New DCM Causing Me Much Unneeded Stress...

[Blackcat31]

I've had this happen before too... Where I said I had a space and then after the tour I was like OMG... how do I tell her I don't want her? I'm sure its best to be honest with her and tell her why... but I could never do that. When I had this same situation happen, I called the mom and said that I was SO sorry but one of my current daycare children who was going to be leaving my daycare due to a move (or whatever) which was going to be the space that I had open, is going to stay after all! So now my spot is gone again! I'm SO sorry and hope you find another daycare you like. It works!

Why couldn't you be honest? Why would you make something up to avoid the truth? That doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, it may be the easiest thing to do but most providers here vent over frustrating relationships with parents and issues with mis-commuication so why make it worse?

Why not just be honest if you don't want to enroll the family. No one said you have to say, "Gee lady, you sound like a major PITA and I don't think I could deal with you so no way." There doesn't have to be any rudeness involved.

You could simply say as a pp mentioned that you don't feel she would be a good fit for your program. If she wants further explaination, I would say that she has some expectations I am not comfortable with or that I am unable or unwilling to do/accommodate.

I have been reading and posting on this forum for a while now and one of the things vented most often about is high needs clients or parents who are not doing as we expect (following rules and policies etc) or parents who have completely different expectations for us and vice versa so I am having the hardest time with this thread...why not take this opportunity to either decline services to parent WITH an honest reason why so she herself can have a reality check for her unrealistic expectations or take the opportunity to see if she COULD be a client that you could work with if you put your expectations right up front and let her know from the get go that you will do X,Y and Z and you expect A,B and C from her.

Seems like a easy solution either way.

[Angelwings36]

I took the time to think and read through all of the advice given here and I decided to offer the dcm one final opportunity. I sent her an email yesterday morning stating my procedures for a few things:

1. I told her I could meet with her Monday morning at 10:30am but that she would be LIMITED to 30 minutes due to lunch and stuff. I told her I do not typically have parents inside of the daycare during daycare hours as it becomes extremely disruptive but because she wanted the second interview I would make the exception for this ONE time. (I wanted to put emphasis on this because although I understood why she would want to have an interview in the daycare with the children present, I didn't want her to feel that meant she could come in and sit with her child whenever she wanted in the future. I also didn't want her to try take advantage of my time again and stay for 2 hours.) I also told her to keep in mind that the children may not act as they would if it were just me here and that she may not get a good picture of how her child was going to interact with the other children when she is gone. (I was very torn with the whole mom and son "visiting" daycare as I don't allow parents to sit with their children in my daycare. But when this mom had first called for an interview she told me she wanted to be able to come when the other children were here to see how I interacted with the children. I had told her at that time that I would not do it on a first time interview for security reasons but if everything went well we could set up another interview time where she could come when the children were in my care. It just turns out that the dcm made an attempt to commit to the space prior to the second interview.)

2. I told her I wanted to confirm her first full day would be Monday April 2nd. I told her when she arrived in the morning to please be sure to bring all the supplies listed on my supply list for her son. I told her that if she is dropping off her son at 7:30am (we are still working out her contracted hours) to please make sure she doesn't knock on my side door before that time as I never open my daycare door to the public before 7:30am. (This has been a huge issue for me in the past so I wanted to make it clear from the beginning.) I told her I greet all families in my side porch area and if she has any information to tell me at that time to please do so quickly as often there is someone else waiting for their turn to come in. I told her once she tells me all she needs to tell me that we will then do the hand over of her son and then I ask that she leaves quickly, that this gives her son less time to put up a fuss when she leaves.

3. I also brought up the pacifier issue. I told her I am not a big fan of pacifiers past the age of 12 months and especially in a group daycare setting. I told her that if I have a child that was recently weaned from a pacifier and another child has one in their mouth often times one child will try to take it from the other child. I also told her that I do not have the extra time to be sanitizing pacifiers properly every time a child takes it out and it falls on the floor. I told her I typically begin weaning children from their pacifiers on the first day they start care with me. I will give a child their pacifier for nap time if I feel it's necessary to help a child fall asleep, but I do like to limit it to this time only. I also told her she is welcome to make her own decision on whether her child uses a pacifier in her home or not.

My intentions when sending the email was to see how dcm would react. Whether she would agree to follow these procedures, show hesitation, or try to take her own stand on what she wanted. I felt since I had Saturday and Sunday to make my final decision on whether or not to take this family that I would try to make productive use of this time and do some "thinking" and "strategizing" before I said something one way or the other this time, as that was my initial mistake on Friday, NOT THINKING THINGS THROUGH. I had told dcm that I would contact her via email on Saturday to set a time to meet with me on Monday, so I felt this was the prime time to act on my part.

I have not received a response email from the dcm yet. At this time I am not 100% sure what to do. I am thinking if I don't get any response at all by 2:00pm that I will send dcm a second email telling her that I am no longer able to provide care for her family.

Any advice to the above?

Thanks.

[saved4always]

If/when you get a response, that should tell you alot about how it would be to watch her child; whether she is going to respect your rules or try to call the shots. All I can suggest is stick to your policies and make sure you are happy with the situation (both of which I am sure you already know ). Good luck!

[MamaBear]

Why couldn't you be honest? Why would you make something up to avoid the truth? That doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, it may be the easiest thing to do but most providers here vent over frustrating relationships with parents and issues with mis-commuication so why make it worse?

Why not just be honest if you don't want to enroll the family. No one said you have to say, "Gee lady, you sound like a major PITA and I don't think I could deal with you so no way." There doesn't have to be any rudeness involved.

You could simply say as a pp mentioned that you don't feel she would be a good fit for your program. If she wants further explaination, I would say that she has some expectations I am not comfortable with or that I am unable or unwilling to do/accommodate.

I have been reading and posting on this forum for a while now and one of the things vented most often about is high needs clients or parents who are not doing as we expect (following rules and policies etc) or parents who have completely different expectations for us and vice versa so I am having the hardest time with this thread...why not take this opportunity to either decline services to parent WITH an honest reason why so she herself can have a reality check for her unrealistic expectations or take the opportunity to see if she COULD be a client that you could work with if you put your expectations right up front and let her know from the get go that you will do X,Y and Z and you expect A,B and C from her.

Seems like a easy solution either way.

I just don't like to hurt their feelings by being completely honest with the reasons. Because if I was being honest, I'd have to say "I don't want your child in my daycare because you came off like a total b**** and your kid is a brat ~ so beat it!". It was always easier for me to just say that the spot was not open anymore. Good for you for being so honest with everyone. This was just an easier method for me. And this is JUST my opinion.

[Angelwings36]

Update...

So here it is Sunday at 5:30pm and I still have not got an response back from my email, which also means I still do not know if dcm would want to come at 10:30am tomorrow morning or not. Another huge RED FLAG! I have made the decision to not enrol this family in my care. Next time I am listening to my gut feeling right from the get go instead of dealing with the unneeded stress for 3 days like I just did! Lesson learned. Be glad when I have learned them all and don't have to walk down these paths anymore ha ha ha :: Oh well...a new day tomorrow!

[cheerfuldom]

I would send one email tonight letting her know that the second interview has been cancelled since you did not hear back from. She will not be allowed to come Monday morning."Thank you for considering my daycare and good luck in your daycare search" and then if she comes to the door, let her know that you communicated several times through email with no response and the second interview was cancelled. Dont let her in.

[Blackcat31]

I just don't like to hurt their feelings by being completely honest with the reasons. Because if I was being honest, I'd have to say "I don't want your child in my daycare because you came off like a total b**** and your kid is a brat ~ so beat it!". It was always easier for me to just say that the spot was not open anymore. Good for you for being so honest with everyone. This was just an easier method for me. And this is JUST my opinion.

OH, I meant no disrespect. I was just wondering that's all... I completely understand your reasoning though.

I know it is hard to be honest. I was just blessed with no filter between my brain and my mouth and I get away with it by calling it honesty.

My sister is much like you and would rather say a nice lie than be hurtful or mean. So I do understand.

So here it is Sunday at 5:30pm and I still have not got an response back from my email, which also means I still do not know if dcm would want to come at 10:30am tomorrow morning or not. Another huge RED FLAG! I have made the decision to not enrol this family in my care. Next time I am listening to my gut feeling right from the get go instead of dealing with the unneeded stress for 3 days like I just did! Lesson learned. Be glad when I have learned them all and don't have to walk down these paths anymore ha ha ha :: Oh well...a new day tomorrow!

I think you did the right thing. You tried. You laid it all out there and this mom is now the one who is acting badly so go with your decision to not enroll.

The high needs expectations from her were fixable with good communication.

The disrespectful behavior (not responding) can't be fixed so too bad for her.

She lost a great opportunity to sign on with a good provider....her loss....

Oh and I agree with Cheer, send the next e-mail canceling your second interview and to let her know there is no longer any space available for her.

[nannyde]

So here it is Sunday at 5:30pm and I still have not got an response back from my email, which also means I still do not know if dcm would want to come at 10:30am tomorrow morning or not. Another huge RED FLAG! I have made the decision to not enrol this family in my care. Next time I am listening to my gut feeling right from the get go instead of dealing with the unneeded stress for 3 days like I just did! Lesson learned. Be glad when I have learned them all and don't have to walk down these paths anymore ha ha ha :: Oh well...a new day tomorrow!

The lesson here is that you don't have to spend three days fretting over whether or not a potential client is going to comply to your policies and understand that you are your own boss. You have to OWN that it will be like that so you don't have to spend a minute worrying about what the person is going to go with the program. They either get it or they don't get in.

Just because she didn't respond doesn't mean she is shunning you or your words. It may be that she isn't used to THINKING about child care relationships this way and she is trying to settle in with the new thought process.

I always believe in going with your gut but what I'm saying is that you need to go to the next level and be comfortable telling potential clients how it will be if they are going to bring their child to your home and don't be afraid of how they like it or don't like it. It may take this lady ten providers for her to get it that she wants the tail wagging the dog. Your job may be to just be one of the ten. Just think of it as paying it forward to the provider who eventually gets this client tamed.

[MamaBear]

I would send one email tonight letting her know that the second interview has been cancelled since you did not hear back from. She will not be allowed to come Monday morning."Thank you for considering my daycare and good luck in your daycare search" and then if she comes to the door, let her know that you communicated several times through email with no response and the second interview was cancelled. Dont let her in.

I agree... You should totally do this if you have not already. Then if she shows up tomorrow, you can say "didn't you check your email?"

She may have already read your email and she doesn't like that you are taking control. Which means she would have been a total butthead to work with. Good for you for doing whats right for You!

[momofboys]

Did you ever hear a response back from DCM?

[Angelwings36]

Update...

It is Monday morning at 7:45am and I still have not heard back from this Dcm. I am quite shocked as I did tell dcm that I would email her on Saturday.

I suspect that dcm didn't like the first email that I sent her on Saturday and that I will not hear back from dcm at all. But, if something shows up I will keep you all updated.

[GoodKarma]

I hope you at least hear from her, it's so annoying when dcp aren't even polite enough to say "No thank you"!

[LittleD]

Sooooo, did she just show up?

[My3cents]

I would call her, rather then text or email. Call her up and nicely but bluntly tell her that is not going to work out, or I emailed you- Did you get it? What do you think? If she starts to run at the mouth- cut the strings right then.

I like what Nan said about giving someone the chance- some of my best parents and families and esp the kiddo's have been from the anal interview. I think a lot of parents, read these magazines and articles that tell them What to ask at interviews? They don't have experience with dealing with daycare- Always stick up for your home and your rules....

Best- How did this turn out?

[daycare]

All it takes for you to tell someone 1 time that they are not the right fit and you get the hang of it.

I have had to do it many times. AND I usually just tell them from the start. I am looking for the right fit. There are many things that I take into consideration when deciding which family to choose for the current spot, I will get back to you when I make my decision.

This always works out great for me.

then if I decide not to take them and they call me back to ask what my decision is, I will tell them sorry, another family seemed to be a much better fit, however, should I have another opening in the future, I would love to add you to my waiting list.

I have only had one person get upset at me, but why do I care if they are upset, not my problem....