Help me figure out why, and what to do about it

[Ariana]

If a child is in MY home and the mom isn't taking charge then I definately take charge. For the child the issue is about "control" and the child plays this game with her mom because she has little control at home.

I don't know i just do what I normally do. I'm not disrespect the kid or anything so I don't see a problem with it. another option would be to get the kid ready to go as soon as mom arrives. hold the childs hand and then transfer the childs hand to mom when she arrives.

[daycare]

If the kid is causing that much trouble, I would have them ready to go when moved arrived. Unless something really out of the ordinary happened that day at DC, hand off DCG and say good bye right away. DON"T sit there and chit chat with mom/dad.

The faster the hand off the better.

Just two months ago (before I added the gate to block the runners) I sent out a letter to all parents.

DCP

While I love talking to everyone at the start and end of each day, please understand that my number one priority is the safety of the children. When we stand at the door and talk, it takes my much needed attention off of the other kids, giving them the opportunity to participate in unsafe play or bad behavior.

Please make your drop and pick ups a quickly as possible so that I can tend to the other children in care. Anything that has to with your child is never unimportant to me, so If you need to talk to me about anything, please feel free to call me after daycare (before 9pm) or email me.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

[Lucy]

If the kid is causing that much trouble, I would have them ready to go when moved arrived. Unless something really out of the ordinary happened that day at DC, hand off DCG and say good bye right away. DON"T sit there and chit chat with mom/dad.

The faster the hand off the better.

I have always had the kids fully ready to go before parents arrive. The girl that my post is about runs off the INSTANT mom steps inside. In fact, sometimes as soon as we open the door and she sees her mom. So it isn't the chatting that is the problem at all.

[Lucy]

Great advice everyone. Thank you. I think I will continue to hold her hand and/or pick her up. I will try to assert the control that I have over her during the day, even if mom is there. I've always felt odd reprimanding someone else's kid in front of them, but I may need to start! Thanks again.

[KDC]

Same thing here...what worked for me...

I have the SAME problem here!! I just last week decided I'd had enough of the kid running around to touch my older children's 'saved' lego collections and toys that are not for daycare. I gave a warning, (This is for the older kids, please don't touch that). He didn't listen. I said to parent, Sorry... He needs a timeout, DCP looked a little taken back, but I sat child in time out and explained he was not allowed to move for 3 minutes. He was here because I asked him NOT to touch the toy and he didn't listen. I took Mom in other room and explained this is how it goes here. He sat there for 3 minutes, said sorry gave hugs and life went on. (Doubt Mom does many time-outs, she looked like - Hey...that worked!) Granted if he came out of time out and acted out, I'd probably cry, LOL! Next day, he did not touch any toys! happyface. I would want someone to discipline my kid if they were being disrespectful in their home. (But, if I'm there, I'd surely do it myself!) I'm not a fan of pushing them out the door either... although I can see the allure of it since the other kids are just hanging out watching all of this go down and I probably should be spending time with them. I struggle with it.

[Lilbutterflie]

It's kind of awkward, because I think mom and I would be a little more firm sounding if the other were not there. I get the impression that they don't have a problem being tough on her at home, and I am tough on her here if she's doing wrong. But neither of us wants to appear "mean" in front of the other, I guess.

The question: Why is she doing this? And how can I stop it?

Is she just proving to me that she can do whatever the heck she wants when mom is here?

You answered your question with the first paragraph in the quote. The reason she acts out is:
Neither you nor dcm wants to take control in front of the other. The girl has picked up on the fact that neither of you has control during the "changing of the guard", so she tries to prove that by misbehaving.

I know you said you aren't a fan of the quick pick up routine. But this may be the only way to keep her from acting out. You could try emailing the mom a synopsis of her day instead of talking about it when she picks up. Or have dcm call you while she is on her way and you can tell her about dcg's day ahead of time. Then have DCG ready to go when mom comes, say lovely goodbyes, and off she goes. No opportunity to misbehave. Talk to DCM about it. It sounds like she would be on board with trying to fix the problem. If you still don't want to do the quick pickup, you need to discuss with her that she needs to take charge during pickup and ask that she not be offended if you step in on occasion, too. It's for the benefit of her daughter in the long run. I personally think no matter what, the quicker the drop off, the better her behavior will be.

[CrayolaKids]

I think we have the same child!! Funny enough, she is about 2 years and 2 months . However my dcg has an older brother at home, but she is a very strong willed little girl but sweet as can be. She would do EXACTLY as you are describing.****nning around the house and playing with things that she KNOWS not to do. I'm like you, I don't care for the change of guards thing, but I do get her ready to go before mom comes and I will pick her up just before mom comes in the door so she can't run off. She has had numerous time-outs while mom is here because of this behavior..and mom (who didn't seem thrilled about it at first) agrees that it's necessary to curb this behavior. She doesn't try it too much anymore but she did this for probably about 2-3 months..and getting disciplined each time she did it. I would have dcg ready to go and pick her up and when mom comes in hand her over and you can then discuss anything that needs to be discussed.
*sorry if this is repetitive of what others have said, I didn't read all of the replies