What Would You Do?

[MissKim]

Hello all,
I have a question for you. I am really torn about something. My school-agers made those paper fortune tellers yesterday. I looked through the one made by my troubled kid. The fortunes are disturbing. Some of the fortunes are, "You will die today" "You will die now" "you will burn". I am really disturbed by this! I am tempted to terminate, but, I cannot really afford to let them go (there are two sibs)...and for what grounds? What would you do?

[sharlan]

I would definitely give it to the parents.

[melskids]

I would show the parents, and document everything.

How is his behavior otherwise?

[icaredaycare]

i'd say hang in there. it's definitely not his fault that he's acting that way. i don't know his family background, but i feel for this child. all you can do is support him, and try to figure out his needs, and get to know the child. how long has he been with you? give him time.

I had a school age girl who refused to talk to me for a whole yr. she was very "dark" and would only stare at you if you spoke to her. I was pretty disturbed. if she needed something..she would talk to her brother, and the brother would tell me. I was upset at first...but i kept doing my job. I supported her...gave her her distance and space when she wanted it. I kept a steady communication with the mother..and let her know how she improved, or lack of improvement.

finally after a year, she finally spoke and said, "can i have a snack?" my jaw dropped and I was excited! we've been good ever since.

I finally found out her father was in a horrible car accident, and she refused to talk to adults since.

[MissKim]

We have had issues with him since day one. He yells at his sibs and other kids frequently and he argues quite a bit. I have even had times where he purposely wakes the babies, by yelling at them, so he can play with them.

[MissKim]

i'd say hang in there. it's definitely not his fault that he's acting that way. i don't know his family background, but i feel for this child. all you can do is support him, and try to figure out his needs, and get to know the child. how long has he been with you? give him time.

He's been here since August of last year.

[melskids]

It could be a range of things.

He could have had someone close die, and he's working through that.

He could be allowed to watch violence on TV or video games.

He could be doing it for attention. Negative attention is better than none.

Or, something more serious could be happening.

I would have a talk with mom and dad, and just keep documenting whats going on.

[icaredaycare]

He's been here since August of last year.

oh wow...that is quite some time already. there are no signs of improvement at all?

Definitely sit down and talk to the parents.

[Breezy]

My little brother became obsessed with death after my grandma died two September's ago. It was the first death in the family that he knew what was going on for.

[MissKim]

OK, so I made copies of the fortune teller, one for me - one for mom. I will definitely sit down with her today and talk. Mom says they have had issues with him since he was a toddler, but don't know what to do. However, they won't take him to a doctor. It's frustrating. I have come up will all sorts of rewards and consequences for his behavior (I was a teacher), and he can be great for a while, then do something outrageous. It is getting to the point where I am worried about the other kids.

[daycare]

OK, so I made copies of the fortune teller, one for me - one for mom. I will definitely sit down with her today and talk. Mom says they have had issues with him since he was a toddler, but don't know what to do. However, they won't take him to a doctor. It's frustrating. I have come up will all sorts of rewards and consequences for his behavior (I was a teacher), and he can be great for a while, then do something outrageous. It is getting to the point where I am worried about the other kids.

hugs to you...its so hard when you work with a chlid who's parents are not on board. It is probably one of the hardest things that we as providers have to do.

I had a parent like this and when I was on the final straw, I said...look, having a doc look at your child is not going to hurt him. Wouldn't you like to find out now if something was wrong and be able to get him the help he needs before it's too late? The family was not willing and I told them that if they were not willing to help me with thier child, then I could not help them any longer. They tried to get me into trouble with LIC, but I didn't do anything wrong and nothing ever came of it.

I think you did the right thing talking to the parents, unless they are going to seek professional help for their child, I don't know what more you can do...

Just hang in there.........Kudos to you for doing a great job thus far with the child....

[sharlan]

OK, so I made copies of the fortune teller, one for me - one for mom. I will definitely sit down with her today and talk. Mom says they have had issues with him since he was a toddler, but don't know what to do. However, they won't take him to a doctor. It's frustrating. I have come up will all sorts of rewards and consequences for his behavior (I was a teacher), and he can be great for a while, then do something outrageous. It is getting to the point where I am worried about the other kids.

When you have concerns for the other children, it's time to let this family go.

[daycare]

When you have concerns for the other children, it's time to let this family go.

I missed this part...Sharlan, very good point.....you never want to put the other children at risk. YOu could end up losing several children trying to keep this one.

I think that if you truly are concerned for the safety of the other children, it may be time to throw in the towel. We can't save them all and from the sounds of it, you have more than tried. YOu are not a failure....

[KEG123]

I'd for sure start advertising to fill their spots

[cheerfuldom]

I'd start advertising too. It's too risky to keep an unpredictable child with parents that are not willing to do anything to address the behavior.