To Term Or Not To Term?

[LittleCrawfishCC]

This might be long, sorry.

So I have had DCB since September of last year. He was a perfect angel till my last "misbehavior' left and then DCB changed. He has been having major issues here and at school. He screams, yells, kicks me, hits himself, hits walls, try's to tear up everything. Well we thought maybe he was bipolar so he was taken to the doctor and they out him on medicine, well 2 months later, he is calmer, but not much better. Ie: he flipped out in a rage the other day because I didn't have cinnamon toast crunch to feed him. He always flips about the stupidest and smallest things. His parents know that I am getting tired, and now I have DCP calling me with concerns for myself, my 2 year old and their children. I mentioned this to the parents, and told them I would not loose good business because of his behavior. Well this morning he kicked and screamed and refused to get on the bus. I am not sure I want to continue this. My heart is filled with so much anxiety and I am physically and emotionally tired. I can't seem to give my other children attention they need because I am always having to deal with him. I want to term, this has been going on since before thanksgiving. But I am. Not sure how. Do you think I am wrong? I continued this because my husband is at risk for loosing his job and I needed the income, but now I feel likei just need my sanity back.

Thanks

[LittleCrawfishCC]

Oh I forgot too, they took him for a second opinion yesterday, and the lady said in fact he is not bipolar. He is a normal 6 year old and they are taking him off the medicine that has actually calmed him down some. I am deathly afraid that he will go back to being even worse than before.

[Crystal]

By continuing to care for him, you are putting other children at risk of injury. You have had other DCP discuss this with you, whihc is a clear indicator that you are going to lose THEM if you don't terminate care for the aggressive child.

I am usually hesitant to recommend terminating, but I wouldn't tolerate it for another minute. It's time for him to go. I wouldn't risk another child, my own child or myself being hurt by him, and I wouldn't risk my business either.

Good luck.

[LittleCrawfishCC]

Thank you. I have never had to term before, and I am just not sure what to say. They are from my subdivision, and I am hoping they don't ruin my chances for newer clients. Most of all of my children are from my subdivision

[Country Kids]

You said he was an Angel till the other boy left? Is that when this all started, right when the other boy left.

Does he just do it for you or does he do it at school also? I can't believe someone said this was normal behavior-wait, wait, yes I guess I do believe it because that is getting to be the norm it seems with kids. If they can't express themselves they are being hindered !

Anyway I would term or if he is doing this at school see what the school is doing about it. Tell the parents you will do exactly as the school is and if there is anymore issues out the door he goes!

[Blackcat31]

You should just explain that currently the environment that you are providing i just not a good fit for the DCB. Tell the parent that it would be in the best interest of their child to be placed elsewhere. If you always fall back on the fact that you are doing what is in the best interest of the child the parents will take the news better. They may be initlaly upset but they will be grateful to you for putting their child's needs first and doing what he needs.

Maybe he needs to be evaluated by someone qualified to diagnose the type of issues he is exhibiting. He also may need to be placed in a care center where he is with more kids his own age.

I would type up a short note saying something like:

Dear Parent

This letter is to provide written notice of my intent to discontinue child care services for Billy. At this time I feel that I am unable to meet Billy's needs and feel it would be a disservice to him to continue caring for him in an environment that is not providing him with the care that he requires.

The last day I will provide services is March xx, 2012. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to provide care for Billy. It has been a wonderful experience and I wish you and your family the best.

Sincerely
Child Care Provider

I would keep it short and to the point as well as well as stress that you are doing this for the child's best interests.

[LittleCrawfishCC]

Yes, the same day the other boy Left, it seems like he took over it, he is doing he same for school, the mom has been called almost daily to pick him up. But they say he does not do this at home? Only here and school. The school has already suspended him once, and the guidance counselor thinks its the parenting, she gave the mom, a number for parenting classes. I am sure there will be issues here in a few mins when he comes

[Country Kids]

Keep us posted!!!!

[Crystal]

You should just explain that currently the environment that you are providing i just not a good fit for the DCB. Tell the parent that it would be in the best interest of their child to be placed elsewhere. If you always fall back on the fact that you are doing what is in the best interest of the child the parents will take the news better. They may be initlaly upset but they will be grateful to you for putting their child's needs first and doing what he needs.

Maybe he needs to be evaluated by someone qualified to diagnose the type of issues he is exhibiting. He also may need to be placed in a care center where he is with more kids his own age.

I would type up a short note saying something like:

Dear Parent

This letter is to provide written notice of my intent to discontinue child care services for Billy. At this time I feel that I am unable to meet Billy's needs and feel it would be a disservice to him to continue caring for him in an environment that is not providing him with the care that he requires.

The last day I will provide services is March xx, 2012. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to provide care for Billy. It has been a wonderful experience and I wish you and your family the best.

Sincerely
Child Care Provider

I would keep it short and to the point as well as well as stress that you are doing this for the child's best interests.

Cat....With all due respect, I typically agree with you, but in this case I don't. These parents need to accept the fact that it IS the child, NOT the provider. Your letter makes it sound as though the provider is incapable of caring for him adequately...and while that may be so, it IS because of the child's VIOLENT behavior. Saying it has been a wonderful experience is entirely innaccurate and there's no way I'd say that to them when it has clearly been a nightmare for the provider.

I wouldn't mince words, I wouldn't be polite or try not to hurt feelings. Being nice about it is going to perpetuate the problem because the parents will consider it an "it's her, not him" issue and just move on.

Personally, I would write a termination letter that very clearly explains EXACTLY why I am terminating and because OP is concerned about others in the subdivision not bringing kids in the future, I would expect the parents to sign it, acknowleding that they have been aware of the child's outbursts.

[Crystal]

Yes, the same day the other boy Left, it seems like he took over it, he is doing he same for school, the mom has been called almost daily to pick him up. But they say he does not do this at home? Only here and school. The school has already suspended him once, and the guidance counselor thinks its the parenting, she gave the mom, a number for parenting classes. I am sure there will be issues here in a few mins when he comes

I don't believe Mom. There is NO WAY that a child with this type of violent tendencies only does it at daycare or school....UNLESS he is being given EVERYTHING he wants and given HIS WAY 100% of the time at home. Mom is trying to make it out to be about YOU and his TEACHERS instead of taking responsibility for her child's behavior.

[LittleCrawfishCC]

Part of me doesn't either, she always leaves him with babysitters on the weekends, and never wants to do anything, they are going on vaca, and she was bringing her friend with her to help, and her friend bailed out, and she has now decided not to go, because she will be to stressed out, now she knows how I feel. Plus every time he gets in trouble, he has to sit in the hall all night. It's sad

[Blackcat31]

Cat....With all due respect, I typically agree with you, but in this case I don't. These parents need to accept the fact that it IS the child, NOT the provider. Your letter makes it sound as though the provider is incapable of caring for him adequately...and while that may be so, it IS because of the child's VIOLENT behavior. Saying it has been a wonderful experience is entirely innaccurate and there's no way I'd say that to them when it has clearly been a nightmare for the provider.

I wouldn't mince words, I wouldn't be polite or try not to hurt feelings. Being nice about it is going to perpetuate the problem because the parents will consider it an "it's her, not him" issue and just move on.

Personally, I would write a termination letter that very clearly explains EXACTLY why I am terminating and because OP is concerned about others in the subdivision not bringing kids in the future, I would expect the parents to sign it, acknowleding that they have been aware of the child's outbursts.

Crystal, you are absolutely right and I would do exactly as you would and not mince words as I am not one that has a hard time using my backbone or my words, but in this case, I got the impression that OP wanted to do this with as little fanfare as possible since they lived in her area and she expressed concern about them hindering any potential new clients from enrolling.

Otherwise, your advice is pretty much what I, myself, would have done.

Sometimes I find myself dishing out advice that I think will be the "easiest" way out so that providers don't always have to address the tough issues, (which is soooo wrong of me) but then again, addressing tough situations requires a really good backbone and I often forget that not everyone has a strong one so I 'fluff' up what I would do when responding.

So in retrospect, I take back what I said and to the OP, I apologize for offering you "easy button" advice.

[nannyde]

This might be long, sorry.

So I have had DCB since September of last year. He was a perfect angel till my last "misbehavior' left and then DCB changed. He has been having major issues here and at school. He screams, yells, kicks me, hits himself, hits walls, try's to tear up everything. Well we thought maybe he was bipolar so he was taken to the doctor and they out him on medicine, well 2 months later, he is calmer, but not much better. Ie: he flipped out in a rage the other day because I didn't have cinnamon toast crunch to feed him. He always flips about the stupidest and smallest things. His parents know that I am getting tired, and now I have DCP calling me with concerns for myself, my 2 year old and their children. I mentioned this to the parents, and told them I would not loose good business because of his behavior. Well this morning he kicked and screamed and refused to get on the bus. I am not sure I want to continue this. My heart is filled with so much anxiety and I am physically and emotionally tired. I can't seem to give my other children attention they need because I am always having to deal with him. I want to term, this has been going on since before thanksgiving. But I am. Not sure how. Do you think I am wrong? I continued this because my husband is at risk for loosing his job and I needed the income, but now I feel likei just need my sanity back.

Thanks

I wouldn't have kept him the day after he kicked me or hit me. I just don't understand why provider after provider tolerate children getting physical with them.

I can't imagine it. I would have termed him that day. First strike he's gone.

We need to send the message to parents that we will NOT keep kids that are violent to us. It's out of the question. If your kid hits adults they can't be in child care. They need to be home with you so you are the only adult they come in contact with. If hitting adults is something your child needs to do or can do then it needs to be done in the privacy of your own home.

Does your children see this kid getting physical with you? My son would be devestated if he saw a kid being mean to me. It would crush him.

Terminating him is very simple. You don't have to write a letter or be professional. Just TELL them that he is being physical with you and you can't have it. You're done with it today.

[daycare]

I wouldn't have kept him the day after he kicked me or hit me. I just don't understand why provider after provider tolerate children getting physical with them.

I can't imagine it. I would have termed him that day. First strike he's gone.

We need to send the message to parents that we will NOT keep kids that are violent to us. It's out of the question. If your kid hits adults they can't be in child care. They need to be home with you so you are the only adult they come in contact with. If hitting adults is something your child needs to do or can do then it needs to be done in the privacy of your own home.

Does your children see this kid getting physical with you? My son would be devestated if he saw a kid being mean to me. It would crush him.

Terminating him is very simple. You don't have to write a letter or be professional. Just TELL them that he is being physical with you and you can't have it. You're done with it today.

I agree with Nan 100% abuse is never ok no matter where it comes from. NO humans, not from animals. I would never deal with a child that struck me period. I would be on the phone with the parents telling them to come pick them up. My parents know when they come to the second interview that I will not and DO not tolerate violence.

I have had a DCK kick me in the face and that was about 7 years ago. It was his first and last week.... I wonder where that kid is now????