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This does NOT pertain to daycare, but about my own 2 children. We are working on good listening and getting ready/in bed without being told more than once. I was giving an incentive for whichever girl got into bed the quickest having EVERYTHING done that is necessary before bed. I was giving them 50 cents to use as they would like. I would like some other good incentive reward ideas, like coupons to do different things with "mom", etc...any ideas out there?
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Can I be honest with you? Now this is totally just my opinion, but I would NEVER pay my kids for doing something they were SUPPOSED to do. That goes for cleaning their room and other chores that they have because they are part of a family.
Any allowance they do earn is for going above and beyond. (cleaning the daycare room, for instance)
Now, my younger son is a dawdler. big time. He can stretch out a 5 minute task to take him all night.
The biggest way I've been able to get through to him is by taking away his "time".
If he takes all night to do his homework, then he loses his "time " to play a board game with me or to read him a book.
If he takes too long to get his chores done, then he loses his "time" for video games afterwards.
Running out of time is a natural consequence for dawdling.
So maybe if one child say you reading or playing something special with the other child who accomplishes her tasks on time, it may give them a little incentive to get moving.
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I agree with Melskids, you will have a lot more success if you 'take' for not doing something rather than 'giving' for something that is expected.
I think giving things to kids for everyday behaviors that are expected creates a sense of entitlement.Comment
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Incentives
I completely agree with "paying" our kids to do what is expected and that is a huge mistake that I have made lately. The problem I'm finding is they are getting to bed past the time that we read a book and are too tired so I can't even take away a book. The most we do is say prayers and hugs and kisses and they are off the sleep. But it's getting them there that is the problem. I know that we should not pay our children to do things that they are expected to do, but that was just a quick thought to get them moving.Comment
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When my kids were little, we had a deal that if they wasted time and got to bed say, 20 minutes later than bedtime, they had to "give" me back that time the next night and had to go to bed 20 minutes earlier than normal.
Would something like that work for you?Comment
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The thing with external rewards is it's neverending and you eventually have to keep upping the ante. It rarely works long term and you're teaching your children to value external motivating factors. I get it, really I do because it's a quick fix and works in the moment.
I always have consequences that are real to the situation. Natural consequences. For example if your kids have clocks you could tell them if they're in bed by 8pm and have all of their bedtime stuff done by then you will read them a story that they choose. If they are not done their routine by 8pm they don't get the book. This is just an example. Then it's a natural consequence for not getting their stuff done and in bed by 8pm.
how old are your kids? Would a chapter book entice them, like Harry Potter or something like that. A chapter a night of an exciting book might be just the thing you need to get them into bed!Comment
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I also would have agreed with you all 100% about not giving incentives, and then needing the incentive to do that thing...but...I just finished a 14 week intense parenting class called ADAPT. It is also a research study. But is completely evidence based. The teach parenting tools to get kids to do what you want. Research has shown, children learn much better from positive reinforcement than negative. Doing an incentive chart, and giving incentives will teach the child to do it and it will become habit. They key is making it doable, so they are getting the incentives most of the time... Then working up to more difficult tasks. They also taught a very specific time out procedure to use, with school aged children, which eventually leads to priveledge revocation if they do not go to time out when instructed. When I use the tools they teach, it works...but it is a huge time **** and sometimes difficult to remember to use them in the "moment". So I say, use a chart and incentives. Keep in mind, worldwide studies show...even the best minding children only do what is said 70% of the time. Make the incentives small, so they aren't affecting your pocketbook, or time hugely.
Some things we discussed in our class:
Milk straws (not sure what those are exactly)
Stickers
Monetary if you choose
Extra book at bedtime
15 minutes of screen time
Play a game with mom or dad
Dollar store item
MnMum married to DH 9 years
Mum to Girl 21, Girl 18, Boy 14.5, Boy 11Comment
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Yes it works in the short term, no one disagreed with that. It doesn't work in the long term. There are countless studies to support that. Many parenting classes use short term solutions for parents because they work.... in the short run but erode childrens self esteem and intrinsic motivation in the long run. Doing things for external rewards creates children who have no idea what to do when those rewards run out and need people to clap when they do up their coat at 4 years old.
Anyhoo just my 2 cents
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