Pity Party, And Feeling Underappreciated

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I'm not normally one to complain. Usually I am very upbeat and happy. But today I am really down, and feeling used, unappreciated and burnt out.

I'm a very good caregiver. I've done home daycare for over 5 years, and I give 150% to my kids. I work 11 hours a day, open early, stay open late, never charge late fees, I am very flexible and giving.
I treat my daycare kids like my own. I love them, we do a ton of activities, learning and play based. I lesson plan with care, planning a weekly theme and developmental activities based on that theme. I spend a ton of my profit to put back into my program. I am respectful to my parents, I plan awesome meals, caring more about nutrition than $.

I am very much about the giving nature of Christmas, and it being about giving not receiving. But it's so hard to know what a great job I do, and then get nothing in return.

I got each of my kids a carefully selected gift for Christmas, in addition to baking cookies and goodies for each family. We also spent a ton of time over the last week making gifts for the parents from the children.

Tomorrow is the day before Christmas Eve. Many of the other providers in my area are closed. I work on a military base, and most of the military members commands are closed, so the parents have the day off. I stayed open for those families that do have to work, as some of the commands work in the morning, and many of the spouses are not military, so they do have to work.

Of the 4 families I have in care, 3 of them have the day off tomorrow, but they are still bringing their kids. One of them told me today that both parents have the day off, but they are bringing their kids so they can have a "special day" together. This is the same family that keeps complaining how much they miss their kids, and wish they could spend more time with them. But every day they are off work, they still come, because as they put it "they have more fun at your house than when they are at home".
Another family asked if I was open, and I said yes, and they said, Oh good, we have the day off, but will still bring her, so we can get last minute Christmas stuff done.

I would almost guarantee none of them will give me anything for Christmas. NOT that I am expecting anything. I would honestly be thrilled with a nice thank you card, or if they kept their kids home since they arent at work!
How about giving your caregiver a "special day", or a day to get last minute Christmas stuff done? I was up until 11pm last night wrapping presents and going to the grocery store and prepping stuff for the rest of the week.

I mentioned to my families last night that I need to take a day off in early January for a blood test. I need to do a test that the results can be effected by stress. So the dr suggested I take the day off work so I can relax, and make sure the test result isnt thrown off by a stressful day. When I mentioned this, It was "suggested" that I do the test on a monday morning, so Sunday could be my stress free day, so I wouldnt have to close for the day.

I havent taken a day off work since April of 2011! NOT a single day closed for vacation or illness! I've been saving my vacation for a surgery I was supposed to have over Thanksgiving that now looks like I wont be able to have.

I'm just burnt out, tired of giving, and getting nothing in return! I love my kids, but the parents are so aggravating!

Thanks for listening ladies. I know I am just complaining, but there is no one else out there who can understand like you all can.

[cheerfuldom]

You need to shorten your work day, take the time off that you need and get control of this situation. It is a shame that these parents arent more appreciative but I see most of the issues as that of self-infliction. You can change this so that part is up to you.

You sound very giving and nice but there is a point when it is too much. Add in all the emotions and you ARE going to seriously burn out in the future, if not already starting now. No one can give that much for so long and not burn out.

[Meeko]

Oh hon......as I read your post, I know 100% that I am not the only one feeling "been there/done that".

I really don't know why people will tip their hair stylist and mailman generously and then not even bother to give a card to their day care provider.:confused:

But it is what it is.

I've been at this for a looooong time. Many, many Christmas's have come and gone and there is no guessing who will be the appreciative ones and who won't.

I have had one mom be VERY generous this year. Another one just brought a little something this morning which I greatly appreciate because I know she struggles to make ends meet. I know that some of my families will not even wish me "Merry Christmas" as they walk out the door tomorrow.

I have learned that you have to let it go and not get upset. It's hard. We give so much to the kids and having their parents not give a hoot is heartbreaking. But we can't change people.

Be grateful for those who love and appreciate you and shrug off those who don't.

WE know EXACTLY how you feel!!!!

So Merry Christmas!!! SMILE!!! You are awesome!

lovethislovethislovethislovethislovethislovethislovethis

[momma2girls]

I feel the same way. I shortened my work day quite a bit over the last 5 yrs. This has helped out tremendously. If you say you are open from 7-5- many families will take advanatage of the entire time!! Even though they may each work an 8 hr. day and 1/2 hr. lunch break. I have implemented work and commute times only to my contract. I contract families on the times they need me, not my open and close times!!

[Sunchimes]

>

some of my families will not even wish me "Merry Christmas" as they walk out the door

I had to laugh, and I'll tell you my secret. I'm sure I won't get anything-2 have already left until after the holidays, one might do something, but I"m not expecting it.

Around Thanksgiving, hubby and I started kidding about it. He's self employed and has 3 clients--same # as I do. Two have already given him generous bonuses for Christmas. The third one will too-that's a given. We were going to make bets on how many of my families would remember me. That didn't work, because we both wanted to bet on None. It's a joke, and thank goodness I have someone to kid around with about it.

One mom left with her kid's gift under one arm and her's under the other. I said "Merry Christmas", she said "Thank you." If you can't laugh, you have to cry, and I'll choose laughter. But I am grateful that I can vent here and laugh at home.

[Heidi]

>

I had to laugh, and I'll tell you my secret. I'm sure I won't get anything-2 have already left until after the holidays, one might do something, but I"m not expecting it.

Around Thanksgiving, hubby and I started kidding about it. He's self employed and has 3 clients--same # as I do. Two have already given him generous bonuses for Christmas. The third one will too-that's a given. We were going to make bets on how many of my families would remember me. That didn't work, because we both wanted to bet on None. It's a joke, and thank goodness I have someone to kid around with about it.

One mom left with her kid's gift under one arm and her's under the other. I said "Merry Christmas", she said "Thank you." If you can't laugh, you have to cry, and I'll choose laughter. But I am grateful that I can vent here and laugh at home.

oh dear, how rude! (the parent, I mean, not you!)

[VTMom]

I hear you too. I'm feeling burnt out and taken advantage of this week especially. My husband isn't helping at all suggesting I terminate the bigger problem family, but I'm not going to do that (which he knows). I think, for me anyway, it's just holiday stress on top of an often stressful job. I keep telling myself that if this was a "normal" week, it wouldn't feel so heavy.

Here's to a fresh start with the New Year (please please please)!!!

[pappyny]

I'm not normally one to complain. Usually I am very upbeat and happy. But today I am really down, and feeling used, unappreciated and burnt out.

I'm a very good caregiver. I've done home daycare for over 5 years, and I give 150% to my kids. I work 11 hours a day, open early, stay open late, never charge late fees, I am very flexible and giving.
I treat my daycare kids like my own. I love them, we do a ton of activities, learning and play based. I lesson plan with care, planning a weekly theme and developmental activities based on that theme. I spend a ton of my profit to put back into my program. I am respectful to my parents, I plan awesome meals, caring more about nutrition than $.

I am very much about the giving nature of Christmas, and it being about giving not receiving. But it's so hard to know what a great job I do, and then get nothing in return.

I got each of my kids a carefully selected gift for Christmas, in addition to baking cookies and goodies for each family. We also spent a ton of time over the last week making gifts for the parents from the children.

Tomorrow is the day before Christmas Eve. Many of the other providers in my area are closed. I work on a military base, and most of the military members commands are closed, so the parents have the day off. I stayed open for those families that do have to work, as some of the commands work in the morning, and many of the spouses are not military, so they do have to work.

Of the 4 families I have in care, 3 of them have the day off tomorrow, but they are still bringing their kids. One of them told me today that both parents have the day off, but they are bringing their kids so they can have a "special day" together. This is the same family that keeps complaining how much they miss their kids, and wish they could spend more time with them. But every day they are off work, they still come, because as they put it "they have more fun at your house than when they are at home".
Another family asked if I was open, and I said yes, and they said, Oh good, we have the day off, but will still bring her, so we can get last minute Christmas stuff done.

I would almost guarantee none of them will give me anything for Christmas. NOT that I am expecting anything. I would honestly be thrilled with a nice thank you card, or if they kept their kids home since they arent at work!
How about giving your caregiver a "special day", or a day to get last minute Christmas stuff done? I was up until 11pm last night wrapping presents and going to the grocery store and prepping stuff for the rest of the week.

I mentioned to my families last night that I need to take a day off in early January for a blood test. I need to do a test that the results can be effected by stress. So the dr suggested I take the day off work so I can relax, and make sure the test result isnt thrown off by a stressful day. When I mentioned this, It was "suggested" that I do the test on a monday morning, so Sunday could be my stress free day, so I wouldnt have to close for the day.

I havent taken a day off work since April of 2011! NOT a single day closed for vacation or illness! I've been saving my vacation for a surgery I was supposed to have over Thanksgiving that now looks like I wont be able to have.

I'm just burnt out, tired of giving, and getting nothing in return! I love my kids, but the parents are so aggravating!

Thanks for listening ladies. I know I am just complaining, but there is no one else out there who can understand like you all can.

I am so sorry that you feel this way. You need to makes some changes for you or you are going to burn yourself out!
I am on a military base too. It is standard policy for providers here to be closed on all family days/base down days. Most even have it in their contract that they will be paid holidays for them. I understand being open for the family that needs to work, but you should not feel obligated to be open for the other families. Maybe just keep it on the down low that you are open for just the one family.
When I first opened I had a hard time telling people no. I have now been an FCC provider for just over 4 years. I know what I can handle and what I can't. I don't take more children than I can "sanely" handle. I only take children with hours that work for my family. I am closed when I need to be closed. I try to find back up care for them, but sometimes when I can't I don't stress about it. They need to be responsible parents. As long as you are giving a fair amount of notice they will be okay. Or if you need to close for a day due to illness, they may not be happy, but they will be okay.
This is your business. You decide how it's going to be run. Make the changes you need to make sure you love your job again!

[momofboys]

I'm sure some of the previous posters already mentioned this but you need to start doing what is best for YOU. Maybe you should have closed on Friday so you could have that special time with your kids - who cares what the parents think! And you need to start taking responsiblilty for your well being & don;t be concerned about the parents. So long as you give notice you need to schedule some days off for YOU! Hugs - I know you do a great job & you sound like such a caring mom/provider - now take care of yourself!

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I am so sorry that you feel this way. You need to makes some changes for you or you are going to burn yourself out!
I am on a military base too. It is standard policy for providers here to be closed on all family days/base down days. Most even have it in their contract that they will be paid holidays for them. I understand being open for the family that needs to work, but you should not feel obligated to be open for the other families. Maybe just keep it on the down low that you are open for just the one family.
When I first opened I had a hard time telling people no. I have now been an FCC provider for just over 4 years. I know what I can handle and what I can't. I don't take more children than I can "sanely" handle. I only take children with hours that work for my family. I am closed when I need to be closed. I try to find back up care for them, but sometimes when I can't I don't stress about it. They need to be responsible parents. As long as you are giving a fair amount of notice they will be okay. Or if you need to close for a day due to illness, they may not be happy, but they will be okay.
This is your business. You decide how it's going to be run. Make the changes you need to make sure you love your job again!

Thanks everyone. I love the suggestion pappyny, but it's hard to do that where I do FCC. I am on an Army base, but we are in the middle of many service bases, so our clients are a complete mix of Army, Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard and Marines. Not all of them do down days the same. The Army and Air Force usually do, but Navy and Marines rarely do down days, if ever. I've tried doing the "if you are at work, bring your kids, if not keep them home", but I truly do feel parents should be able to bring their kids on days off. It would just be nice, once in awhile, especially at Christmas to have a break.
I also pretty much have to do the 6-5 hours. Again, where we live, most families have long commutes, or PT in the mornings. So they need that early drop off. I dont mind early morning, but I am strict about my 5pm. I really cant cut that back any earlier, as many families commute long distances, and the traffic here can be horrible.

I think its just hard cause I havent taken time off in so long. Like I said, I've been not taking days because I knew I would need a full 2 weeks for my surgery I was going to have in November. Now that surgery looks like it wont happen at all. So I saved my vacation for nothing.

I think I decided to write a letter to all my parents, that starting in January, I will close one day a month for a personal day. I will notify them at least 2 weeks in advance, and find them alternate care. If they dont like it, too bad. I need it for my sanity.

[daycare]

I used to do the same thing and go above and beyond my call of duty...If you are going to do this, do it without expectations. Do it because you love to do it and you do it for the kids....The parents will never see that you go above and beyond, they will see it as normal and then come to expect it.

This business is tough, you want to be the best and you offer the best, jut to get no thanks in return.

I have learned that you need to do YOU first... Do what works best for you and your family and what will make your family the most happy. I never used to close on holidays either and then realized that I was driving my own family away on those days. NOT any more.

Make the changes you need to that will benefit you to where you are HAPPY and content.

Most of all say to yourself...I will not be mad at you for not being the person I wish you could be...

I think that this will also help you alot when you have to deal with the parents... I wish all my parents were fabulous people and carried on their ways similar to how I parent....But I know that is not reality and I cannot be upset with them for not doing things the way that I would do it...

Best of luck to you...