Five Reasons Not To Say "Good Job"

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  • SilverSabre25
    Senior Member
    • Aug 2010
    • 7585

    #16
    Originally posted by Meyou
    This really hit home for me and I love how things are going with your dd. My biggest change here was a DCG that has gone from constantly saying, "Look at me!!!!!!!" to "I did it!!!" It was a huge change for me and for her. She couldn't do anything without an audience before, not the smallest thing.
    Yes!! That's a huge difference!

    It's been at least 2 years since I changed my tune with DD and she is VERY proud of her own accomplishments, and that is wonderful.

    I also use "You did it!" as a "word of praise" and I love to see their faces light up as they realize that they did in fact do it!

    "Wow, look at that!"
    "This is interesting, why did you do it that way?"
    "I see you used lots of colors."
    "You did it! That's something to be proud of!"
    "Do you like it?"
    "You worked so hard on this."
    "I can tell you are very happy about it!"
    "Thank you for picking up the playroom, I really appreciate it."
    "I noticed you give Dave a hug after you accidentally knocked over his tower, that was very nice."
    "That's exactly right!"
    "That's the right thing to do."
    "It feel good to work so hard on something, doesn't it?"

    There are many, many ways to praise kids.
    Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!

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    • countrymom
      Daycare.com Member
      • Aug 2010
      • 4874

      #17
      I hate behavior charts, heck any charts. Why should I give stickers out because you peed in the pot, thats something I expect from a child (when they are ready) Can you imagine when they get older, some of these kids are going to be waiting for their bosses to clap their hands when they do good.
      I do compliment my kids, but not just for it. Like yesterday my ds drew this really good picture (first I asked him if he drew it) and then I told him what a good picture it was, then he went on to explain how the next picture took him forever to do but he was so proud of it. I'm not saying "not to praise" but I think its the excessive praising that is getting out of hand.
      also, we shouldn't have to praise for behavior we expect from children, but thats what people are doing now. And I think thats where the issues are becoming conflicting.

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      • My3cents
        Daycare.com Member
        • Jan 2012
        • 3387

        #18
        Originally posted by bbo
        Oh I TOTALLY agree with that part of it. I have 2 kids on a sticker system that their mom insisted on, and I HATE it.

        No, the part that I hyper-focused on was the where he suggested we are manipulating the children with our praise. I agree that we are, I just don't think that it's wrong to do it. Specifically, when it comes to behaviors.

        I also agree that it's better to say "tell me about your picture" or "you used a lot of different colors" than "WOW, THIS SHOULD HANG IN THE GUGGENHEIM< YOU ARE AN AMAZING ARTIST!".......
        I do both so what does that make me....

        I usually say, good job, I like how you used the green to make your tree so bright and lovely. Or, I might say......Your rainbow has so many colors, you did a nice job, it looks like you had fun painting such a beautiful picture and I love the birds too, Good Job I like to talk to the littles......a lot.

        I see both side to this and agree with both. I say use what works best for you and your little group or big group. I don't want to be asking myself every time I say something........... should I say this or is this going to hurt the welfare of this child in his or her future.... especially if I am using positives. Good article and good points. Thanks for sharing.

        Comment

        • youretooloud
          Advanced Daycare.com Member
          • Mar 2011
          • 1955

          #19
          I say "Good Job!" all the time. Even if they say "look at me"... I say something stupid like "oh, good job".

          It IS like a verbal tic... I need to stop it. I say it without thinking. It's like "go play".

          Comment

          • snbauser
            Daycare.com Member
            • Jan 2011
            • 1385

            #20
            I love the article. I try to not say "good job" very often. I try to focus on the actual task or something specific. I am working on getting my teachers to do the same. We have one girl (a 4 y/o) in particular here that is an "all about me" child. She is an only child at home and is daddy's little princess and is treated as such. She is so used to getting praised on everything she does that she can't do anything without it. A perfect example was the heartbroken look on her face one day last week. The kids were at the table with paper and markers. She drew a picture and asked the little boy next to her "Isn't my picture beautiful?" His response - "no, I don't like it." Her response "Ms. Sonya, C says he doesn't like my picture." Now granted his response may not have been nice, but he is 4 too. And not everyone is going to like everything she does. I told her that it didn't matter if C liked her picture. I asked her if she liked it. She said yes, and I told her that was all that mattered. It's moments like this that really make you see how constant praise can do more harm than good.

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