Not Sure If I Can Keep My Patience (Sorry Long)

[justgettingstarted]

I have a one year old DCB that is settling in now and doing just fine. He has a blast following my 2 year old around. He's bonding with me always wanting me to hold him and give him loves. He gets great care including all organic foods, tons of activities and daily reports. The only problem is the mom. She's pretty nice and always pays on time no problem but she will not stop calling and every time she picks him up she has a million questions - what brands of baby food do you give him (we've been over this many times), where did this scratch come from (he showed up with it that morning), on and on and always seeming very skeptical like I'm lying and actually neglecting him (even though he usually doesn't want to leave). This morning when dad dropped him off he cried, of course he cried, he's one and his daddy is leaving. I picked him right up and bounced him, we waved bye bye through the window and all was fine. We were having a great pancake breakfast and mom called not 15 minutes later checking in because dad called her and told her he had a "melt down" at drop off. I told her he was just fine, stopped crying right after he left and was happily eating. She wanted to "talk" to him - I tried to hold the phone up to his ear he was only interested in the light on the phone so I gave up after a few seconds. I assured her he was fine. She called back just 2 hours later to check again and wanted to "talk" to him again. She asked how he plays with my son like he's mean to him or something and that's why he cried that morning. My son is very sweet and mild mannered and never hits or bites - which I've also told her many times.

I'm really getting tired of this. I can deal with it right now but have a third toddler starting in a couple weeks and a newborn starting in a couple of months and simply will not have the time to deal with her. And I'm really starting to get offended. I just got an email from a mom that I interviewed a while back but couldn't take because of the schedule (I'd be over my infant limit) - she was asking again if I could take her daughter...I'm starting to think it may be time for a change. What do you think? Do you have parents like this? Would you tolerate it? Should I term him?

[Blackcat31]

Similar thread. May have ideas on how to deal with this.

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37061

[cheerfuldom]

Be honest. Let her know that the constant repeat of questions is making you feel that she does not trust you to care for her child. Would she prefer to look for someone she does trust? She may not realize how these questions come across to you. It most likely is more about her feeling like she is doing something important as a mom and still hands on even though he is at daycare all day. Obviously, he is doing well. Either she believes you and only addresses new issues (not the same ones over and over) or she finds another provider that she feels more comfortable with.

[sharlan]

I would have a very frank conversation with the mother. Tell her that her constant calling is interfering with the care you provide for the children. I would also tell her that if she is so uncomfortable that she has to call so often, that your home may not be the best fit for her child. (In other words, stop calling or find new daycare.)

[daycare]

i know how hard it is for new parents to leave their little pride and joy at daycare. However, this mom sounds way to over concerned.

As the others said you need to be frank with her and tell her straight out like it is. Tell her that you were able to do XY and Z before, but now that your daycare is growing you will need to give equal attention to all children in care. Let her know what you will do.

For example, when a child cries at drop off, as soon as they stop crying (which is usually when the door closes) I snap a pic with my phone and send it to the parents. Sometimes with a silly caption...

Later I may take a snap shot of the kids playing toys. I will send it to all of the parents.

If they did something cool that day, I'll send that too, but never usually more than one pic.

I tell parents that by NOT hearing from me is a good sign. If there is a problem, they will be the first to know.

I would do what blackcat does and put a x on your calendar for let's say a certain number of days for mom to get used to the new things that you will do. If she can't start playing by your rules, then let her go.

If this were me, I would only give her a week. Then I would say see ya later gator...

[Sprouts]

I use baby connect.com, its also an app on the iPhone...just $5, super worth it. I always update when baby naps, when and what they ate, poopy diapers, activities...and they can see what I add when I add it on, parents love it. This might help with all of the questions...

[Meeko]

I use baby connect.com, its also an app on the iPhone...just $5, super worth it. I always update when baby naps, when and what they ate, poopy diapers, activities...and they can see what I add when I add it on, parents love it. This might help with all of the questions...

Good grief...what did parents do before all this technology came along? Call or expect a call for every diaper change, every mouthful of food, each time they burp, etc etc. It would drive me nuts.

If I have a problem...I'll call the parent. Other than that...let me do my job without having to detail every single second of the day!

[Ariana]

I think this mom is an attention seeker and you're giving into it is making it worse. I had to completely stop communication with one of my daycare dads because he would be standing in my doorway for 10 minutes chatting and it was getting annoying. He actually e-mailed me one night to tell me his daughter liked blueberry muffins :confused:

I have it written in my contract that any and all comunication is carried out in the daily log that is sent home each day and that phone calls to the daycare are for emergencies only. I also encourage e-mails but that they will be answered whenever I have a free moment. Chatting in the doorway and chatting on the phone is not something I tolerate at all.

I think reigning in this mom needs to happen asap.

[justgettingstarted]

Thanks everyone. I guess I needed some encouragement to have an uncomfortable conversation with her. I know its part of the job but since I'm new to this I'm just not used to it and dreading it big time. I'll be a big girl and talk to her on Monday when she picks him up and let her know that when my third DCK starts I may not be able to answer the phone but that I'll call her right away if there is any problem.

No matter how that conversation goes and how she acts after, I've made my decision. I'm going to take on the other child now and when the newborn starts in a couple months I'm terming him. His schedule varies so I can't fill the days he's not here so financially its just not worth it. She got off work early yesterday (the same day as the crying at drop off) and showed up unexpectedly. She saw that I had a play tent and tunnels still out in the playroom and asked if that was what I did, just put stuff out and let them go. What does she expect, circle time? They're one! And they had an absolute blast playing in the tent and tunnels. I think no matter what I do it will never be good enough.

I would love to use the iphone app mentioned but my phone is practically from the stone age. I do already take pictures throughout the day and post them on my website at nap time. I made sure to take a pic of him smiling in his highchair at breakfast right after drop off but couldn't post it instantly.

[momma2girls]

Thanks everyone. I guess I needed some encouragement to have an uncomfortable conversation with her. I know its part of the job but since I'm new to this I'm just not used to it and dreading it big time. I'll be a big girl and talk to her on Monday when she picks him up and let her know that when my third DCK starts I may not be able to answer the phone but that I'll call her right away if there is any problem.

No matter how that conversation goes and how she acts after, I've made my decision. I'm going to take on the other child now and when the newborn starts in a couple months I'm terming him. His schedule varies so I can't fill the days he's not here so financially its just not worth it. She got off work early yesterday (the same day as the crying at drop off) and showed up unexpectedly. She saw that I had a play tent and tunnels still out in the playroom and asked if that was what I did, just put stuff out and let them go. What does she expect, circle time? They're one! And they had an absolute blast playing in the tent and tunnels. I think no matter what I do it will never be good enough.

I would love to use the iphone app mentioned but my phone is practically from the stone age. I do already take pictures throughout the day and post them on my website at nap time. I made sure to take a pic of him smiling in his highchair at breakfast right after drop off but couldn't post it instantly.

I am glad I don't have parents that do this same thing. I would have to tell them- I am way too busy to be answering the phone- just let your answering machine/voice mail get it all day.

[MyAngels]

asked if that was what I did, just put stuff out and let them go.

Next time she asks something condescending like this, I'd turn it back on her by asking her to detail exactly how she does everything at home, then proceed to pick it apart - but then again I can be a little, well, churlish, when people honk me off .

[justgettingstarted]

I am glad I don't have parents that do this same thing. I would have to tell them- I am way too busy to be answering the phone- just let your answering machine/voice mail get it all day.

If I don't answer she'll call my cell phone next. If I didn't answer that I'm pretty sure she'd just come over I know I've let her get out of control. She's my first mom and I was just so grateful to have a client!

[Ariana]

She got off work early yesterday (the same day as the crying at drop off) and showed up unexpectedly. She saw that I had a play tent and tunnels still out in the playroom and asked if that was what I did, just put stuff out and let them go. What does she expect, circle time? They're one! And they had an absolute blast playing in the tent and tunnels. I think no matter what I do it will never be good enough.

Wow she has definately overstayed her welcome IMO. How rude can you get? Term her, she's a loser

[mismatchedsocks]

Good grief...what did parents do before all this technology came along? Call or expect a call for every diaper change, every mouthful of food, each time they burp, etc etc. It would drive me nuts.

If I have a problem...I'll call the parent. Other than that...let me do my job without having to detail every single second of the day!

I agree. I do however day one send a text or picture to let them know how the first day is going, IF i hadnt heard from them by nap time. I do however wean them of this after week one...and even wean daily sheets except for children under 6 months. Once they get used to it here ( the parents I mean ) they will know when/what they ate and unless they need to know when child was changed who really cares?!

[justgettingstarted]

Well this week was a total disaster. On Monday, my son smacked his face on the play table and put his front tooth through the tip of his lip (he's totally fine now but he's never really hurt himself and even though it was minor to him it was like the world ended - tantrums, couldn't eat or drink, no pacifier, very long couple of days/nights). I only had this one DCK that day and had to call parents to come pick him up early. So, I had no opportunity for the uncomfortable conversation.

He was here again on Wednesday and I was so excited that I got him to take two decent naps happyface Unfortunately, he finally fell asleep right before mom came to pick up (she picks up around 3:30). I told her he had just gone down and offered to watch him while she ran some errands if she wanted or I could just wake him up. She said sure, she'd run to the grocery store and be back in 45 minutes. An hour later she called and said that she went home and would have dad pick up in another 45 minutes! I said, um, ok (since I had them pick up early on Monday). So, DCK wakes up, we do snack, crayons, then the last 15 minutes or so I took him into our back familyroom to play while I folded laundry (my son was still napping and I didn't want to wake him). Well Dad saw me bring him in from the familyroom to answer the door and he immediately asked very concerned if he was in the back room. I said yes and explained and he seemed fine. Then he started asking about how long it took to go down for second nap and if he cried and a million other questions. They finally left. That evening I emailed mom a really cute pic from that day and asked for next months schedule. She usually responds quickly but its been several days now and nothing. Something just tells me that they're looking for another daycare. I know I shouldn't care but I just started and would feel awful if they termed me. I was hoping to keep them a couple more months until another infant starts and really can't be out the income. All in all a really bad week. These parents are CRAZY!