and I have known her longer than I know my actual sister-thats how close we are). And I am okay with the occasional play date.

How do I tactfully preserve our friendship and not hurt her feelings?

I MAY ask her to be my backup person and pay her to come over maybe one morning a week to watch the kids so I can run errands, do appointments, etc. That way she can still socialize her kids and I get a break to do what I need. (Have any of you ever had a BFF do back-up care and how did it work out for you)?

[JenNJ]

I would just schedule a once a week/every other week kind of playdate where you meet in a public place.

Are your clients ok with this?

[itlw8]

Tell her as much as you would like to do this during work hours, You can't you are working. Suggest setting up a Saturday morning play date.

[Zoe]

I would set up a day that you guys have a get together. Like every Tuesday morning you meet at the park, or an indoor play area. That way she gets her socialization time and you get a structured time with the kiddos. And be honest with her that unscheduled visits does mess you up and is hard on your job.

[Blackcat31]

You are working. Just as she wouldn't stop by your job and hang out if you had an office job, she shouldn't assume that it is ok to stop by just because you are working at home.

Not to mention that your liabilty insurance may not cover her children or what if her children hurt a daycare child?? :confused:

My licensor was pretty clear about things like this and how easily we can all fall into the rut of allowing it but we need to realize that other parents may not appreciate the fact that a stranger (YOUR friend NOT theirs) is interacting with their children. Some states make you count ANYONE on your property in your licensing capacities so that could be a factor as well.

Lots of little reasons why it would be best if she either planned a play date with your kids at her house while you are working or for her to just wait until you are off the clock.

[Soccermom]

I find it so distracting when ppl come over while I am working.
The kids always get so wound up and it completely throws off my entire day.
I would just be completely honest with her. Just explain how the kids are when your attention is not completely focused on them and that you have a structured routine that you need to stick to in order for things to run smoothly.
What about having her come in as a Volunteer a few mornings a week? Tell her it is impossible for you to have coffee and chat during daycare hours but that volunteers are always welcome
The two of you could do crafts with the kids or plan games and activities together. Have her become your right hand when she is in your home during working hours.
My mother comes over sometimes and before it used to drive me mad but now I put her to work ! It is nice to have the help as well as the company of someone who is more than 4 feet tall

[Ariana]

You are working. Just as she would stop by your job and hang out if you had an office job, she shouldn't assume that it is ok to stop by just because you are working at home.

Not to mention that your liabilty insurance may not cover her children or what if her children hurt a daycare child?? :confused:

My licensor was pretty clear about things like htis and how easily we can all fall into the rut of allowing it but we need to realize that other parents may not appreciate the fact that a stranger (YOUR friend NOT theirs) is interacting with their children. Some states make you count ANYONE on your property in your licensing capacities so that could be a factor as well.

Lots of little reasons why it would be best if she either planned a play date with your kids at her house while you are working or for her to just wait until you are off the clock.

Yes! I would totally come at this from a business angle and let her know that legally you're not allowed to do this. I'm an unlicensed provider and this would be illegal for me to do in my home. I'm not allowed to have another adult in order to increase my ratios. Just let her know that you didn't know about these rules last year. Tell her how sorry you are and set up a time to meet in a public place with your kids. If you two are as close as you describe I don't see something like this affecting your friendship at all!

I'm sure she just doesn't know the rules of this business and just assumes you're a "babysitter" so to speak.

[JennyBear]

Yes! I would totally come at this from a business angle and let her know that legally you're not allowed to do this. I'm an unlicensed provider and this would be illegal for me to do in my home. I'm not allowed to have another adult in order to increase my ratios. Just let her know that you didn't know about these rules last year. Tell her how sorry you are and set up a time to meet in a public place with your kids. If you two are as close as you describe I don't see something like this affecting your friendship at all!

I'm sure she just doesn't know the rules of this business and just assumes you're a "babysitter" so to speak.

Ditto! When I started up my home daycare and looked into all of the insurance and liability things that go along with it I discovered that I cannot go over my 5 children...Ever. If anything were to happen while your friend and her kids were on your property while you have your DCK you could be in big trouble. Just simply explain that you now have a better understanding on how this stuff works and unfortunately you cannot have them on your property during daycare hours.
Sounds like she is a good friend...she will understand

[SunshineMama]

Yes! I would totally come at this from a business angle and let her know that legally you're not allowed to do this. I'm an unlicensed provider and this would be illegal for me to do in my home. I'm not allowed to have another adult in order to increase my ratios. Just let her know that you didn't know about these rules last year. Tell her how sorry you are and set up a time to meet in a public place with your kids. If you two are as close as you describe I don't see something like this affecting your friendship at all!

I'm sure she just doesn't know the rules of this business and just assumes you're a "babysitter" so to speak.

You are very correct about this. I would be over-ratio if she came over tomorrow. Good point!

[KBCsMommy]

I can relate to your dillema! As blackcat said you fall in a rut and let it happen. I did that with my best friend too. Shes a SAHM too and would come over at will. It always wrecked havoc on my day and week. I finally had to tell her she could only come over if one of my dc kids were sick!! I was also over ratio when she would come over with her kids. She doesn't come over as often but we text all day long!!