Need Advice With A 3 Year Old

[Unregistered]

I have a 3 year old that is really acting out. I would like to say it is new but it isn't. His fits how ever have gotten worse. I use thinking time when he throws his fits but he will scream in the area for upwards of 20 minutes. By the time he is done so is my patience. I need a better way to deal with his fits because right now I am ready to term him but I desperately need the money and he is a sibling group.

Do you wait for them to calm down before letting them come out of a time out situation? How do you handle the kid who screams like you are killing for so long?

[WImom]

I have one here too. I just ignore, it gets easier and I can really tune it out now. I wait until they have calmed down and can talk about what ever the issue was before they can come off time out.

[Ariana]

I think the key is getting to the root of the tantrum. Why is he doing it? Why has it escalated. Sometimes ignoring works but sometimes it makes things worse so you have to know the kid and why he's doing this. I find the best thing to do is talk to the child when they're calm. Talking to them during a fit is like trying to fly a kite in a tornado. Ask why he gets so angry and then talk about things he can do instead of freaking out. Get him to express his emotions with words instead of a tantrum. Ask him if he knows a better way to express himself etc.

When he is tantrumming get down to his level and calmly say "I can see that you're angry, why are you feeling angry right now". I find that just acknowledging kids feelings makes them calm down almost immediately.

[Soupyszoo]

I always ignore temper tantrums, unless they go after another child or toy or furniture etc... Don't acknowledge that that behavior will get them any attention. If I do have to intervene during a temper tantrum I do it silently with a very straight plain face I have a lot of this age group right now so looooots of practice! Once they're done we talk about it. I try to be understanding and relate. "use your words" "tell me what's upsetting you" reflect what they are saying. Usually they are just having a hard time feeling understood.

Lots and lots of patience happyface you can do it happyface

I've wanted to term for this. Especially on very bad days where this seems to be all I deal with. But it will get better hopefully!

[MrsB]

Oh it can be so nerve racking with a stubborn fit thrower! Hang in there. I ignore as long as it takes for them to calm down. Then once they have calmed down, we discuss their issues. If they have done something during the fit or otherwise to receive a timeout, like hitting someone else, throwing a toy, kicking furniture, etc it has to be a quiet timeout. If they get up, or start fitting, or screaming, the time stops and restarts when they are sitting quietly again. If it takes all day to have the 3 year old sit for 3 minutes quietly, then thats what it takes. It sure makes for an EXHAUSTING day, but it will make my days down the road less exhausting. I hope! Right now my set up is I have slide gates (pieces of the octogan gate) to the playroom that the kids can open/shut. If they start to throw a fit or whine. I tell them they need to go out of the playroom and sit on the otherside of the gate. They can rejoin us when they are ready to use their big boy/girl words and talk about what is bothering them. If they commited a timeoutable offense (is that even a word?) once they are done calming down they come in and we discuss it and I tell them that for that offense they have to have a 3 minute timeout on the timeout step. For the most part, they catch on quickly. Timeout is a consequence for a serious action and Exclusion from our activities if they dont act appropriately. To me they are not one in the same. I'd be up to hear everyone elses approach to the fits and timeout