Ok Mom's - Need Some Advice

[CheekyChick]

I've gone through two teenager daughters who were THANKFULLY very good. With that said, my nieces pull stunts like that and my sister isn't very firm with them. My advice is to stick to your guns. Until she matures, you are NOT her friend - your job is to parent her and keep her on track. Keep the phone and keep the fun activities UNTIL she catches up on her schoolwork AND treats you with respect. No respect = NO PHONE!!!

PS: I would probably give her the phone ONLY when she's at school for safety reasons and take it away when she gets home. I'm a paranoid weirdo like that.

[itlw8]

It only works to take away what is important to them.

YOU did not fail to turn in the work before break she did.

It is too bad she is out guess she can read a book or clean her room. She could earn some brownie points and help you with some extra chores. LOL

In a few years it wil be the car keys you take away.

You are doing fine and eventually they grow up and get a brain back

[familyschoolcare]

Of course your ex thinks you're too harsh with her..........He doesn't live with her 24/7. He's a Disneyland dad that blows into town every few weeks. He doesn't live with the reality of raising a child.

Call her bluff. Give her the phone number for the local police and let her call them. Give her the number for CPS. Let her know that once she makes those calls, they cannot be undone.

this is atleast in part what I was going to say

[SilverSabre25]

she did them, but did not turn them in at all..

right now my kids don't have school and she cannot turn them in until monday. I don't even know if the teacher will accept them or not as they are now considered late.

She is in all honors classes and most of the teachers do not accept late work.

BTW i would never allow for my ex to take her, he lives in europe and the middle east 85% of the time....just like sharlan said, he is a disneyland dad. He does not participate with disciplinary consequences or punishments..

I think I am going to sell her phone.......or maybe send it to the dad who put bullets through the daughters laptop and let him put bullets through her phone..... jk.well maybe

IMO, I wouldn't sell the phone...not yet. Let her know that while she made a mistake this time, she CAN make it up and fix it and life goes on as normal.

HOWEVER--you can tell her that if this happens again, you will sell her phone and she will have to work to buy a new one. This would be a mouthiness consequence more than anything else, I think.

[familyschoolcare]

You most certainly did the right thing.

Maybe, you could make it so that her participating in after school activities depends on her keep her grades up and or turning homework in on time. In

the school district I am in I can go online and see my Childs grades at anytime it is update often by the teachers and would reflect a missing

assignment as soon as the teacher recorded it for the class. I realize that you only ask if you where going over the top. I also realize that sometimes

we can not see the trees because of the forest. My thoughts and prayers will be with you I know how hard it can be to d4eal with an unreasonable

Disneyland dad that does not discipline. I count my blessing that my children now realize that their dad is not a reliable responsible parent. Sad but true.

My son told his sixth grade bible teacher one day that he has more respect for his step dad than for his father.

[daycare]

Hahahaha! Reminds me of when I worked at CPS. The social workers all took calls like this. One said she received a call from a 14 yo on Thanksgiving day talking about how horrible his parents were because they grounded him from his video games, TV, friends, etc., for two weeks for breaking curfew. She listened very empathetically then said...."If you were my kid, you would have been grounded for a month!" Then she went on to explain how this call has been documented and how serious a false accusation to CPS really is. ::

Daycare, I only have littles, but I believe you did what was right considering the circumstances.

wow that is too funny.....see this is why so many parents are afraid to parent....its things like this....but I don't fear my child, I just fear that she won't understand my reasoning for it and not learn from it....

[MyAngels]

I would have not only taken her phone I would have grounded her to her room for the week for using a mouth like that on me.

If it makes you feel any better my 13 year old lost her phone last weekend for a month because after I told her no for something, she called her stepdad and dad and lied to both of them to go out with her friends anyway while I was sick and taking a nap. She was suppose to come home, clean her room and go shopping for some things she needed with me.

She also lost dance for a week (her life). AND.... tv, her mp3 player and her ereader until her attitude changes and her room stays clean for 7 days without me asking her to pick it up. It's totally up to her if that's just 7 days or years. We're on day 10 and we've had a clean room for 6 days.

Ahh, this brings me back to the day when my dd ended up with nothing but her bed in her room - and was lucky to have that ::. We even took the door off the hinges. I'm pretty sure that's when she figured out we were actually serious. Thank heaven that stage didn't last very long.

Daycare - yes, you are doing the right thing. No, it's not easy. Take heart - my dd is living proof that that rebellious, back talking, sulky teenager will someday become a wonderful, kind hearted, smart, beautiful young woman.

[Sunchimes]

Absolutely the right thing. My middle granddaughter is a good kid, caused very little trouble, but oh, boy did she mess up when she was 13 or 14. She set up a page on myspace when she had been forbidden to do so. This was the end of the school year, and she lost make up, contacts, ipod, cell phone, video games, slumber parties, even her flat iron for the entire summer. She couldn't understand why it was a big deal because she didn't use her picture or her street address. I sat her down on the computer, and in just a few clicks, using information from her myspace page (hobbies, friends, a few random comments about school), I had her home address, her school, and her swim meet schedule. She was stunned and while she still whined all summer, at least she knew what she had done wrong and didn't repeat it.

Not turning in work is the bane of every teacher's existence. Why kids do the work and don't bother to turn it in is beyond my comprehension. I once had to flunk a kid who never turned in work. Once that note went home, the parents found most of it in his room. Why?

[daycare]

Ahh, this brings me back to the day when my dd ended up with nothing but her bed in her room - and was lucky to have that ::. We even took the door off the hinges. I'm pretty sure that's when she figured out we were actually serious. Thank heaven that stage didn't last very long.

Daycare - yes, you are doing the right thing. No, it's not easy. Take heart - my dd is living proof that that rebellious, back talking, sulky teenager will someday become a wonderful, kind hearted, smart, beautiful young woman.

thanks for the encouraging words. I know that I have to do this or I am not doing my job as a parent. I already gave her the if you hate me speech then I am doing my job, I am not your friend.

I am just trying to find peace right now so that I can talk to her in a way that she will listen. Buts it's hard when the mouth of disrespect keeps coming at me over and over again.

[Heidi]

yes, I did ground her from the tv and any of my computer. SHe has to stay in her room.

I did tell her that she can use my phone with permission and that it will be this way until further notice.

She just thinks that because school is currently out that I should wait to punish her because there is nothing she can do at this time to bring her grades up..

thanks so much for responding....

Yes, you should definately wait to punish her until it's convenient for her!

You are doing the right thing. Easy for me to say, because I don't have to see that look in her eyes, but you are!

[daycare]

Yes, you should definately wait to punish her until it's convenient for her!

You are doing the right thing. Easy for me to say, because I don't have to see that look in her eyes, but you are!

lmao too funny..

I told her if you were able to drive and were speeding and got caught by the cops do you think that the officer would say oh don't worry sweetie I understand its not convenient for you to get a ticket right now, I will give you one later...UM NOooooo

Or if you keep calling off work or not doing your job right and your boss wants to fire you, they are not going to say oh I will wait to fire you until next week because you cant afford to be fired this week....um NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Thanks for making me feel better, not sure why I was feeling like I did too much, but it feels that way when I don't have any support with my decisions

[Countrygal]

My advice is to stick to your guns. Until she matures, you are NOT her friend - your job is to parent her and keep her on track. Keep the phone and keep the fun activities UNTIL she catches up on her schoolwork AND treats you with respect. No respect = NO PHONE!!!

I agree 100%. I think it is also time to revisit exactly which things in life are NEEDS and which things in life are PRIVILEDGES, and exactly what the difference is between a need and a priviledge. I am one of those moms that would sit her down and get her input to a point, always letting her know that I will consider what she has said, but that I am the Mom and make the decisions. I will tell her what decision I make and why. Unfortunately, until she pays her own rent and electricity and cell phone bill and telephone bill and garbage collection bill, etc, etc, she has to abide by house rules. Just like we all did.

[SilverSabre25]

Absolutely the right thing. My middle granddaughter is a good kid, caused very little trouble, but oh, boy did she mess up when she was 13 or 14. She set up a page on myspace when she had been forbidden to do so. This was the end of the school year, and she lost make up, contacts, ipod, cell phone, video games, slumber parties, even her flat iron for the entire summer. She couldn't understand why it was a big deal because she didn't use her picture or her street address. I sat her down on the computer, and in just a few clicks, using information from her myspace page (hobbies, friends, a few random comments about school), I had her home address, her school, and her swim meet schedule. She was stunned and while she still whined all summer, at least she knew what she had done wrong and didn't repeat it.

I want to comment on this. Although I totally don't think that her consequence was inappropriate...I do have to wonder...why didn't anyone sit her down when it first came up and show her how easy it was to get that information? In the first "But WHY can't I have one? Everyone else does!" conversation I would have sat down with her and explained, and showed, and let her know that there was a darn good reason WHY the answer was no. Just...food for thought I suppose

[saved4always]

Nope...do not think you are over the top. Gotta nip that in the bud. When my son was in 5th or 6th grade (can't remember which it was now), we went to his parent/teacher conference and we were totally blindsided by the bad reports he got from his teachers. Missing homework assignments all over the place, bad grades, etc. We were shocked because our kids all had gotten good reports before that. Dh told him that he would never sit through a p/t conf. like that again and took aways ds's Nintendo DS (no phone yet; that was his favorite thing then ) and he was grounded and would not get the DS back until his grades were better the next quarter. It was painful; dh stood over him every evening making sure he got the homework done. It worked...he hasn't had bad grades since and he still talks about that year he went without his DS for months! Now he gets just about straight A's.

[sharlan]

Why is your dh not backing you up with your dd? She lives in HIS home and is disrespecting HIS wife.

(Yes, I realize it is your home, too.)