Extended Leaves of Absence

[wdmmom]

I have a DCM that is pregnant and due today! She was told that if baby doesn't make his way into the world by next Thursday, they will induce.

While I am super excited for the family, I have reservations about how it may or may not affect my business.

DCM intends to take 3 months off to care for the baby. She has said that DCB3, will continue to come each day. Initially I couldn't have cared less...after all, his weekly payment will be funding our family vacation but now I am having reservations about it. While I understand a new mom wanting time to bond with their new baby, why would you not want to give the older brother time to bond and adjust to the new atmosphere too?! Is it common for families to continue bringing their child to daycare each and everyday while the mom is doing whatever she wants?

I also considered discussing an earlier pick up time since I know paying me each week for full time care won't be easy for them. The earlier they pick up, the cheaper the rate.

DCB is 3 and isn't potty trained. DCM wants DCB to go to a Montessori preschool in the fall but their requirement is to be potty trained. This child is not anywhere near ready for this. We've previously attempted efforts at the daycare but it was more of a struggle than it was beneficial.

DCM and I previously discussed baby attending daycare in June when she returns to work. It hasn't been brought up again. (We talked the beginning of January.) If she is going to want to enroll baby, I need a deposit. It's part of my policies. How do I bring this up to her? Essentially, I need her to have a sit down with me so I can get the 411 on what her plans are, approximate date of enrollment, discuss the rate, etc. When do you think is an appropriate time to talk to her about this. Should I see if she has a minute at pickup one night next week or wait a few weeks after the baby is born and things get back to normal for her.

Also, with DCB not being potty trained, I think it would be a perfect opportunity for DCM to keep DCB home for a week or 2 and get him potty trained so he can go off to preschool in the fall. Do I bring this up to her?

AND, I haven't yet mentioned it to any of my families but our family vacation has been planned for July. I will be taking vacation approximately 2 weeks after DCM goes back to work. I can't imagine this will go over well with them but with they'll have plenty of time to make arrangements.

[cheerfuldom]

a few thoughts...

1. I personally don't care for the idea of sending older siblings off while mom stays home with just one BUT in this case, it is none of your business. Either you will continue caring for the older one for the summer or you won't. Its really not your place to tell them what they should or should be doing....you only have a right to say what you are or are not okay with being a part of.

2. It sounds perfectly reasonable to offer a cheaper rate for an earlier pickup time with the understanding that any time outside of contracted hours is an extra fee, regardless of whether you have other daycare kids there or not. I would offer it in writing with clear instructions on what this would and would not mean to them. If they chose to accept, a new contract with new rates and hours need to be signed by (date) and will be effective (date)

3. I would not worry at all about potty training. That is the parents responsibility. If their child misses the cut off date to start school because of potty training, that is not your problem. You dont need to continue offering advice....clearly you and mom have tried it in the past so it is on her radar. Right now is not a good time to start anyway with a new sibling going to be born in a few days. Mom wont even be able to help potty train for weeks still.

4. As for enrolling the baby, I would send mom a copy of your enrollment policy with a simple, short letter congratulating her on the upcoming birth and outline the deadlines to enroll the baby for next year. Followed by a short sentence that states that if they choose to wait for enrolling, you cannot guarantee a spot for the baby. Then leave it up to them. If they wait past your deadline, start interviewing for the spot.

5. vacation....let this family know at the time you announce to all the other families. They will just have to plan accordingly.

These people are adults. They can figure these things out on their own, you dont need to hold their hands the whole way. One reminder on the enrollment, vacation, etc is sufficient. If they wait too long or forget then they just have to live with whatever those consequences are.

[Unregistered]

I think that this is so interesting. I have 2 kids and sent my oldest when my second was born for MANY reasons (also I did keep her home for a week straight later in the leave and dropped off later and picked up earlier).

1. Her life was turned upside down, daycare was her one thing that didn't change
2. I was breastfeeding and with a newborn who takes 30+mins to eat every 2 hours that means I was somewhat chained to the recliner. That means we didn't go anywhere and a lot of TV would have been watched. I would rather have her out enjoying her friends.
3. I was up all night MANY Times with the newborn and exhausted. I was able to nap with the baby but if her 3 year old sister was home I wouldn't have been able to and again she would have been watching WAY too much TV. When I picked up my 3 year old I had the energy to do fun things because I was able to nap during the day with the baby.
4. I had a 12 week leave with my older one and got to snuggle and bond so much with her. With the second one, I got 6 weeks and I was going to try to cram as much bonding time in as possible. As you all know, it is hard to snuggle and bond with a baby like you want to when you are schlepping 2 kids to the park. You end up leaving the baby in the shade in the stroller while you are pushing on the swings and stuff.

Anyways, I don't get why this gets you all upset. I totally get it.

[cheerfuldom]

I think that this is so interesting. I have 2 kids and sent my oldest when my second was born for MANY reasons (also I did keep her home for a week straight later in the leave and dropped off later and picked up earlier).

1. Her life was turned upside down, daycare was her one thing that didn't change
2. I was breastfeeding and with a newborn who takes 30+mins to eat every 2 hours that means I was somewhat chained to the recliner. That means we didn't go anywhere and a lot of TV would have been watched. I would rather have her out enjoying her friends.
3. I was up all night MANY Times with the newborn and exhausted. I was able to nap with the baby but if her 3 year old sister was home I wouldn't have been able to and again she would have been watching WAY too much TV. When I picked up my 3 year old I had the energy to do fun things because I was able to nap during the day with the baby.
4. I had a 12 week leave with my older one and got to snuggle and bond so much with her. With the second one, I got 6 weeks and I was going to try to cram as much bonding time in as possible. As you all know, it is hard to snuggle and bond with a baby like you want to when you are schlepping 2 kids to the park. You end up leaving the baby in the shade in the stroller while you are pushing on the swings and stuff.

Anyways, I don't get why this gets you all upset. I totally get it.

well it is probably harder for providers to understand because we take care of a group of kids ALL the time. It doesn't make as much sense to us to need all this time away from one in order to take care of the other. I was back to doing daycare part time one week after my last child was born and back to full time two weeks after the baby was born. Its just harder for me to understand personally because I have never been one to nap all day and need help with my own kids. Still, if the mom can make her payments then I would still take the daycare kid even if I didnt necessarily agree or understand the need for so much time away from your own child.

[wdmmom]

well it is probably harder for providers to understand because we take care of a group of kids ALL the time. It doesn't make as much sense to us to need all this time away from one in order to take care of the other. I was back to doing daycare part time one week after my last child was born and back to full time two weeks after the baby was born. Its just harder for me to understand personally because I have never been one to nap all day and need help with my own kids. Still, if the mom can make her payments then I would still take the daycare kid even if I didnt necessarily agree or understand the need for so much time away from your own child.

I'm not upset by the child attending...(Hello...I said his weekly rate is paying for my summer vacation. That means he'll need to continue attending. )

I just don't get why parents would rather keep their older child in daycare for 9 hours a day everyday and not allow DCB the opportunity to get accustom to the new life. I understand if a mom is taking 6 weeks but she's taking 12! Wouldn't most moms want to take that time to bond with both of their children and enjoy the weather and do things together?!

[cheerfuldom]

I'm not upset by the child attending...(Hello...I said his weekly rate is paying for my summer vacation. That means he'll need to continue attending. )

I just don't get why parents would rather keep their older child in daycare for 9 hours a day everyday and not allow DCB the opportunity to get accustom to the new life. I understand if a mom is taking 6 weeks but she's taking 12! Wouldn't most moms want to take that time to bond with both of their children and enjoy the weather and do things together?!

This is her second right? Just cut her a little slack. She probably can't see right now how she will be able to do two kids at once. Down the road, she will get the hang of it all and hopefully, this little boy won't remain in daycare for the full hours every day for 12 weeks. Or they might feel that since they are paying, they should use all the time and since mom normally works, boy is already used to being gone from her all day so its no big deal. Neither of these lines of thought are something that I would feel myself but a lot of parents feel one of the two ways. The last would be just that mom doesnt want to be around her child anymore than she has to be but hopefully, that is not the case!

[MrsB]

to everything that cheerfuldom said! Especially the parts that its really not our business how parents decide to spend their time while on Maternity leave. Provider can only do what you feel comfortable with.

I DONT buy the arguement that you can't bond with a baby when a sibling is present or that it is less of a bond if its not alone time. I also DONT buy that a kid has to watch TV so you can breastfead. Even in the first couple weeks. I do lots of things that require my full attention and both hands for 30 minutes or longer at a time, and I dont have to put the kids in front of the TV to be successful.

I understand the argument of daycare remaining constant. On the otherhand, I have never had a kid that came for daycare with mom at home on maternity leave, that didnt know they were being sent to daycare while mom stayed home with this new "thing" that is requiring all kinds of issues in my life. This fact can cause more issues than the schedule upheavel would have.

I DO understand why parents would want to send older kids to daycare while on maternity leave and totally believe it is a personal decision. This is a want though not a need. I think the frustration with some providers is that the family passes this off as I can't take care of both effectively. Instead of I dont WANT to do both.

On a tidbit of a tangent, In my experience, sometimes parents put too much worry into how this is going to affect older siblings when a new baby comes. Kids are resilient and I think parents need to give them a little more credit. Myself included with my second child especially.

Keep in mind all these are my experiences and perspectives and not meant to offend anyone personally.

[wdmmom]

This is her second right? Just cut her a little slack. She probably can't see right now how she will be able to do two kids at once. Down the road, she will get the hang of it all and hopefully, this little boy won't remain in daycare for the full hours every day for 12 weeks. Or they might feel that since they are paying, they should use all the time and since mom normally works, boy is already used to being gone from her all day so its no big deal. Neither of these lines of thought are something that I would feel myself but a lot of parents feel one of the two ways. The last would be just that mom doesnt want to be around her child anymore than she has to be but hopefully, that is not the case!

And I'm confident it's the second...

[wdmmom]

So I sent a note home with DCM stating that I will have an opening coming up and if they are still interested in enrolling Baby, they need to let me know by April 2nd.

She also told me that DCD has been on vacation all week!!!

Given that they only have 1 vehicle, that means DCD has been home all day and DCB has come to daycare every single second he is scheduled this week!


This is the same DCM that showed up Monday in her sweatpants and said she didn't feel well. She said she was going home in hopes to get the baby to come out. Yep, that worked! NOT!


So, given that I found out DCD was home this week, I figured it'd be the perfect opportunity to ask if they could pick up DCB early tomorrow. I only have 1 other kid and he leaves at 130pm Their child is picked up between 2pm and 230pm.will only have 2 kids tomorrow and 1 leaves at 130 and theirs leaves between 2 and 230pm. She said that DCD will pickup but it will probably be closer to 230pm. Of fricken course it will be! Why be around your child for an extra half hour let alone an extra 10 seconds!

In the past 6 months, this DCB has been here every single day but 1 and that is because I was closing at 130pm the day before Thanksgiving and they couldn't get off work to accommodate the early closing so grandma kept him. When they returned Monday, DCM said that Grandma complained the whole time that "he's too much work" and "he wore her out" so that'll be the last time Grandma will offer again! All the other families I work for keep their child home with them if they are ill or take a personal day. I just don't think I can continue to work for a family that obviously doesn't enjoy their child or want to spend time with him.

[jojosmommy]

I sent my oldest (2 1/2) to daycare while I was on maternity and I do daycare for crying out loud. I had to find a daycare that would take him for just that little time. Breastfeeding is a job, getting up in the night is awful, kids need to have time to play with other kids, etc... I could go on for hours. I think mom is right to want kid to come to daycare.

[christinaskids]

No offense, but I think its our job to offer a service and have clients pay for that service, not worry about what they do at home. You can make suggestions or rules for parents but its noy worth your energy worrying about it further than that. I get cranky too if a parent is home and their kid is the only one here but so far almost all of my parents are excellent and accomidating, so if i drop a hint, they usually get it spending energy on being upset on others parenting choices can lead to burnout fast imho

[AnneCordelia]

As a provider I think nothing but of providing excellent care to the children I am paid to care for based on the specifics of the contract.

Personally though I think that sending a child is a want not a need. I did daycare when my fourth child was breastfeeding and still provided excellent care to the four dck I had too. It can be done without tv. I am personally of the opinion that the more time a child spends with a new sibling and parents the better. It's a huge change in the child's life and they know when they are being sent away so mom can stay home with the new child. Of course Id never say this to a client, it's just my personal opinion.

[MsMe]

well it is probably harder for providers to understand because we take care of a group of kids ALL the time. It doesn't make as much sense to us to need all this time away from one in order to take care of the other. I was back to doing daycare part time one week after my last child was born and back to full time two weeks after the baby was born. Its just harder for me to understand personally because I have never been one to nap all day and need help with my own kids. Still, if the mom can make her payments then I would still take the daycare kid even if I didnt necessarily agree or understand the need for so much time away from your own child.

I also agree that it is hard for providers to understand bc we always have a group of kids.

I would NEVER say this to a family (and every single family I care for has had a child here FULL time when a new baby came home) A child is ALWAYS better off at home with Mom or Dad. Always. Even if Mom is stuck in a chair breastfeeding, even if the baby or older child is not getting one on one attention, being HOME with FAMILY is always best. Yes, each child has known that Mom (in one case Mom, Dad, baby and BOTH sets of grandparents were home for two whole weeks and DCB didn't miss one minute of daycare) and they talk about it.

I don't say a word, and I never will....but in my personal opinion it is wrong.

Six weeks at home with Mom would be the biggest blessing (and the thing most of my kids need the most) to a child. I understand there would not be as much activity or friends, but that quality time is priceless and I PROMISE much much better than anything I can provide!!!

[cheerfuldom]

I also agree that it is hard for providers to understand bc we always have a group of kids.

I would NEVER say this to a family (and every single family I care for has had a child here FULL time when a new baby came home) A child is ALWAYS better off at home with Mom or Dad. Always. Even if Mom is stuck in a chair breastfeeding, even if the baby or older child is not getting one on one attention, being HOME with FAMILY is always best. Yes, each child has known that Mom (in one case Mom, Dad, baby and BOTH sets of grandparents were home for two whole weeks and DCB didn't miss one minute of daycare) and they talk about it.

I don't say a word, and I never will....but in my personal opinion it is wrong.

Six weeks at home with Mom would be the biggest blessing (and the thing most of my kids need the most) to a child. I understand there would not be as much activity or friends, but that quality time is priceless and I PROMISE much much better than anything I can provide!!!

Oh I would never SAY it either....I was just thinking it and discussing but again, I would still watch a child even if their mom was on maternity leave

[MsMe]

Oh I would never SAY it either....I was just thinking it and discussing but again, I would still watch a child even if their mom was on maternity leave

Oh Cheerfuldom I know you wouldn't!!! I just quoted you because I you said about providers not understanding because we care for a group always.