How To Help Child Deal With Parents Separation

[quailsgarden]

This last month has been so challenging. I am really at my wits end. I run a family daycare. Right now I have my daughter who is almost 3, a 2 year old, a 10 month old and a 4 year old.

I need some advice on what to do with the 4 year old. I have been watching him for 2 years and he can be challenging at times but it usually passes quickly. Anyways he lives with his Mom and his Dad works out of town. Dad would come home every 2-3 months to visit. Challenging behavior usually will start after his Dad leaves. I have always been able to get the child back on track rather quickly. Now the parents have seperated and this poor boy is completly out of control. I can't even change a diaper with out my whole house being turned upside down. The worst part is the behaviors are starting to rub off on the other children which makes for such a draining day.

This child still has full blown temper tantrums, since the seperation at least once a day. During pick up (2 children go home before he does) if I am not holding him he is running, screaming, throwing things, dumping things out. I have started having the other parents phone me to let me know exactly when they will be at my house so I can prep the child. Running off while we are on walks. Screaming like someone is hurting him while we are out. Throwing food on the floor, smearing around the table and on his face and hands. Refuses to do things that I know he can do like get dressed to go out side, flush and wash his hands, help pick up toys. I provide a good amount of activities each day and the child would rather just sit and do nothing.

Lately I feel like I can't provide the care he needs. It really would break my heart to have to give his parents notice. Any advice would be great.

[kidkair]

If he was in my care I'd suggest to mom that the kid needs some counseling.

In regards to his behavior at your house I would give him a place to go and sit if that's what he wants to do. I'd also stress the good things he does when he does them and thank him for being helpful in doing them without your help. I'd stop taking walks until his behavior shapes up because it's just asking for trouble. If I asked him to do something and he refused I'd make it his choice "Here's your choices: clean up the toys or go sit on your pillow." If he refused to choose I'd physically move him to his pillow/spot to just sit and wait. As for getting dressed for outside I would just do it for him and have him just sit outside. I'd also give him a pillow or ball to squeeze when he's angry so he can squeeze the object rather than hurt someone else. "I know you are a good boy and don't want to hurt others. Here's a pillow you can squeeze and pull at until your anger goes away." Stress he's a good child, stress his strengths, stress his ability to help, stress his ability to choose, and down play his bad behavior.