HELP 4 1/2 Yr Old In Diapers No End In Sight!

[Crystal]

I recommend:

Absolutely NO rewards.....obviously it has not helped and it may have even hindered the process.

Tell Mom she MUST have him evaluated by a physician so that you can rule out if this is a medical condition.

Once you KNOW it is not a medical condition, you talk to Mom and, IN WRITING, come up with a Plan of Action:

Mom must put the older child in training pants (CLOTH UNDERWEAR) AT HOME. Ask the child every hour if he needs to potty (he'll say No) every 30 minutes, IT'S NOT A CHOICE, he sits on the potty. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

You -put a potty seat downstairs. Make it as private as possible.
Introduce both kids to the potty. Keep the kids in pull-ups, end then do the same as Mom. Ask every hour, not a choice every 30 minutes.

Again, no rewards....only lots of encouragement and your excitement and doing the "happy potty dance" after they have used the toilet!

Good luck! happyface

[Heidi]

I agree with the no rewards...

I would sit down with the older one first. Have a serious talk with this child. Something to the effect of "look, we've been having an issue with this potty thing. You are too old to have diapers. We need to solve this problem. From now on, I will not change your diapers. It's just not okay."

This child is old enough to take responsibility for this, and she needs to be held up to a higher standard.

Have MOM purchase some underwear with the child together. Let the child pick what she likes. For daycare time, she should have pull-ups over the top for sanitary reasons. Then, DROP IT. Dont' remind her unless you are reminding everyone (like before going outside or down for nap). Do not single her out (although you could invent a couple reasons for reminding everyone more often for a while).

WHEN she has an accident, do the ABSOLUTE minimum to help her. I would only change her OUT of soiled undies, dump them "where the poop is supposed to go", bag them, wipe her up, hand her clean stuff, and walk away. She can come play when she's done. Make wetting/soiling herself COST HER SOMETHING....time away from the fun. (oh, and it wouldn't hurt to have something REALLY FUN ready to go for those occasions). Make it cost you NOTHING! Make your face a mask of "oh well" You could not be less interested in the whole thing.

Unless there is a developmental issue here, this little girl is playing you, and she's getting a pay off. Pay off-attention, and no interruption of fun. Take it away!

Conquer the older one, and try to be matter-of-fact with the younger one. Totally drop it with him for a little while. Once you've got it settled with the older child, then do the same with #2....

[daycare]

I disagree with this 100%

Never punish a child for having an accident
The moment you throw any form of negativity into it, the child will immediately associate PT as something negative.

I agree with what crystal said.

[daycare]

I disagree with this 100%

Never punish a child for having an accident
The moment you throw any form of negativity into it, the child will immediately associate PT as something negative.

I agree with what crystal said.

Sorry I'm in my phone I forgot to quote the above posted.

When a child has an accident. You remain emotionless and say nothing or tell them let try again next time.

[MrsB]

Wow 4.5 and still in diapers! How sad is that!

I agree with the other posters that it is never the providers responsibility and always the parents. If it were me, I would term. Or tell mom, if not potty trained in 1 month.

If you are willing to continue your efforts, maybe do the portable potty idea along with padded training underwear covered with plastic pants?

I have a 3 year old DCG that is trained here, but not at home. Or I should say is retrained here on Mondays and trained here on Tues-Friday.

[Heidi]

I disagree with this 100%

Never punish a child for having an accident
The moment you throw any form of negativity into it, the child will immediately associate PT as something negative.

I agree with what crystal said.

Did you mean me?

I absolutely meant to say that she should NOT be negative. Maybe I didn't say it right?

She should be as emotionless as possible, but also use natural consequences. We don't play with our pants full, it's pretty basic. It's not about punishment, it just is.

I would put as much as possible on the child as I could (while maintaining sanitation) and very sublty amp up what she is missing out on as incentive (I wouldn't tell her that, it needs to appear natural to her). I would never present it as upsetting or as a major problem to me. It's HER body, HER job...not even an issue for me as far as she's concerned.
I hope that clarifies what I was trying to say...

[Meyou]

I disagree with this 100%

Never punish a child for having an accident
The moment you throw any form of negativity into it, the child will immediately associate PT as something negative.

I agree with what crystal said.

I don't think it's punishment to make a 4.5 year old child put her clothes back on after an accident. That's a natural consequence for me. You pee in your pants.....you need new ones on. :confused: The pp said she would help with all the messy bits and then require the child to redress themselves before they rejoined the group.

[MrsB]

Being in diapers at 4.5 is a behavior issue, regardless of who's the cause of the behavior issue. (in this case the parents). The behavior has been able to continue by putting a "bandaid" on it, otherwise known as diaper::.

Almost all behavior issues you would discuss with mom and come up with a plan of action. As a previous poster said, this needs to be done before you waste any more efforts on it without having parents back you up. If mom doesnt follow through with the plan, the girl is out.

[Skylar]

5 year old in diapers

Im a Mother of 3 children Ages 5, 3 and a 1 year old. My 5 year old and 3 year old are still in diapers and gave up on potty training my 5 year old when he was 4 due to issues at home. He would take his pants off and crap on the bed, on the floor. He would Pee in the bush which daddy says is okay since he isn't peeing in the toilet quite yet. I don't agree with the bush i put him back in diapers. My responce to this lady is either take things away from them. have potty wars i am guess might be the best solution. You stick them with a Tv- a kiddy toilet in the bathroom and keep them in the bathroom even if its 12 hours long. Till they get used to it. My 3 year old is autistic so i wonder when he will potty train. I think my 5 year old likes that attention of getting his but wiped. My husband insist i spank him for pooping in his diaper and that he should be potty trained. i haven't gone that far. Although maybe its not a bad idea to re-inforce positive feedback. If he poops in his diaper he gets his but wiped down and then spanked maybe he will start doing big boy things and stop acting like a baby

[daycarediva]

Im a Mother of 3 children Ages 5, 3 and a 1 year old. My 5 year old and 3 year old are still in diapers and gave up on potty training my 5 year old when he was 4 due to issues at home. He would take his pants off and crap on the bed, on the floor. He would Pee in the bush which daddy says is okay since he isn't peeing in the toilet quite yet. I don't agree with the bush i put him back in diapers. My responce to this lady is either take things away from them. have potty wars i am guess might be the best solution. You stick them with a Tv- a kiddy toilet in the bathroom and keep them in the bathroom even if its 12 hours long. Till they get used to it. My 3 year old is autistic so i wonder when he will potty train. I think my 5 year old likes that attention of getting his but wiped. My husband insist i spank him for pooping in his diaper and that he should be potty trained. i haven't gone that far. Although maybe its not a bad idea to re-inforce positive feedback. If he poops in his diaper he gets his but wiped down and then spanked maybe he will start doing big boy things and stop acting like a baby

This is honestly the worst advice. You don't give up/stop potty training a neurotypical child. Maybe WATCH your child so he doesn't defecate all over your home.

[Josiegirl]

This is honestly the worst advice. You don't give up/stop potty training a neurotypical child. Maybe WATCH your child so he doesn't defecate all over your home.

Um yeh, not following this advice anytime soon.

It is terribly discouraging and frustrating when potty training isn't going smoothly. It's something that needs encouragement and guidance; different things work for different kids. But a dcf and a dc need to be on somewhat of the same page when it starts.
Spanking for potty accidents is never ever okay!! Nor is the possibility of having to leave them in the bathroom for hours on end for success.

I have a just recently turned 3 yo dcg who has been working on potty training for weeks. Some days she did sooo good that I thought 'this is it!' Then the next week she wouldn't use the potty at all. She's been doing this for several weeks now. This past weekend, dcg had 1 accident so dcm asked if she could wear undies. I said sure, we'll try it. Dcd drops off this a.m. and said she already went to the bathroom, she should be good for awhile. Ten minutes later she stands up on my living room carpet and pees. So I told her ok, if you want to wear your cute undies here, you have to keep them dry. An hour later she told me so we went; that's when I decided we'd keep the undies but add pull ups too. Total so far today she's gone through 2 pr. of undies but she's also peed/pooped on the potty 4x. So we'll keep to this routine and see what happens.

I know this is an old thread and I would hope like heck the OP's problem has gone away. But potty training is always an issue, just like nap time.

[Rockgirl]

Im a Mother of 3 children Ages 5, 3 and a 1 year old. My 5 year old and 3 year old are still in diapers and gave up on potty training my 5 year old when he was 4 due to issues at home. He would take his pants off and crap on the bed, on the floor. He would Pee in the bush which daddy says is okay since he isn't peeing in the toilet quite yet. I don't agree with the bush i put him back in diapers. My responce to this lady is either take things away from them. have potty wars i am guess might be the best solution. You stick them with a Tv- a kiddy toilet in the bathroom and keep them in the bathroom even if its 12 hours long. Till they get used to it. My 3 year old is autistic so i wonder when he will potty train. I think my 5 year old likes that attention of getting his but wiped. My husband insist i spank him for pooping in his diaper and that he should be potty trained. i haven't gone that far. Although maybe its not a bad idea to re-inforce positive feedback. If he poops in his diaper he gets his but wiped down and then spanked maybe he will start doing big boy things and stop acting like a baby

I can only hope you are trolling.

[Nurse Jackie]

Im a Mother of 3 children Ages 5, 3 and a 1 year old. My 5 year old and 3 year old are still in diapers and gave up on potty training my 5 year old when he was 4 due to issues at home. He would take his pants off and crap on the bed, on the floor. He would Pee in the bush which daddy says is okay since he isn't peeing in the toilet quite yet. I don't agree with the bush i put him back in diapers. My responce to this lady is either take things away from them. have potty wars i am guess might be the best solution. You stick them with a Tv- a kiddy toilet in the bathroom and keep them in the bathroom even if its 12 hours long. Till they get used to it. My 3 year old is autistic so i wonder when he will potty train. I think my 5 year old likes that attention of getting his but wiped. My husband insist i spank him for pooping in his diaper and that he should be potty trained. i haven't gone that far. Although maybe its not a bad idea to re-inforce positive feedback. If he poops in his diaper he gets his but wiped down and then spanked maybe he will start doing big boy things and stop acting like a baby

🤔 ...Never mind

[Lil_Diddle]

I have a child I'm getting ready to take on, 3.5 years old. At our meeting went over the handbook and the price for 3 and younger is higher because it includes diapering and potty training. She later told me in the meeting he was not potty trained. I agreed to keep him but at the rate of younger children. I don't think she was happy at first. But I do not like changing older kids. When I've been in those situations before I don't get angry but I do make the child care to most of their own needs. Taking their pants off, wiping where they can, etc... Unless they have developmental issues they need to learn that they need to be more self sufficient and responsible for their actions. This new DCB starts tomorrow. Hopefully he picks it up quickly

[midaycare]

Dealing with 2 dcb's, one 3.5, one 3. Both ready to train, parents unwilling. Parents waiting for dcb's to say, "I'm ready!" Totally unwilling to put in any work and spend 2-3 days training.

My handbook now includes higher rates in case kids aren't potty trained by 3.5.