Time Out For Peeing in Underpants

[SilverSabre25]

DCG will be three in three weeks and she just told me that at home she gets a time out for peeing or pooping in her underpants.

This is the poor sweetie that has had PTing forced down her throat for almost a year now and she's no further along now than she was then.

I put a pair of "underwear" on her--plastic covered cloth training pants. I made a big deal out of it and she was okay, until I said, "And you can keep these dry, I know you can!" packing as much enthusiasm and confidence into my voice as I could.

She burst into tears and choked out, "or time out?" and through some prying and carefully phrased questions, I learned that at home, if she goes in her underpants, she has to sit in a time out!! She also said something else that may well have been that then she has to sit on the potty until she does pee!

I have NEVER punished a child for not going on the potty, and this definitely has the ring of truth to it, the way she burst into tears unexpectedly.

I feel so bad for her, so very terrible. I cannot believe some of the ways this dcg's parents treat her--time outs for crying and ordering her to stop crying and not letting her be independent where she wants to be (managing clothing, for example).

I don't know what to do...I don't know if I can look these people in the face and not say something.

[Blackcat31]

That is sad
However, IMPO, it may just be your place to speak up and say something. It could just be that the parents do not understand developmentally appropriate and would love to get a few pointers from someone who has so much experience.

[Unregistered]

OMG! That is so sad You are NEVER EVER supposed to punish a child for pottying in their pants

Maybe just try to positively reinforce it when she is successful at your house?

If it were me, I would ask the parents for a few seconds at drop off to discuss a different plan of action- sounds like the poor child needs an advocate. Can you print out some research?

[Sunshine44]

I'm a lot more strict on my own child than the daycare kids. If he has an accident, ok, but sometimes they aren't accidents and yes, he'd get in trouble. And I do not let my child sit around and cry because they don't get their way. If my own child cries/pitches a fit they are sent to time out in their room.

Not saying what the parents did is right or wrong, but its not always black and white.

[Ariana]

Poor girl I also don't agree with punishment for accidents. Most kids are not trying to tick you off.

I would bring it up with the parents and tell her it is causing her a lot of stress which will not help the situation. Tell them she was in tears and it's not how you do things. Don't expect them to listen because the damage is already done unfortunately.

[laundrymom]

I'm angry. I apologize for my response in advance.

Hi Mom! It's been a great day but there's something I need to discuss. About learning to potty. Now today she asked me if she had to sit in time out if she accident. Now, I have never had a child sit in TO for something that is a learning process. I strictly use it for a place to calm down and regroup if a child is having an issue with behavior. I feel, and im sure you agree, plus most experts agree that placing children in time out for struggling with developmental issues like potty learning, riding a bike, using scissors and even walking- is more detrimental than helpful. I'm not sure why she would ask that. Maybe she gets a to at grandmas? Or some one who doesn't keep up with child development. I wanted to be sure if she says it to you, that you don't think it happened here. I assured her that it was hard to figure our bodies out and that she would figure it out soon. But that she shouldn't be afraid because you know, when you are nervous about something, it's hard to concentrate. Like driving down the road with a light broken and having a cop behind you. It makes you so scared.
I told her I would talk to mommy so she could help other peOpel be more understanding.


Then smile & stare.

Hopefully she will be too embarrassed to admit she's the person. But if she says it was her ask her why? What purpose does to serve for having an accident? That's like going to jail for sliding into someone on ice in a parking lot. Its an accident.

[Cat Herder]

I can't stand it when parents do that. It is in EVERY parent forum, magazine and book since FOREVER. It should be pretty well known by now.

"Time Out" is ONLY intended for Deliberate/Destructive/Violent behaviors....

Wet underpants is enough to instill the point, here.

Now, a 7 year old "writing his name" on your sofa when told he can't play X-box.... That I could see the need for following through on a discipline plan.

[laundrymom]

I can't stand it when parents do that. It is in EVERY parent forum, magazine and book since FOREVER. It should be pretty well known by now.

"Time Out" is ONLY intended for Deliberate/Destructive/Violent behaviors....

Wet underpants is enough to instill the point, here.

Now, a 7 year old "writing his name" on your sofa when told he can't play X-box.... That I could see following through on a discipline plan.

Choking.... Veggie soup!!!!! Help!!!!! Rofl!

[dave4him]

Yeah well even adults have the truble from time to time....... no names

[Heidi]

Yeah well even adults have the truble from time to time....... no names

OOOOHHH DAAAAVE!!!!!

[Hunni Bee]

I don't know....

To put a two-year-old who is obviously not ready to potty-train in time-out is wrong, and counterproductive. If she's becoming upset and feeling badly about herself for not being successful at the potty, she's going to probably be less successful.

On the other hand, I don't know about there being no consequences for any child and any pottying accident.

I had (and still have) a four-year-old who, as part of his horrid tantrums, would undress and purposely urinate on himself, the floor and anything else in close proximity. This was deliberate, destructive and possibly violent ...

There were consequences from both me and his parents for this.