New Girl Driving Me CRAZY..

[Oneluckymom]

So this week has been soooo hard for me. I have a new 2 year old who came from another daycare that closed and she is a real handful.

My question: If she came from another daycare where there should be rules and structure, then why does it seem she doesnt know right from wrong?

She kicks and screams at drop off, tries to open the door and go out. I try to redirect but NOTHING works.

She eats EVERYTHING: Playdough, dirt, plants outside (scary), chalk.

She tries to escape my yard (tries to crawl between my gate bars, and under my fence.

When I say no or take something away she tries to do it anyway. I took a stick away that she hit another toddler with and she tried to retrieve it 50 times. I finally had to stop her by holding her while she kicked me. She was knocking down my yard fence to go after the darn stick.

I had to put her on her nap mat today another 50 times because she just wouldnt stay on it.

I'm at my wits end. Should I talk to the parents? Should I tell them what a difficult time I'm having. I did mention to the mom that we are working on what NO means (that she doesn't really understand) and the mom said yeah we are too.:confused:

[daycare]

it could be change that she is dealing with, however, this would warrant a talk to the parents ASAP. I am not sure that I would want to continue care for a child like that, dont want to risk the chance of her hitting the other kids or hurting them in some way..

[nannyde]

So this week has been soooo hard for me. I have a new 2 year old who came from another daycare that closed and she is a real handful.

My question: If she came from another daycare where there should be rules and structure, then why does it seem she doesnt know right from wrong?

She kicks and screams at drop off, tries to open the door and go out. I try to redirect but NOTHING works.

She eats EVERYTHING: Playdough, dirt, plants outside (scary), chalk.

She tries to escape my yard (tries to crawl between my gate bars, and under my fence.

When I say no or take something away she tries to do it anyway. I took a stick away that she hit another toddler with and she tried to retrieve it 50 times. I finally had to stop her by holding her while she kicked me. She was knocking down my yard fence to go after the darn stick.

I had to put her on her nap mat today another 50 times because she just wouldnt stay on it.

I'm at my wits end. Should I talk to the parents? Should I tell them what a difficult time I'm having. I did mention to the mom that we are working on what NO means (that she doesn't really understand) and the mom said yeah we are too.:confused:

Are you sure the day care closed down or did she get booted out? I would ask TODAY for the name and phone number of the previous provider. If she just came from there do NOT accept ANY words that the Mom says of why you can't get ahold of her. INSIST that you have a signed consent to talk to her and the name and number.

Did you not see something during the interview?

I personally wouldn't keep a kid one day who laid their hands on me. I have a zero tollerance policy for ANY violence so for that reason alone she would be gone today.

Some providers are willing to work with violent children and believe that hitting, kicking, fighting, etc are developmentally appropriate for different age groups or for children put into situations they are uncomfortable or new to. Hitting an adult... to me.. is a sign of being wildly out of control and dangerous to me... my other kids... my home.. my equipment... etc. So I would term this kid today. Zero tollerance. A child who felt comfortable hitting me would not be a good fit.

[Springdaze]

Nan beat me to it!

[Oneluckymom]

yeah, its closing because I have another one starting monday whose coming from the same place.

Is this a case of NO rules or is she clearly testing me?

She also was tipping over my play shopping cart showing me her anger. Got mad when I took it away.

[nannyde]

yeah, its closing because I have another one starting monday whose coming from the same place.

Is this a case of NO rules or is she clearly testing me?

She also was tipping over my play shopping cart showing me her anger. Got mad when I took it away.

That's assuming both didn't get booted out. Get the number and conference with the previous provider.

[Heidi]

Is she an OLD 2 or a YOUNG 2?

I do not beleive kicking/hitting/biting an adult is NORMAL behavior or "developmentally appropriate" (sorry Nan...not snarking you!). However, I do beleive that it happens. Like all negative behaviors, it can be extinguished, but it takes a lot of work.

You do have to have just a little tiny bit of empathy for a what the child is going through. She doesn't know you or love you (yet). She is in a totally new situation, and she is literally freaking out. That doesn't make it ok, it just makes not so frustrating.

My now 3 yo dcg behaved like this when she first started here. That was in June. It took me probably 5 months to break her of the hitting-Miss B-when-told-no habit. It took a LOT of consistency, and a LOT of positive reinforcement, and a LOT of extra hugs and affection when I didn't always feel like it. She really just wanted to be noticed and loved and connected. She is an awesome little girl now!

So, if you want to do it, and you have the energy, it can be done. But know, it could take a number of months. PM me any time if you need encouragement or specific ideas.

I don't blame you if you don't keep her. I have, in the past, terminated kids like this, after exhausting my resources and energy! It's about what you are comfortable with!

[Oneluckymom]

@ bbo, she just turned 2 a few weeks ago. Yes, I know she is having a difficult transition and I don't blame her one bit. It is a totally foreign place to her right now. I'm hoping with time and my consistency she will be a great little girl.

Any advice is much appreciated I may take you up on that.

I kinda feel like she is acting out in fear. She is also testing to discover the new boundaries here. But truly, it is exhausting me. I am literally ready to fall over at the end of the day.
I hope it doesn't take long to adjust her

[cheerfuldom]

This seems like more than testing the rules or fear of a new places....she sounds completely wild. Just because she has been in daycare before does not mean that she has any structure. One time I visited a friends daycare (she does NOT do things the way I do!) and I looked out the back window and saw a kid jumping off of the playhouse (about 4 feet off the ground), kids digging up the dryer vent hose and the toys there were minimal and filthy. The kids play wrestle....she has swings hanging from the ceiling inside the daycare....it is a very wild place.

[countrymom]

do you know anything about this place. Call the previous provider and ask her. Maybe this child acually has an underlying issue. Most kids who start somewhere new are really shy, but to do it right away seems strange. When I read the part about instiguishing her, all I can think about is throwing a bucket of water on her when she went after that stick.

[jenn]

On 2 different occasions I have had children/families start that came from "closing" daycares.
Each time I received 2 kids from 2 different families, so I believed the previous daycares really were closing. All 4 of those children/families have been a mess.
I learned the hard way to always ask to speak to the previous provider before enrolling new kids.

[Ariana]

Funny because I also have a child that came from a 'closing' daycare. She was also a mess when she came here!! I also noticed that the parents were kind of avoiding my questions about the other daycare. In any case I stuck to my rules and 4 months later she's doing great and her langauge has improved leaps and bounds. I remember when she first came here and I gave her crayons, she didn't know what to do with them at 18 months!! I assumed the other provider must have kept her in a PNP all day!!

[Heidi]

@ bbo, she just turned 2 a few weeks ago. Yes, I know she is having a difficult transition and I don't blame her one bit. It is a totally foreign place to her right now. I'm hoping with time and my consistency she will be a great little girl.

Any advice is much appreciated I may take you up on that.

I kinda feel like she is acting out in fear. She is also testing to discover the new boundaries here. But truly, it is exhausting me. I am literally ready to fall over at the end of the day.
I hope it doesn't take long to adjust her

Ok, so she is a young two. That is a factor, IMO. Just communicating is still so challenging at that age, and then add the changes...and she's a wreak!.

Are you allowed to nap her in a pnp in another room? Just two is borderline on nap-mats, to me, and with all the other issues, sleep would be my first problem to solve. Once she sleeps better, she will be better equipped to cope, and so will you, right? Because I can nap them elsewhere, she'd be in a pnp with a sleep sack on (zipper in back) here. At least then I'd know she was safe. Then, I would lay everyone else down, and spend a few minutes alone with her at the beginning of nap. Just 3-5 minutes of snuggling and talking to her gently. Then tell her it is nap time, everyone is sleeping, etc. You might have to go back in and lay her back down a few times until she gets it, and the first day she may make terror the whole nap time, but I am willing to bet by week's end, she'll "get" it. Oh, and when she does, I would be SO HAPPY! YEAAHHH! YOU HAD A GOOD NAP TODAY...rah rah...DON'T YOU FEEL SO MUCH BETTER? happyface????

humor, love, and patience. Then, pick a day on the calender (someone here gave me that idea), and make that the "d-day" Maybe at the end of every day until then, you could rate it 1-10, and you'll know if it's getting better or worse?

[Sunshine44]

Ok, so I don't agree with the 'normal, doesn't know you - transition' stuff. I got a new two yr old this year, from a home nanny (never in childcare) and this child never acted that way.

And I know all children are different, but I've had this happen a few times and I've never seen the reaction you are describing. I'd talk to the parents.

Kid doesn't want to do something, so they are acting out. IMO.