Enough Is Enough?????

[Rudy0003]

Help! I have a 14 month old that cries ALL day. I have tried everything. The only thing that helps is when he is being held and I can't hold him all day because I watch other kids.

I have been watching him for 3 months and it's not any better. What should I do? He is really wearing on my nerves...

NOTE: His parents really don't seem to care that much about him. (some people should get a dog instead of having a kid). I don't want to give up on him but I don't know what to do....

What would YOU do?

:confused:

[Blackcat31]

I am sorry this is happening to you but in all honestly, if you cannot meet his needs, then you need to let him go. For your own sanity and that of the others in your care. It sounds like he may just need a lot more loving and cuddling than you are physically and emotionally able to provide for him.

Please don't feel badly, it ISN'T you. Some kids are simply not cut out for daycae. Some kids just need one-to-one care. It doesn't mean you are giving up on him. Doing hwat is best for him is suppoting him. If his parents aren't really helping you or him find a solution to this issue, then you just need to back out and let him go.

It doesn't mean he is a bad kid or that you are a bad provider. It just simply means this child needs something you do not have. (time to devote to just him).

There are probably things you can do to train him to not want to be held all day such as putting him in a PNP and letting him out to play when he is not crying and then putting him back in if he cries....kind of training him to learn prosocial skills.

However, I don't always think that works. It seems more appropriate for kids who were okay before and just started wanting to be held all the time. In your case, if he has ALWAYS wanted to be held, I am guessing he just hasn't had the opportunity to learn to be independent and has learned to be attached and not comfortable getting down and exploring the world around him.

Here is a really good article about the different types of attachment children have in the early years and how it forms them into the kinds of kids they are.

It is super helpful in understanding why certain kids are clingy and insecure while others are independent and eager to explore the world around them.

http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs617w.htm

[Rudy0003]

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you BLACK CAT!!!!!

I am sorry this is happening to you but in all honestly, if you cannot meet his needs, then you need to let him go. For your own sanity and that of the others in your care. It sounds like he may just need a lot more loving and cuddling than you are physically and emotionally able to provide for him.

Please don't feel badly, it ISN'T you. Some kids are simply not cut out for daycae. Some kids just need one-to-one care. It doesn't mean you are giving up on him. Doing hwat is best for him is suppoting him. If his parents aren't really helping you or him find a solution to this issue, then you just need to back out and let him go.

It doesn't mean he is a bad kid or that you are a bad provider. It just simply means this child needs something you do not have. (time to devote to just him).

There are probably things you can do to train him to not want to be held all day such as putting him in a PNP and letting him out to play when he is not crying and then putting him back in if he cries....kind of training him to learn prosocial skills.

However, I don't always think that works. It seems more appropriate for kids who were okay before and just started wanting to be held all the time. In your case, if he has ALWAYS wanted to be held, I am guessing he just hasn't had the opportunity to learn to be independent and has learned to be attached and not comfortable getting down and exploring the world around him.

Here is a really good article about the different types of attachment children have in the early years and how it forms them into the kinds of kids they are.

It is super helpful in understanding why certain kids are clingy and insecure while others are independent and eager to explore the world around them.

http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs617w.htm

[countrymom]

don't give up, find some of my posts about the crying baby and people gave good advice. Does this child nap 2 times a day. I started to find that by putting them to sleep when they got here and then a afternoon nap has made a world of difference. Also, I don't pick up anymore. I sit on the floor, but don't allow them to climb on me (my own kids are aweful for this and they are way older) also, don't give up, it will get better, it has taken over 6 months but dcg is finally stop crying.

[wahmof3]

I just started a 17 month old that is this same way! I am praying that its just an adjustment phase, but not 100% sure. DCG cries & cries unless I pick her up and we all know in this business you cannot carry a little one on your hip all day long.

I really really like the idea of no pick up. I'm going to try this full force next week!

She arrives mid- morning so I cannot give her a short morning nap.

I really want this to work

[KBCsMommy]

Yes Blackcat is completely right.

I termed a 10 mo dc baby 3 weeks ago. A little background, I started taking care of him when he was 4 weeks, so I was pretty attached to him. When he was about 6 months old he started not sleeping, and also seperation anxiety started.

Parents were also not helping me find ways to help him. I feel like they thought it wasnt affecting them so it didnt really matter. They would always say "well he's fine at home". I know they were lying.

After 4 months of the hysterical crying all day long, it was not going to get better anytime soon. It was very stressfull. I contemplated terming for several months, and then Christmas break came. When he came back from a 2 week break it was 10 times worse, and I realized I could not care for him anymore. Between the parents being in denial there was even a problem and the child having issues really made my decision final.

I gave dcm a 2 week notice to find other care and she chose not to bring him back. It was the best decision I made for myself, my family and my other daycare kids. It took a toll on everyone and I didnt realize it until he was gone. All my kids are much happier and getting along better too.

I will never keep a child that cries all day in my dc again. They really need one on one attention, its just the way that type of child is designed. All children are different. Some really thrive with other children around and others hate it!

Its a tough decision, but sometimes we cants save every child, even when we want too!! Good Luck!!

[Sunchimes]

I had one like that. She started at 11 months old. She had never been cared for by anyone outside of family and had not been around other kids. Except for naps and eating, she cried the rest of the 12.5 hour days. It was horrible. But, after about 4 months, she seemed to get over it. For the last couple of months, she has been great. She's still sensitive and fusses easily, but there is almost no screaming melt downs now-no more than any other kid.

During the hard times, I moved her pnp into another room, and she sleeps alone. I was able to increase her nap times and that helped. I also increased her food after her parents said they thought she might be hungry. I'm feeding her more than the others her same age, but she's a lot bigger than they are, although she's younger. When she would have a crisis, I fed her something-a bit of banana, a whole wheat cracker, something, and it seemed to help. I've wondered if it was a blood sugar issue.

Whatever it was, it cleared up after 4 months-when she was about 14 or 15 months old.

I hope it works out for you.

[cheerfuldom]

sometimes terming really is best for baby. I termed the all time worst crier at 12 months when I had her for almost a full year. I did not want to give up on her and tried EVERYTHING. She cried a lot of the next provider but after the transition, seemed a lot happier there than she ever was here. The other daycare was bigger too and with older kids but for whatever reason, it was working for her and my place wasnt. If he (and you) are really this unhappy, you are doing no favors for anyone in trying to force this to work when it is not. Some kids get better as they grow, some providers figure out what will work and sometimes, they both just struggle along when the relationship really should have ended already.

[momma2girls]

Yes Blackcat is completely right.

I termed a 10 mo dc baby 3 weeks ago. A little background, I started taking care of him when he was 4 weeks, so I was pretty attached to him. When he was about 6 months old he started not sleeping, and also seperation anxiety started.

Parents were also not helping me find ways to help him. I feel like they thought it wasnt affecting them so it didnt really matter. They would always say "well he's fine at home". I know they were lying.

After 4 months of the hysterical crying all day long, it was not going to get better anytime soon. It was very stressfull. I contemplated terming for several months, and then Christmas break came. When he came back from a 2 week break it was 10 times worse, and I realized I could not care for him anymore. Between the parents being in denial there was even a problem and the child having issues really made my decision final.

I gave dcm a 2 week notice to find other care and she chose not to bring him back. It was the best decision I made for myself, my family and my other daycare kids. It took a toll on everyone and I didnt realize it until he was gone. All my kids are much happier and getting along better too.

I will never keep a child that cries all day in my dc again. They really need one on one attention, its just the way that type of child is designed. All children are different. Some really thrive with other children around and others hate it!

Its a tough decision, but sometimes we cants save every child, even when we want too!! Good Luck!!

I totally feel the same way!! I have termed a couple with terrible seperation anxiety, and a couple babies that were very colicy!! OMG!!! Lord help me!! It was the best thing I have ever done!!!