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Not my place. End of story.
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Please understand that I never said I was against spanking one's OWN child. My point is that I'm sure some daycare providers go over and above what is necessary, discipline-wise, whether you wish to believe it or not. We have no way of knowing what providers do when they get utterly frustrated and no other adults are around to see them. What I'm saying is that I certainly would not bring it up that they are allowed to spank my kid because that just opens the door for them to take it a step or more too far.Comment
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i agree with that.
oh, and i do believe people go over and above what is necessary...i've seen it. i can't tell u how many times i've seen providers squeezing kid's wrists when it looks like to an outsider that they are "leading" a child who is throwing a fit by the hand. in reality, the kid is screaming cus their arm is being squeezed off.Comment
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That could be true. But I'm always afraid someone will think I'm squeezing the child's arm off, when actually the child keeps running for the road (or somewhere else they can't go) so for their safety (or another child's if they keep hitting someone) I hold onto their hand as we walk, while they're throwing a tantrum trying to run from me. When the child is trying to get away, you have to hold on pretty tight so they can't get away and do it again. But to hear them scream bloody murder, you'd think I was trying to hurt them!Comment
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IDK what we'd do if a kid calls my bluff.....that could get ugly, fast. (me standing there being completely ineffectual).But what do you do when the child calls your bluff? My second son (stubborn as a rock!) would do just that. He'd be the first to see if you meant it. I have to be sooo careful to not threaten something I don't intend to follow through on, because it only takes one time ... I have to say though, I've only ever spanked in a controlled way.
If a parent told me to spank their child with the child there, I'd have to say no (in front of child). But then I would detail the punishment they WOULD receive. When I spank my own child, I know I'm doing it in love. I can't guarantee it for any other children :
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I know that with the wife, they'd call her bluff, but I'm a fairly big guy with a big bushy beard and that "deep scary dad voice" that rarely ever gets raised, so when the volume goes up two notches, they all start thinking "Uh-oh" and that usually ends it right there.
Thankfully, we don't have any daredevils in the bunch that are fearless.Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!
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wow IS ALL I can say! As a childcare provider for 11 years and a licensed foster parent with many many hours of training on discpline.
First and for most i do nt believe in letting the child get away with somehting needs my attention! But spanking is not the answer. If your child keeps going back doing naughty things after time out.... KEEP placing him there in time out... it is hard work and might not be what you want to so... but come on he is your child. I would have the childcare provider be on board with placing him back in time out EVERY time... and communicate with you when you pick up. Therefore the parent can follow through at home with a talk... or more actions by taking a special toy away for a period of time... no Tv, early bedtime... something else...to show the child that he cannot get away with it at providers house either.
CONSISTANTLY is the key.. the same discipline needs to happen every TIME for the same offense to work.
Also a highly reccommanded book to check out at the library or to buy as I have several highlighted areas and refer back to this book many times a years for the past several years is:
1-2-3 Magic.
And remember Anger is just the symptom of fear! Think of when you get cut off while driving.. your adrinlene getts pumping and you get anger.... why cuz of the fear of getting hit. This is true with kids and parents in general... Many anger parents fear is losing control of children... BUT what they dont realize is that they already lost control when they become anger.Comment
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Other Methods More Acceptable than Spanking - Examples Please?
I would love for the more senior experienced to list some of the other more acceptable methods of discipline. This is a great discussion!Comment
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This definitely depends on the ages of the chldren.
In general, if we are talking about Preschool, these are a few:
-removal from activity- This means the child is led away with an eye-to-eye level explanation of the unwanted behavior, followed by a basic statement of the behavior you expect. They may sit away from the action but within eyesight, I generally use 1 minute per year of age.
-removal of toy or object causing problem- If kids are fighting over something, you step in and ask for the toy with your hand out. You place it out of sight while explaining that it will come out when everyone is playing nicely with each other. (or whenever you decide)
-body language trick- (use sparingly, it can be a little scary to a small one) If someone is throwing a tantrum or being defiant, you use your eyes and hands/arms to point to the area you need them to go to while repeating yourself. example: Tommy will not stop riding the tricycle at clean up time. You call his name and remind him what you want. He ignores or says 'NO." You would stop the trike at the handlebars, and look him in the eye, say 'it is time to line up.' then with your eyes, look at the line up area while pointing straight to it. you do not move your arm, keep pointing. Repeat "Go line up." while looking at the line up area and pointing. I know it sounds weird, but it will throw them off that you are not showing anything but being very clear about the next step. This trick usually works for those kids that will act out to get any attention, negative or otherwise.
As a rule, I never threaten anything I am not willing to see through, I never touch a child during discipline, unless it is a matter of someone getting hurt, and I always try to hug it out. And finally, FOLLOW THROUGH AND FOLLOW UP!!!
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..........Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!Comment
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I don't think he was trying to be funny. He's being frighteningly honest. Our boy can be such a devil child. He has good days too, especially when he's sleeping.
The dc kids won't call my bluff. Here's why- Usually our 5yr old is involved as well, and if it's bad enough to warrant him a spanking the dc kids hear him cry and realize that I mean business and they want no part of that. It is usually while they are in the corner or time-out chair. Also, when the parents show up I make each child tell the parent what they did that was wrong. They also usually tell their parents that my ds got spanked. 9 times out of 10 when they mention that the parents say hmmm... sounds like johnny needs a spanking too. Now whether or not johnny gets spanked when they get home I don't know. I can tell you that the dc kids DREAD telling their parents of their misbehavior. That sometimes is enough to make dc kids think long and hard before continuing down their track of wrong doings.Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back.Comment
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mother to two toddler boys
its not physically abuse to spank your child if you choose some to spank your child whomever is watching them they become the parent for the time your away endless you want them to run all over everyone they come in contact with and be spoiled brats their whole life i got spanked all the time when i was a kid who ever watched me if i was being bad hell ya they had permission to spank me cause my mom was working all the time my boys get spanked if hey are bad or corner timeComment
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very well said miss nikki!
Using a physical method is only teaching children to be physical. Not to mention, in a heated moment, you can forget your own strength.
Go down to your local bookstore, pick up a book called "Nanny 9-11".
I know how you feel, and understand that you are trying to create consistency within the punishments.
Consistency means that the child will know the consequences of their actions. But consistency doesn't mean that every person you know has to use the same methods. In a school setting, a teacher would never spank, they may put your child in time out, or send them to the office. Really bad behavioural consequences could mean suspending your child or expelling. etc. When you go to your job, you know, that if you don't behave appropriately, or aren't doing what you are supposed to do or are expected to do, you would be fired.
For each situation there is a different consequence. But your child will know that at daycare, he will receive a time out, or whatever method the daycare uses. While the parents are there, they test their limits because often once a parent enters the home, the child often doesn't know "who" is in charge at the moment, or they know parents/caregivers are distracted.
Growing up, I received a few well deserved spankings of my own. BUT was threatened so often with the belt I was terrified of my father growing up.
You need to teach your kids the proper way to deal with anger, frustration, and any other emotion they may encounter in life. They can't hit their boss because they are mad!
Often we forget just how hard the simple things are for kids. Spoon feeding themselves, dressing themselves, expressing emotions, etc. We place a lot more responsibilities on children then often they can handle.Comment
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