3 1/2 Yr Old Throwing Dishes In The Trash

[mac60]

When they are done, I let them get up. Some eat and are done in 10 min, some it takes them 30 min, I don't think a child that sits down and eats and doesn't mess around should have to sit and wait on someone who takes 30 min to eat. When they are done I let them know they can leave the table, I want to clean them up first. This child just got up on his own and threw the plate and walked out of the kitchen, I was less than 6 ft from him but my back was to him. I heard the lid of the trash can close. He knew better, just defying the rules.

[sharlan]

I am surprised how so many think this calls for me to change the way I do things. The child is in the wrong, not me. He only started this because he doesn't want to eat what is served, and only does it when I take a step out of the room, and each room is open to the next so it isn't even like I actually step away. The consequence will be on him, not more work for me, even if it means him eating alone with the timer on for 10 min and me staring at him. It is never ever ok to throw your plate, silverware and food you don't like in the trash. Never happened before. He fully knows what he is doing. I believe in consequences for bad behavior, not changing the way things have been done for 12 years because a unruly 3 1/2 year old decides to misbehave. JMO

Who is the adult here? What you have done for 12 years is currently not working with this child. YOU have to change what YOU'RE doing. You can either sit at the table, give him very small portions, or continue to do nothing. You're the adult and it's your choice as to how you deal with this.

Why ask for advice and continue to have a "I'm not changing anything I do attitude?"

[familyschoolcare]

So I understand compleetely not whanting wasted food.



The thing is as a role model you are now forcing a child to eat. This is my book is never ok. Many people children and adults in America have food

issues. Do you realy whant to risk the possibility that you are contrubiting to a possible food disorder later in the lives of the children in your care.


I know you will probaly say I am trying to blame you. I am not trying to place blame. I believe in not role modeling bad food habits so much I can not just let this go and not say something.

[Nellie]

My kids do alot better eating when they have direct supervision. I have went away from trying to clean up counters and loading the dishes to sitting or standing right at the table with the kids. My group has gotten to be pickier in the last three months and I am doing alot of encouragement and praising. For the most part once on child is praised for eating a green bean then every one starts eating there green beans.

[mac60]

You all seem to be missing the point here. This child did not start doing this until last week, which was the first time he threw his lunch in the trash. What I have been doing the past 12 years has worked. Kids sit down and eat. When they are done they are allowed to get up and not have to wait on the slow pokes. If you don't eat your lunch you don't get special treats. This child, who has been with me for going on 4 years just stareds this behavior. And as far as eating all their lunch, there is NO way to force it, because I can't. There has been many a day I have thrown his lunch away after he sat there for 45 min. But once a child starts throwing the food in the trash along with the eating utensils, doing it so I "think" he ate his lunch. Nope, that is what is wrong with this picture. And they do have direct supervision.

And I am not so sure I asked for advice. It was more of a vent than anything. Another one of those cases, I should of just kept it to myself.

[Heidi]

The point is, meals are supposed to be a pleasant, peaceful experience, not a battle.

Yes, you can change the way you're doing things, because just because you are doing it for 12 years doesn't mean it's the right way to do it!

I am not trying to pick on you, but if you were a teacher for 40 years in a school, do you think it would be appropriate to teach the children the same way now that you did 40 years ago? How about 100 years ago? Maybe we could get out the chalk and blackboards. That's a total exaggeration, I know, but you know what I'm saying, right? There is always a new way to try. Also, not every child is the same, clearly. What works for 300 children might not work for #301.

Would you consider trying "family style" dinning for a week? Even if you only eat a little of what the kids are, just for show, and then enjoy your own lunch at nap later, would you try it? So many of our kids never sit with their families anymore. It would be yet another wonderful way you are serving these kids, AND you'd be dealing with that behavior.

My feeling about food: Food is a very intimate thing. It goes in your body. How do we tell children it's their body, and they shouldn't let someone else touch them without permission (whether it's a young child or a teenager) and then say "oh yeah, but EAT THIS!"

If you serve family style, you don't even have to waste food. Give him a plate , and if there is no food on it because he turns it down, then he sits and visits while the rest of you eat (I've found this is a good time to read stories...captive audience). Or, have him choose ONE thing on the table he will try, but he can't have 2nd's unless he's tried something else.

Nothing else until the next meal time. It's really that simple!

Please know, I am only trying to be helpful, not mean or judgemental...

I see while I was writing you said it was just a vent. sorry, but sometimes we because the rest of us aren't emotionally invested in this scenario, we give another perspective. Take it or leave it...it's you're choice. Just try to be open minded.

[familyschoolcare]

So if I understand your latest post the real problem is that the child is throwing the plate and silverwear away. I recomend that when you talk to

mom you keep it focused on that and do not mention food unless mom ask about wiether or not their was food on the plate. I would make the child pick

the things out of the trash that they threw away that where not trash.

[Meyou]

If I'm reading this correctly your biggest and most recent problem is that he is throwing dishes away with the food. The natural consequence for me would be to take the plate and cutlery away and give him bites a few at a time like I do with littles. Similar to when I'm teaching them to sit at the table and eat from a little plate instead of a high chair tray. If he can't act appropriately I would take away the choices where he is choosing the wrong thing (throwing the plate away).

As for getting him to eat....you can't. BUT you can minimize the stress for yourself by not allowing complaining and perhaps setting a timer for mealtimes. I had a super picky, super disruptive eater for years. I decided several months ago to stop caring if he ate or not and to aid me with that I started setting a timer for meals and snacks. He HATED not being coddled, coaxed and badgered to eat and hated it even more that we stopped sitting at the table for long periods of time. When the timer buzz's I dump the plates. He eats much, much better now. Mom and Dad set a timer at home too and it works for them as well. He was controlling all of us and we took away the control by stopping him from dictating meal length and taking the focus totally away from him and his food. It might work for you.

[countrymom]

I agree with you mac. I don't care what you all say, but throwing away food is not ok. In ontario no one is on the food program, maybe thats why we care more about the food issue. This kid is doing it on purpose, I bet you that he's doing it at home or he wants to play with the other kids. I have divided plates, and when kids are done they are to come and show me what they ate, if I think its not enough I send them back. I find that they all want to be done all together. I'm not putting up with and crabby kids who beg me for snacks all day. I have to have these kids for 4 yrs before the go to school, if you add that up that would be alot of food waste per kid.

I had a kid like this, so I sat with them till they were done, and I hid the trash can from them. I would also make him bring you the plate when he's done, if he throws it away make him dig it out of the trash.

[WImom]

So if I understand your latest post the real problem is that the child is throwing the plate and silverwear away. I recomend that when you talk to

mom you keep it focused on that and do not mention food unless mom ask about wiether or not their was food on the plate. I would make the child pick

the things out of the trash that they threw away that where not trash.

THis is what I was going to say. I'd make him pick it out of the trash himself (no playing until he does). Don't make it a food battle, just teaching him respect for other peoples things and to be honest. I tell all my picky eaters when they start to complain about a certain food item. (and other kids tell them this too)
"If you don't like it, don't eat it!"

I also give my picky eaters very small portions of food I think they may not eat.

[Hunni Bee]

So if I understand your latest post the real problem is that the child is throwing the plate and silverwear away. I recomend that when you talk to

mom you keep it focused on that and do not mention food unless mom ask about wiether or not their was food on the plate. I would make the child pick

the things out of the trash that they threw away that where not trash.

That's what I do. I give them a glove and make them pick it out the trash. I have have one really bad eater and he does that when he's unhappy with what we had for lunch.

But I do understand your point, mac60. Him throwing everything in the to make you "think" he has eaten is not okay. I have one who does that to get seconds.