Nannyde Question About Bye Bye

[Heidi]

Hi Nanny-

I spent a few minutes on your blog reading about the bye bye outside program again. I have been doing something similar lately with my group of 4 sibs.

Earlier this week, I had a situation where a 3yo absolutely REFUSED to put her shoes on, and had a major melt down.

Just wondering how you would handle that? Carry her out to mom without shoes, wait her out (meaning mom sits in the car with the other 3, which would require mom's cooperation), or put the shoes on her yourself?

[Heidi]

refreshing cause Nan doesn't spend her weekends on the computer

[Michael]

refreshing cause Nan doesn't spend her weekends on the computer

I bet Nannyde has answered just about any conceivable childcare question here. She has over 4000 posts. Here are some threads that may help and I bet she have suggestions in a lot of them: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=tantrums

[daycare]

I am not Nan, but when a child acts this way, I don't fight them. I would simply ask the child. Would you like to put your shoes on or would you like me to do it?

NO answer from child, then I say would you like me to put your shoes on or no shoes? Don't battle a child for something like this....

I would just try to get the child out to mom asap and let mom deal with it...

Also, don't wait until mom arrives for pick up to decide to put the childs shoes on.

Do the children have a set drop off and pick up?

I do contracted hours so that I know when to expect the parents to pick up. About 5 min before the parent is due to arrive, I have the children get ready to go or I do it for them. This way there is no need to battle them with the parent present. Kid is ready to go. If I need to talk to mom it's a phone call home after DC hours or an email. But normally a phone call.

Defuse the problem before it starts....

[Heidi]

I am not Nan, but when a child acts this way, I don't fight them. I would simply ask the child. Would you like to put your shoes on or would you like me to do it?

NO answer from child, then I say would you like me to put your shoes on or no shoes? Don't battle a child for something like this....

I would just try to get the child out to mom asap and let mom deal with it...

Also, don't wait until mom arrives for pick up to decide to put the childs shoes on.

Do the children have a set drop off and pick up?

I do contracted hours so that I know when to expect the parents to pick up. About 5 min before the parent is due to arrive, I have the children get ready to go or I do it for them. This way there is no need to battle them with the parent present. Kid is ready to go. If I need to talk to mom it's a phone call home after DC hours or an email. But normally a phone call.

Defuse the problem before it starts....

We have a routine, she got a warning, and she got a choice. It all just escalated.

I just wanted to see how "toughguy" nan would have handled it, because her and I look at things very differently sometimes, and I wanted a different perspective (for next time)

I've already decided that I will tell her once (no, I will not offer to do it for her, because that is a hurtle we already jumped, and I am not going back). If she chooses not do put them on, I will let mom handle it. If mom doesn't (ie takes the little ones to the car and leaves her with me screaming), I will carry dcg to the car and deposit her there. She will no longer have me as an audience!

[Sunshine44]

I personally would just do it for them.

[Cat Herder]

It cracks me up that you see her as a "tough guy". She is a big softie from my point of view.....

IMHO, The buh-bye outside plan/changing of the guard blog is more about recognizing the progression/escalation pattern emerging and nipping it in the bud consistently.

Not playing into it, preventing it whenever possible and stopping it quickly are the best way to get it under control for me.

[Heidi]

It cracks me up that you see her as a "tough guy". She is a big softie from my point of view.....

IMHO, The buh-bye outside plan/changing of the guard blog is more about recognizing the progression/escalation pattern emerging and nipping it in the bud consistently.

Not playing into it, preventing it whenever possible and stopping it quickly are the best way to get it under control for me.

tough guy might not be the right way to say it...Nan is very black and white, and I totally appreciate that about her.

I have established routines, not trying to sound rude, but 90% of the time, pick up goes well, even with 4 leaving together. I was looking for the short answer on how Nan would handle that "suprise" moment.

[Christian Mother]

Nan is awesome with her advise!!

You know for me..I have a little guy who is really independent...he likes to do everything on his own but if he's upset he throws a tantrum and won't let anyone help him and he can't do it him self. Pick up time for 2 of my kids including this one is 3:30pm and snack is at 3pm so I will ashually put both his shoes and socks on while he is sitting in his booster chair while hes eating snack. He doesn't seem to complain much bc he's eating. That way when dad comes he's ready to go. Dad has tried in the past to get shoes and socks on and will threaten him that he can walk out side in his bear feet when it's cold if he wont wear them. But he ends up holding him out the door anyway so it defeats the purpose of threatening him. I say just put them on 5 min before pick up and if he refuses then just let mom and dad know that he refused and hand him over to the parents to deal with.

[daycare]

I just dont understand why you would battle a child this age over shoes?

[Heidi]

I just dont understand why you would battle a child this age over shoes?

never mind....

[mickey2]

I think if the drama works and they have an audience they will keep doing it. She sees it as a battle with you because you are showing her that you care. Maybe if she thinks you don't care one way or the other it will stop. I don't do drama. I have had a few who tried however I walk away and I ignore them and let them be, unless of course they are doing something to hurt them self or someone else. DCB 3 refused to put his shoes on to go play outside when he first started here last year. He wanted me to do it and i refused every time. I told him that once all the others had their shoes on we were going out. He would have to sit on the stairs until he put them on just watching the other dcks play. He would cry and scream at the top of his lungs hoping I would pay attention to him. I ignored him and concentrated on playing and laughing and having fun with the others. It very quickly stopped for me. He still does this sort of thing for others but is the sweetest most loveable little fella here because he knows this sort of thing gets him nowhere.

What is the weather like where are you located? You say shoes and not boots so I am wondering if perhaps when it is close to the time when she leaves to go home are you able to do a similar thing and get the kids outside for a bit while waiting for them to be picked up or is it too cold where you are?

Here it is like -20 F most days or colder this time of the year and the kids all wear big heavy snowsuits, mitts, hats, scarves, big winter boots etc, so it would not be an option here but if it is warmer where you live maybe getting the others dressed and outside for pickup and letting them play while waiting might be an idea? This is what I do in the summer and fall as it makes pickups so much faster when they are already outside.

Save the drama for mom and dad who probably allow it.