Am I Being Unreasonable?

[MsKara]

So my one new kid is still giving me problems. Or I should say the parents are. They called "after" he was supposed to be here wednesday to tell me that they would be here thursday because he was cranky. They said he would be here thursday. Then they call me "after" he was supposed to be here thursday because he was up all night till 5 am and the mom was going to let him sleep in. They said he would be here today in the morning. 8am comes and goes, 9 am comes and goes, 10am comes and the dad calls. Says his son was tired and that the mom was going to bring him instead but he didn't know what time. 11am comes the the kid shows up. She says that he was up till 9:30 last night and he had slept in late. Then tells me she's going to lay him down for a nap upstairs. I tell her that we are going to be cleaning up and getting ready for lunch soon, and that I would put him down for a nap at 1:30 with all the other children. She states "well if you want him to be cranky then fine". She also stated that my early afternoon nap is messing up her child's sleep schedule. I asked how so? She said that he wants to take a nap at 7pm and then won't go to bed till like 11pm. I asked when his normal bedtime was and she said it was at 9:30. Isn't that late I ask? She says that they want to spend time with him in the evenings and that he wakes up at 5am if they put him down earlier and the mom likes to sleep in. I'm so confused at this point because the dad is supposed to be dropping him off in the morning at 7:30, yet the mom is worried about sleeping in? Anyway, I asked her what time she would like me to have him to sleep in the afternoon and she states 2:30. But that is in the middle of my other children's nap times. She feeds this kid lunch at 2pm in the afternoon and breakfast at 10am. She's been bringing him in late in the morning with a whole breakfast and all the kids sit and stare at him and cry for his food. Plus, when I'm ready to bring all the kids outside for a little bit before nap time, he's just getting up at 12:30 or so and ready for lunch after we are all done.

So anyway, the kid comes around 11am today, and won't touch his lunch because he ate such a late breakfast. Than i take his temperature and it is 101. So I call the mom to come back and she does. However, she hands me the money and explains how he's been cranky but no fever. When I ask her for the kid's schedule next week she said she didn't know, maybe tuesday and pretty much slammed the door going out. Can anyone tell me what I should do?

[fctjc1979]

I would tell her that all of your daycare kids need to be on the same schedule and that you WILL be following the same schedule with all of the daycare kids. Then tell her that of course you understand that she is the mother and gets to choose her child's schedule, so if she doesn't want to follow your schedule, then she should find someone that will follow her schedule. Then implement a late dropoff/ pickup fee.

[MarinaVanessa]

I would tell her that all of your daycare kids need to be on the same schedule and that you WILL be following the same schedule with all of the daycare kids. Then tell her that of course you understand that she is the mother and gets to choose her child's schedule, so if she doesn't want to follow your schedule, then she should find someone that will follow her schedule. Then implement a late dropoff/ pickup fee.

Agreed.

Just like she has her schedule, you have yours. If she doesn't like the schedule that you have tell her that she can bring her kid during the times that she agrees are ok and that go with her schedule and for the rest of time she can pick him up and watch him herself . Ok maybe that wouldn't work. But don't you wish we could say that?

Tell her what YOUR schedule is and ask her to think about whether or not it goes with her lifestyle and schedule. If it isn't what she needs then maybe you aren't the right place for her family. Make sure that you point out that your schedule is based on what a healthy child needs daily and that it works for everybody else except her. That way you're telling her that she's the problem and the only one that has a problem without actually saying those words. Sometimes pointing out the obvious is the only way to get the lighbulb to turn on.

[Unregistered]

Sounds like you have a child I just terminated in January for all the same reasons. The mother was horrible and DCB was a beast to deal with. The father seemed very passive to the whole thing and just listened to whatever the mother wanted. When I handed the mom her termination letter she freaked out on me and started screaming at me in front of all the dck's and my own children. Good luck with this one, imo, the longer you let it go on, the worse she's going to get.

[MsKara]

I just wanted to be accomodating though. one of the best parents i have says the reason she brings her child to me is because i'm so accomodating. I'd hate to have this be the end of that reputation. However, don't you think kids who are older than 18 months shouldn't need 2 naps a day? The mom states that SHE needs him to have two naps a day on the days he is at home or she'll go crazy. That seems unfair. And she gave her kid brownies the other night to keep him up till 9:30 since he was tired at 7pm. I feel like that is a form of abuse. I'm so glad I can vent to you all and love your input!!

[nannyde]

Wow that's a minefield of problems.

Parents do NOT get to decide their child's schedule in a GROUP day care. That's insane. He needs to lay down and nap at whatever time is best for you and the group. You are not his Nanny.

I don't allow kids to eat separately. I would not allow a parent to bring food that needs to be eaten at a time I'm not doing meals. You are not his Nanny.

I would never allow a parent to put a kid to bed in my house. Arrivals and depatures need to be just THAT. They bring the kid and leave... pick up the kid and leave. The parents don't provide any care to the children under my roof. They do not walk around my house going to different levels. I'm not their family or friend. This is my home and you don't go into an area that I'm not in ever.

Part time families pay a higher daily rate with a minimum of three days that are SCHEDULED. There is no changing the schedule. If they are scheduled and don't show they still pay. They can't change the hours of available service. They can't swap around days. I would allow changing weekly schedules ( as long as parents are paying the high daily rate) as long as the schedule was given to me on Friday for the upcoming week. No changes without additional monies after Friday.

I would tell the parents MY nap schedule and tell them the child needs to be ready to go to bed and rest quietly on MY schedule. If the parents can't adjust their child's schedule at home to compliment mine then they simply can't use my service.

I don't care if they arrive on time or not. I only care that they do not expect ANY meal service during non meal time times and the child is completely ready for my nap schedule every day. You don't walk into group care and set the provider up to do one to one at a time when different services are being offered to the group. You are not his Nanny.

Your day care doesn't revolve around one child. The minute he walks in the door he is in a group of kids. The needs of the group supercede his needs.

You have the tail wagging the dog here. I hope they are offering you a crazy high salary for this service. You are doing nanny care for a child within a group. That only works if the parents are paying a significant amount of money to cover the cost of a number of other group members. If they want this level of care they need to fund you to accomodate that. This would mean them paying the salary of three/four kids at least. If they are only paying for one kid then you can NOT allow him to take the time that three or four kids would take.

Don't ask parents what they want you to do in the care of their child in a group. They couldn't possibly understand what their "wants" can translate into when you are caring for other kids. Tell them what you offer, when you offer it, how you offer it.. etc. THEN they get to decide if what you offer will work for their child. What you offer is GROUP care. Always approach them with your GROUP schedule... GROUP meal times.... GROUP nap times... etc.

YIKES is all I can say. These guys wouldn't have gotten past the first interview in my world. It would be a cold day in Hades before I would have a parent acting this way.

[mamajennleigh]

Yeah, what nannyde said.

[nannyde]

I just wanted to be accomodating though. one of the best parents i have says the reason she brings her child to me is because i'm so accomodating. I'd hate to have this be the end of that reputation. However, don't you think kids who are older than 18 months shouldn't need 2 naps a day? The mom states that SHE needs him to have two naps a day on the days he is at home or she'll go crazy. That seems unfair. And she gave her kid brownies the other night to keep him up till 9:30 since he was tired at 7pm. I feel like that is a form of abuse. I'm so glad I can vent to you all and love your input!!

You can offer accomodation if that is what you want to do with your business. The problem with it is that you will have parents wanting you to do meals, naps, outdoor time etc. all at different times. The problems you have now will only magnify over time. You will not be able to get a group of parents to agree to anything.

If you are willing to have your day be at the whim of the individual parents then you need to be braced for a lot of chaos. They are making individual decisions for their child but are putting him into a group of other kids who have parents making individual decisions about their kid too. You need a lot of care providers to make that work. If you are the only one there you are most likely going to burn out really quickly. You will be working every day not knowing what is going to happen next and be responsible to give good care to each of the kids there while the individual parents are drawing you away from the group with their accomodating wishes.

[Golden Rule]

You are not being unreasonable. Children need a consistent schedule and rules to feel safe and confident. That is the premise of what we do.

Set your schedule, let them know the latest possible drop-off time, 24 hour notice of attendance policy then stand firm just like with the children.

I compare those type of parents to the two year old group (control issues, temper tantrums, generalized mine!mine!mine!)...funny how that is how it feels some days:: I also solve the issue the same way...set, firm, consistent rules. Ironic?

[MarinaVanessa]

I just wanted to be accomodating though. one of the best parents i have says the reason she brings her child to me is because i'm so accomodating.

You can be accomodating and still be true to yourself and keep your sanity. If you are ok with letting them switch days then that's ok since it sounds to me like you are more concerned with the fact that she wants you to accomodate her schedule at YOUR daycare.

Be clear with her what you expect at your daycare. If you are okay with her switching her days but want to be given a minimum amount of notice tell her so. I let families change their days or times even as long as I get notice the day before and they show up at the time they say. Each child can only be here 10 hours a day and if they say they'll be here at 7am they know they have to pick up at 5pm. If they show up at 10am and havn't arranged that with me they know that they still have to pick up by 5pm. I am always able and more than happy to accomodate for a schedule as long as it doesn't mess up the rest of plans and what they are asking for isn't too much.

The napping and feeding is what worries me. I wouldn't feed a child at an extra time or give seperate food than what I already have planned. It completely throws everything off. If she was so concerned about her child eating then she would feed her child before dropping off at daycare. I have a nine month old and he doesn't even nap 2x's a day. I can understand you wanting to be heard and to get it all out but unless you do something to change this behavior it will continue.