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My child (3 yrs old) attends a home daycare, and let's just say the behavior has been terrible. I spank him at home or at daycare while dropping him off if needed. The daycare is willing to work with me on whatever I can figure out, but right now, all I can think of is for them to spank him also, so that he learns it doesn't matter where he misbehaves, he isn't going to get by with it. I know daycares are pretty limited on what they can do for discipline but are home daycares allowed to spank? I want them to, and will sign that I want them to. Can they, with verbal and signed permission from parents, spank the children?
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No they can't -
no, and even if i could legally, (or wanted to
) i still wouldnt do it. too much of a liability.
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I'm in TX and we aren't allowed to either. Just non-physical forms of discipline (time-out, redirection, etc.).Comment
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No way! I spank my own children, but I don't spank other people's -- that's definitely a parental responsibility. In fact, when I found out a close personal friend of mine doesn't have a problem spanking other people's kids, I stopped letting her babysit my kids.
I personally would be worried about a child care provider that is willing to spank a dck, even when a parent has requested it.Comment
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It is important to know WHY spanking is not allowed. It has been proven to be ineffective as a form of correction. It is simply a form of punishment. Often, it is used to calm the parent as much as it is intended to stop the child from the unwanted behavior. It is said that spanking teaches children that lashing out or hitting is the appropriate response to anger and frustration. Honestly, I was spanked as a child, and I can count how many times I have spanked my own (who is 12 now) on one hand. I admit it was out of frustration.
I guess I'll take one for the team here and suggest that other methods of correction are used instead, in order to keep a consistency between daycare and home. Ask your provider what she does, and try it at home.Comment
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Every child is different.
My daughter (14), all I ever had to do is give her that look and dad voice, and her behavior was modified instantly.
My son (Beelzebub) on the other hand, merely uses time out as a break to think up more evil crap to do. It does nothing to change his behavior patterns.
Redirection-that just makes him go do evil crap somewhere else.
Talking to-that just makes him roll his eyes and wonder "you done yapping so I can get back to doing evil stuff?"
About two years ago, I caught him throwing rocks at my truck parked in the driveway. Three quick swats and a bit of "dad voice", and that was the first and last rock throwing incident we have had.
In daycare, we have some kids whose parents spank them for their misdeeds. One boy was being a total pill for a bit while here, and nothing would make him stop....same as our boy.
The next day, his mom stated right in front of us "If he won't behave, paddle his butt HARD". (we never would, but he didn't need to know that). Guess what? Instant good behavior.
And it's not the spanking itself that is the deterrant, it's the dread of the spanking. Mind over matter kinda thing.
Let me share this....I got my share, your share, his share and her share of spankings as a child. And I needed them, I was a total hellion. My kid's a slacker compared to the terror I was.Spouse of a daycare provider....which I guess makes me one too!
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But what do you do when the child calls your bluff? My second son (stubborn as a rock!) would do just that. He'd be the first to see if you meant it. I have to be sooo careful to not threaten something I don't intend to follow through on, because it only takes one time ... I have to say though, I've only ever spanked in a controlled way.
If a parent told me to spank their child with the child there, I'd have to say no (in front of child). But then I would detail the punishment they WOULD receive. When I spank my own child, I know I'm doing it in love. I can't guarantee it for any other children :
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First, at daycare, no form of corporal punishment is allowed. In fact, in WA, dc parents can't even spank their own children on our property. I can only spank my own children if (a) no dc child sees or hears and (b) I maintain the appropriate staff:child ratio. Like that's ever going to happen.
I am in a very different camp than missniki however. Sometimes, like chickenhauler and his kid, and my own son, they need a spank. Not a beating, not in anger, not to ridicule. A spanking. My own children got spanked for direct disobedience. Never because I was angry, never to quency my own emotions. Calmly, after a talk about why it was going to happen, and followed with the arms of grace.
To unregistered who posted the original post. Please don't ask your provider to do something that will land them in jail. Your provider is on your side in trying to find a way to attain appropriate behavior. But asking this is putting her in a very tight spot legally.
At 3, your child could perhaps receive the spanking at home when a report comes from daycare about a bad behavior. 3 is a little young however, because what happened 4 hours ago is out of their head by the time you get them home. Good luck.Comment
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I would never spank a dck - ever. Not even if asked by the parent. But I spank my own kids and have plenty of other things in my discipline "tool box" that other people have been shocked at. For instance, ask my daughter what it's like having to put her tongue on a dot on the wall in the corner of the room (slightly higher than is comfortable) for several minutes for being directly disrespectful. But that's another thing I would never make my dck's do.Proverbs 12:1
A reminder to myself when I resist learning something new.Comment
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In Texas, we are NOT allowed to spank under 5 years old. We are allowed to spank the kids at least 5 years old with parents' permission and sign the form.
I would never never spank their kids no matter what. I have a several parents asked me to spank their kids but I refused and they understand..Comment
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OP, so basically you're giving them the go-ahead to potentially physically abuse your child. Am I reading that correctly?
Whether anyone's state allows the spanking of dck or not, I'm sure it happens all the time. I certainly would not encourage any MORE of it!Comment
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Original poster
Of course not! I trust my child care provider. She's more like a friend than a child care provider. I KNOW beyond any doubt that she would not turn this into physical abuse. It'd be a quick swat. This lady has mentioned having to spank her own child (when I told her that I spank mine), and he's obviously not physically abused in any way!
So if you all can't spank, or won't, what do you do for kids who need discipline? Time-outs are nothing more to my son than just time to sit and think about whatever 3 yr olds think about. He does not sit there and think about what he did wrong, that's for sure. And as soon as I (or they) let him up, he does the same thing that had just landed him in time out. Redirection is nothing to him. He seems to think, "if I can't hit her, then I'll just go over here and hit him instead". "So what if I have to stay beside Mrs ____? No problem, I'll just wait til she lets me re-join the kids and do it again." "So what if I have to sit in time-out for my tantrum? I'll turn it into a cat and mouse chase first: If she wants me to sit in a chair, she'll have to come and get me first." "What? You don't want me to say bad words that I overheard my sister bring home from school? How do you like it when I say it louder? Oh, you're choosing to ignore the bad words so I don't yell them? I'll just repeat it until everyone tells on me, then say them a bunch more times to make sure Mrs ___ or mommy heard me, too"
It sounds like you pretty much have to let them by with everything. Any secrets you can share of how you keep peace in your home with several children running around all day that most providers wouldn't already be trying?
Any ideas for what my provider and I can do, then, to discipline him and turn his behavior around?Comment
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that's a matter of opinion. spanking and physical abuse are not the same thing in MY opinion.
i can understand the OP's question. i don't think any daycare provider would be allowed to do it, or do it even if they could, BUT many schools are allowed to paddle children with parent's permission. so, it's really not that crazy of a question.
i was in the doctor's office the other day with my son who is a hellian, btw. there was a lady holding her son who looked about 2 years old. i don't know what he was mad about, but he kept smacking his mom in the face OVER and OVER. she kept saying, "stooop it! stooop!" i was thinking to myself if that was my kid i'd be dragging him by his ears to the bathroom. spanking is not the BEST or the ONLY way to discipline a child, but i'll be damned if i'm gonna let a 2-3-4-5-6...year old smack me in the face or do any number of things i see kids doing out in public and do anything other than bust their...bubble. in fact, i've always done a lot of threatening and not much spanking. when i would spank, i'd get laughed at by my kids and anyone watching me spank them! 2 weeks ago i was fed up and i held them over my knee and spanked them FOR REAL! ever since that day my life has been MUCH more stress free. they start acting up and i tell them i'm going to spank them - a REAL spanking - like the one i gave them when they actually cried. they straighten up quick. i can still count on one hand the number of times i've really spanked them cus i'm a wuss when it comes to my kids, but i don't disagree with spanking at all. other people's children is another story though.Comment
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