Oy, Difficult Situation, Advise Please! (Sorry Long)

[justgettingstarted]

I started a new little boy about a month ago. He's 2.5 yo, the first child I've signed on that's close to my son's age so I was really excited. They got along really well which made my life so much easier. They entertained each other while I watched the infants. He's a good little boy that listens well and after a few trips to timeout figured out the rules (never been in daycare) and was settling in well.

Mom is very young and single. Dad was watching the child 3 days per week but suddenly decided he doesn't want anything to do with child or mom. Which is why she needed care right away. She read in my policies that I do a 2 week trial period where either of us can terminate without notice. She mentioned this and I should have known then that she was using me as an emergency, short-term place while she figured out what she was going to do. Sure enough, after the first week she said she had an emergency bill come up and couldn't afford my rates for the next 3 weeks but hoped to bring him back. I of course told her I couldn't hold his spot but if it was still open in 3 weeks she could bring him back. This is the end of week 3 so I emailed her to check in.

I got a reply email that was a very honest and personal account of her situation. Dad is not involved, no financial support can only afford $75 per week (I was charging $114 - $38 per day which is actually a little low for my area). She was very sweet and said that she was embarrassed to ask but really wants him with me, etc, etc. She said she's applying for subsidy and will pay more if/when that goes through. It sure seems like she would qualify but I don't really know.

I'm very torn. I know I shouldn't even get involved because its not going to be good business for me but at the same time I feel for her and $75 per week is better than nothing. I only got one real call in the last 3 weeks and it didn't work out. She said that she is trying to get financial assistance and once she does she'll pay more.

Here's what I was thinking and I'd love to hear what you guys think. If I let her bring him back I would write up a new contract for the new rate but make him a drop in. So that if another family wants to enroll I don't have to give her any notice (I would certainly try but don't want to be bound to a certain number of weeks). What else? Do you think I should make her bring his meals and snacks? Specify that she must seek county assistance by a certain date? Or just say forget it? I'm new to this so any ideas would be great on how to handle this and word the contract. Thanks!!!

[Heidi]

do what feels right and fair to you,...

It's ok to do "special" as long as you know what you are giving up and as long as you don't blame it on "them" if it goes sour...

It's kind of like lending money. You lend it, you hope it'll be paid back, but you assume it's a gift, and if you're ok with that, you'll never be dissapointed.

[melskids]

I agree with bbo.

Do what feels right in your heart and without any regret or resentment. The nice thing about being business owners, is that WE get to call the shots, and that sometimes includes the ability to help someone else out.

[VTMom]

I agree and I like what you're thinking. I think I'd do the same in your spot. I wonder if you can call the subsidy administrator and see what kind of turn around time they have on new applications. That may help on setting an end date for the reduced rate.

[Ariana]

I think whatever you do having an "escape plan" is very wise. That way at any point you can terminate without notice. This might be a total BS sob story or it could be the truth and only time will tell. It seems like she's a good person who is down on her luck so it's within your rights to help her as long as you don't feel taken advantage of. Just do what you need to do so you don't end up feeling like a charity.

[MrsB]

I commend you on wanting to give her a break. I too was a young single parent (19) that was working 30 hours a week and going to school full time. I dont think I would have ever survived if it wasn't for some of my daycare providers lending a hand.

Its sad when most of us providers really want to help, but have been burned so many times that we dont do it as often, or feel bitter about it.

If I may suggest maybe saying you can't do it for less than $80 and she needs to provide his own meals? Then you are still kind of keeping the upperhand and she doesnt feel like she is calling the shots in the situation.

I would also maybe change the contract regarding the trial period, since he already went through a week of the trial period.

Best wishes that it all works out and your son has his playmate back!

[justgettingstarted]

I agree and I like what you're thinking. I think I'd do the same in your spot. I wonder if you can call the subsidy administrator and see what kind of turn around time they have on new applications. That may help on setting an end date for the reduced rate.

Yes, I was thinking the same. I think I'll call them today. Thanks for the reply!

[justgettingstarted]

I commend you on wanting to give her a break. I too was a young single parent (19) that was working 30 hours a week and going to school full time. I dont think I would have ever survived if it wasn't for some of my daycare providers lending a hand.

Its sad when most of us providers really want to help, but have been burned so many times that we dont do it as often, or feel bitter about it.

If I may suggest maybe saying you can't do it for less than $80 and she needs to provide his own meals? Then you are still kind of keeping the upperhand and she doesnt feel like she is calling the shots in the situation.

I would also maybe change the contract regarding the trial period, since he already went through a week of the trial period.

Best wishes that it all works out and your son has his playmate back!

Thanks for this. Her situation reminds me of my sister-in-law before she met my brother so its hard to say no. I also hate the idea of this little boy not having a good place to go to each week. She said the dad is only trying to use him to get more government assistance - otherwise he didn't want anything to do with him. Makes me want to cry but also makes me realize what a wonderful husband I have!

I will definitely eliminate the trial period from the contact - I have my own financial hardships and cannot have my salary shrink with no warning again. I think I will also ask that she feeds him breakfast before he comes and brings his snacks. I think lunch will be too complicated to bring separate food.

Thank you all for the replies! This forum is always so helpful in making sure I'm making the right decisions and protecting my business!!

[saved4always]

It is very nice of you to want to help her out. If you decide to do it though, do it knowing that she may never pay you more than the $75, regardless of what she says now. If you can, get everything in writing and give a deadline for when she has to have the aid done. I have been burned being nice and it led me to be resentful

When I first started childcare in my home, I agreed to watch a friend's 2 children for 3 days a week. She was a single mom, going through a divorce and she was pregnant. I rashly told her that I could watch the 2 children but she could just pay me the fee for one of them. I would do the other for free. She was very grateful and she told me that she would pay me more on weeks when she could. At first she paid me for holidays (like Labor Day) even though the kids did not come because she was off (but she got paid for the holiday). Well, next holiday, she took that day off when she paid me. And, even when things go better, she never paid me more that the fee for the one child. It turned out that her kids were hard, too. They came early and left after 6 p.m. Her parents (the kids' grandparents) picked up sometimes and they always came after 6 p.m., too. I knew them though, so I know they could have gotten there earlier and they KNEW I had given their daughter a deal. Well...I ended up getting very resentful of the whole situation and felt very used. I never said anything because I was not smart enough back then to have gotten anything in writing. The only saving grace of the whole situation was that I did not want to care for an infant, so this deal was done once the baby was born.

So...just use caution when doing this for this mom. Don't offer her something that you cannot live with because you feel bad for her. And get it all in writing. I think doing it as a drop in or something so you can replace her, if needed, would be good, too. Feeling resentful later really puts a damper on your day.

[Countrygal]

I'm not sure about in your state, but in ours Childcare assistance doesn't take all that long to go through.

I also am in the position where I want to be able to help out single parents, yet I also can't afford to do this for nothing. Sooooo...... I'd keep on top of things. Ask her to keep you informed as to when she turns in her paperwork, when they think it will take effect, and be sure she asks them for it to be retroactive. I had a dcm who putzed around getting in her paperwork for over two months and I held her responsible for the amount owed. In our state they will backpay for about a month tops and that is usually long enough to get all the paperwork approved.

Hope it goes well for you!

[itlw8]

I have a mom going to school and has money problems but I trade her house cleaning for part of her bill. It has been WONDERFUL

[WImom]

If it was me I would make them 'drop in' like you said. That way you are helping her out for now but you can also take someone else if you need to.