The Saga Continues ......

[daycare]

So a few weeks ago I posted about my fav daycare family that is taking discipline measures at home too far.

for the last two weeks, including this week so far, when DCK arrives she and her mom are at war with each other. Everyday it's something else. Mom cannot handle the DCK at all.

Normally DCK is fantastic for me and one of my best behaved. I have issues now and then, but mostly typical kid stuff.

Well each day that mom has dropped off DCG is still in the funk or bad mood from the arguments she has with her. It usually takes me about 30-60min to get her out of the funk and into what the rest of the kids are doing. It is horrible. Except, I just have her sit in the front room alone and throw her fit there without any attention. Sometimes it's worse than that and she will sit there and scream and yell and kick walls etc. Which disrupts the class.

Normally it has to do with getting ready in the morning. DCK always sleeps in and is NEVER on time. Which I could care less about that as long as they are here when class starts. Often the do have to wait until class is over and drop off. I don't allow drop off during class time.

Sorry its so long.....ugh

This is my thought on how to handle this. First I will talk to mom and let her know that it is a problem. Again, I will give her some ideas on how to work better with DCG.

BUT, The next time DCM drops off DCK is in one of her funks, I am going to make mom take her home, or call mom to come and get her. This is just getting crazy. DCG is 4. I don't understand how the battles get to the point between the two of them like they do. WHO argues like this with a child.

Any other ideas? And do you think I am doing the right thing???

[Blackcat31]

Girl, you have some pretty wacky parents! Personally, I would not want to continue dealing with all this drama. I know you and the dcm have become friendly but I am afraid that you are simply never going to be able to "fix" her or her ways.

You need to just do what you do and let her do what she does.

If DCG, can't get her ducks in a row after being dropped off, call mom and have her pick up immediately...give the problem back to who it really belongs to!

I wish I lived closer to you because although I don't drink I would take you out and get you drunk just so we could laugh about all these silly situations that doing daycare brings our way!!! ::::

[Heidi]

I think mom needs to take control of this, not fair to dump her on you in that state every morning. Call mom and tell her that from now on, no one is allowed into the house in that condition.

Honestly, the next time, I would open the door, look at DCG, and so "OH, you know, that behavior is not allowed here. We would LOVE to have you come play with us, but I cannot let you in until you're quiet" close door. Let mom do whatever she needs to do to calm her.


In the conversation with mom, I would warn her about this, and let her know you are willing to work with her on ideas, but SHE needs to deal with home stuff, not dump it on you!

[wdmmom]

This girl is used to getting her way and winning. She wanted attention, she got it. Now she wants negative attention and she's getting it. She's still winning!

I would tell DCM that child needs to be ready for the day. This not only means dressed but ready to come in and start her day at daycare.

DCG needs to FINISH throwing her fits in the car or at home.

I would also ask about her eating habits and sleeping habits. A child that eats a whole, hearty, nutritious meal/diet tends to have better sleeping habits. Make sure that she is going to bed about 8pm if they are getting her up at 6am, etc.

Between this girls eating and sleeping habits, I would also ask DCM what DCG does better with...pressure or relaxed atmosphere.

If she operates better under pressure, have DCM get her up 15 minutes before they need to be at daycare. Hurry to put on clothes, hurry to do hair and hurry to the car.

If she needs time to wake up, play, go potty, take a bath, etc, make sure mom is giving her plenty of time to do these things since it might help her to function better.

[daycare]

Girl, you have some pretty wacky parents! Personally, I would not want to continue dealing with all this drama. I know you and the dcm have become friendly but I am afraid that you are simply never going to be able to "fix" her or her ways.

You need to just do what you do and let her do what she does.

If DCG, can't get her ducks in a row after being dropped off, call mom and have her pick up immediately...give the problem back to who it really belongs to!

I wish I lived closer to you because although I don't drink I would take you out and get you drunk just so we could laugh about all these silly situations that doing daycare brings our way!!! ::::

my husband said he loves you.....hahahh must be the medic thing.. NOT....

Yes, I am very patient. I think this is why I work well with the kids. NOt so much with all of the parents.

I am going to follow through with it and talk to mom about it. I just wanted to make sure that throwing the problem back on her was not going over the top..

Right now she is still not happy. The little screamer that I have is screaming. So the two of them are sitting together in the front room. She keeps asking him to stop and he won't. She is on the verge of tears, because the screamer won't listen to her words. I think she is getting a taste of her own medicine. I need to go take care of that....

thanks for your help

[daycare]

Girl, you have some pretty wacky parents! Personally, I would not want to continue dealing with all this drama. I know you and the dcm have become friendly but I am afraid that you are simply never going to be able to "fix" her or her ways.

You need to just do what you do and let her do what she does.

If DCG, can't get her ducks in a row after being dropped off, call mom and have her pick up immediately...give the problem back to who it really belongs to!

I wish I lived closer to you because although I don't drink I would take you out and get you drunk just so we could laugh about all these silly situations that doing daycare brings our way!!! ::::

you would be proud of me...just got of the phone with DCM...

I told her what happened. and told her that I could not allow it anymore. If that means she needs to spend 20 minutes in my driveway to snap her out of it so be it. I told her that I didn;t think it was fair that she was making her problems with her daughter mine. That she needed to parent and not FIGHT her daughter. I also told her that if she needed some ideas on how to work with her that I would be more than happy to help her. NOW don't kill me for this one...

Mom said she is desperate to have it stop. She offered to pay me (quite a bit too) to come over tomorrow morning and see what goes on. Then Friday, I will do it and show her how she can work with her daughter instead of fight her. I work very well with DCG here, wonder how it will go there.... I also told DCM I think that I am not the answer and that it might be best to get into parenting classes. She admitted that she has already tried. Told her I would give it this one shot, but the crazy drop offs could not continue and that I would send DCG home. Mom said she understands and agrees....

[Blackcat31]

you would be proud of me...just got of the phone with DCM...

I told her what happened. and told her that I could not allow it anymore. If that means she needs to spend 20 minutes in my driveway to snap her out of it so be it. I told her that I didn;t think it was fair that she was making her problems with her daughter mine. That she needed to parent and not FIGHT her daughter. I also told her that if she needed some ideas on how to work with her that I would be more than happy to help her. NOW don't kill me for this one...

Mom said she is desperate to have it stop. She offered to pay me (quite a bit too) to come over tomorrow morning and see what goes on. Then Friday, I will do it and show her how she can work with her daughter instead of fight her. I work very well with DCG here, wonder how it will go there.... I also told DCM I think that I am not the answer and that it might be best to get into parenting classes. She admitted that she has already tried. Told her I would give it this one shot, but the crazy drop offs could not continue and that I would send DCG home. Mom said she understands and agrees....

I am VERY proud of you!!!! happyface

and although I am one of those people who have no issues using my back bone, I am also one of those people who does help thers if they need it and it sounds as if this mom has no clue how to parent.

Part of our job is to help parents learn and to assist them when they need help in parenting. I am only a big tough meanie when it comes to parents who refuse to either acknowledge the problem or do things that completely go against what their child needs.

I think it is fantastic that this mom is open to you counseling/training/teaching/educating her. I thin she will have a ton of respect for you since you are obvioulsy a lot more knowledgeable about this than her. Parenting is definitely a learning experience and we all have to learn either through help form others or the hard way.

The biggest thing is she HAS to be willing to follow through on the things you suggest to her so you two are a real team and are alwasy workign together. If she says the words but doesn't want to do the work, then you are going to find yourself back in this same spot in a few weeks/months etc. This mom HAS to understand that you can give her the tools but she HAS to do the work if she wants to see results.

Good for you for taking that extra step and helping a parent. Good for her for asking for the help. Not too many parents would even ask or admit they need help.

[daycare]

I am VERY proud of you!!!! happyface

and although I am one of those people who have no issues using my back bone, I am also one of those people who does help thers if they need it and it sounds as if this mom has no clue how to parent.

Part of our job is to help parents learn and to assist them when they need help in parenting. I am only a big tough meanie when it comes to parents who refuse to either acknowledge the problem or do things that completely go against what their child needs.

I think it is fantastic that this mom is open to you counseling/training/teaching/educating her. I thin she will have a ton of respect for you since you are obvioulsy a lot more knowledgeable about this than her. Parenting is definitely a learning experience and we all have to learn either through help form others or the hard way.

The biggest thing is she HAS to be willing to follow through on the things you suggest to her so you two are a real team and are alwasy workign together. If she says the words but doesn't want to do the work, then you are going to find yourself back in this same spot in a few weeks/months etc. This mom HAS to understand that you can give her the tools but she HAS to do the work if she wants to see results.

Good for you for taking that extra step and helping a parent. Good for her for asking for the help. Not too many parents would even ask or admit they need help.

I do feel good about it....AND I did tell her.....There is no point in me going over to your house and you paying me if you are not going to follow through. YOu are only wasting your money and both of our time. She promised she would try.

I have some stuff for her to read that I get from school. ANd I think mom is the one that needs the reward chart, not the child.....

thanks blackcat....as always you're a HUGE HELP

[Heidi]

you would be proud of me...just got of the phone with DCM...

I told her what happened. and told her that I could not allow it anymore. If that means she needs to spend 20 minutes in my driveway to snap her out of it so be it. I told her that I didn;t think it was fair that she was making her problems with her daughter mine. That she needed to parent and not FIGHT her daughter. I also told her that if she needed some ideas on how to work with her that I would be more than happy to help her. NOW don't kill me for this one...

Mom said she is desperate to have it stop. She offered to pay me (quite a bit too) to come over tomorrow morning and see what goes on. Then Friday, I will do it and show her how she can work with her daughter instead of fight her. I work very well with DCG here, wonder how it will go there.... I also told DCM I think that I am not the answer and that it might be best to get into parenting classes. She admitted that she has already tried. Told her I would give it this one shot, but the crazy drop offs could not continue and that I would send DCG home. Mom said she understands and agrees....

awesome!

I am happy you are working together!

[MsMe]

I am VERY proud of you!!!! happyface

and although I am one of those people who have no issues using my back bone, I am also one of those people who does help thers if they need it and it sounds as if this mom has no clue how to parent.

Part of our job is to help parents learn and to assist them when they need help in parenting. I am only a big tough meanie when it comes to parents who refuse to either acknowledge the problem or do things that completely go against what their child needs.

I think it is fantastic that this mom is open to you counseling/training/teaching/educating her. I thin she will have a ton of respect for you since you are obvioulsy a lot more knowledgeable about this than her. Parenting is definitely a learning experience and we all have to learn either through help form others or the hard way.

The biggest thing is she HAS to be willing to follow through on the things you suggest to her so you two are a real team and are alwasy workign together. If she says the words but doesn't want to do the work, then you are going to find yourself back in this same spot in a few weeks/months etc. This mom HAS to understand that you can give her the tools but she HAS to do the work if she wants to see results.

Good for you for taking that extra step and helping a parent. Good for her for asking for the help. Not too many parents would even ask or admit they need help.

I agree with Blackcat. I think it is wonderfull that she asked you to help.

I think people mis understand people who use their backbone (and don't feel bad about it) we are not harsh uncaring people. exactly the opposite most times. when someone needs help we are the first to offer it, we just know our limits and don't mess around