Need Help On Ideas How To Pay It Forward

[MrsB]

Okay so my neighbor has a really good friend that has 2 boys. Her husband cheeted on this mother. Took off to move across the state leaving her with her 2 boys abandoned and with no money. He pulled out all the money from their cking account and took cash advances on their credit cards, maxing them out. She ended up moving in with her parents and was able to get a job working nights 3 days a week. Now keep in mind she sleeps on an older couch in the garage of her parents house so the boys dont have to share a room with her.
My neighbor gave her my name, I said I could help. She drops off at 2:30 on her way to work and her mother, picks up at 5 on Tu,Th, and Friday. Her oldest is in first grade so I actually only have him 30 minutes because he gets off the bus with my kids at 4:30. The other boy just turned 4.

The boys are just AMAZING! She has followed every rule, always respectufl, and has ALWAYS paid on time. Eventhough, I know she is still really struggling. She finally started getting the child support thing in order and then her ex quit his job so thats not really coming in anymore as of now.

So I am going on vacation next week. My contract states she has to pay half of my weekly rate for my vacations. (Their rate is 115 per week for the both of them) So today she owes me 57.50 for next week. Last week I sent everybody bills for next week with their amounts. My husband and I breifly spoke because I really want to just tell her she doesnt have to pay me the 57.50. and that I try to pay it forward where I can.

What do you all think? I really love this family and she has never acted entitled or anything else. She has brought me 2 other clients since her boys started about 8 months ago. She is really struggling and I think this might really help her. I think if I word it correctly then she wont feel like she is getting special treatment and expect it in the future.

She gets here in about 2 hours and I wanted to get your opinions. Should I just tell her to keep her check? What should I say?

My husband said that I should just keep the check and then tomorrow during the garage sale they are having to earn some extra money go and buy something little and then hand her the $57.50 in cash back to her and tell her that I am so impressed at the efforts she is doing I decided to pay it forward and give her a tip. I just dont want to make her feel to uncomfortable especially if there are alot of people at the sale.

What do you think? Any Ideas?

[SilverSabre25]

I dunno...honestly, in that situation, if you don't *need* that money, I would probably be saving large portions of her fees each week in order to pay back to her at some point.

As for the partial week's money...I might buy a $60 gas card with it (rounding up so it's not so obvious who it may have come from...) and mail it to her anonymously.

I usually feel like "pay-it-forward" is something that is more anonymous and not done openly.

[lil angels]

I really like your husbands idea. I think if it was me I would start crying. That is so nice and doing it that way I don't think she would expect it again.

[DaycareMama]

I like your husbands idea also. Buy something small. Maybe if your worried about whos around write a nice little thank you card, put the gift card or cash in the card and thank her for being such a good parent/client. Just tell her in the card that you appreciate her as much as she does you. Then buy something small seperate.

[PixieFirefly]

Yes I also agree with your hubbys idea and what you could do since your worried bout alotta people being around tell her you needa talk to her for a sec and take her over to the side so it will be the 2 of you

on a side note i like your idea about getting paid half of the weeks pay if you go on vacation i am starting my own daycare in 2 months and being sick or going on vacation is something ive been trying to figure out how to make it work

[DBug]

I usually feel like "pay-it-forward" is something that is more anonymous and not done openly.

That's what I always thought too? Something that's done as anonymously as possible, like handing her a 50 wrapped in a 5 to pay for whatever you're buying at the garage sale. And then take off so she doesn't have time to realize it's you. Or just sneaking extra money into her cash box.

This sounds like a hard-working woman, and if it were me, I wouldn't want her to think she's in my debt, kwim? The gas card is a great idea. And, it makes for a much better story for her to share with others when she says "I used the last of my $$ to pay my daycare provider, and had none left to put gas in the car. And then, what do you know, a gas card appeared in my mail box right when I needed it!"

[cheerfuldom]

I love the anonymous idea! Anything else could be an awkward moment for her and what will you do if she refuses to take it?

[Sunchimes]

I see what everyone is saying about being anonymous, and I'd probably chicken out and do the same thing. But, some part of me loves the idea of giving it to her and telling her that you are impressed by how well she is doing and you've decided to give back that money (or give it in a gas card.) and when she is settled, she can pay it forward to help someone else.

I just think that if my self-esteem had been trampled and pummeled the way hers has been, just knowing that someone had noticed and approved would mean as much as the money. Sometimes when you are struggling that much, you don't ever know that you are awesome and impressive or that anyone has even noticed.

[PitterPatter]

I love the anonymous idea! Anything else could be an awkward moment for her and what will you do if she refuses to take it?

I see what everyone is saying about being anonymous, and I'd probably chicken out and do the same thing. But, some part of me loves the idea of giving it to her and telling her that you are impressed by how well she is doing and you've decided to give back that money (or give it in a gas card.) and when she is settled, she can pay it forward to help someone else.

I just think that if my self-esteem had been trampled and pummeled the way her's has been, just knowing that someone had noticed and approved would mean as much as the money. Sometimes when you are struggling that much, you don't ever know that you are awesome and impressive or that anyone has even noticed.

I see both sides. Maybe do the anonymous and then give her a card with well wishes and praise, etc written in it from you. A kind word does go a long way with me!