DCM Shopping on MY Overtime?

[DBug]

I've been providing overtime (1.5 hours each night after closing) for a family for the last week and a half. Dcd is military and is away for training for 3 weeks. In the past I've provided overtime for other families in the same situation -- dad normally picks up, but because mom's hours go past closing, I'll offer to keep the child for my hourly rate. I've already decided I'm NOT doing that anymore. But here's my question:

Last night dcm waltzed in in makeup and day clothes (usually she's wearing scrubs), and told me about the spending spree she had just been on. My kids missed their evening activity last night just so I could watch dcg (hubby's away so he couldn't take them). They missed stuff last week and they'll miss things next week too, all because I'm doing overtime for this one dcg.

I plan on calling mom out about it this morning (since I've had time to figure out what to say ), but I'm wondering if I should tell her that I will no longer be able to provide overtime for next week (dcd's final week of training)? I'm very tempted to do it, and hand her a list of teenaged babysitters in our area at the same time. What would you do?

This is the family that has been repeatedly late with payment, and I think dcp's just don't get it at all. I don't think they're being intentionally disrespectful, I just don't think they get it.

Anyway, I'm done with my own kids missing out -- wwyd??

[DaisyMamma]

OMG I would be really mad.
First off I hope you were charging a good amount for almost 10 hrs overtime.
Don't do it anymore. Don't give her the list of names, shes a big girl - she can figure it out.

[Cat Herder]

Well..... For me it is very grey. :confused:

If she is paying extra for overtime, without exclusions, how she uses the time is her choice. Providers can't offer services, then get upset when clients use them, YKWIM?

If you have been doing it free, as a courtesy to help while DCD is away, then she is being selfish and you NEED to call her on it.

If you only offer overtime for clients who are working, clearly written out/explained in your contract, then you also should call her on it.

Never be afraid to enforce your policies, never put policies in your contract you won't enforce. It makes life easier. I know how frustrating it is to miss out on things with our own kids. Sometimes we have to remember that it really was our choice to begin with....not the DCP's. We make the rules.

IMHO, The best move would be to say no overtime during the school year as it interferes with your ability to meet your own children's needs. I have done it this way for a while, and it has saved me lot's of headaches... NOBODY argues a Mother needing to be able to help with homework and after school activities.

[Crazy8]

Well..... For me it is very grey. :confused:

If she is paying extra for overtime, without exclusions, how she uses the time is her choice. Providers can't offer services, then get upset when clients use them, YKWIM?

If you have been doing it free, it as a courtesy to help while DCD is away, then she is being selfish and you NEED to call her on it.

If you only offer overtime for clients who are working, clearly written out/explained in your contract, then you also should call her on it.

Never be afraid to enforce your policies, never put policies in your contract you won't enforce. It makes life easier.

I tend to agree with this. While it would be NICE if parents only used our services during their working hours that is NOT always the case and I've found it's not worth getting upset over. You are OFFERING her the service and at a cost and she is paying for it, she has no obligation to worry about your kids missing their activities, etc. That is YOUR responsibility. I am all for helping out but not to the point where it takes away from my kids/family in my "off" hours.

[countrymom]

I would tell her that you can't offer ot anymore, I will not allow my kids to miss activities because a parent has to work, I pay for my kids activities. I have a mom who needs after hour care, I'm good friends with her, she comes and picks her kids up right after work, sometimes she goes to the store and will call and ask me if I need something (we live in the county so the store is a distance) but she doesn't go shopping for no reason.

[Blackcat31]

Well..... For me it is very grey. :confused:

If she is paying extra for overtime, without exclusions, how she uses the time is her choice. Providers can't offer services, then get upset when clients use them, YKWIM?

If you have been doing it free, as a courtesy to help while DCD is away, then she is being selfish and you NEED to call her on it.

If you only offer overtime for clients who are working, clearly written out/explained in your contract, then you also should call her on it.

Never be afraid to enforce your policies, never put policies in your contract you won't enforce. It makes life easier. I know how frustrating it is to miss out on things with our own kids. Sometimes we have to remember that it really was our choice to begin with....not the DCP's. We make the rules.

IMHO, The best move would be to say no overtime during the school year as it interferes with your ability to meet your own children's needs. I have done it this way for a while, and it has saved me lot's of headaches... NOBODY argues a Mother needing to be able to help with homework and after school activities.

Catherder gets my vote!

You can't offer something (overtime) and then be mad when she uses it as she sees fit unless you both had already agreed that it was for work only. If that wasn't discussed and she is paying, I feel she has a right to do as she pleases with that time.

You also can't really be mad about missing your kids' stuff because again, YOU agree to do so.

Would you be mad about missing the kids' stuff IF this mom had been working? Did the mom KNOW you thought she was or was that at all part of the agreement?

Lots of variables here and Catherder broke them down nicely.

[DBug]

I hear you, and I am definitely NOT offering overtime ever again. Lesson learned!

This am:
Me: I should have asked last night, but do you get off early some nights?
Dcm: No, usually it's 6:00.
Me: You mentioned you went shopping yesterday, so did you get off early?
Dcm: Oh no, I didn't go in at all yesterday.
Me: My kids skipped their evening thing last night because dcg was here -- nest time please let me know so that my kids won't have to skip (while this: was boiling behind clenched teeth)
Dcm: Oh ... okay.

After she left I shot her an email reiterating what I had said and what it meant.

Seriously, I understand that she's paying overtime (by the hour, so she COULD technically leave dcg here as long as she wants ... as long as she pays the hourly wage), but if I were in her situation, I would NOT leave dcg in care PAST closing when I took the entire day off . I just don't get what she was thinking??

Like I said, lesson learned. No more special favours for military or anyone else .

[itlw8]

I would tell her how you feel.

Dcm It upset me last night when you got here after being out shopping. I thought I was doing overtime because you had to work. As a result my children had to miss out on their activites I had paid for.

then listen to her answer. I bet she had no idea... Then together work out a solution.

These are the nights my children have activites and then she says these are the evenings I have to work.

[Blackcat31]

I hear you, and I am definitely NOT offering overtime ever again. Lesson learned!

This am:
Me: I should have asked last night, but do you get off early some nights?
Dcm: No, usually it's 6:00.
Me: You mentioned you went shopping yesterday, so did you get off early?
Dcm: Oh no, I didn't go in at all yesterday.
Me: My kids skipped their evening thing last night because dcg was here -- nest time please let me know so that my kids won't have to skip (while this: was boiling behind clenched teeth)
Dcm: Oh ... okay.

After she left I shot her an email reiterating what I had said and what it meant.

Seriously, I understand that she's paying overtime (by the hour, so she COULD technically leave dcg here as long as she wants ... as long as she pays the hourly wage), but if I were in her situation, I would NOT leave dcg in care PAST closing when I took the entire day off . I just don't get what she was thinking??

Like I said, lesson learned. No more special favours for military or anyone else .

I think you were great for trying to be so helpful and nice but with good intentions comes the risk of being used....so it is a tough situation to be in.

In the future I would make it VERY clear to mom that overtime is work ONLY or just stop doing the over time all together.

If this is their family situation, then she (DCM) will just have to figure it out.

[TBird]

You can't offer something (overtime) and then be mad when she uses it as she sees fit unless you both had already agreed that it was for work only. If that wasn't discussed and she is paying, I feel she has a right to do as she pleases with that time.

I respectfully agree with this. I provide overtime ONLYif it isn't slighting my own family and if I agree to providing it (and they're paying me what we agreed upon at the designated time) it's up to them what they do with the time.

And as I've posted on this issue before....if we stop solving all of the parents' problems, you'd be amazed at how efficient they are at solving their own!!!

Good luck Sweetie....stop doing it!!!lovethis

[Unregistered]

I think you were great for trying to be so helpful and nice but with good intentions comes the risk of being used....so it is a tough situation to be in.

In the future I would make it VERY clear to mom that overtime is work ONLY or just stop doing the over time all together.

If this is their family situation, then she (DCM) will just have to figure it out.

I would say Sally, my DC closes at 5pm, if you need care after this you'll need to let me know for what dates/times. I will check my schedule and let you know if I am able to accomodate you.

I am lucky, my parents (all but one) always ask me if i can do a schedule change, i always say let me check my schedule and i'll get back to you. If i cani will but they understand i have a family/life outsideof work and depend on reg hours to plan everyting else.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

Nope, Nope, Nope.

No overtime here.

Find a babysitter.

[DBug]

Got it, Ladies No more overtime. Ever.

BUT, can I/should I cancel next week's overtime when I've already committed to it?

[joysjustlikehome]

I would cancel, there's plenty of notice for her. ~Joy

[TBird]

Got it, Ladies No more overtime. Ever.

BUT, can I/should I cancel next week's overtime when I've already committed to it?

IMHO...probably not. I would make a clean, fresh start the week after.