Can Here, Not At Home....The Struggles

[daycare]

I have a DCK that is 4 years old that exhibits ZERO self help skills. I know it is because they don't work with her at home. She is her most days about 9.5-10 hours each day.

I know we talk about this all the time, but the parents do EVERYTHING for her and it does not help her here at all.

I am about to throw in the towel. Here I make the kids do what they should be able to. At this age, she should be able to pull her pants up and down, wash hands unassisted, put her own shoes and jacket on...BUT she cant. When I ask her to try it only creates a massive melt down. Every day she has about 10-20melts downs because she says she CANT and I won't do it. If they try, I will assist them, but I will not do it for them

I have talked to the parents, but they don't do anything about it at all, they don't care.

At what point do you just give up and stop trying to beat a dead horse????

[queenbee]

Oh, I've had a few of these kids over the years

My solution is to let them cry until they CAN.

If they can't put on their shoes to go outside, then they can't play outside. They will sit on our "chill out" bench outside with their shoes sitting next to them until they are ready to put them on a join their friends. In the meantime, they watch as their friends - who all were able to put on their shoes - run around and have fun.

If they can't put on their jacket.....same thing.

If they can't wash their own hands by themself or are pretending they can't........I will wash them for them. But I put on my BEST annoying baby voice and I sing our handwashing song. It drives them crazy

I don't fall for acts of "I can't do this!". At 4, she should be doing everything your mentioned and much, much more. Once they master a skill, I do not ever help them again. If they can do it once, they can do it again. I just let them try and try and try again.

I've only had my most stubborn kid last 3 days of this. He finally got tired of watching his friends play outside without him and he would literally try and wash his hands in 2 seconds just so he wouldn't hear me sing the handwashing song. On the 4th morning he was the first one to put on his shoes by himself and he has been self-proficient in the bathroom ever since.

[daycare]

Oh, I've had a few of these kids over the years

My solution is to let them cry until they CAN.

If they can't put on their shoes to go outside, then they can't play outside. They will sit on our "chill out" bench outside with their shoes sitting next to them until they are ready to put them on a join their friends. In the meantime, they watch as their friends - who all were able to put on their shoes - run around and have fun.

If they can't put on their jacket.....same thing.

If they can't wash their own hands by themself or are pretending they can't........I will wash them for them. But I put on my BEST annoying baby voice and I sing our handwashing song. It drives them crazy

I don't fall for acts of "I can't do this!". At 4, she should be doing everything your mentioned and much, much more. Once they master a skill, I do not ever help them again. If they can do it once, they can do it again. I just let them try and try and try again.

I've only had my most stubborn kid last 3 days of this. He finally got tired of watching his friends play outside without him and he would literally try and wash his hands in 2 seconds just so he wouldn't hear me sing the handwashing song. On the 4th morning he was the first one to put on his shoes by himself and he has been self-proficient in the bathroom ever since.

I have done everything you have done. Last week we all went to the park and she had a massive melt down that she could not put her shoes on , then her jacket and so on. We were all ready to go and waited for 5 minutes, still not ready. So I left her at the house with my husband. I have done this a million times with her.

Same with the bathroom, she has spent almost 45 minutes in the bathroom screaming at the top of her lungs that she cant cant cant put her pants on. I ignore her. She does this too with everything else.

I am sooo over it. Its been going on for almost 3 months...
There has to be another way for me to go about it. I don't do rewards charts for stuff like this, but I am contemplating it.

[nannyde]

Always have her do the self help stuff when she doesn't need to do it. Have her practice putting her coat on and off during play time NOT at go out time. Have her put her shoes on and off right before snack... not when she needs to.

The secret is to have TIME when it DOESN'T Have to be done. As soon as she gets off the toilet have her come into the room and pull her pants up and down and up and down and up and down.

Practice only when it doesn't matter. When she HAS to do it... do it for her quickly and without any fan fare. Once she practices on "off" times she will be able to do it when it matters.

There's an energy that comes with immediate performance that the kid takes over to control. That's why you have to do it when there is no immediate need.

So when she's in the middle of a puzzle: Stop.. do shoes
In the middle of lunch...... Stop: do pants
In the middle of free play.. stop: do coat

have her do it three/four times and then resume puzzle, snack, lunch whatever.

She needs to have the expectation when she doesn't expect it and it doesn't matter how long it takes to do it.

[daycare]

Always have her do the self help stuff when she doesn't need to do it. Have her practice putting her coat on and off during play time NOT at go out time. Have her put her shoes on and off right before snack... not when she needs to.

The secret is to have TIME when it DOESN'T Have to be done. As soon as she gets off the toilet have her come into the room and pull her pants up and down and up and down and up and down.

Practice only when it doesn't matter. When she HAS to do it... do it for her quickly and without any fan fare. Once she practices on "off" times she will be able to do it when it matters.

There's an energy that comes with immediate performance that the kid takes over to control. That's why you have to do it when there is no immediate need.

So when she's in the middle of a puzzle: Stop.. do shoes
In the middle of lunch...... Stop: do pants
In the middle of free play.. stop: do coat

have her do it three/four times and then resume puzzle, snack, lunch whatever.

She needs to have the expectation when she doesn't expect it and it doesn't matter how long it takes to do it.

you are soooo awesome...thanks Nan....

I knew that there had to be another way. I have tried to make a game where all of the kids do it these activities.

Should I only have them do pants up and down in the bathroom???

I actually stopped the activity of pants up and down when my own son decided it was funny to drop pants in the middle of the daycare room..

[nannyde]

you are soooo awesome...thanks Nan....

I knew that there had to be another way. I have tried to make a game where all of the kids do it these activities.

Should I only have them do pants up and down in the bathroom???

I actually stopped the activity of pants up and down when my own son decided it was funny to drop pants in the middle of the daycare room..

Just have her wear a pair of shorts during practice or go off around the corner where you can see her and they can't.