Cry it out

[Sunchimes]

I know there are probably a dozen threads on this, but this is an emergency! DCM showed up yesterday saying "No more pacifier". I said, Ok, but no promises. DCG is 17 months old and at my house, she only uses it to go to sleep. She spits it out when she goes to sleep..

Yesterday was a nightmare. After almost screaming, crying herself sick, I gave in and let her up. She was my only child yesterday, so it wasn't that big a deal. But a 17 month old with only 45 minutes of sleep all day is not a pleasant child and it was a long, long day.

This morning, she cried until she started gagging. I caved and gave her the paci and she was asleep in 3 minutes. I know I shouldn't, but mom said she didn't sleep well last night, and she needs a solid nap. As usual, the paci is at the foot of the bed, no where near her mouth.

This baby has started having week long visits with her dad, who lives in another town. She isn't dealing well and we are all suffering along with her. I think she needs the paci, now most of all. I talked to mom about it, but I think there may be something else going on. She ****ed her fingers all morning long, something she has never done before.

Anyway, I'll try again this afternoon. How long should I let her scream and cry before I give up and take her out of the pnp, where she will pretty much scream, throw things, and have tantrums until pick up, going by yesterday?

I don't want to cave to soon, but I don't want her to make herself sick.

[cheerfuldom]

Tell mom to night wean successfully and you will do naps last. You shouldn't have to wean at daycare.

[Sunchimes]

I thought of that, but lately, she spends almost as many nights with me as she does with her mom. It makes it doubly tough on all of us. Mom never, ever has more than one day off to do this (boy do I dread potty training!), so I'm pretty much the one who will have to do it.

I'm just not sure how long to let her cry.

[MrsB]

Ooooh tough one, I have never had this one, usually I am the one that tells the parents that kids may not walk around here with a paci in their mouth. and can only be used at rest time.

I dont really see that big of a problem with kids having a paci or some other comfi item to go to sleep with. How many high school graduates do you know receive their diploma with a paci in their mouth?

In my own experience as a mom, my daughter had a paci for bed. When she turned 1 I got rid of the paci and bottle (the same month my hubby deployed to Afghanistan). She gave them up but I noticed I would go into her room to wake her up in the morning or check on her and she had her thumb in her mouth. She's 6 now and the thumb is always in her mouth! We remind her all the time to get it out and have tried sequined gloves on her hands at night time, nail polish, a special metal contraption from the dentist that we paid $100 for, but she takes everything off or ****s through it or a different finger or hand. We've been video taping her at night and she is mostly asleep when she removes these things. Her thumb is pushing her teeth out now too.

I feel like then I put to much pressure on myself, and her to make sure I wouldnt be judged by other parents and took away something that in the big scheme of things just isnt really that big of a deal.

Maybe you can sit with mom and ask her what her reasoning is behind taking the pacifier so that you can help understand the moms point a view, along with being able to meet the daughters needs because it is really disrupting the flow of your day and _______ just seems miserable. If mom says cause she doesnt want her teeth to get messed up. Say that you have been observing her and it is only for X amount of minutes while she falls asleep and the she spits it out. Maybe you can get her to agree that since the poor DCG is going through some changes with the new visits with dad that you try again taking paci away once she seems more adjusted to the changes.

I have found if you approach parents from a place of being concerned for the child and less of inconveniencing you, they are more apt to have a positive response.

Best wishes, let us know how it turns out!

[Sunchimes]

All 3 of my dck gave up their awake paci before a year and only use them for sleep. The other 2 don't even do that now, but they have pretty stable lives. Mom and I have a good relationship, so I'll talk it out this afternoon.

Still, how long should I let her cry at afternoon nap?

[lpperry]

I am not big on pacis, but I don't think you should get the child up from her nap if she can't sleep without the pacifier--what a horrible day for both of you. For today, I would give her the pacifier and then have a talk with the mom tonight, like you said you were going to do. I wouldn't give yourself and the little girl a hard day before you and the mom discuss how this should be done.

[Sunchimes]

I think you are right, lpperry. It's not going to work for any of us if she doesn't sleep. Thanks for the support. I guess I knew it but needed someone with more experience to say it.

[karen]

I don't think she should give up her paci right now....Week long visits with dad is enough stress in her life. I would wait until she gets used to visits with dad. Unfortunately trying to take away or add too many things all at once causes children to regress or act out differently...creates new behaviors.

[Heidi]

I say give it to her if she cries today, and talk to mom about it. It was a little rude of her to just spring this on you.

I would definately wait until she is on one nap per day to try to get rid of the pacifier. Trying to battle her 3x every day is just not fun! At least then you have it down to 2.

All four of my children used pacifiers, and once they were walking around (at a year or so), they only used them for naps (or long car rides when I wanted them to fall asleep ) My son gave his up when he went to a big boy bed at about 20 months. My daughter I took it away around her 2nd birthday (she would put the whole thing in her mouth and it freaked me out), and my older two sons were 11 months (big mistake-take the bottle first!), and somewhere close to 2.

I can't stand it when you see a 4 yo in the store walking around, talking around a pacifier. But, on the other hand, that's not my business! I am sure there are people who see me stuffing down a piece of cheescake and wonder...does she REALLY need that?

[countrymom]

if she needs it, give it too her. don't worry when she is ready she will give it up. You already said that she spits it out, so thats a good start. I have a 3 yr old who gave up her paci 3 weeks ago, she used it for night time only. But when she started here she was 1 and I took it away without a problem because she was spitting it out. The minute she spit it out I would take it away, so when she woke up it wasn't there.

My own kids, well I started chopping the tops off, one child never had one, another one (the stubborn one) went cold turkey one day. So every child is different. I would rather have a happy baby then a miserable one.