Breakfast Tantrums

[Meeko]

I have children arrive at 6AM. I serve breakfast 7:30 - 8:30. My schoolies have to leave the house for the bus at 7:50AM.

I have 6 school age kiddos. Five are state kids and therefore they eat at school for free too. So they usually want to sleep until the last second and tell me they will eat breakfast at school. Sometimes they eat here and there! That's all well and good. BUT......one of the kids is not state and her dad has to pay for her school meals. She gets here at 6AM on the dot and crashes back out. She sleeps like she's in a coma and getting her up is VERY hard. She has been whining and telling me she will eat breakfast at school too.

The school called me today and asked if she had breakfast. I said no...she told me she would eat at school. Problem is....her dad hasn't paid up to date for her lunches let alone breakfast!! So the school secretary told me not to worry, they would call the dad and remind him he needs to add to her account.

The dad calls me and gets snarky on the phone and says I must MAKE her get up and MUST make her eat. I do make her get up and get out the door for the bus as there is no choice.

The food program says we can't make a child eat. I told him that and all I got was "the food program isn't in charge of my daughter".

This child tends to be a drama queen at the best of times and getting her up is not easy. She cries and refuses to stand up etc (she's 5...all day KG). She has sometimes just stood on the doorstep and refused to go to the bus stop. The bigger kids end up dragging her off with them. I had a breakfast inspection a few weeks ago and the monitor told me I couldn't carry her to the table...that if she said no...I had to leave it.

I don't want her to go hungry, but I can't force her either. Yet the dad makes it sound as if it's MY fault.

I am thinking of just telling him to call the food program and let them hash it out.

I have also thought about not letting her go back to sleep when she gets here, but her whining about how tired she is (which she does daily anyway) will wake the other sleeping kids. You can't keep a child awake who just wants to lie on the floor.

I have talked to her dad about her being so tired. There is always an excuse about her going to bed late...that's just her.......her brothers were noisy...etc etc.

There is no mom around by the way.

Any ideas?

[Blackcat31]

Oh, this is a tough one....

I wouldn't hesitate to give dad the number to food program coordinator....I have done that before. On the flip side, if the child is old enough to go to school, then dad can tell her she HAS to eat. It shouldn't be your responsibilty.

I would stand my ground and simply refuse to push the issue with the child. tell dad you are NOT in the business of forcing kids to do anything. If he wants to force her to eat, then do it before she comes. I know it is early but at least it is his problem then. She could eat a 2nd breakfast at school. I would also call him out on the school breakfast not being paid and that you cannot help if the girl isn't ready to eat right before the bus. (But the last part is just me because I would be mad about the "telling " me what I MUST do....Pfffft! )

One of the best things I have learned in all these years is to make sure I give the problem to who ever REALLY owns it....in this case; it is clearly DAD!

Good luck and hang in there Meeko!

[cheerfuldom]

Keep doing what works for you. Let the dad know that it is up to him to talk to his daughter, the food program, the school and work this out. Lay out what you will do and leave it at that. If he doesn't like it, he can find other care.

The other possibility is providing something "to go" for her.....is that allowed with your food program? Even a sliced orange to eat on the bus is better than nothing.

And on a side note.....I wonder where she gets the drama from? sheesh. He's pretty rude to just go blasting off on you instead of respectively working things out. Some people.....

[KBCsMommy]

Keep doing what works for you. Let the dad know that it is up to him to talk to his daughter, the food program, the school and work this out. Lay out what you will do and leave it at that. If he doesn't like it, he can find other care.

The other possibility is providing something "to go" for her.....is that allowed with your food program? Even a sliced orange to eat on the bus is better than nothing.

And on a side note.....I wonder where she gets the drama from? sheesh. He's pretty rude to just go blasting off on you instead of respectively working things out. Some people.....

Or dad could pack a breakfast snack for her to eat when shes ready to eat.

I agree with you Meeko, you cant force kids to eat. And at the end of the day you've offered her food, safety, shelter and care. What else are you to do when you've already done your job!!

[AnneCordelia]

The food program says we can't make a child eat. I told him that and all I got was "the food program isn't in charge of my daughter".

But they are! So to speak. When he chose to put her in group care he chose to abide by the restrictions of that provider's governing agencies.

I wonder, too, if he or you can pack her a 'to go' meal to eat at the school?

[Meeko]

I have a no food from home policy as it causes all kinds of problems......so that won't work!

I'm just going to be tough.

I am going to tell dad that she will have to understand that if she doesn't come and eat breakfast when it's time, then she goes without. If he wants to add funds to her school account so she can eat at school...then so be it. It sounds like she's ready once she's there and had fresh air at the bus stop etc.

But I do what I am supposed to do. I will not force her to eat. She wouldn't anyway. She will just sit there and cry until it's time for the bus and then have a meltdown on the front porch.

He used to bring her later and she was PM KG. But they wanted her in all day KG as she is a little behind (Mom and Dad have been dragging her back and forth with custody disputes between Utah and Texas and she's missed a lot of school) I am sure that's why she acts out too. Nothing is consistant in the poor kid's life.

[Heidi]

You have a no food from home policy, but she can have it in her backpack to eat at school, cant she?

Either that, or pack her a breakfast and claim her on the food program. You offer it at breakfast with everyone else, and if she refuses it, say "ok, I will put it in a bag for you for school".

You solved the problem and therefore are the hero!

[Meeko]

You have a no food from home policy, but she can have it in her backpack to eat at school, cant she?

Either that, or pack her a breakfast and claim her on the food program. You offer it at breakfast with everyone else, and if she refuses it, say "ok, I will put it in a bag for you for school".

You solved the problem and therefore are the hero!

I called the school and they don't mind her bringing breakfast in her backpack. Plenty of kids bring lunch etc. So I think I'll do that. It would be a win/win. I could still claim the meal. Dad can't blame me for anything. And she won't go without breakfast unless she chooses to throw it away.

THANKS! I would probably have come to this conclusion myself later...but many of you are younger, smarter and much more on the ball than me first thing in the morning!!::

[Heidi]

I called the school and they don't mind her bringing breakfast in her backpack. Plenty of kids bring lunch etc. So I think I'll do that. It would be a win/win. I could still claim the meal. Dad can't blame me for anything. And she won't go without breakfast unless she chooses to throw it away.

THANKS! I would probably have come to this conclusion myself later...but many of you are younger, smarter and much more on the ball than me first thing in the morning!!::

HA! I just got lucky...

I mean in comming up with the idea...

[grandmom]

Just be careful about 2 things.

1. Set boundaries of what you will pack. No pop-tarts for example. Or you will set yourself up for a different issue. Maybe tell dad you will try this to see how it works. Then you can backtrack if it doesn't work.

2. Technically, you cannot claim a meal you pack for school. So if the food program comes at breakfast how will you get that toast in her bag?

And you can claim breakfast even if she refuses to eat it IF you ask her if she wants to eat.

AND I've been told kids can only have one meal on the program - NOT breakfast at your house and school on the same day.

[Meeko]

Just be careful about 2 things.

1. Set boundaries of what you will pack. No pop-tarts for example. Or you will set yourself up for a different issue. Maybe tell dad you will try this to see how it works. Then you can backtrack if it doesn't work.

2. Technically, you cannot claim a meal you pack for school. So if the food program comes at breakfast how will you get that toast in her bag?

And you can claim breakfast even if she refuses to eat it IF you ask her if she wants to eat.

AND I've been told kids can only have one meal on the program - NOT breakfast at your house and school on the same day.

Thank you for the info. I will call the food program to make sure as I don't want to do anything wrong. I HAVE asked about kids eating here AND at school and they have no problem with that at all. But I'm not sure about her leaving the house with food. Better make sure!!

[mac60]

Why does the government have to make issue of every stinking thing. I will say it again....governemnt and business are not always a good thing. Rediculous that it would be argued about a child eating 1 or 2 times in a morning.

I had a little boy in my care a few years back, he got here at 6:30, I fed him breakfast after arrival, he got on the bus at 8, arrived at school at 8:50, poor kid didn'g get to eat until sometime between 11:30-12:30, I am sure he would of appreciated a second bk in the morning. And then the government stepped in and changed things. Now the little boy would get on the bus even earlier, and arrive earlier to school so that there would be a "breakfast time" for kids who "don't eat at home in the morning". Well, he continued to eat here when he arrived, and I started to send him a small snack that he could sit down and eat with the other kids because his parents wouldn't pay the $1 per day for the so called breakfast provided. I got a phone call.....and was told that if he was going to be eating anything, it had to be the purchased breakfast, and he could not bring anything from home. Just so wrong in so many ways.

Sometimes the government rules are stupid, these are young children we are talking about, not a robot we can put a coin in the slot at a given time each day.

[Blackcat31]

Just be careful about 2 things.

1. Set boundaries of what you will pack. No pop-tarts for example. Or you will set yourself up for a different issue. Maybe tell dad you will try this to see how it works. Then you can backtrack if it doesn't work.

2. Technically, you cannot claim a meal you pack for school. So if the food program comes at breakfast how will you get that toast in her bag?

And you can claim breakfast even if she refuses to eat it IF you ask her if she wants to eat.

AND I've been told kids can only have one meal on the program - NOT breakfast at your house and school on the same day.

How can the food program monitor that??? If a parent has to pay for food served to the children in school, then they more than likely aren't on a food prgram that has any say in who eats and when.

I have had many children over the years eat breakfast here and then go to school and eat again. Some eat two breakfasts at school because the parents have sent enough money for them to buy two.

I might be missing something here, but I just can't see the food program being able to monitor (or having the right to) something like that. :confused:

[Heidi]

How can the food program monitor that??? If a parent has to pay for food served to the children in school, then they more than likely aren't on a food prgram that has any say in who eats and when.

I have had many children over the years eat breakfast here and then go to school and eat again. Some eat two breakfasts at school because the parents have sent enough money for them to buy two.

I might be missing something here, but I just can't see the food program being able to monitor (or having the right to) something like that. :confused:

Meeko is going to provide breakfast. She would be offering it with the other children (thereby making it claimable for food program). When the child refuses it, she is going to pack the "leftovers" for her to eat later. No conflict at all.

If she were claiming her under the food program, and then the child was also getting free breakfast under the food program at school, one could argue she was "double dipping". sheesh...two breakfasts...the horror! the travesty!