Sooo Mad-Parent Gave Notice

[littlemommy]

because they don't want to follow my rules. Remember my post the other day about the potty training girl who doesn't communicate with me and mom wanted her in only undies?

She came this morning with a spare potty chair (which is fine) and told me how the girl has not had any accidents at home all weekend and is in undies. I asked if there are pull ups or diapers in the bag. She said "well, i know you don't want her in underwear until she hasn't had an accident here in a while, but I didn't want to buy any more for at home and she's been doing great at home so she only has underwear." Keep in mind she's only gone in the toilet once here. Every time I ask her she says yes but won't go.

I told her again that I'll have to put a diaper on her because I can't scrub carpets and she is not telling me she has to go. She said "well of course she's going to pee in a diaper. and she doesn't tell us at home either, we just have to keep asking and taking her in." Again I said that she has to wear pullups or diapers here. She left steaming mad.

DCD calls and gives me a speech about how I should respect their wishes. He then says that they found another daycare closer to home.

[JenNJ]

Don't be mad! Be happy that you got rid of that mess! I have no idea how you dealt with it that long.

[wdmmom]

I wouldn't be mad, I'd be rejoicing! You don't need to work for families that won't comply with your requests! It's YOUR home and YOUR rules.

In the future, if a parent tries this, I would tell them that in order for you to meet their needs of Sally being in undies all day, you need a $200 cleaning deposit on file. If she has an accident, you will call Stanley Steamer and it will come out of their deposit.

[CheekyChick]

No. They don't respect YOUR wishes. How dare they expect you to put her on the potty every 5 minutes so she doesn't have an accident!!! You are not their personal nanny, you have many children to care for.

Let's see how the new provider feels about their little girl peeing and pooping on her carpets.

[littlemommy]

Thanks ladies! I thhink I'm mainly upset because they have been the best daycare parents I've had up until now. And she was my 1st daycare kid!

I think next time I have a parent say they are starting, I'm going to print off my potty training rules for them again. I just can't believe how demanding and disrespectful they are being.

Off to enjoy a cup of coffee!!

[saved4always]

Thanks ladies! I thhink I'm mainly upset because they have been the best daycare parents I've had up until now. And she was my 1st daycare kid!

I think next time I have a parent say they are starting, I'm going to print off my potty training rules for them again. I just can't believe how demanding and disrespectful they are being.

Off to enjoy a cup of coffee!!

I had almost an identical situation a few months ago. Sweetest parents ever til I questioned readiness for underwear in my house. Same disrespect for my home and rules. They also left very angrily. I was very hurt and upset for about a week, but then I figured, hey, they showed their true colors and I have been having much more relaxed, enjoyable days since they are gone. I am enjoying the other children now that I could not fully engage with when this family's kids were here. I learned that some parents can be nice and act like they appreciate you, but, if you dare not agree 200% with what they want you to do, they will turn on you in a second.

So, enjoy your new peace and enjoy that cup of coffee...I will be right there with you enjoying mine and rejoicing in the fact that my other dck's can actually get my attention. And...my carpet and furniture is not stinky or dirty from "accidents". happyface

[littlemissmuffet]

because they don't want to follow my rules. Remember my post the other day about the potty training girl who doesn't communicate with me and mom wanted her in only undies?

She came this morning with a spare potty chair (which is fine) and told me how the girl has not had any accidents at home all weekend and is in undies. I asked if there are pull ups or diapers in the bag. She said "well, i know you don't want her in underwear until she hasn't had an accident here in a while, but I didn't want to buy any more for at home and she's been doing great at home so she only has underwear." Keep in mind she's only gone in the toilet once here. Every time I ask her she says yes but won't go.

I told her again that I'll have to put a diaper on her because I can't scrub carpets and she is not telling me she has to go. She said "well of course she's going to pee in a diaper. and she doesn't tell us at home either, we just have to keep asking and taking her in." Again I said that she has to wear pullups or diapers here. She left steaming mad.

DCD calls and gives me a speech about how I should respect their wishes. He then says that they found another daycare closer to home.

Right after mom said "I know you want her in underwear... BUT..." I would have sent her on her merry way WITH HER CHILD to go and fetch some pull-ups. It is completely mind-blowing to me that they EXPECT you to just sit her on the potty every five minutes - that's not potty training, that's ridiculous!

When dad insisted respecting their wishes, I would have replied with "I wish you would respect my wishes... and my experience and knowledge as a childcare provider- she's not ready. In any event, you need to provide your notice of termination in writing. Thanks."

BE HAPPY - one less set of defiant parents for you to deal with Best of luck filling the space!!

[Lilbutterflie]

Littlemommy; I agree that it is completely unreasonable for the parents to insist she stay in underwear and that you take her every five minutes to the potty. As daycare providers, we just don't have the time for that b/c we have many other children to care for.

I don't know what conversations you have had with the parents... I didn't read your other post. But, playing devil's advocate here, I do understand why the parents got a little frustrated. They are working hard to potty train at home, and their belief is that if she is put in a pullup or diaper; she will soil it because she can. I do think they are right. They need to be put in underwear and that is how they learn to start communicating the need to go to the potty; so that they don't have to soil themselves.

But where the communication breakdown happened I think is for them to understand that their idea of being ready and yours is completely different. She may be going potty at home; but she is not ready for underwear at daycare yet b/c she does not communicate the need to go to the potty yet. In a daycare setting, it is impossible to take her so often to the potty, and the environment must be kept very clean... so allowing her to have multiple accidents with nothing to soak it up except your carpet is just NOT an option. I think I would have explained this, and that when she starts doing that at home; then she may go without a diaper at daycare. If you have already had this conversation (maybe explained in the other post?); then I'm sorry for the long rant and it's good that you don't have to worry about it anymore! I was just trying to bring up the other perspective on this one, and where it seemed like maybe the communication breakdown occurred.

[littlemommy]

Right after mom said "I know you want her in underwear... BUT..." I would have sent her on her merry way WITH HER CHILD to go and fetch some pull-ups. It is completely mind-blowing to me that they EXPECT you to just sit her on the potty every five minutes - that's not potty training, that's ridiculous!

When dad insisted respecting their wishes, I would have replied with "I wish you would respect my wishes... and my experience and knowledge as a childcare provider- she's not ready. In any event, you need to provide your notice of termination in writing. Thanks."

BE HAPPY - one less set of defiant parents for you to deal with Best of luck filling the space!!

Filling the spot won't happen since we're moving to another city once our house sells. DCD told me that that's why they found another daycare...but how ironic that he had to scold me about not wanting to help potty train her first? I know that's why they are leaving. Good luck to the new provider!

[Cat Herder]

Respect their wishes.....with urine and fecal matter on your floors.

In GROUP CARE?

C'mon...really? :confused:

Don't let the door hit ya, DCD.....

[SilverSabre25]

I feel ya, and although I know you're sad right now, you'll probably be grateful to not have that stress.

As I keep telling my one family that insists that if dcg could just wear undies, she'd do great! Well, with accidents every now and then...

"I'm glad she's doing so well at home! Now we just need her to start telling me HERE before she has to go and we can try the next step. If we can just get her to vocalize that she needs to go BEFORE she goes, we can have her in undies with a pull-up over them while she's here!"

I mean, I accept poop-trained and trained-while-naked-or-wearing-undies, but this kid can't even tell me accurately whether or not she has poop in her pull-up! Half the time she can't even accurately tell me whether she has JUST GONE in the potty while she's sitting on it!

[littlemommy]

Littlemommy; I agree that it is completely unreasonable for the parents to insist she stay in underwear and that you take her every five minutes to the potty. As daycare providers, we just don't have the time for that b/c we have many other children to care for.

I don't know what conversations you have had with the parents... I didn't read your other post. But, playing devil's advocate here, I do understand why the parents got a little frustrated. They are working hard to potty train at home, and their belief is that if she is put in a pullup or diaper; she will soil it because she can. I do think they are right. They need to be put in underwear and that is how they learn to start communicating the need to go to the potty; so that they don't have to soil themselves.

But where the communication breakdown happened I think is for them to understand that their idea of being ready and yours is completely different. She may be going potty at home; but she is not ready for underwear at daycare yet b/c she does not communicate the need to go to the potty yet. In a daycare setting, it is impossible to take her so often to the potty, and the environment must be kept very clean... so allowing her to have multiple accidents with nothing to soak it up except your carpet is just NOT an option. I think I would have explained this, and that when she starts doing that at home; then she may go without a diaper at daycare. If you have already had this conversation (maybe explained in the other post?); then I'm sorry for the long rant and it's good that you don't have to worry about it anymore! I was just trying to bring up the other perspective on this one, and where it seemed like maybe the communication breakdown occurred.

I did tell them that when I know that she can communicate to me and not have accidents here that she can wear underwear. She has only pooped in the toilet once at home. I'm not cleaning up poop here...and the child needs to be able to tell me when they need to go. She's not even doing that at home-they just keep taking her in. I also explained that she'll get distracted here while playing and have accidents.

They are thinking I don't even try...but I am. I just can't do everything they expect. She even brought a potty chair in today, even though I told her 2 weeks ago that she will be using one on the big toilet because we don't have room on the floor for one.

[Jewels]

I believe the girl doesn't have accidents at home, My own daughter never has accidents until all the daycare kids are here, and when they are all here, she never makes it to the bathroom, because she wont stop playing. She always poops in the potty though, but during the day, I prefer to keep her in a pull up most of the time, because I got tired of cleaning so much pee, my . I think this would be a hard thing for parents to understand though, If I had my kid in daycare, and at home they were perfect at the potty, I would be upset at the daycare for putting her in a pull-up, I would consider her to be lazy, and not wanting to spend the time helping me, if you tell her, her daughter never makes it to the bathroom at your house, she is just thinking its your fault, your not spending the time with her, and then your just being lazy and putting her in a pull-up, which is going to make her regress, and take away all their hard work, she will never understand you telling her the daughter wont go while playing, my own daughter is even perfect when were out in public, she always tells me she has to pee, only and I mean ONLY when they daycare kids are here, she doesn't make it sometimes. I'm just playing devils advocate here, She can not see your side on this, I never read the other post. But when I had my son in daycare, He was fully potty trained at home, but I know she kept him in diapers at daycare, and it infuriated me, but I see now by doing daycare, that he probably had a harder time there, but I would never have known that until doing daycare myself, try to look at it from their point of view.

[saved4always]

I believe the girl doesn't have accidents at home, My own daughter never has accidents until all the daycare kids are here, and when they are all here, she never makes it to the bathroom, because she wont stop playing. She always poops in the potty though, but during the day, I prefer to keep her in a pull up most of the time, because I got tired of cleaning so much pee, my . I think this would be a hard thing for parents to understand though, If I had my kid in daycare, and at home they were perfect at the potty, I would be upset at the daycare for putting her in a pull-up, I would consider her to be lazy, and not wanting to spend the time helping me, if you tell her, her daughter never makes it to the bathroom at your house, she is just thinking its your fault, your not spending the time with her, and then your just being lazy and putting her in a pull-up, which is going to make her regress, and take away all their hard work, she will never understand you telling her the daughter wont go while playing, my own daughter is even perfect when were out in public, she always tells me she has to pee, only and I mean ONLY when they daycare kids are here, she doesn't make it sometimes. I'm just playing devils advocate here, She can not see your side on this, I never read the other post. But when I had my son in daycare, He was fully potty trained at home, but I know she kept him in diapers at daycare, and it infuriated me, but I see now by doing daycare, that he probably had a harder time there, but I would never have known that until doing daycare myself, try to look at it from their point of view.

Yep, what you say here is EXACTLY the stuff my former dcm said to me and EXACTLY the stuff she could not understand when I told her. We were at an impass. Although I was willing to try the underwear. (I think in my case the dcb was not as trained at home as well as mom was saying so she knew "trying" here would result in me insisting on diapers.) Many parents are not capable of seeing the provider's side or that it is different in daycare than at home.

[JenNJ]

"I'm glad she's doing so well at home! Now we just need her to start telling me HERE before she has to go and we can try the next step. If we can just get her to vocalize that she needs to go BEFORE she goes, we can have her in undies with a pull-up over them while she's here!"

I say almost this exact phrase. Also, the moment a parent mentions the potty, I pull out my binder and hand them the potty training policy. And I email a copy later that day.

No problems yet but I think that is because I state in the letter that in order for all the kids to have a clean and safe play area I insist on these guidelines for every child. So they are assured a clean area for their child as well.