Final Notice?

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  • Meyou
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • Feb 2011
    • 2734

    Final Notice?

    Is it fair and helpful to give a family a final written warning about their child's behavior before I terminate? I'm still considering termination on Friday but giving myself a few days to think about it.

    I have a family with two children who account for 90% of my behavioral problems here. Mom and Dad are always quick to address the behavior but it's one of those situations where it's ALWAYS SOMETHING and the something is normally completely unpredictable or strange or dangerous.

    I would like to put on paper that the incident yesterday was the last one of it's magnitude that I will tolerate and then list other behaviors or policy violations that will now lead to immediate termination. Is this counterproductive?

    My biggest problem is that Mom is a childhood friend (I've posted about this family before) and I think I'll lose the family as a friend if I terminate. However, at this point I've resigned myself to that fact if it comes to it. I'm hoping a final notice will soften the blow? I'm pretty sure it's beyond this family to improve things with their children to the point they can stay long term. It's only a matter of time before something else happens.

    The latest incident involves me vacuuming my backyard with a shopvac and until then no child can even go in my backyard (and outdoor playspace). Hopefully DH can get to it this weekend since he needs daylight to clean up the glass.
  • Meyou
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • Feb 2011
    • 2734

    #2
    23 views and noone has an opinion?

    Comment

    • Kaddidle Care
      Daycare.com Member
      • Dec 2010
      • 2090

      #3
      Glass? Yikes!!! What did they do? Do what you have to do for the safety of the other children and your sanity.

      I personally don't think a final notice is required especially in this case.

      Are the parents aware of this last incident? I might have them sign an incident report.

      Comment

      • Meyou
        Advanced Daycare.com Member
        • Feb 2011
        • 2734

        #4
        She found a jar in the backyard which I think fell out of a recycling bag when one of my daughters was putting them out. That's the only explanation I can come up with as to why it was there. She threw it and it shattered on the frozen ground. We don't throw things and she's 4 so she obviously knows better.

        They're aware although we haven't discussed it extensively. I was too angry last night to have a conversation with Dad so he just took the kids and went home with them. They're home with mom today (normal day home).

        Comment

        • Cat Herder
          Advanced Daycare.com Member
          • Dec 2010
          • 13744

          #5
          Have you had a conference with them yet to work out a discipline plan specific for her?

          That may be the best place to start if there is the slightest hope of salvaging the friendship....

          Yes, It is possible they are feeling the same way about the conflict of friendship/business and a clean, mutual, daycare split may be the best answer for everyone.

          It is also possible that a well thought out and consistently enforced discipline plan (both at daycare AND home) may solve all the behavioral issues AND strengthen the friendship.
          - Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.

          Comment

          • Meyou
            Advanced Daycare.com Member
            • Feb 2011
            • 2734

            #6
            I have a discipline plan in effect for their other child that involves her never being left alone with any children here even for a second among other things. If you remember the bad bite I had here before Christmas? That was the younger sibling of this one.

            I don't have a plan for this one but she's the child that strangled her sister last year. She also regularly lies and implicates other children when she breaks rules, has bitten her sister twice in the past month here and once at home (left a bruise), has ALWAYS had to nap in a completely separate area of the house or she wakes everyone deliberately and I could go on and on but those are the major (current) problems.

            Catherder, do you really think a plan will work with this child and family? I just don't know. What I do know is that out of the 8 children I have here during the week 9 out of 10 timeouts, redirections or problems involve these two children and it's been that was since the oldest was about 18 months.

            Comment

            • Cat Herder
              Advanced Daycare.com Member
              • Dec 2010
              • 13744

              #7
              You know what I would do..... Begin to dread child's arrival.... Star on calendar..... 30 days, no change.... Term. That is what works for me and my program.

              I can't say 100% what will work for you. I just sensed that you were hesitant and wanted to give you a way to assess if it was time to let them go without guilt.

              If you value the friendship more than your sanity OR would feel like you somehow failed....then keep working at it for a bit longer KNOWING it is about your needs, not theirs.

              If you know these children are taking away from EVERYONE in your home, then give them notice this week. I think (just me, not necessarily anyone else) it will be a HUGE weight off everyone and the rest of the group will thrive.

              Only you know the needs of your group, though.... KWIM?
              - Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.

              Comment

              • Kaddidle Care
                Daycare.com Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 2090

                #8
                Originally posted by Meyou
                She found a jar in the backyard which I think fell out of a recycling bag when one of my daughters was putting them out. That's the only explanation I can come up with as to why it was there. She threw it and it shattered on the frozen ground. We don't throw things and she's 4 so she obviously knows better.

                They're aware although we haven't discussed it extensively. I was too angry last night to have a conversation with Dad so he just took the kids and went home with them. They're home with mom today (normal day home).
                While I understand that this was the last straw, I wouldn't 100% blame the child for this one. It was an unfortunate accident. Thankfully nobody was hurt. (I'm sure she's not allowed to throw glass items around at home.)

                Try to place yourself outside your situation. If it were anyone's child, (not a personal friend's) would you have terminated already? Probably.

                Comment

                • Meyou
                  Advanced Daycare.com Member
                  • Feb 2011
                  • 2734

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Catherder
                  You know what I would do..... Begin to dread child's arrival.... Star on calendar..... 30 days, no change.... Term. That is what works for me and my program.

                  I can't say 100% what will work for you. I just sensed that you were hesitant and wanted to give you a way to assess if it was time to let them go without guilt.

                  If you value the friendship more than your sanity OR would feel like you somehow failed....then keep working at it for a bit longer KNOWING it is about your needs, not theirs.

                  If you know these children are taking away from EVERYONE in your home, then give them notice this week. I think (just me, not necessarily anyone else) it will be a HUGE weight off everyone and the rest of the group will thrive.

                  Only you know the needs of your group, though.... KWIM?
                  I hear you. You're telling me what I'm already thinking and know. They do cause a strain on the group and there is a difference when they aren't here. It's almost like the group and I alter our day when they're here to manage the damage if you know what I mean. Things are just different. Days without them are clear skies for the most part and days with them are always a pending thunderstorm.

                  I value the friendship highly but I also KNOW for a fact that if the friendship wasn't involved I would have terminated last year when the strangling happened. I wouldn't have put this last year in with the list of problems that happened. This is so hard.

                  Comment

                  • Sunshine44
                    Running away from home
                    • May 2011
                    • 278

                    #10
                    I totally agree with Kaddidle Care on this one. I don't know the other things that have gone on that have you at your terming point with this one, but I wouldn't hold it against the child. It was an accident. The glass was there, it broke. Honestly, if the kids are outside, I let them throw balls and play around...now, I understand glass and toys are different...but the kid is 4 and is outside.

                    Comment

                    • Meyou
                      Advanced Daycare.com Member
                      • Feb 2011
                      • 2734

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Sunshine44
                      I totally agree with Kaddidle Care on this one. I don't know the other things that have gone on that have you at your terming point with this one, but I wouldn't hold it against the child. It was an accident. The glass was there, it broke. Honestly, if the kids are outside, I let them throw balls and play around...now, I understand glass and toys are different...but the kid is 4 and is outside.
                      We don't throw. Balls or anything else. She smashed it on the ground. Please don't think it was an accident. It wasn't. I listed some of the other things in a previous post. They include biting, lying and trying to smother her sister among a long list.

                      Comment

                      • Cat Herder
                        Advanced Daycare.com Member
                        • Dec 2010
                        • 13744

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Meyou
                        I hear you. You're telling me what I'm already thinking and know. They do cause a strain on the group and there is a difference when they aren't here. It's almost like the group and I alter our day when they're here to manage the damage if you know what I mean. Things are just different. Days without them are clear skies for the most part and days with them are always a pending thunderstorm.

                        I value the friendship highly but I also KNOW for a fact that if the friendship wasn't involved I would have terminated last year when the strangling happened. I wouldn't have put this last year in with the list of problems that happened. This is so hard.
                        I know you do... It IS hard. We are talking about kids, not changing caulk color.

                        It is never easy. I can count on one hand the number of times I have done it and I still feel a bit bad about each one.

                        I do have to say the entire world gets better once it is done. Watching the rest of the group blossom was always worth it for me in the end.

                        Also, they all (the ones I let go) did better once they moved on to a "one age" type chain center. The more specific age group setting seemed to "even the decks" and they got with the program better.

                        IMHO, (not scientifically proven by any means) Not everyone naturally makes a good leader... for some reason ALL of the ones I had to let go were the oldest of the group. MOST of my "oldest" kids did wonderfully...but a few seemed to use it to pick at weaker kids... YKWIM?
                        - Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.

                        Comment

                        • countrymom
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • Aug 2010
                          • 4874

                          #13
                          with all the issues, I sometimes wonder "how does a parent not realize how bad their child is" At 4, they know better, doesn't matter that it was a jar, why didn't she bring it too you. I have 2 yr olds that bring me everything. I really don't think it was an accident. I would stick it out for 1 month and then if it doesn't improve then term. I would tell the parents that the 4 yr old has outgrown your program. and if they value the friendship, then they will understand.

                          Comment

                          • cheerfuldom
                            Advanced Daycare.com Member
                            • Dec 2010
                            • 7413

                            #14
                            I would terminate. Nothing is going to magically change after a written warning when you have discussed the same issues over and over and tried to address it on your own as well.

                            Comment

                            • Blackcat31
                              • Oct 2010
                              • 36124

                              #15
                              Meyou~ I think you already know the answer but are simply trying hard not to have to be the bad guy. These issues aren't new and you know they aren't going to change.

                              Sometimes things just are what they are. Plain and simple.

                              Comment

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