Help me figure out why, and what to do about it

[Lucy]

The background details: I have a girl who is 2 yrs, 3 months. She is a bright little girl who is an only child. She is currently the youngest one here, and has been here about 8 months (so since she was 19 months.) She gets along well with all the other kids, and they all treat her well. She behaves pretty well, but being a 2-yr old, she at times tries to see how far she can push things. But overall, she really is a good, sweet little girl. She's constantly telling me and the other kids that she loves us. If someone sneezes, coughs, or even burps, she says either "bless you" or "excuse you". LOL

Her playmates here are a 3.5 yr old girl, and a girl who will turn 4 in about a month and a half. Before and after school, I have a 7-yr old girl, 8-yr old girl, and 8-yr old boy. As I mentioned, they all treat her well and are happy to play with her. (Well, the boy not so much, but he is nice to her.)

The problem: This only started about 3 weeks ago. When mom comes at the end of the day, she will run the opposite direction and go places she isn't allowed to go during the day. She will take off running down the hall, go over and touch some of my "pretties" (that she has otherwise NEVER shown an interest in), go grab toys out of the toybox, grab the nintendo controllers that are only for the bigger kids, etc. She will slip off her shoes, unzip her jacket, and tell her mom "no" when mom says come here.

It's kind of awkward, because I think mom and I would be a little more firm sounding if the other were not there. I get the impression that they don't have a problem being tough on her at home, and I am tough on her here if she's doing wrong. But neither of us wants to appear "mean" in front of the other, I guess.

The question: Why is she doing this? And how can I stop it? What I have done so far is talk to her about it just before mom comes. The little girl agrees with me and repeats what I've said. Sometimes she will even say it BEFORE I have the talk with her. "No run when Mommy comes!" But as soon as mom's feet hit the carpet, she's off. The last few times I have held her hand as she wriggles around and gets away. Today I was holding her hand and then just went ahead and picked her up to prevent the problem.

Is she just proving to me that she can do whatever the heck she wants when mom is here? Does she think I'm too tough on her during the day, and has the "I'll show YOU!" attitude when mom arrives? How can I stop this? Let me say, I am not a fan of the exchange on the porch routine. I WANT mom to come in and hear a tidbit about her daughter's day. I've done it that way for 18 years, and I would never feel right about just opening the door and pushing the girl out and then shutting the door. Thanks, if you would suggest that, but no thanks. Just my opinion. So any thoughts you might have about things I could do INSIDE would be appreciated. Thank you!!!

[daycare]

The background details: I have a girl who is 2 yrs, 3 months. She is a bright little girl who is an only child. She is currently the youngest one here, and has been here about 8 months (so since she was 19 months.) She gets along well with all the other kids, and they all treat her well. She behaves pretty well, but being a 2-yr old, she at times tries to see how far she can push things. But overall, she really is a good, sweet little girl. She's constantly telling me and the other kids that she loves us. If someone sneezes, coughs, or even burps, she says either "bless you" or "excuse you". LOL

Her playmates here are a 3.5 yr old girl, and a girl who will turn 4 in about a month and a half. Before and after school, I have a 7-yr old girl, 8-yr old girl, and 8-yr old boy. As I mentioned, they all treat her well and are happy to play with her. (Well, the boy not so much, but he is nice to her.)

The problem: This only started about 3 weeks ago. When mom comes at the end of the day, she will run the opposite direction and go places she isn't allowed to go during the day. She will take off running down the hall, go over and touch some of my "pretties" (that she has otherwise NEVER shown an interest in), go grab toys out of the toybox, grab the nintendo controllers that are only for the bigger kids, etc. She will slip off her shoes, unzip her jacket, and tell her mom "no" when mom says come here.

It's kind of awkward, because I think mom and I would be a little more firm sounding if the other were not there. I get the impression that they don't have a problem being tough on her at home, and I am tough on her here if she's doing wrong. But neither of us wants to appear "mean" in front of the other, I guess.

The question: Why is she doing this? And how can I stop it? What I have done so far is talk to her about it just before mom comes. The little girl agrees with me and repeats what I've said. Sometimes she will even say it BEFORE I have the talk with her. "No run when Mommy comes!" But as soon as mom's feet hit the carpet, she's off. The last few times I have held her hand as she wriggles around and gets away. Today I was holding her hand and then just went ahead and picked her up to prevent the problem.

Is she just proving to me that she can do whatever the heck she wants when mom is here? Does she think I'm too tough on her during the day, and has the "I'll show YOU!" attitude when mom arrives? How can I stop this? Let me say, I am not a fan of the exchange on the porch routine. I WANT mom to come in and hear a tidbit about her daughter's day. I've done it that way for 18 years, and I would never feel right about just opening the door and pushing the girl out and then shutting the door. Thanks, if you would suggest that, but no thanks. Just my opinion. So any thoughts you might have about things I could do INSIDE would be appreciated. Thank you!!!

Best advice to give you is to go read nannyde
Changing of the guard.

Go to the form home page and click on the daycare whisperer

It's the best I've ever read..

[Lucy]

Best advice to give you is to go read nannyde
Changing of the guard.

Go to the form home page and click on the daycare whisperer

It's the best I've ever read..

Not trying to be mean, but I've read it, and I'm not a fan of it, as I stated at the end of my post. If it works for others, great, but I just can't do it that way. Thanks for the thought!!

[Country Kids]

I don't like nor am I able to do the exchange at the door. I would either keep holding her hand, pick her up, or have mom hold her hand/pick her up. Get firm on her even if mom is there. I know its hard but she is really starting to test you and seeing what she can get away with from you.

Maybe explain to mom what you will be doing and make sure she is on board with you about it. It sounds like they will work with you since they don't let her get away with things with them.

[daycare]

I understand it's not for everyone
Have you Talked to the mon about her needing to control her child's behavior when she is there and back your rules.

I was having the same issue an I put up a gate near my door.
When dcp come to pick up I carry the child over the gate and the only way they can go is out with their parent

No one asked why I did it, I just did it one day because I was sick of the crazyness like your having at pick up.

[littlemissmuffet]

Also not a fan of the exchange on the proch routine. Quite simply, it's your house, your rules and you are in charge so long as that child is still in your home. Put your foot down. This little girl is playing you and mom because she KNOWS neither of you will say or do anything... because you haven't yet. Disciplining a child is not being mean - it's reality. Show DCG who is boss and I promise it will stop.

[daycare]

You know I was not a fan of the outside exchanged until I had a dck crawl up on my kitchen counter, and jump off onto my son causing him to get stitches.

The child was awesome for me no problems. But as soon as mom or dad walked in the child turned into the devil.

That child did not last at my dc

[littlemissmuffet]

Any kids that have acted up around mom or dad are immeditaely put in their place.... and never do it again. I have kids I can hear screaming all the way up the walk from the car fighting with their parent and as soon as they walk in the door they are a whole different kid. They learn very early on that I don't put up with BS, so they don't try it. :: Thankfully all my parents are very supportive of the whole "once the kid's in MY house, they follow MY rules and *I* am in charge"... leaves no room for the child to try and manipulate the situation.

[daycare]

Any kids that have acted up around mom or dad are immeditaely put in their place.... and never do it again. I have kids I can hear screaming all the way up the walk from the car fighting with their parent and as soon as they walk in the door they are a whole different kid. They learn very early on that I don't put up with BS, so they don't try it. :: Thankfully all my parents are very supportive of the whole "once the kid's in MY house, they follow MY rules and *I* am in charge"... leaves no room for the child to try and manipulate the situation.

I wish I had your backbone.

[Meyou]

I would talk to Mom and agree to team up at pickups to nip this stage before it gets out of control. Then do it. When DCG acts out at the door do what you would normally do. DCG has no boss at the door and she knows it. Since she's so sweet I bet it will only take a couple of days for her to get that she can't be naughty at pickup time.

[bunnyslippers]

I had a little boy who used to pull the same stuff. He was older - 3.5 - and had been coming here since he was 13 months old. He was terrible at pick up, and the parents would not step in, even when I would correct his behavior in front of them

I started giving him consequences the next morning when he arrived. If he acted up at pick-up the day before, his morning would start out with a consequence (time apart from others, small job, table instead of free play, etc.). Not the most conventional method but it worked!

[cheerfuldom]

Create a spot where she has to sit and wait for her mom. She doesn't get up until mom actually walks out the door.

I am very pro "hand off the kid right at the door" and it does work, however, if you are not, you have to create some sort of boundary for this little one. She is feeling and seeing that no one is in charge at that moment and taking advantage of it. Give her a clear expectation of what she should be doing while she waits for mom....set up a chair and books for her, having her color while she waits and you and mom chat, or some other physically boundary for her.

[itlw8]

why does she do it? because she is 2 yrs 3 months. They just do

I never do the coat ready and wait on the bench or porch But I do take their hand and place it in moms hand. They must hold a hand until they leave.

I do use my body to block the run and give one word commands like STOP or SIT kinda like training a dog. It usually gets better in under a week.

[saved4always]

I had a 21 month dcb who always would run the opposite direction when his dad walked in the door. I think he simply did not want to make the transition to going home. I am faster than him, so I would just cut him off and either pick him up or take his hand and lead him back to dad. Dad would take if from there. I know dad would do the getting except I have a no shoes out of the foyer rule so none of my dcp's come farther into the house at pick up or drop off (unless they take off thier shoes).

[familyschoolcare]

Try looking the child in the eye nad saying DCG you do not act that way when mom is not here and you will not act that way when mom is here. Works for me of corse I have all older children.