Injury At Daycare, Need Advice

[llethert]

I have an in home child care service. Five weeks ago one boy who is about 17 months old tackled another boy who is 12 months and just began walking. The 12month old fell and hit his face and received a scrape and nasty bruise on his right cheek.this was the third child the 17 month old had tackled that day but the only one who sustained an injury.First aid was administered and I was very upset and sternly said "No No No**** you may not knock down the other children. Look, you really hurt ****." And I showed him the "ouchie" and repeated that he had really hurt ****.of course there was a discussion with both parents at the end of the day. I was prepared to work with the aggressor to improve this behavior,but he did not tackle again. There was a small push here and there to other children over the next few weeks but nothing serious. I would say 96% of the time no aggression or physicality at all.

Then two days ago the 17 month old pushed one girls head into the carpet once. I immediately took his arm told him "no, you may not push ****. That hurts her. About an hour later he did it again to the same girl. I took his arm again and told him NO and put him in a time out.Unfortunately it seems developmentaly he does not comprehend the purpose and is not bothered by it at all so I again told him You may not hurt the other children and shadowed him the rest of the day. Until the end of the day, hours later, he was standing and playing very nicely with the 12month old he had injured 5 weeks before. They were playing with toys on a low window ledge/window seat on my bow window.I was sitting on the floor with another cnild about 5feet away. The 17month old shoved the back of the other boys head down and his face hit the edge of the window seat. Once again the 12 month old boy got a nasty bruise on his other cheek. (The first bruise heeled and the scrape is gone, but left a small mark that I think will fade with time.) Of course the same action was taken as the first time first aid ect.

The mother of the offending child is very concerned and ready to work on this with me and knowing this child since he was about 3months old I am very optimistic.Of course for the other parents it is very upsetting to have your baby's face bruised TWICE in about a one month period. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing. The parents of the injured child want some kind of gaurranty that their child wont be injured again and would be more comfortable if I expelled the other child.I also suspect they now think I am incompetent. I have been caring for their child since he was 8 weeks old and he is always soooo happy to come here. He is always hugging me spontaniously so I kind of know he loves me and his parents say the same all the time,but now this has soured their feelings toward me( the parents, The boy still loves me) I don' t feel good about expelling the other boy for behavior that is actually very common for children his age.

Even though they injury looks bad, the action that caused it is in my opinion not extreme enough to cause me to throw this child out. The father actually said if it was him that had this" problem "he would get rid of the "problem". He also said he would hate it if it happened a third time he would have to get a " third party " involved. I am pretty sure he means a lawyer. I don' t think there is a childcare center in the world that would give a parent a guarranty that their child would never sustain an injury again.Even if I did expell the other boy. He could slip and fall ,lose his balance,be knocked down by a different child ect.I would appreciate any input. Thank you.

[SilverSabre25]

Man...with threats like that I would hesitate to keep the kid...

[Country Kids]

I seriously would hesitate to keep the one that keeps injuring children. It almost sounds like he "targets" kids. Are there days when he isn't there that you know the atmosphere is different?

[sharlan]

I would let go of the child who's parent is threatening. It's a fact of life, kids get hurt no matter how protective you are.

[Solandia]

As much as I understand that no one likes to see their child injured, I do not take nicely to threats. It is one of my major weakness...I will call the bluff each & every time. So that third party threat dad would be looking for a new daycare. I would give them their 2 weeks notice, because NOTHING you do will ever be good enough...he gave you his warning that 3 strikes you are out. I would be unwilling to work on pins& needles like that.

As far as the aggressor goes...it is not okay, either. Timeouts are inappropriate for that age, and counterproductive. I would treat it the same way as biting...a nasty look, a quick stern "not nice!", and completely ignore the biter/hitter, model appropriate behavior. Absolutely no attention to the hitter/biter. I am also not allowed to separate or isolate a child as a punishment, so putting him in a play yard as punishment is not allowed, nor are timeouts under 2yo. It takes alot of micromanagement of playtime to prevent chronic hitting and biting...It often isn't worth it, TBH.

[cheerfuldom]

I would let the family go because they are threatening you. I would tell them that I cannot guarantee that accidents would never happen again. Write up a termination notice with a date for the last day in care and let him go. If you keep them, you will live every day in fear that they take up on this threat. Also, be prepared for a licensing or CPS call when these parents leave. They sound hateful enough at this point to retaliate. If you are licensed, be proactive and call your licensor to update them on this situation. If you keep this family, they will keep using passive aggressive threats in order to get their way. I would then interview to replace this one child....keep interviewing so you can replace the aggressor. From the sounds of what you describe, it sounds a bit more aggressive than normal and you will be spending A LOT of time regulating his behavior and perhaps losing another child because of it. I would just replace them both.

[gbcc]

I would get rid of the one causing the aggression. As a daycare provider and parent I understand that accidents happen and children get hurt. However, these are not accidents. These are purposeful attacks on their child and I can see why the parents would be concerned and even a little angry. It would appear that the aggressive boy needs more direct supervision and a smaller setting elsewhere could help.

[Solandia]

I would let the family go because they are threatening you. I would tell them that I cannot guarantee that accidents would never happen again. Write up a termination notice with a date for the last day in care and let him go. If you keep them, you will live every day in fear that they take up on this threat. Also, be prepared for a licensing or CPS call when these parents leave. They sound hateful enough at this point to retaliate. If you are licensed, be proactive and call your licensor to update them on this situation. If you keep this family, they will keep using passive aggressive threats in order to get their way.

Yes, 100%. I always called my licensor when I had to term. Especially if they are ticked off about anything.

[Meeko]

No matter how hard we try...these things WILL happen. I have one of my littles who just turned 15 months and has discovered that shoving is great fun. Working on that one....but he has pushed kids bigger than him to the ground. I am sure it will pass.

If these parents want assurances their child will never be hurt by another child.....they need a nanny and plenty of bubble wrap.

I say keep your shover and work with him (sounds like the mom is on board too) and get rid of the "we're ready to sue you" couple.

[CheekyChick]

I would tell the angry father that when his child turns 17 months and if HE started this bad (but normal) behavior, would he want you to get rid of the "problem?" Maybe that will make him see the other side of the coin.

I would watch the 12 month old like a hawk and if he is injured again, give notice to the family of the 12 month old. Tell them that you've done everything in your power to prevent injury, but, unfortunately, things happen and you don't want any further injuries to their child.

[cheerfuldom]

I would tell the angry father that when his child turns 17 months and if HE started this bad (but normal) behavior, would he want you to get rid of the "problem?" Maybe that will make him see the other side of the coin.

I would watch the 12 month old like a hawk and if he is injured again, give notice to the family of the 12 month old. Tell them that you've done everything in your power to prevent injury, but, unfortunately, things happen and you don't want any further injuries to their child.

mmm...why should the OP wait for one more thing to happen when the parent already threatened her with a "three strikes and you're out" sort of thing? I seriously doubt the aggressor is going to change suddenly and she is really putting herself at risk by keeping a family that is threatening to involve a third party if anything else happen to their child.

[llethert]

answer to reply

Actually most of the time this boy is a pleasure to have.He usually plays very nicely with others. He does spend time with some older cousins who like to rough house. I have spoken to his mom and she has agreed that at this age he cant regulate his own behavior enough to play rough with cousins one day and then come and play nicely with the others at daycare. She has agreed to talk about this with the cousins parents and grandparents. I kind of feel more comfortable keeping a child who I am confident will get through this phase,than working with parents who will from now on be looking for something to criticize.

[MarinaVanessa]

I'm like you in the sense that I prefer to work with a child's behavior before contemplating termination and it seems that you took initiative and explained as best you could about the behavior to the offending child and that his parent is on board with resolving the issue. If the problem continues or escalates then yes, I'd introduce the possibility of having to terminate the offending child for the safety of the rest of the group.

That being said, I understand that the DCD of the hurt child is upset that another child has hurt his child twice now however, let's face the fact that he has now threatened you.

If the parent of the child that was hurt threatened me with an ultimatum (get rid if the child or I'll get a lawyer involved) then I'd be uncomfortable with having that family as clients. From now on , any time that this child falls on his own the DCD will automatically think that his child was hurt by another child even of his boo-boo was self-inflicted. I'd bring the topic up again with this parent (after he had a chance to absorb the situation well and was calmer) and explain that bumps, bruises, falls and scrapes are normal in a child's everyday play and that there was no way that I could possibly guarantee that his child would never get hurt just like he could not guarantee that he could keep his child from ever getting hurt. They're children. Then I'd ask him to clarify what he meant about involving a third party. I'd want it spelled out for me so that there was absolutely no chance in hell that I could possibly misread his intentions. If he is in fact saying "get rid of the other kid or I'll get a lawyer and sue you" then this parent would probably get a termination notice from me instead of the offending child even with the possibility of me having to later terminate the offending child as well.

Just as an addded note: I'd never disclose the name of the child to either parents if any sort of altercation arises. I would recommend simply saying "Bobby was pushed today by another child causing him to fall over and hit his head. It left a mark on his face but he is fine. I will (or have spoken) to the parent of the offending child and a plan of action has been/will be put in place." if the parents ask me for names and more specifics then I'd simply say "Due to privacy, I am unable to disclose that information. However if this becomes a regular occurance you can rest assured that I will take drastic action." and leave it at that. These are matters about people's children which can raise some serious emotions. The last thing you want is for the angry dad to confront the offending child's parent on the street KWIM? That could be really bad news for you.

Bummer. Good luck with that.

[itlw8]

the threating parents will leave or sue over something in the future so cut you losses. I would tell them I am sorry but no one can guarentee you child will never be hurt. I would be best if you find care you are more comfortable with.

[JenNJ]

I would let go of the victim's family. I could not guarantee no accidents or injuries -- no one can. I would be fearful of them suing over every bump, bruise, and scrape. A child that age will have typical walking/running injuries for quite a few months and I would be concerned that they would think that I am covering up for another child if he falls from trying new things like climbing, running, and jumping. I would give them a generic termination letter and kindly explain, "I can not guarantee that no accidents or injuries would occur ever again. Since that is what you need to be comfortable with Little Johnny in my care I will need to terminate our contract immediately." Do not give any termination period with a family who is essentially blaming you for injuries that are typical of group care. Termination MUST BE IMMEDIATE. It is far too much of a liability.

The aggressor. While his behavior is developmentally appropriate, it is not acceptable in a group setting. His parents need to come up with a plan of consistency to stop this behavior NOW. No more wrestling with Dad at home. I can almost guarantee that this boy's Dad (or Mom, or other family member/friend) is engaging him in wrestling or rough housing at home. It needs to stop. He is too young to understand that it is ok to tackle Dad/Uncle Kevin/etc., but not ok to tackle Little Suzy at daycare. He is too young to understand and separate the different scenarios. He would be put on probation if he were in my care. Three strikes and you are out. If there are any other injuries, he is gone that day.

Finally, look into childproofing your daycare area to reduce injuries. Cover ALL sharp corners and crawl around to look for safety hazards. Baby proofing is easy, but toddler proofing is hard! I always find something new to cover or make safer once I have a new walker!!