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After receiving an unbelievable letter back from this DCM, I have decided to term them. I am in utter shock at the response this woman gave me. I have NEVER seen someone so selfish. I should have just gone with my gut. If I have the time and energy to write out her reaponse letter I will tomorrow, even if just for pure giggles, shock and awe for you all. Now should I give her any notice or let this fall under my clause to terminate immediately at my discretion.
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So here it is in all it's glory. What gets me is that she actually thinks that there would be a chance in he double hockey sticks that I would be able to continue to work with her. She obviously really couldn't have thought that she could have written me a letter like that and expect us to continue to have a great working relationship could she?? Several things she wrote in here are just flat our untrue. See my response to her in the next post....keeping it ALL professional.
"First, let me address your concerns. I do agree that communication is important on both ends and it is very hard to hold a converstation during drop off and pick up times with chaos in the background. During the workday text messages are the best way of communication for me unless and emergency arises. Then, you may contact me any way necessary. You may also email me at ******* if need be during work hours, but if you email me after work hours I will not be able to view the email until the next business day when I return to work. In the evenings, phone calls or text messages are good, but there are times when I may not be able to respond in a timely manner due to my mother/wife rolls in our household. I will do my best to respond as soon as I can.
As for the sickness policy, I will from this point on be sure to provide a doctor's note after every illness visit with the doctor. When I spoke with the doctor the other evening she did not seem concerned about the daycare situation when I asked and said that he would be okay to return the very next day. It did not even cross my mind about getting a doctor's note at that time as she responded with no hesitation about the threat to others. Furthermore, if there had been a threat to others DCB had already exposed them to the virus on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week before you knew that it was something more than the common cold. Plus, he was there prior to Christmas break sick along with you and a few others. More recently, you and your children had bronchitis (highly contagious) which DCB was exposed to, but you didn't seem to think this was an issue. I don't understand what difference it made for DCB to have to stay home yesterday and I miss work when he did not have a fever, discharge from nose was clear, and no diarrhea, ect.
Ideally, I would love to be a stay at home mom and care for my son myself, but unfortunately that is not an option at this point as financial situations do not allow that. We do not have any other options but you at this point to care for our son while DCD and I are at work. Everyone we know has to work full-time or is in college full time(as well as working). So, when DCB is sick DCD or I have to take off work to care for him. My sons well-being is my top priority and if he genuinely cannot attend daycare due to fever, discolored discharge, diarrhea, ect I completely understand and will call out of work with no hesitation. My absence from work yesterday was completely unnecessary and I am upset that I not only had to miss a day of work with no pay, but that I still have to pay you for caring for my child when you did not (when you should have).
Now, the $10 late fee...I apologize for the lateness. In all the chaos of the day on Tuesday the 3rd, payment was the farthest thing from my mind-especially because I'm not used to giving you a check on Tuesday. A friendly reminder would've been nice. I understand that you were sidetracked as well with my late arrival due to the weather and all, but to slap me with a late fee.
That brings me to the change in your daily operation hours. One of the reasons we signed our initial contract with you was because you understood and accepted our situation and knew that I would not be able to pick DCB up from daycare until 6:00p everyday due to the fact that I do not get off work until 5:30p. Now, almost a year later you decide to change these hours and tell me that if I cannot make arrangements to pick DCB up by 5:30p I will be charges with a late fee. As I told you before, I am unable to change my work hours to accommodate this change and it is an incredible inconvenience for my mother to have to be the one to pick him up on a daily basis. I understand that you want to do what's best for your family, but what about us paying families who have set work schedules. We cannot just change them anytime we want. I find this to be completely unfair. Even so, we were forced to sign this contract renewal while we do not agree with certain things, because we are left with no other options.
Also,DCD and I have had concerns for awhile regarding the behavior of your children around our son. They are at times very loud and aggressive around DCB and at times the behavior has been directed at DCB (whether intentional or not). Whether or not the behavior is directed at DCB he is still witnessing it and I do not feel that is appropriate. I am concerned that DCB is going to begin to carry on those traits he's learned from his surroundings and think it is acceptable behavior. There have also been times where I am trying to discuss something with you and your children are trying to talk over us, throwing fits, ect. It is very distracting and difficult to carry on a conversation in those conditions.
Lastly, the Disney on Ice trip....DCD and I both agree that it is not an appropriate trip for an infant to go on and it is not fair to DCB or to us that you are taking this trip. Not only will this greatly affect his daily schedule, but this trip has no entertainment or educational value for him. This is fun for you and the older children, but not for an 11 month old. Our choices are to pay extra for the trip or take off work again or to allow your alternative care watch our son which you take the other children on the trip. Either way we still have to pay YOU for this time. I don't see how this is fair.
To conclude, all of this aside, DCB really enjoys coming to daycare every day. When I had to take him back home yesterday it really broke my heart. He was so happy tobe there and was having a blast in the short time he was there on the floor playing with the toys. When I picked him up and took the toys away he was upset and I felt like the bad guy. He whined all the way home. He didn't understand what was going on.
DCB loves playing with other children and I value that interaction he has with them. Anytime I say your name he lights up, so that tells me he really likes being in your company. I don't want that to change. I just hope we can find a way to work together.
Sincerely,
DCMComment
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This is what I have so far...just need to finish my final paragraph about termination.
DCM,
As a parent myself, I expect that personal emotions and circumstances would enter a discussion like this. That element makes it all the more difficult to operate an in-home daycare business. But as much as providing the best care possible for your child is a top priority to me, this is, in fact, a business. Though it’s more personal, much the way you have an agreement and obligation to other services (i.e. phone, BGE, cable, credit cards, rent, etc.), this is a service that has responsibility attached to it. The intention of my letter was to highlight specific concerns based on our agreement. The only change in the 2012 agreement that is relevant to DCB (less the new MD medication laws and the provision that the provider has sole discretion on illnesses) is the 5:30 pick-up time. In your original agreement, please reference paragraph 20 of the Child Care Handbook (pg. 8), signed 25 March 2011, effective 04 April 2011, for the procedure on revising the agreement.
Communication:
I understand that life can be busy, but there have been times when text messages regarding DCB’s well-being have gone unanswered for 12+ hours. On one occasion, a message was sent almost an hour after his normal drop off time letting me know he wasn’t coming (please reference paragraph 9 of the 2011 agreement, paragraph 10 of the 2012 agreement).
Sickness Policy:
Paragraph 9 (on the original agreement) and paragraph 10 (on the 2012 agreement) address my sickness policy. Both reference a doctor’s note being necessary at the provider’s discretion in order to adhere to MD policy and help ensure the safety of other children in my care. I cannot base admittance of a child on when he/she contracted an illness. If child “A” goes home Monday evening and vomits at 6:00pm, I cannot re-admit him/her the next day because he/she potentially “already exposed the other children to the virus.” If a doctor has cleared a child for daycare admittance, a note stating so should be easy to secure and should not result in a loss of an entire days work/pay (assuming you pro-actively go to the doctor’s office and get the note in the morning). As for sickness in my own family…***, the only one diagnosed with bronchitis (which you were informed of), was on antibiotics for 2 days prior to daycare re-opening. Logical and reasonable precautions are taken when someone in my family is ill. It is unrealistic, and presumably extremely inconvenient, for my service to close every time someone in my household sneezes. I have, and will, exhaust all options when it comes to the health and well-being of my family and children in my care.
Fees:
I have been lenient with late payments and late pick-ups on more than a few occasions (you’ve only been charged 1 late payment fee…the most recent one). As a reminder, I also waived the weekly fees to hold DCB’s spot (28 Jan- 04 April) at the start of our agreement. These fees were in the initial agreement and were not enforced as a courtesy to you. A friendly reminder was given on the cover letter that was included with the 2012 agreement. It stated that all fees would be strictly assessed at the start of the new year. I hate to be blunt, but it is not my responsibility to remind you when payments are due. No other parent of a child in my care was late with their payment this past week, and Tuesday is not a typical day for any of them. I try to be as nice as possible when requesting past due payments, but at some point I have to follow the rules. As harsh as it sounds, your financial situation does not affect how I run my daycare. I am ultimately running a business and must often make tough decisions or risk closing all together.
Change In Operating Hours:
The decision to change my closing time has been one that I have been contemplating since the summer. I did not implement this change 4, 6, or 8 months into our agreement. Springing such a change on you in such a short time would have been inconsiderate. It is now 1 year later. The notice I sent out with the new agreement gave 5 week’s notice regarding this change. This should provide ample time to make arrangements, whether it be help with picking up DCB at the new closing time, or seeking another provider who can accommodate the 6:00 pick-up.
My Children and DCB:
I will be the first to admit that my children do, at times, have a tendency to be hyper when parents come in for drop off and pick-up. If this is a concern (especially one that you and DCD have “had for awhile”) I’m somewhat perplexed that 10 months have gone by without any indication of it.
Disney On Ice:
I have addressed the misunderstanding involving the Disney on Ice show; however, I would just like to clarify a few things. My decision to stay home, while still working in a personal business, was so that I am readily available to my own children. Per the agreement, I’m able to take off for my children's personal enjoyment. Thus the reason I have 5 personal days and 2 weeks of vacation built into my agreement, which I did NOT fully use last year. I will continue to take off or offer back up care to attend my children's activities.
I do not want to be viewed as the “only option”. I want my parents to regard me as the best option. My letter to you was strictly to address concerns dealing with the business aspect of this agreement. For the most part, I found your response defensive. There was very little acknowledgement of responsibility for not following the agreement (which again, has only really changed in pick-up time). Short of asking for a better line of communication, I was only trying to solidify things that you had previously agreed to.
With that in mind, and strictly that in mind, it is my suggestion that you look for another provider. I am extremely torn by this decision, as I have come to care deeply for DCB; however, I feel this would be in the best interest of both parties involved.
Three things to point out. My son does not have a confirmed clinical diagnosis (no chest x-ray, sputum culture, blood draw, ect) for Bronchitis. He has had a cough for two weeks and the Dr. treated it as such. No one else in my household was diagnosed with Bronchitis. To petty much everything else she is complaining about, it is outlined in my contract, which I might add she has agreed to now twice. The only complaint that could even be considered legit would be that of my own children. I have an 8yr old (school all day) & 5 yr old(half day school) & 3yr old(as of yesterday is 3, home all day). We have been struggling with drop off and pick up times as they will act out. Some of the behaviors are inappropriate. I know it is all the excitement and that they are having a hard time dealing with the restricted attention they are now getting from me. This is my first full year as a DCP (at the end of this month). I have never been concerned with the possibility that they would cause harm to any of the DCC in my care, but my DH and I have still been trying to address the issue. Also I did clarify to her in a text message that my alternative care for Disney on Ice was an approved substitute by the state and is listed in my contract; my DH!!! I requested that if any infants where to go on the trip that a parent would have to accompany them, but left them with an option to stay with my alternative care.
I plan on sending her a written very simple term letter via mail, if she doesn't return or give it to her Monday if I let her come back and she decides to. I am one who tends to have a very emotional first response. My DH tries to balance me, checking over any communication I send out and trying to maintain a professional business manner. From a business stand point he feels I should give her the 4 weeks notice and if she finds care before that great. Me, I am torn. Part of me wants to say screw you and here is an immediate term letter, the other part of me says be the bigger person, finish the contract and give her appropriate notice. She may just decide to not come back. (at which time she would owe me 4 weeks pay, so then what do I do. I just don't want the check that she just gave me on Wednesday to bounce or her to cancel it). Guess I need to decide.Comment
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Ok, I think that you BOTH have some valid points. As a child care provider, I myself would probably just term and be done with the whole thing. But only because I have been doing this for so many years that I do not have the time or patience to be continually explaining to parents why I have the rules I do and why I do what I do.
However, as a parent, I have to say she also has some valid points and seems to be reacting only from her point of view as a parent. Which she shouldn't be condenmed for. She doesn't run a child care and she doesn't know the ins and outs of having to multi-task all the children's and families needs that we have to balance on a regular basis. She is responding exactly as a first time parent would. Nothing in her response is really that disrespectful IMPO. I would view her resonses as simply one sided. Her side. But as I said, she has no other way of being on the other side.
I think part of this job is continually trying to create conversations and discussions with parents so that we all understand our duties and responsibilities. Sometimes I have to say something in ten different ways so that ALL my parents understand.
As humans, we talk and assume that others are all on the same wave-length or see things from the same perspective and that is just setting us and them up for mis-communication. Which I think this situation is nothing more than one big mis-communication.
I think you need to address your biggest points of contention, late payment, sickness and late pick up with her face to face. You need to find a way to help her understand that you deserve to be paid on time every time. Yes, you may have to remind her once in a while and although we don't like to have to and we shouldn't have, the bare truth of it is, we DO have to remind parents. I don't even know why but we just do. That has not changed in this field in forever.
I also think you need to go over your policies about late pick up with her. You need to tell her you made the change and if it doesn't work for her, then she will need to find new daycare. No sense arguing over the fact that she choose you because you stayed open later. You dont anymore. period. That part IS her choice to saty and get charged or leave to find new care that is open longer.
I am sorry this is going on in your care right now and I am sorry this is causing you (and her) some stress but as I said, you both have some valid points.
The one thing that kept popping into my head while reading both of your letters is that you both are viewing things from your own perspectives and are both fighting to do what is right for your own families. NOTHING wrong with that for either of you. I just wanted to say that I really saw nothing disrespectful in her (or your) letters/responses. You are both supporting your reasons for your own actions and pointing your fingers to the other for their actions. Seems there is some issues for her (late pick up, payment, sickness) and some issues on your end (behavior of your kids, changing closing times and unclear sick policy).
If you cannot find a way to meet in the middle, it is probably best to go your separate ways.Last edited by Blackcat31; 01-07-2012, 09:25 AM.Comment
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24 hour rule - please wait 24 hours before responding, then re-read your response to her.
Everyone has personalty differences. This Mom seems uber business like. The "only option" comment wasn't cool at all though.
Like Blackcat, being on the outside looking in I also see both of your points.
If you are having the pang of dread every time she drops off and picks up, then it's time to term.Comment
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I haven't sent anything back. After thinking about this more (I have worked on my response for over 12 hours) I am going to streamline it. Simply state, since she doesn't agree with or follow my polices that it is in the best interest for all parties if we just terminate the agreement. I also want to mention the only option thing. That't it. I don't want to play tit for tat, back and forth, this is as bare bones as I can get and should end any further dialog about our disagreements. As a courtesy I will give her the notice, if she needs it.
You are right I am having a hard time seeing her valid points. All the policies she is complaining about have been listed in both versions of my contract with the exception of the change in closing time. I can appreciate her position, and even understand her non agreement with my contract, however, I just can't grasp that this somehow makes her have a valid point in this. If you do, please point it out.
Really, I am open to trying to look at it from her point of view, but that can be difficult when the other person is completely engulfed in themselves and their own position.
I will just never understand why people blindly sign things without reading them. Had she read the agreement she would have known the policies. I even have a section they must initial at the end asking them if they have read, agreed to and understand all my polices listed in the agreement. Whats the point of an agreement than people.
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I answered in bold above. What you are going through is very common for providers when you first start out. You offer what you think parents want and you try really hard to be flexible and accommodating to your families but pretty soon you find that sometimes the parents take advantage of your flexibility or niceness and sometimes you find that what worked then (closing at 6) doesn't work now.I haven't sent anything back. After thinking about this more (I have worked on my response for over 12 hours) I am going to streamline it. Simply state, since she doesn't agree with or follow my polices that it is in the best interest for all parties if we just terminate the agreement.
I agree that a term letter should never be full of explaination and should be short and to the point. Anything more is just opening the door for debate or negotiation, which is exactly what you don't want. So yes, stream line it and I also agree that it is your right to say "Follow my rules or there WILL be consequences. Or teminate."
I also want to mention the only option thing. That't it. I don't want to play tit for tat, back and forth, this is as bare bones as I can get and should end any further dialog about our disagreements. As a courtesy I will give her the notice, if she needs it.
I don't see how the only option comment is such a big deal. I don't think she was saying it to be rude or hurtful but was saying it as a way to show you that she has no one else to help her work out all these issues. It is her and her DH and they have no family or friends that can assist in child care responsibilties. I don't see that comment as being mean/rude. Hiring daycare for some people is what they do when they dont have any other options. I don't think she meant YOU as a person...kwim? Using daycare itself was the only option is how I took it.
You are right I am having a hard time seeing her valid points. All the policies she is complaining about have been listed in both versions of my contract with the exception of the change in closing time. I can appreciate her position, and even understand her non agreement with my contract, however, I just can't grasp that this somehow makes her have a valid point in this. If you do, please point it out. Really, I am open to trying to look at it from her point of view, but that can be difficult when the other person is completely engulfed in themselves and their own position.
I also think the reason she is complaining now is because these were all things she did before and you let her and now you don't want to let her anymore and she doesn't like it. Don't get me wrong, finally standing strong and enforcing our rules and policies is our right and sometimes it is hard to get to that place in our career where we feel strong enough to actually do it. But as a parent, she is only seeing it as 'you let me do this before and now you aren't and that isn't fair.'
I will just never understand why people blindly sign things without reading them. Had she read the agreement she would have known the policies. I even have a section they must initial at the end asking them if they have read, agreed to and understand all my polices listed in the agreement. Whats the point of an agreement than people.
You are right here too. People shouldn't sign things if they aren't going to read them and really abide by them, but again in her defence she did it before and didn't have to abide by the rules (because you didn't make her).
That is all perfectly fine and you are doing the right thing by trying to work it out with this mom but you also need to be able to say, "Ok, look I tried and I am not willing to bend anymore. These are my new rules and I will enforce them from now on." and then you need to do it.
Put the rules out there and tell her if she agrees to them, then sign the contract. If she doesn't agree, then give her two weeks notice and move on.
It is sad because you do get attached to children but business needs to come first or you and your family will always be last.
Hang in there.
You are doing great so far. 
I hope my feedback helps. FWIW~ I agree with you, I just wanted to throw the other (parents) perspective in there...
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Thank you! This really did help. I decided to go with this response:
DCM,
As a parent myself, I expect that personal emotions and circumstances would enter a discussion like this. That element makes it all the more difficult to operate an in-home daycare business, and is a major reason that an agreement/contract is necessary. But as much as providing the best care possible for DCB is a top priority to me, this is, in fact, a business. The intention of my initial letter was to highlight specific concerns based on our agreement.
Bottom line, we have to follow the entire agreement. Specifically:
- Payments be made by pick-up on Fridays
- Pick-up by 6:00 until January 27th, 5:30 thereafter
- Adhere to the sickness policy; including the doctor’s note at my discretion
- Late fees due upon pick-up or prior to the next scheduled day of care
I genuinely understand your personal positions, but these are the policies of the daycare that every one of my families follows. There are specific policies that you have not adhered to and admittedly do not agree with in both the 2011 and 2012 Child Care Agreement. Please in the future, read your childcare agreements carefully, make sure that you fully understand them, and regardless of your personal opinions, are willing to abide by them prior to signing. The agreements are not a one-size-fits-all solution for every family, but again are necessary in establishing how things must operate.
If you feel these policies will pose issues for you in the future, this daycare arrangement may not be suited for your family. I do not mean to sound harsh in saying that, but everyone must keep their best interest in mind. I will not be offended and will understand if this situation will not work for you. If this happens to be the case, I am more than willing to work with you while you search out other daycare options.
Sincerely,
Me
I answered in bold above. What you are going through is very common for providers when you first start out. You offer what you think parents want and you try really hard to be flexible and accommodating to your families but pretty soon you find that sometimes the parents take advantage of your flexibility or niceness and sometimes you find that what worked then (closing at 6) doesn't work now.
That is all perfectly fine and you are doing the right thing by trying to work it out with this mom but you also need to be able to say, "Ok, look I tried and I am not willing to bend anymore. These are my new rules and I will enforce them from now on." and then you need to do it.
Put the rules out there and tell her if she agrees to them, then sign the contract. If she doesn't agree, then give her two weeks notice and move on.
It is sad because you do get attached to children but business needs to come first or you and your family will always be last.
Hang in there. You are doing great so far. I hope my feedback helps. FWIW~ I agree with you, I just wanted to throw the other (parents) perspective in there...Comment
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Much better. You empathized with her but you also laid it on the line. Then at the end you gave her an out. No matter the outcome you were clear that you view this only as a business decision and not a personal one.
I think had you responded before, you would have come off as personally attacking her because you felt as if she was personally attacking you. Taking a step back, asking for other perspectives and then deciding on a course of action is always the best thing for all parties involved.
I will be interested in seeing how she responds. If she really wants her child with you, she will find a way to follow the rules. If she can't, then I think the best thing is for her to find alternate care. If she does leave, don't get ****ed into watching the dcb later than you want to (5:30) because it is only temporary until she finds new care.... once ALWAYS seems to turn into a lot more than that.
I'm glad you took the time to took time to step back before sending off an emotional response.
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