Anyone in Michigan taking FIA

[professionalmom]

I would just like to say that you all should be ashamed of yourselves. I am a new parent and my son will be turning 3 months old in 2 days. I stumbled upon this forum looking for information about state funded day care. I am horrified that you would all say such things about people who are low income being bad parents, or feeling like because we are poor we are owed anything. My son's father beat me up when he was only 13 days old. And because of that I am living with my mother, and trying to get my feet back on the ground so I can properly provide for my son. Because I have to rely on the state for help for a short time does not mean I am a bad parent or I feel like anyone owe's me anything. I just need help and their are programs out there that can help people in situations like mine.

So the state is going to give me $400 dollars a month to provide for my son and myself. On the condition that I put my son in someone elses care so I can attend their "jet" program which is job training for 40 hours a week. They will pay $1.85 to the daycare, or babysitter, IF the babysitter is in MY home, which I share with my mother who works and retired stepfather who is not going to stand for a stranger in his home or watch the boy himself. So now I am expected to pay the remainder of the childcare fee's myself with the lousy $400 dollars a month?

1.85 at 40 hours a week factors to 74 dollars a week. The day care I just spoke with says they charge a flat rate of 160 a week. That leaves me paying 86 dollars a week 4 weeks a month is 344, which leaves me with 56 dollars to provide my son with diapers, wipes, clothes, and whatever else he may need. Not to mention my need for clothes in order to get a job so that I can properly provide for him. And if I wasn't living with my mother. Rent, utilities? Food?

This is all okay, I understand they day cares need to make money. But my point is I am not in this situation because I want to be. I am not trying to freeload off of the state. I am a single mother living in a bad economy and can't afford to pay for child care for my son because his daddy got drunk and beat me up.

First, you do NOT sound like the typical DHS recipient that I have dealt with. Yes, there are many, many people who are decent, hardworking, loving, respectful, responsible people who have fallen on hard times due to the economy. My family has even fallen on hard times. However, there are many, many, many more people who are looking at the assistance as a free ride. I used to be of the mindset that the abusers of the system were the minority and that the majority of the people on assistance were like you. Sadly, I have seen plenty of evidence that people like you (needing a handUP) are the minority and the ones looking for a handOUT are the majority. This is evidenced by over 25 kids who have come and gone from my care over the past 2 years (usually due to nonpayment or inability to pay $20-40 per week copay). Eighty percent of them were DHS clients. Every single one of those families complained about their $20-40 per week copay. Every single one gave me sob stories about how they struggled to pay their rent. Yet every single one came to my house with name brand clothes (and shoes) on their children, iPods around their necks, the lastest cell phones, and/or Versace sunglasses, just to name a few things. They also pawn their children off to family on the parent's nights off work so the parent can "go out and relax" while my husband and I are lucky to get 2-4 date nights a YEAR!! One DCM even left her 9 mth old boy with family and went to Las Vegas for a week! Yet, she was on DHS and complained every week about paying me. Oh, and she was also getting money from the ******s because her "tribe" owned some. So, yes, those of us who have had DHS clients have learned by experience that, for the most part, they are problematic. Notice I said MOST, not ALL. However, in my case, every single one has been a problem. As a matter of fact, the only ones I have had to take to court were DHS clients. Private pay clients rarely, if ever, complain (even though they struggle just as much as everyone else), are late in paying, or asked for a break.

Again, this is just an opinion based on evidence by being a daycare provider for 2 years. It could be coincidence, but after 25 kids, I highly doubt it. Also, the comments about DHS clients being more problematic, are just generalizations. Because, in general, they are. But there are always exceptions to the rule, like you. So please do not get offended that the comments are directed at ALL DHS recipients. If you are truly honest with yourself, you will have to admit that there are a lot of people out there who take advantage of everything and everyone they can. Those are the people that those comments are directed at.

Finally, I am very sorry to hear that your child's father beat you. I am very proud of you for leaving him. Many women go back, so please take this advice very seriously - DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM!!!! No matter what he says or does. It will not change. I promise you! The percentage of abusers who really change is less than 2%! Do not gamble with your life or your child's life with those horrible odds. Teach your child about bravery, courage, self-respect, and respect for others by staying away from anyone who abuses. May God Bless you and keep you safe.

[nannyde]

I would just like to say that you all should be ashamed of yourselves. I am a new parent and my son will be turning 3 months old in 2 days. I stumbled upon this forum looking for information about state funded day care. I am horrified that you would all say such things about people who are low income being bad parents, or feeling like because we are poor we are owed anything. My son's father beat me up when he was only 13 days old. And because of that I am living with my mother, and trying to get my feet back on the ground so I can properly provide for my son. Because I have to rely on the state for help for a short time does not mean I am a bad parent or I feel like anyone owe's me anything. I just need help and their are programs out there that can help people in situations like mine.

So the state is going to give me $400 dollars a month to provide for my son and myself. On the condition that I put my son in someone elses care so I can attend their "jet" program which is job training for 40 hours a week. They will pay $1.85 to the daycare, or babysitter, IF the babysitter is in MY home, which I share with my mother who works and retired stepfather who is not going to stand for a stranger in his home or watch the boy himself. So now I am expected to pay the remainder of the childcare fee's myself with the lousy $400 dollars a month?

1.85 at 40 hours a week factors to 74 dollars a week. The day care I just spoke with says they charge a flat rate of 160 a week. That leaves me paying 86 dollars a week 4 weeks a month is 344, which leaves me with 56 dollars to provide my son with diapers, wipes, clothes, and whatever else he may need. Not to mention my need for clothes in order to get a job so that I can properly provide for him. And if I wasn't living with my mother. Rent, utilities? Food?

This is all okay, I understand they day cares need to make money. But my point is I am not in this situation because I want to be. I am not trying to freeload off of the state. I am a single mother living in a bad economy and can't afford to pay for child care for my son because his daddy got drunk and beat me up.

Why are you taking the $400 a month? You are saying that it isn't enough yet you are willing to take it. Why don't you flip a middle finger at the government and tell them NO to such little help? You be the one who sends the message that you aren't going to be involved in such a rediculously poor assistance. YOU be the one who stands up and says NO MORE. I'm not going to be a part of this. It's wrong.

You know I was raised in the early 60's. My parents were divorced when I was two months old. My Mom was 19 when she divorced. I was 16 before I ever saw them in the same room at the same time. My Mom was a single Mom to two small children and worked the entire time she raised me and my older brother.

She didn't have a penny for child care. You know how she did it? She lived with her Mom when we were young and worked the night shift. She went to work every night while we were sleeping and came home, made us breakfast and staid up until we took a nap. She slept while we napped... got up with us after nap... then went back to sleep after we went to bed and slept a couple of more hours before she got up and did it again. She had two jobs. She worked seven days a week.

She lived off of 4-5 hours of disjointed sleep every day.

When we got a bit older we moved in with her best friend who also had two children. They took turns working... one the day shift... one the night shift. They pooled their money... their kids... their car... everything to make it work. We had four kids living with two adults who took turns watching the kids, cooking, and cleaning. They did what they had to do to survive and raise us.

What about you? Can you work the night shift? Can you work SEVEN days a week to support your son? Can you give up precious sleep and work while he is sleeping? Can you team up with someone else to share child care and expenses?

Why is there no understanding that you don't have to take a DIME from the government? Did you have his birth paid for by the State? If so, how are you going to repay such a generous gift? What are you going to do for society to thank them for paying for your medical care, your sons medical care?

Instead of looking at how little you get how about you look at how much you can do? You have to FIND the right people in your life to team up with you and live in a very small world with very little resources and tons of WORK. You have to be creative and greatful. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to stand ON YOUR OWN and make it work.

You don't need the State day care. You don't need our measly 400 bucks a month. You need a job and a willingness to work WITH your friends and familly to raise your son. Be willing to take care of other peoples kids while they work so they will take care of yours while you work.

You said that your sons Dad beat you when he was a newborn. That's horrible and I pray that you can recover from that bad ordeal and move on. His being physical is a crime and a horrible experience.

Let your life be a lesson to other young girls that it is VERY risky to have a baby with someone who you are not certain will be SAFE and a good parent. It takes YEARS of knowing someone before you can assess whether or not they are capable of being a good mate and a good parent. When I say "knowing" them I'm not talking about childhood dating... I'm talking about knowing them as an ADULT... watching them work... see how they are with their family... seeing how they cope with life stress... seeing how they do in school... THAT kind of knowing them.

If you have a child with someone you don't KNOW like THAT you are running a huge risk of a tragedy happening such as them being violent or them refusing to financially provide for their child.

You can now TEACH that lesson to those who come after you. You can now pave the way to do it ON YOUR OWN.

Stand up for what you believe and start here and now showing society that you don't agree with what is offered and refuse to take another penny of help. THAT will make a difference in society. THAT will be something you can show your son. THAT will make YOU proud of yourself.

It has to start somewhere. Let it be you.

[sahm2three]

What is FIA? Is that state assistance?

[Former Teacher]

Why are you taking the $400 a month? You are saying that it isn't enough yet you are willing to take it. Why don't you flip a middle finger at the government and tell them NO to such little help? You be the one who sends the message that you aren't going to be involved in such a rediculously poor assistance. YOU be the one who stands up and says NO MORE. I'm not going to be a part of this. It's wrong.

You know I was raised in the early 60's. My parents were divorced when I was two months old. My Mom was 19 when she divorced. I was 16 before I ever saw them in the same room at the same time. My Mom was a single Mom to two small children and worked the entire time she raised me and my older brother.

She didn't have a penny for child care. You know how she did it? She lived with her Mom when we were young and worked the night shift. She went to work every night while we were sleeping and came home, made us breakfast and staid up until we took a nap. She slept while we napped... got up with us after nap... then went back to sleep after we went to bed and slept a couple of more hours before she got up and did it again. She had two jobs. She worked seven days a week.

She lived off of 4-5 hours of disjointed sleep every day.

When we got a bit older we moved in with her best friend who also had two children. They took turns working... one the day shift... one the night shift. They pooled their money... their kids... their car... everything to make it work. We had four kids living with two adults who took turns watching the kids, cooking, and cleaning. They did what they had to do to survive and raise us.

What about you? Can you work the night shift? Can you work SEVEN days a week to support your son? Can you give up precious sleep and work while he is sleeping? Can you team up with someone else to share child care and expenses?

Why is there no understanding that you don't have to take a DIME from the government? Did you have his birth paid for by the State? If so, how are you going to repay such a generous gift? What are you going to do for society to thank them for paying for your medical care, your sons medical care?

Instead of looking at how little you get how about you look at how much you can do? You have to FIND the right people in your life to team up with you and live in a very small world with very little resources and tons of WORK. You have to be creative and greatful. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to stand ON YOUR OWN and make it work.

You don't need the State day care. You don't need our measly 400 bucks a month. You need a job and a willingness to work WITH your friends and familly to raise your son. Be willing to take care of other peoples kids while they work so they will take care of yours while you work.

You said that your sons Dad beat you when he was a newborn. That's horrible and I pray that you can recover from that bad ordeal and move on. His being physical is a crime and a horrible experience.

Let your life be a lesson to other young girls that it is VERY risky to have a baby with someone who you are not certain will be SAFE and a good parent. It takes YEARS of knowing someone before you can assess whether or not they are capable of being a good mate and a good parent. When I say "knowing" them I'm not talking about childhood dating... I'm talking about knowing them as an ADULT... watching them work... see how they are with their family... seeing how they cope with life stress... seeing how they do in school... THAT kind of knowing them.

If you have a child with someone you don't KNOW like THAT you are running a huge risk of a tragedy happening such as them being violent or them refusing to financially provide for their child.

You can now TEACH that lesson to those who come after you. You can now pave the way to do it ON YOUR OWN.

Stand up for what you believe and start here and now showing society that you don't agree with what is offered and refuse to take another penny of help. THAT will make a difference in society. THAT will be something you can show your son. THAT will make YOU proud of yourself.

It has to start somewhere. Let it be you.

Nannyde...God bless Mothers like ours!

My mother was in an abusive relationship with my natural father. She was marriage to the basket () for over 10 YEARS. Why? Because she was afraid for her life for one but also she didn't want to separate us. Also, back in the late 1970s they didn't have the programs like they have today.

My mother worked 2 jobs to keep herself and 3 YOUNG daughters. She worked so we all could have a roof over our heads and clothes on our back. We NEVER went without a meal. It might have been soup and sandwiches but we never went to bed hungry.

Yes I understand the economy is horrible. However I feel that the goverment is screwing the ones who keep the goverment in business.

As for women who are popping out babies that WE ARE PAYING FOR, it makes me SO angry. It makes me angry that there are women out there who can have baby after baby and not care for them in ALL aspects of their life and yet there are women (like me) who would sell their soul for just one.

My story does have a happy ending though

My mother married a man in 1984 who I have come to love and respect as my father. So there is a silver cloud under every lining

[professionalmom]

Nannyde...God bless Mothers like ours!

My mother was in an abusive relationship with my natural father. She was marriage to the basket () for over 10 YEARS. Why? Because she was afraid for her life for one but also she didn't want to separate us. Also, back in the late 1970s they didn't have the programs like they have today.

My mother worked 2 jobs to keep herself and 3 YOUNG daughters. She worked so we all could have a roof over our heads and clothes on our back. We NEVER went without a meal. It might have been soup and sandwiches but we never went to bed hungry.

Yes I understand the economy is horrible. However I feel that the goverment is screwing the ones who keep the goverment in business.

As for women who are popping out babies that WE ARE PAYING FOR, it makes me SO angry. It makes me angry that there are women out there who can have baby after baby and not care for them in ALL aspects of their life and yet there are women (like me) who would sell their soul for just one.

My story does have a happy ending though

My mother married a man in 1984 who I have come to love and respect as my father. So there is a silver cloud under every lining

I have to raise my hand as a third woman from this type of history. Parents divorced when I was 18 mths. Mom and I moved in with grandparents. Mom worked nights, saved every dime she could to get us a place of our own. She slept when I did, often getting less than 4-5 hours a day/night. Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. I never went to bed hungry (maybe mom did from time to time, but I never did) AND we never missed church! I never knew that we were "poor" or that our life was "less than" anyone else's. My mom made life great, fun, and enteraining for me. My mom didn;t even have a HS diploma, and there were no HeadStart programs back in the late 70's. Mom "homeschooled" me to prepare me for kindergarten and by the time I started kindergarten, I knew my ABC's, how to count to 200, all my colors and shapes, my full name name (and how to spell and write it) / address / phone number, my mom's name (not just "mom"), how to put 2-3 letters together to form words, etc. No programs, no handouts, no complaining. Just hard-work, dedication, tenacity, blood, sweat, tears, and the raw, passionate love of a mother for her child(ren). That's how our single / divorced moms of the 70's did it.

FYI - I'm on vacation and staying with my mom. I just gave her yet another one of those "thank God you're my mom!" hugs. She is my best friend and I can only dream of being even 1/2 the mom she was and is!!

[Kimorea]

Looking for michigan...

HELLO, I currently reside in MI and I am searching for a church to start a day care (no infants) and maybe an equal partner. Does anyone have and recommendations or suggestions? Thanks
Kim

[Unregistered]

ronnie

I normally don't respond to guests on this forum but I will this time. I TOTALLY agree with this poster. My former center use to accept state aided families. NO MORE.

Miss Joy: I am SO glad that you decided against this. It is truly a hassle. At my former center we weren't paid fully and then we had to wait 2 months before we would be paid (we would get May's payment in July's etc). Plus if the center was closed for a holiday that the state (TX) did not recognize we wouldn't be paid (the day after Thanksgiving). I could go on and on and on on the stupid rules and laws they have for "these people"

You made a wise choice. I am happy for you!

I dont think so , daycare people are nothing but users all they want is money a daycare lady is taken me court talking about she wants back pay For what she dont even look after my child but still gets paid by the Fia , BACK PAY , COME ON NOW , HOW BOLD IS THAT.