Am I The Only One??

[Unregistered]

Am I the only one miserable with there job but stuck because this is what you have done for so many years and you can't afford work anywhere else? I used to love this job, I enjoyed my day and kids. Now I dread each day before it even arrives.

I hate that my home has to be business and can never be home. There can't be a single mess and that after 12 hours of work I have to scramble to clean up after my family and daycare. I hate living in fear of inspections, my lady is super picky and rude. I hate not having time off, sick time or any me time.

I envy my parents who homes are places they live and enjoy and the troubles of work can be left behind. But, I am stuck. Where can I go these days to make 25-30 an hour with little education and no job experience?

[Heidi]

Ok-look at the bright side:

-some of us make $450 a week, including food program & before expenses!


-if you have small children, you get to be home with them!


I don't know your circumstances, but here are some things that might help:

-register on this site and get a place to vent, find advice & support, and get ideas for organizing your time & home to make it more fun!

-if possible, make a space in your home that is daycare free, your own bedroom would be ideal. Make it a cozy sanctuary for yourself (and hubby if there is one).

-try to do household chores at nap time, so that once the kids leave, you have your downtime

[Mary Poppins]

This is what I told a member recently who was feeling burned out:

I plan "staycations" locally just so I can GET OUT of the house at least one weekend a month. I'm sure there are tons of cool places you can go if you look, within a short distance.

Some of my favorites here are these great, old, Victorian era hotels, or a cabin in the woods. I always pick one that is adjacent to one of the many hotsprings nearby (those are the BEST in winter ahhhh).

With the $ you make, you can surely afford to find a home-away-from-home to just unwind at and believe me, it is a great way to recharge your batteries!!

[permanentvacation]

If you make enough income, hire a helper to work a few hours per day for you so you can get out of the house during the day. Then you won't have to switch jobs, but can lower the amount of hours you work.

[Cat Herder]

I feel this way about every 28 days.

Mostly kidding, but really, simplify. Look around and figure out what you can take off your shoulders.

I have an old printout that I will copy and paste.

I read it every couple years or so when I get the urge to get OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!! I have to remind myself WHY I decided to do this, too.... lovethis

PROVIDER BURNOUT

In a study conducted at the University of Maryland, by Susan Walker, PhD, in-home family daycare providers were proven to be particularly prone to personal stress. The factors that they stated contributed to this were: long hours (average of 60 hours a week), low pay (an average of $15,000 a year), and the low value of their job to the public despite the huge need for care. All of these factors deem daycare providers at high risk for burnout.

There are three stages of burnout:

1. Stress Arousal Stage Persistent irritability and anxiety
Bruxism and/or Insomnia
Occasional forgetfulness and/or inability to concentrate
2. Stress Resistance Stage Absenteeism or tardiness for work
Tired and fatigued for no reason
Procrastination and indecision
Social withdrawal with cynicism
Resentful, indifferent, defiant
Increased use of coffee, alcohol, tobacco, etc.
3. Severe Exhaustion Stage Chronic sadness or depression
Chronic mental and physical fatigue
Chronic stress related illnesses (headache, stomach ache, bowel problems, etc.)

So how do you know if you or a loved one is suffering from burnout?
Here are the early warning signs.

Chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
Anger at those making demands
Self-criticism for putting up with the demands
Cynicism, negativity, and irritability
A sense of being besieged
Exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
Frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbance
Weight loss or gain
Sleeplessness and depression
Shortness of breath
Suspiciousness
Feelings of helplessness
Increased degree of risk taking
Isolation, withdrawal, self-destructive thoughts

What do you do if you are suffering from burnout?

Take a break!!! Get a massage, meditate, hide, stare at a wall...get away!
Ask for love ones to lighten the load and help with your responsibilities.
Simplify your life. What can you take out?
Relax and nurture yourself.
Seek professional help if it gets severe.
Reduce your stress!!!

STRESS
Know thy enemy...

Studies has proven that in-home daycare providers are more prone to stress than the average bear.
Yet there are little or no resources to daycare providers for reducing and managing stress.
Why is this? We can only suppose that everyone is too stressed out to do anything about it!

In a study of providers in Maryland:
37% of providers rated themselves as experiencing very high
or somewhat high levels of stress in the past month
54.5% had effects on health behaviors
51.7% enjoy their job less than typical population
35% report feeling bad physically
33.6% experienced strong moods

WHAT IS STRESS?

Stress is the excitement, feeling of anxiety and/or physical tension that occurs when
demands placed on an individual exceed his or her ability to cope.

We need stress in many ways. It helps us to survive, it is our fight or flight response.
It helps us to cross the street, move out of the way when something is thrown at us, be frightened
when somebody yells “boo”. We want to stay out of the way of danger so our body physically
responds to surprises so we don’t kill ourselves and we fear things.

Stress response: When challenged, the body undergoes a progressive series of responses that are first triggered by an external stimulus termed the stressor. The more prolonged and accelerating reactions produce an intense and severe disruption called strain. All of this moves the body away from homeostasis, the maintenance of equilibrium of the internal body functions in response to external changes.

WHAT CAUSES STRESS?

Psychological causes
Life changes--events, circumstances or perceptions
Overload--too much to do, not enough time to do it
Insufficient resources--not enough money or time
Frustration--lack of happiness or fulfillment
Trauma or loss--death of a close friend or relative

External causes
Occupation
Environmental strain (noise, temperature, etc.)
Substance abuse (alcohol/drugs)
Nutritional excesses (caffeine, sugar)
Nutritional deficiencies (vitamins or nutrients)

Personality causes
Self-perception
Anxious reactivity, hypervigilance, worry
Need for control,
Time urgency
Anger or hostility

Major sources of stress in daycare include:

conflicts with parents
role conflict
not being able to balance work and family
fairness in housework
feeling overloaded
not having enough time for family activities
not enough time with family
not enough money
conflict with their own family
not having enough children in their daycare

Other things that effect our stress:

Poor resource management: Time and money are precious and limited resources. Wasting either of these creates serious tension and stress. Unwillingness to delegate or let go of control also increases stress.

Personal relationships: Romance and love are exciting eustress experiences while conflict, jealousy and resentment are common distresses when a relationship breaks down.

Self-perception: Low self-esteem and self-confidence together with the absence of feeling connected or empowered, can all precipitate stress reactions. Taken to excess (self-confidence) these can lead to egoism and ****iness which will cause different stress reactions.

Beliefs and attitudes: Family scripts like "A penny saved is a penny earned," "A job worth doing is worth doing well" can cause undue stress and force the person to live up to an unrealistic image.

WHAT ARE POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF STRESS ON THE BODY?

muscle tightness and tension
decreased immunity, increased sickness
aches/pains in back and neck
fatigue and lack of energy
headaches, migraines
digestive problems
depression and/or anxiety
decreased ability of movement
accelerated aging
These can lead to: high blood pressure; restricted movement;
ulcers; heart attack; cancer; stroke; etc.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT OUR STRESS?

Simplify your life
Avoid over-commitment and over-responsibility
Learn how to say "NO".
Delegate your duties, have others help you.
Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep
Relax and breathe
Take some time for you everyday

REDUCING STRESS

"It's not what happens to you in life that matters,
it's how you react to what happens to you that counts."

4 areas that you can reduce stress in your daycare business:

1. Daycare environment-
How is your daycare set up? Is it cluttered? Are toys and activities easily accessible? Is it bright and cheery or dark and dreary? What colors are the basic colors of the room? Does the area provide space to relax or is it constantly high energy? Did you know that you can use color and scents to induce different moods and tones in your house?

2. Business Practices-
Do your parents drive you crazy? Do they know what is expected of them? Do you have policies in place? Do you act like a professional? Did you know that you can train your parents how to treat you and your business? How do you find the balance between giving the parents what they want and keeping your sanity? Do you run your daycare like a business or like a babysitting service? Do you have preschool programs? What can you do to enhance your services to the family that you can have fun with?

3. Children-
Do the children know what is expected of them? Are you consistent with discipline or is it something you have to continue to revisit? Do children have a balance of relaxing and stimulating activities? Is there enough transition time between activities? Is there enough variety of toys and activities for each child's interests? Do you have engaging activities such as music, exercise or stretching, yoga, dancing, that keeps the children interested and allow them to use fine and gross motor control?

4. Your self-
Do you take enough time for you? (HA!--we all say) Do you think you DESERVE time for yourself? Do you know how to nurture your body, mind, and spirit? Do you exercise some everyday besides lifting kids on and off the diaper changing table? Do you have a hobby that you have been dying to take up? Is your attitude positive? Can you learn how to make some time for yourself everyday? Are you too serious or do you laugh things off easily? Do you over-commit yourself? Do you ask others for help? Do you take time off?

[Blackcat31]

I read it every couple years or so when I get the urge to get OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!! I have to remind myself WHY I decided to do this, too.... lovethis

lovethis

Child care is like everything else in life, sometimes we need to take a good hard honest look at what we CAN change and stop focusing on what we can't.

[momofboys]

Am I the only one miserable with there job but stuck because this is what you have done for so many years and you can't afford work anywhere else? I used to love this job, I enjoyed my day and kids. Now I dread each day before it even arrives.

I hate that my home has to be business and can never be home. There can't be a single mess and that after 12 hours of work I have to scramble to clean up after my family and daycare. I hate living in fear of inspections, my lady is super picky and rude. I hate not having time off, sick time or any me time.

I envy my parents who homes are places they live and enjoy and the troubles of work can be left behind. But, I am stuck. Where can I go these days to make 25-30 an hour with little education and no job experience?

I'm sorry you are feeling down. Can I ask why you can't take a day off or why you feel as though you can't? You need to take care of you & make time for yourself - schedule a day off with just your kids 1x a month if you can & see if that can help!

[2ndmom2many]

You're not alone - kinda long

I wish I could give you some really good advice, but the best I've seen is Catherder's reply. there's some great information there. But I think I'm pretty much done. I am feeling the same way and don't know what to do. I am miserable. I have taken care of children for most of my life but decided to do this full time "as a profession" about 10 years ago. For the most part I have enjoyed my chosen career. With every group (at capacity) I've had in the past, I may have had 1-2 challenging children. Now, It's all of them! I have 4 boys ranging from 19 mos. to 30 mos. and they are all challenging. There is absolutely no way I could handle my full capacity (6) with this group. By lunchtime every day, I am ready to quit. Our naptime is after lunch so I have about an hour and a half to eat and try to restore my sanity.

I have 4 boys, 19 mos. 20 mos, 29 mos., and 33 mos. and they are all challenging. Preparing snacks and meals has become horrible. I cannot turn my back for a second- not joking here- because one of them will hurt another or endanger themselves. I have to put the youngest (my climbing,rough playing houdini) in a high chair while preparing food and separate the rest- where I can still see them. Lunch is a fiasco. I've tried all kinds of indoor activities to keep them busy, which may work for up to 10 minutes tops for each activity and that's with me overextending. All bets are off outside, they will not participate in any activity.

I have two different parents who, will not show up on time for arrival, even though they give me a schedule weekly. One tells me she'll be here at 7:30am and it may be anytime between 7:30-10:30am. the other tells me 8am and could show up anytime between 8 and 10am. I have talked to each of them repeatedly about the importance of calling/texting if they need to change their schedule. My policy even states that if you do not arrive within 30 minutes of your scheduled time, we will move forward with our day, which may include trips off premises. One of them even showed up an hour early while I was taking my son to school- which by the way, is the only time she's ever been early - and was mad because I was not home.

This group of parents and children drive me insane! I decided to go back to school last fall to get my associate's in IT but I won't graduate until next year. I'm not sure I can make it that long!

[Meyou]

Wow Catherder! I love it and have printed it. I really needed to read that actually. I made a very hard decision to term a client I have had for a long time this week and I've been feeling better physically but struggling with guilt. Your article put everything in perspective for me. Changing things was the right thing to do for me. I had all (ALL) the signs of severe burnout according to your article although at the time I only knew that I just couldn't take it anymore. I even apologized to my kids this week for being crazy and well....mean to them for the past few weeks. One said, "Ooooh, I was wondering why I was in trouble all the time lately." and the other said, "Mom, I'm SOO glad you finally let them go. They just don't listen and you can get anyone to listen." (Why didn't I ask HER for advice??? :P )

To the OP, first off, I totally understand. <3 Secondly, try and determine exactly what is bothering you and see if you can make some changes. Maybe less kids, maybe bring someone in to help a few mornings a week temporarily, maybe plan a weekly outing so you all get out of the house. I hope you find something that works and you will feel better.

[DaisyMamma]

Time to make some changes.
12 hours a day is too much, do some trimming. 10 hours is more than enough.
Hire a substitute and take a couple of days off per week.

[momma2girls]

There are many days I feel the same way. I cut back my hrs. from about 11 1/2 hrs. per day, to a 9 hr. day. This is plenty of hrs. each day!!! Take this times 5 days a week, you are still looking at , at least 5 hrs. OT each week!!

[PitterPatter]

I feel the same way, sometimes worse than other but then I weight the pro's #1 being I am home for my own child instead of placing him somewhere. #2 I am my own boss, I wear what I want, I sit down when I want, I make the rules.

Having said that 1 of the major things I do have a hard time dealing with even on a good day is the daycare home. I too would love to have just the living room even, beautiful with no sign of children but being that my home is small daycare stretches through 3 rooms. That is kinda depressing. I spend a lot of my time off in my bedroom just so I don't see toys and educational wall decor etc.

My advise to you would be weigh the pros and cons and do as much work as you can during nap time. Get out of the house when you can even if only to window shop. Treat yourself to a gift basket of your favorites. Candle lit bubble baths or a long hot shower. Anything that you like/love indulge in as often as you can.

I hope you feel better soon!

[itlw8]

If I made $25 to $30 an hour I would be very happy.

sorry but really maybe it is time to go back to school and get that education my bil did and changed careers he is now a music teacher He was 53 when he graduated maybe it is time to change or tweek what you do.

[saved4always]

You are definitely not the only one....

I love the children I provide care for right now. But, I have found that I make about $2.70 to $8.30 per hour depending on how many of the 3 children I watch are here on a particular day. I usually end up working 5 days a week, so, really, I am usually making less than minimum wage but I am often working 45 hours a week. So...I am making next to nothing and my house is a prisoner to daycare. With my kids ranging from elementary school to graduated high school, I often feel it is time that my home reflects where I actually am in life.

So, change is a-coming. Stay tuned.

[Crazy8]

holy cow.... $25-30 an HOUR??? That means $1500+ a week??? I know money can't buy happiness but if I got to do any job from home for that much I think I'd be over the moon happy.

But since you are not, you need to reevaluate WHY you are no longer happy? What has changed? Is it your current families, maybe you need to make some changes - maybe lessen the load if you can afford to. Or hire an assistant/sub so you can get out a little more. Not sure how long you've been doing this but are your own in school now? Maybe that is making you resent this job now, because you are stuck at home while your kids are in school?? I don't know - just trying to think outloud. Regardless of the amount of money, if you are not happy changes need to be made. I agree with others - 12 hours is a long day, I would cut down to 10 - depends on what the majority of your families REALLY need (work on contracted hours - not open to close). If it means losing families, oh well, replace them with some that can work within your hours. Use nap time for laundry/dinner, etc. I'd have to say that is the biggest perk to doing this job for me. Rearrange your daycare space if at all possible. My kids walk out the door I do a quick wipe down of the toys/floors/tables and shut the light of the playroom - the ENTIRE rest of the house is OURS - not the daycare. Sometimes I hate having a small daycare area/playroom but I know the alternative is to give up more of my family space and I am not willing to do that.

Good luck. I know I have times where I get a little bored in this job but I think that happens in any profession. It usually passes or I make some simple changes to spice it up a bit again!!