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Ok, I have the extremely fussy 3 1/2 mo who has to be held 100% of the time or he SCREAMS. Mom and dad say that he isn't that way at home, they don't know why he would act like that here. I know this is crap because I know people who know them and they say that every single time they have been to the house the baby screams bloody murder if not being held, bounced, and walked. The same issue we are having here. I would just term, but don't feel like I can financially because I would lose the older sibling too. The baby has AR, so I know some of the issues are that, but the INSTANT he feels himself being lowered he FREAKS. We took video of it and sent it to the mom because she just "couldn't imagine him acting that way." In my head, I know it is complete BS because she just doesn't want to admit that her baby is extremely colicky and that they hold him all the time in fear that we will let them go. I hear from people that she talks to all the time that she would "just die" if we let them go. She has said little things to me before like that too. But just admit to me that it isn't something I am doing or not doing, don't make me feel inadequate, ADMIT that he is a HARD baby. I honestly think that hearing those words coming out of her mouth would make me feel better! But honestly, if I can find a couple more 2 to 4 year olds to take the spots, I will let them go! I can't deal with a baby who CANNOT be put down for ANYTHING. Right now my assistant is taking a shift walking and bouncing him in the laundry room with the dryer on so that he hopefully won't wake anyone up with the screaming. His screaming makes our days a complete nightmare! I just wish parents could actually GET what we do in a day! UGH! Thanks for listening! Sometimes it just feels better to get it out there.
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I feel for you I really do and I don't mean to sound rude, but why do you need for the parents to admit it? If you already know that the baby is difficult, try to find a way to work with the baby.
I have kids that are very difficult here and not at home, only because they are new and have never been away from mommy and daddy. I know it will take time to settle them in and that they will remain difficult until they adjust. Having to hear screaming all day is hard on everyone.
What the parents do at home you can't control...I know it ****s, but what they will continue to do what works for them regardless of what works for you.
It sounds like you are having one heck of a time. I really hope things get better for you soon...
sending hugs your way.... -
Why I care is because I get so sick of day after day her asking how the day was and I have just started to say, "Same." She knows what this means, and says, "I just understand why he acts like this with you guys, he just must have you figured out! Or maybe you are just more snuggly!" Whatever. I just don't like the BS, I guess. The stress of the baby is enough, don't lie to me.Comment
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I know what you mean and it is possible that they are not lying. Or maybe they feel that what they are doing at home is not causing the problems at your house.
Sounds like its time for you guys to sit and come up with a plan to help the baby better adjust to daycare. Tell the mom that it is unfair to the child as well as to the other children in care...That she will need to work with baby at home a certain way so that when baby is her she can enjoy her stay. You don't want it to effect anyone else.
See if that works that way? Sorry I don't know what else to say to make you feel better...
Hook her up to a lie detector test...
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LOL, I know that they are lying because I have been approached by people who say, "How are you dealing with that baby?" Whatever, I guess I will just deal until I feel like we can't any more. She swears that they don't hold him at home much to "try to help us out." I told her that I can't fault her for holding her baby. I can't. I just can't believe that I have ended up with ANOTHER colicky baby. What luck! LOL!Comment
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And thank you, daycare, for replying! Like I said, sometimes it just makes you feel better to get it out!I know what you mean and it is possible that they are not lying. Or maybe they feel that what they are doing at home is not causing the problems at your house.
Sounds like its time for you guys to sit and come up with a plan to help the baby better adjust to daycare. Tell the mom that it is unfair to the child as well as to the other children in care...That she will need to work with baby at home a certain way so that when baby is her she can enjoy her stay. You don't want it to effect anyone else.
See if that works that way? Sorry I don't know what else to say to make you feel better...
Hook her up to a lie detector test...
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same here getting it out helps a LOT!!
I know its really easy for me to say do this or do that because I am not the one dealing with your stresses. I really do hope that things start to turn around for you.
I have one that just started a couple of weeks ago. 22 months and has never been away from mom and dad. Has scream cried all day for days on end. Was better, but now that we had the xmas break we are starting all over again.
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Oh sam, I feel you, I have been in this situation WAY too many times. And like you, I don't have any kind of tolerance for parents lying... about ANYTHING. I can handle a difficult child, but I cannot handle a difficult child with parents who deny the bad habits and behaviours of the child ever occur at home.
I do believe that in many cases children can be a totally diffrent child from home to daycare - but I also have an incredible knack for seeing through people's BS.
This is how I have learned to handle it... after 4 or so times of a parent acting all shocked and expressing disbelief in how their child could be cranky at daycare and just so happy at home... I say "Well, maybe we're just not a good match for little Johnny. Perhaps it's time to explore new daycare options for the sake of little Johnny's happiness?" 100% of the time the parent will finally admit that their happy little monkey isn't really so happy afterall, that all the crying they do at daycare isn't new - it's exactly how the child is at home.
100% of the time.
And then we move to the next phase of discussing ways in which to help little Johnny become more independant!
I don't know why parents try and hide the truth, it always comes out eventually
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I had this same situation with all three kids from one particular family. The mom would never admit in a million years that her kids were criers, but other family members - including the dad :: - wouldn't hesitate to let me know how they were at home.
I just tried to work around it as best I could and took comfort in the fact that I knew they would outgrow it before too long. As it turned out, they all morphed into great kids once they realized that they didn't need to be held constantly.Comment
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Has the parents looked into dietary issues? It's been mentioned on several threads before that constant screaming and needing to be bounced by young babies is often connected to belly troubles. He could be lactose intolerant or Mama could be eating something that disagrees with him.
It just seems odd to me that such a young baby would have gravititus so early without some other cause.Comment
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I agree with above, usually there is a real reason for a baby to cry/scream. Formula issues would probably top the list.
I started care for an infant at 5 months. She was on formula. She had horrid poop several times a day. It was so so bad. She would typically poop out her clothes 2 to 3 times per day. At 10 months, they switched her to milk. The problem worsened, she pooped even more and out more than before, along with she would scream for about 3 hours of each day. I suggested on several occasions to the mom about the bad poops and the crying....they did nothing. For the sanity of the daycare, I took milk away from her, and the poop problem basically disappeared, the screaming, I moved her to a dark dark room alone, and that eventually got a little better. In this child's case, I knew it was the formula then the milk. I don't understand why a parent won't listen to us, as we have their child more waking hours than they do.Comment
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YOU need to take the first step and level with mom. YOU need to tell her that you know he is a difficult baby across the board. YOU need to say to her "Loo, Sally I know having a cranky baby is tough and it is tough for BOTH of us. It is ok that he is cranky here AND at home. It doesn't mean you are a bad parent or that I am a bad provider. It also doesn't mean I am going to term you either. WE need to find a way to figure out how to meet Johnny's needs TOGETHER so this experience is a good one for ALL of us."
YOU as the provider have an obligation to this family to simply say, "Hey WE need to communicate, openly AND honestly" YOU have to tell her that her actions (lying about baby's behavior at home) is making you feel inadequate because YOUR actions are telling the mom that you may not want to keep them and may be on the verge of terming them. Which you already stated she is afraid of. She is the client and you are the provider and part of the job description as the provider is to meet the families needs so they can meet YOUR needs. The reassurance you are looking for from mom is not going to come until you are honest with her first and tell her that you want and open and honest relationship with her so that you two can do this together to help the baby. You have to be prepared to tell mom you "know" the child isn't ashappy at hoe as she claims. If you aren't ready to tell her that, then you can't let it weigh in on this situation.
I do not mean to sound harsh, just honest and hopfully helpful. I HAD a high-needs baby and I was going crazy but I talked with mom and we are working together to deal with it. She is trying at home and I am trying at daycare. I believe she is really trying too because I see the change in the baby at daycare. (and she sees changes at home).
Providing child care IS a partnership and you two need to start leveling with each other now or this will never end and you are going to grow resentful and angry and that isn't fair to any of your dck's, families, your own kids or to you. Hang in there and start the New Year working WITH this mom....
(((hugs))) Hang in there.....
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"Hey Mom, it's important that you are completely honest with me about junior's behavior. If he is in fact so happy at home, then I would know that this is not a good fit and perhaps it is time for you to find a provider that is a good fit. If he really is struggling at home as well, then we can both work together on figuring out what the problems are and what we can do to help him. Again, I need you to be honest about what you are seeing at home....."Comment
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I ended up having a version of this conversation with her today. Again, she says she can't believe he acts this way with us, all the while he is screaming in his seat as she is bouncing him.
I say, "Well, then I wonder if maybe he just doesn't like it here. I would miss X (his older sibling), but I want them both to be happy. Maybe they aren't meant to be here." She says, "Oh no no no! Maybe we just don't notice how fussy he is because we are so used to him." Uh huh, and the back pedaling begun. I told her I needed her to work with me to help figure out how we can make it easier on him, and on us. She is going to really work with him this weekend and get a plan together and we will talk next week. She is also going to go buy a bouncer that does the bouncing for him so that we can put him down for a while. So it's a start. I still wonder why I get all the hard babies! Oy!
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Thank you for your post. You are so right. I just hated to call her on all of it. I just want people to be honest!YOU need to take the first step and level with mom. YOU need to tell her that you know he is a difficult baby across the board. YOU need to say to her "Loo, Sally I know having a cranky baby is tough and it is tough for BOTH of us. It is ok that he is cranky here AND at home. It doesn't mean you are a bad parent or that I am a bad provider. It also doesn't mean I am going to term you either. WE need to find a way to figure out how to meet Johnny's needs TOGETHER so this experience is a good one for ALL of us."
YOU as the provider have an obligation to this family to simply say, "Hey WE need to communicate, openly AND honestly" YOU have to tell her that her actions (lying about baby's behavior at home) is making you feel inadequate because YOUR actions are telling the mom that you may not want to keep them and may be on the verge of terming them. Which you already stated she is afraid of. She is the client and you are the provider and part of the job description as the provider is to meet the families needs so they can meet YOUR needs. The reassurance you are looking for from mom is not going to come until you are honest with her first and tell her that you want and open and honest relationship with her so that you two can do this together to help the baby. You have to be prepared to tell mom you "know" the child isn't ashappy at hoe as she claims. If you aren't ready to tell her that, then you can't let it weigh in on this situation.
I do not mean to sound harsh, just honest and hopfully helpful. I HAD a high-needs baby and I was going crazy but I talked with mom and we are working together to deal with it. She is trying at home and I am trying at daycare. I believe she is really trying too because I see the change in the baby at daycare. (and she sees changes at home).
Providing child care IS a partnership and you two need to start leveling with each other now or this will never end and you are going to grow resentful and angry and that isn't fair to any of your dck's, families, your own kids or to you. Hang in there and start the New Year working WITH this mom....
(((hugs))) Hang in there.....
But thank you!
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