Am I Wrong?

[momofboys]

My DH & I are disagreeing somewhat over an issue with my one DCF. I thought I would ask you guys' opinion & whatever you say I will take as word!

I have a DCF who comes 2-3 days/week but the days vary. DCM gives me her schedule about 6 weeks in advance. It is very helpful because then I am able to schedule family appts/plan outings without DCF b/c I know the days they will not be here.

The past couple of weeks have been a mess. DCB was ill at the end of last week & did not come on Fri (scheduled day). This week DCF is supposed to come Mon/Tues only so a 2-day pay week (I let thempay by the day but they do pay in advance). This morning at 6:20 am (10 min prior to arrival time) DCM calls to let me know DCB still has a fever so he will not be coming. She later calls me & inquires if she can switch her days around & come instead on Fri if she can set it up to work that day. I look at my calendar & remember that my DH is taking the day off so we can take our DS to a fun indoor play place just with us - you know a family outing. Planned in advance b/c I am not supposed to have any DCKs. But I think he can take next Mon off so he can rearrange his day off so we can have a family day. I let mom know that I can watch the kids on Fri but I do tell her that this will make our week a 3-day pay week (instead of the 2 she was already using).

I should mention that although I did not have DCB today I did watch DCG after school for a brief timeframe. Are you following this?:: SO DCM calls again & states she may try to see if she can work on Thurs this week also b/c it looks like DCB will not be well enough to come tomorrow - still has a fever & diarehha - I do appreciate her keeping him home!!! At this point I am beyond frustrated. I have a chiropractor appt & plans to meet a friend for lunch that day. I told her I would have to check my calendar. She had already paid for this week -for 3 days but since it looks like they won't be using me much for day 1 & 2 (Mon/Tues) except for her DCG B & A school I think they are trying to get me to switch the days to Thur/Fri. Normally I wouldn't have a problem w/it but I do make plans in advance. It's not my fault their son has been ill. My DH thinks it should be no big deal to switch days but in my eyes I got up early this morning expecting to provide care & I did provide care for their DD & tomorrow even though I won't have DCB I will have DCG B & A school so if I let them come Th/Fri then I am actually working more like 4 days for them instead of 3. I was thinking I would tell her that I had already made plans for the day (which is true) & that I can't always accomodate a last-minute change. Fair or not? I could legitimately cancel my appt & cancel my plan to meet my friend for lunch but I don't want to. Thoughts?

[MNMum]

I am with you on this. I think that it is fine that she asked, but you should say no to Thursday. You don't need to go into detail, just that it won't work for you to add Thursday as well. I think others would agree that you can be flexible (and you have been, you already let them add Friday) but don't cancel all of your plans for the week because someone else has a sick kid.

[cheerfuldom]

What is your agreement? Especially concerning if she has to make changes to the schedule given in advance?

I have one part timer that is a similar situation. Parents provide schedule 8 weeks in advance. They do receive a full time spot for part time pay-by-the-day rates which I am fine with because I did not want a full timer in this spot anyway. HOWEVER, I go off the schedule given me. They are welcome to ASK for last minute changes but I don't guarantee anything outside of the schedule they provided. I don't feel bad if I have to say no either. I would never reschedule a family outing for a daycare family. My family always comes first and it does cause resentment from me, my DH or my kids when we are constantly rearranging our days off around the daycare kids. I am happy to accommodate as best as possible for this part time family but I do not guarantee that I will always be available. I have let them know that if they need that, they need to pay full time rates and pay for that spot and that constant availability. They also need a back up childcare option just like any other family.

[Blackcat31]

Ugh, sounds as if you are allowing a part time family to have waaaay too much flexibility, which is the reason why I charge those families more money and have some tighter rules in regards to them.

I have a 3 day per week minimum and I charge a flat rate for those 3 days. I charge an even higher flat rate for families who use various 3 days throughout the week.

If a child is sick or unable to attend, they simply lose that day and aren't allowed to make it up. (I do allow ONE absent/sick day every 60 days).

I know that sounds a bit harsh but if I allowed them to be really flexible I would NEVER be able to schedule around them and would feel very stressed out by someone else's issues....which is exactly what you are doing.

I think you need to re-do your agreement with them and get a tighter rein on their schedule so you can do things outside of work. I would NEVER agree to cancel something I had planned with my family in order to accommodate a daycare family for issues that belong to them in the first place....kwim?

This is where resentment from your own children comes into play and when daycare families start to feel as though you should always place their needs higher than your own families needs. I think you should stick to your plans and go do what you already had planned with your kids and DH and let the dcm worry about her issues.

[saved4always]

I personally would not cancel my plans. I would tell DCM that I made plans for my day off and she will have to find other care for the day if she needs to work that day. I generally do not charge for days I do not have kids so I would not expect to be paid (I do charge 1/2 day's rate after the 3rd sick day so I would expect the 1/2 pay for the days dcb was scheduled to come but was sick if they fell into that realm). I wouldn't have changed my plans with my family either if my husband had taken off work. My husband cannot change days he takes off based on my childcare sudden schedule changes. Since he is the primary breadwinner in our household, his work schedule takes priority over dcf's schedules. It stinks for the dcf that dcb has been sick and messed up mom's work schedule, but I wouldn't let that mess up my appointments and family plans. I used to only do part time care and I did that so that I could schedule appointments and help at my kids' schools on the days I did not do childcare.

[wdmmom]

Here is what my contract says:

Absences on one day do not allow you to use more daycare hours on any other day. Part time children can not attend daycare on an unschedule to make up for a missed scheduled day.

If she is paying you for M, T, F and DCB doesn't come M or T, she can ask for additional days but it will cost more and I would tell her there is no guarantee for additional days/hours if you have already made plans.

[bunnyslippers]

Don't cancel your plans! She needs to understand that you are not a child care on demand, and that you need a schedule. It is too bad her child is ill, but that should not impact your life financially or personally.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

NO, NO, NO.

Do not change your plans just because she is wishy washy about her schedual.

I have a DCM like this too and it drives me nuts. Now i tell her that her DD was not schedualed for the day and I have plans. Sorry.

[Breezy]

Are you married to my husband? Because he would say the same thing. But no, dont change your plans!!

[Ariana]

I had the EXACT same situation happening with a part-time family. I switched days a couple of times when their kids were sick and then it became an expectation. I e-mailed the mom and told her that when the kids were sick it was up to my discretion whether or not days were rearranged. I told her that I did it when I was able to do it and I would always let her know if I was able to change days or not. She never ever asked again. I offered whenever I was able but it was no longer an expectation. I also let her know that payment was due whether or not I was able to reschedule.

If I were you I would tell this to the mom, then you don't have to rearrange your schedule on a whim.

[Angelwings36]

A day booked is a day booked PERIOD! I do not accept families that need irregular part time schedules anymore due to this issue! If a parent is unable to bring their child for whatever reason on a day they booked, they pay. If they need an extra day in any given month they can ask but it's never guaranteed. The only way a family is guaranteed every day of every month is if they pay full time. Sometimes I will take an extra day, sometimes I won't. If I was off for the day and had family stuff (or anything really) planned I would never allow for another family to use that day on me.

[Mom&Provider]

I agree with you on this one!

It's frustrating to have to re-schedule appointments and free time out with the family because a child, not your own, has been ill. I also think you have every right to say no to this DCM, since she is requesting to bring her little one on days not already agreed upon with good enough notice. DCM has to understand that you have appointments scheduled, she won't need details, just that you have personal appointments made that you have to keep, period.

I say do what you can to make it work for both of you, DCM and your family!