Dropoff Lingering and Pickup Tantrums

[tbutler]

I promote all kids, no matter what age, being self efficient as much as their skill level will allow. This is easy to do when you have a routine. Kids know that when they get here, take off their coat, put it in their cubbies, put their shoes by the door, etc. I have a few parents that linger both in the morning and afternoon taking kids coats and shoes off and putting them on in the afternoon. This slows me down, I have to wait for them to leave to finish cooking breakfast (oh, it's really frustrating if breakfast is already on the stove), and so that I can lock the door. The kids I have are 3.5, 3.5, 3.5, 4, 4.5. They aren't babies. Also the 4.5 year old had such a tantrum with his mother yesterday that I was embarassed for her. All because mom untied his shoes so that he could put them on. Has anyone ever asked a parent to leave out of the house at pickup if their child is having a tantrum? All the other kids just stopped playing to watch him throw his tantrum.

[SunshineMama]

I have before. I always tell the parents that they calm down before they even leave the driveway, because they do! They don't try to pull that on me because they know it won't work.

[Blackcat31]

I am kind of an uncensored gal so yes, I have said "Mom, it;s time to go! We will call you if we need you". Of course, I smile sweetly and look at the door while my eyes are saying "GO!! GO NOW!!!".

I reassure ALL my dcf's that kids display odd behaviors when there is an audience so I kindly ask that you do not supply the audience for them.

If I were you, I would try saying something along the lines of, "I have breakfast going so I will talk with you more at pick up time. If Billy needs you, I will be sure to call you. Have a nice day!" and then go back to whatever you are doing.

[MarinaVanessa]

Has anyone ever asked a parent to leave out of the house at pickup if their child is having a tantrum? All the other kids just stopped playing to watch him throw his tantrum.

As of right now (knock on wood) I don't have any issues with parents lingering but I did with a few moms in the past. I fixed that issue by massaging them into realizing that when they linger, they're actually elevating their child's stress levels. I say "massaging" because some parents really need to be coaxed and made to feel better about leaving their child at daycare, especially first time parents. Most parents feel guilty about leaving their child or feel worried about whether their child will be okay while they are away. I just explain to them how it wouldmake it easier on their child if their drop-off was quick. For example:

"When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is part of the normal developmental process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament.
It also depends on the way parents handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave. Through experience the child care provider has found that it is in the child's best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the parent will return and then followed by a
quick exit. While there may be some tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, parents can however make it shorter.
Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after a parent has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play. "

This is what I have in my handbook. Personally I feel that if I explain why I do things the way I do them, and my reasons behind them I get better results. Maybe if you explain to DCM that you are building autonomy in the children and ask that she just drop him off and quickly exit and allow her child to put his things away for themselves.

[tbutler]

I am kind of an uncensored gal so yes, I have said "Mom, it;s time to go! We will call you if we need you". Of course, I smile sweetly and look at the door while my eyes are saying "GO!! GO NOW!!!".

I reassure ALL my dcf's that kids display odd behaviors when there is an audience so I kindly ask that you do not supply the audience for them.

If I were you, I would try saying something along the lines of, "I have breakfast going so I will talk with you more at pick up time. If Billy needs you, I will be sure to call you. Have a nice day!" and then go back to whatever you are doing.

Great advice!

But what about when the kid is throwing a tantrum at pickup time? It takes them like 5 minutes to leave.

[tbutler]

As of right now (knock on wood) I don't have any issues with parents lingering but I did with a few moms in the past. I fixed that issue by massaging them into realizing that when they linger, they're actually elevating their child's stress levels. I say "massaging" because some parents really need to be coaxed and made to feel better about leaving their child at daycare, especially first time parents. Most parents feel guilty about leaving their child or feel worried about whether their child will be okay while they are away. I just explain to them how it wouldmake it easier on their child if their drop-off was quick. For example:

"When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is part of the normal developmental process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament.
It also depends on the way parents handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave. Through experience the child care provider has found that it is in the child's best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the parent will return and then followed by a
quick exit. While there may be some tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, parents can however make it shorter.
Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after a parent has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play. "

This is what I have in my handbook. Personally I feel that if I explain why I do things the way I do them, and my reasons behind them I get better results. Maybe if you explain to DCM that you are building autonomy in the children and ask that she just drop him off and quickly exit and allow her child to put his things away for themselves.

Hey Marina, thanks for the advice and I do have the same info, just not exactly like yours, in my handbook. I don't think I made the two "issues" clear though in my OP.

1. Instead of parents signing kids in at dropoff, kissing goodbye, then leaving. Parents stick around playing high five games and catch me before I get out the door games with their kids. Kids are happy at drop off. It's the parents that are the problem in the morning.

2. At pickup yesterday, mom was trying to help her 4.5 year old put on shoes by untieing them, he starting screaming at her that he did not want her to untie them, crying frantically. It was so uncomfortable that she allowed him to behave that way. That's why I wanted to ask her to take to him out of the house. This little boy always has some complaint when his mom picks him up in the afternoon. It seems that this behavior is only with her. It's not with dad at dropoff in the morning.

[Blackcat31]

Great advice!

But what about when the kid is throwing a tantrum at pickup time? It takes them like 5 minutes to leave.

The next day, I would have that kid dressed and ready to go then.

If the tantrum starts while mom is there, I would say to mom, "Well it appears Billy is having some trouble with leaving so here are his shoes (hand child and shoes to mom) Have a great night, I will see you in the morning!"

Again smile sweetly and open the door for her since her arms and hands are full at the moment.

I would also take the time to talk to mom (later on phone or e-mail) and let her know that you will be keeping drop offs and pick ups short and sweet as to not encourage Billy to have any more breakdowns. I would also ask that she kindly support you in this effort to minimize the "show" Billy is putting on for you all.

This goes along with what MarinaVanessa said about explaining to parents WHY we do what we do. Sometimes parents really don't know and need us to make the first move or set the example.

[tbutler]

The next day, I would have that kid dressed and ready to go then.

If the tantrum starts while mom is there, I would say to mom, "Well it appears Billy is having some trouble with leaving so here are his shoes (hand child and shoes to mom) Have a great night, I will see you in the morning!"

Again smile sweetly and open the door for her since her arms and hands are full at the moment.

I would also take the time to talk to mom (later on phone or e-mail) and let her know that you will be keeping drop offs and pick ups short and sweet as to not encourage Billy to have any more breakdowns. I would also ask that she kindly support you in this effort to minimize the "show" Billy is putting on for you all.

This goes along with what MarinaVanessa said about explaining to parents WHY we do what we do. Sometimes parents really don't know and need us to make the first move or set the example.

I'll definitely have them both ready today for pickup. His 3.5 year old brother started crying too yesterday once he saw him crying and having a fit. Not today though. I'm shooting for a less than 1 minute pickup.

Last week, mom came and had a seat on my couch because the boys weren't ready to go. She kept asking. "Are yall ready?". I had to tell them to tell their fiends bye and started walking them all to the door. She would've sat there as long as they did. Lol.

[Blackcat31]

If this mom is pretty regular with her pick up times, I would have them ready to go every day just to avoid the show. Especially because when one does it, the others will do it too (as you are seeing with the brother).

If pick up times are not consistent tell mom that drop offs are obviously becoming stressful so you want her to call you right before she comes so you can get the kids ready to go.

If all else fails, tell her that there is a $1 per minute charge for every minute she is there for pick up time....

[cheerfuldom]

This is why I insist on consistent drop off and pickup times. Then I meet parents at the door and the parents dont come in at all usually. Kids are ready to go at pickup and out they go. If they have a tantrum (rare), they do it with the parent on the front porch and I go about my day.

[tbutler]

She picks up pretty consistently at the same time. They'll have themselves ready to go by 4 today.

[Ariana]

I have the exact same parents! The dad lingers and lingers and removes every article of clothing while his child is in his arms. He tells me the most random things about the child but fails to let me know that she had a bad cold all weekend grrrrrrrr!

I sent a note home saying that drop offs need to be "short and sweet" and when she starts tantrumming they are to lay the child on the ground and leave quickly. I instruct them every.single.time to LEAVE QUICKLY

Thankfully there are no tantrums at the end of the day and mom picks up and is much more firm.

[tbutler]

I have the exact same parents! The dad lingers and lingers and removes every article of clothing while his child is in his arms. He tells me the most random things about the child but fails to let me know that she had a bad cold all weekend grrrrrrrr!

I sent a note home saying that drop offs need to be "short and sweet" and when she starts tantrumming they are to lay the child on the ground and leave quickly. I instruct them every.single.time to LEAVE QUICKLY

Thankfully there are no tantrums at the end of the day and mom picks up and is much more firm.

I wish the tantrum was in the morning, the answer is easy for that one, parents just need to leave. But I'm not wanting to deal with it at the end of my day, I'm just ready to close, especially now that I'm pregnant. I can't wait until close so that I can go to bed after caring for my own kids, !

[Heidi]

One advantage of having everyone pick up at the same time, as my families happen to 95% of the time, is that we have it on the schedule. I set a funny song on my cell phone for 4:30. That is the "clean up and go home song".
Then we clean up the toys, and get ready. If it's not bitter cold, we go wait for parents on the porch. If it is too cold, we sing songs/fingerplays until parents come.

Once spring hits and we are outside much more, we will be going outside right after nap, having our snack outside, and staying out until pick up. That way, everyone is ready to go and I am done cleaning up at nap! happyface

[tbutler]

After snack, the 4 1/2 year old took 13 minutes to put his shoes on. I'm definitley going to be working on making him more self efficient. And I just checked and he'll actually be five in the middle of March. He should definitely be more independent by now. But, mom picked them up and left quickly. I actually had all kids put shoes on around the time I expected their parents to arrive, all pickups took less than a minute. happyfacehappyface