Boys Will be Boys???

[fctjc1979]

I am watching a three and a half year old boy who is constantly putting his hands in his pants to play with his privates. He sometimes pulls his pants and pull-ups down just enough for him (and others) to see it. He also peed on my couch once. My husband tells me that this is just a boy being a boy but I have a hard time accepting that. I tell this boy that this kind of behavior is not allowed in my house at all. I've put him in time out for some of the more extreme episodes. None of this seems to phase him. He just tells me to leave him alone or he's going to have his parents hurt me or threatens to bite me. I've told the parents but they seem unconcerned about this behavior or the fact that he spends a lot of time in time out for threatening me. Both of my kids are girls and all of my day care kids are girls except for him so I really don't know if I'm overreacting about him playing with his privates. Any ideas?

[jen]

I haven't personally had that experience. The closest thing I have had is a girl who frequently had her hand down her pants, never pee'd on anything though! Yikes! Anyway, EVERY time I caught her with hand in there, I'd simply make her was her hands...this also works with finger ****ing, nose picking.... eventually it just becomes too much work!

[TGT09]

I have a 3 year old that does play with himself but luckily through his pants. I ask him if he needs to pee, he says no and I say ok, then hands off. However, it doesn't sound like that would work with this kid. I would be talking with the parents more about this and making sure that they understand that this IS a situation and if it's not handled then you will have to terminate.

I believe on some level that this is normal boy behavior but obviously with un-related girls around it is totally not appropriate. If I have to help a child in the bathroom, I make sure all of the other children, same sex or not are out of vision. Maybe I care about it too much but it bothers me when boys (even brothers) of a girl want to come in to check out what she's doing on the potty.

[Daycare Mommy]

Yeah, not appropriate for daycare. I'm for the handwashing every single time he does it as well as the talk with mom and dad to let them know that this can't be allowed to continue here if he wants to stay. For the youngers with that issue I insist on onesies, but I assume he's potty trained? If I were you I might just do it anyway and help him in the bathroom with the snaps when he needs to go. Non-stretchy button and snap pants too. Maybe a belt? Him having a harder time getting to it may help. Like Jen said. It'll become too much work. (hopefully anyway!) Good luck!

[fctjc1979]

He wasn't potty trained when he first started coming about a month ago. The parents told me they hadn't even thought about it yet. I told them that it was their decision to potty train or wait a while, but if they wanted to continue to bring him, they needed to at least start trying with him. The following day....no accidents!!! I went from having to change 3-4 poopy diapers in a day to him only being wet twice in the last few weeks because he was too involved in activities to notice until it was too late - a typical problem for new big kids . When I asked the mother how they potty trained him that fast, she said that his five year old sister trained him because she wanted to keep coming and was afraid they wouldn't be allowed to if he didn't get potty trained. I figure that if a five year old girl could potty train him that fast - he had been really really ready for a while and nobody had paid any attention.
Maybe his being late with potty training is a contributing factor to him playing with his privates? I don't know - just thinking out loud.

[grandmom]

Personally, I'd go to the second hand store and buy a couple onesies (sp?) for that age. He'd be in a onesie until that habit was broken.

[fctjc1979]

I'll probably have to go with the onesies and hope it doesn't mess with his potty training. I'm already having him wash his hands all the time. He gets to use the fun foamy soap when he goes to the bathroom like he's supposed to but has to use the boring bar of soap when we're washing his hands because he's had them down his pants. He just doesn't care. I guess I should have mentioned that I've already given this family notice that they need to find other care. He is a biter and I don't think it's fair to the family that I had before I added this family to have to worry about if their kids are being bitten at day care. I still want to do a good job for these kids while they are in my care, though, and am hoping that I can get this figured out. They will be here until May 9th and I want the time the kids are here to be as pleasant as possible, for the kids, my family, and the other day care kids.

[booroo]

Ummm I have two boys and they have never done this!! There has got to be to the story!! This boy needs some serious attention!!

[sahm2three]

I haven't had this issue, but with my own boys, they seem to constantly be grabbing themselves thru their pants. Never put their hands down their pants. It reminds me of one of the Blue Collar Comedy club guys talking about how if he finds out who told his son that there was a penis fairy that would take his penis if he let go of it, he was going to let them have it! LOL!

I think that what you are describing is something quite different and IMHO, you should discuss it with the parents. Good luck!

Edited to say that I just read thru the entire thread, and see that you gave notice. May be just as well. He sounds like he has a lot of issues! Hang in there!

[fctjc1979]

Well, I just got done talking to the mother about this issue again and she told me that he got it from a friend of his older brother. Evidently this friend would pull his pants down and show people. She thinks that it made her son interested and curious. So maybe it's this other boy that needs serious help. She said that this friend hasn't been allowed back to their house and she hopes it goes away on its own soon.

[melskids]

when my son was 3 he played with himself ALL the time just to get a rise out of me. he knew it drove me nuts (no pun intended...) once i caught on to what he was doing, (vying for mommy's attention) i stopped making a big deal out of it, and he eventually lost interest. he didnt have an audience anymore. i would just ignore him.

[Childminder]

I've had boys and girls exhibit this behavior before and to me it's the same as the kid that picks his nose all the time or fingers in the mouth. At 3 1/2 he isn't a sexual being yet he just knows he gets attention while doing it. I've always just told them to get their hands out of there and go wash because we can't have pee germs or booger germs or spit germs on toys and stuff. They soon get tired of washing there hands ALL THE TIME and stop. This to shall pass.

[skittles]

Hi,
I have an all boy daycare (by chance) their are eight of them; one baby, four two year olds, a three year old, a four year old, and a seven year old. I have never had any of them engage in any of this type of behavior. Although, from my training this little boy sounds like he may have a sensory disorder, because he is also a biter. This is not normal boy behavior, if he does it all the time. I was told in one of my trainings that usually nap time brings out the touching of body parts and to just move the child to their own space and let them go to town. However, if the child is doing this constantly and is doing in front of other children this is not appropriate or normal. The parents may want to talk to his doctor, because he may have a physical or mental disability. Could it be possible he was or is being physically abused?
Hope this helps.
CF

[fctjc1979]

It has been suggested that this is an attention getting scheme. I completely understand where this idea is coming from and probably would have suggested it myself if roles were reversed. I honestly don't think he is trying to get attention in this case since he tries to hide the fact that he's doing it. Although, he's not overly obsessed with hiding it either. He just prefers that nobody notice that he's doing it. He gets very self-conscience if someone mentions it and I think that is where his threats come from. On the other hand, I'm no expert and could be completely wrong.