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there seems to be a lot of confusion about what CIO really is. Here is a good resource.
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Good article. This is pretty much the way I do things.
I had 4 children. The first one was almost the last!
My son was a fussy baby...but night time was DREADFUL. He would want to be rocked to sleep and then I would spend a LOOOOONG time gradually lowering him into the crib so as not to wake him...because the screaming would start all over again. He would sleep for an hour or so and then scream and we would do it all over again. Even when he WAS asleep, I would lie in bed and be scared to go to the bathroom because the tiniest noise would wake him.
When he was a year old, we decided we couldn't go on like this. I looked like I had cancer because I was pale and had huge black rings under my eyes from a year of just sleeping now and then. I was getting sick more often because my system was just shutting down.
Our doctor told me to put the baby in bed, say goodnight and walk out. Check on him after a while, but don't get him up.
The first night my husband had to literally hold me in the bed and I cried hard too.
It took about 4 nights...but the magic happened and our son was sleeping through the night for the first time in his life.
With the three babies after that...life was a dream. Bath, eat, snuggle and then put into bed wide awake. Usually no more than a few minutes crying and most often NO crying. They knew bedtime was bedtime. And we could talk, walk around the house, watch TV....nothing woke them up.
If I had not tried letting my first baby self-sooth at a year old, I would never have had any more children. I could see no end in sight with the night time struggle. I think my own health...both physically and mentally, would have given out. -
Meeko60 that was my experience as well. My daughter just wasn't a sleeper and having to wake up 8 times a night was brutal on my emotional and physical health. I started seeing things during the day and then I knew it was time for something to change. I am an attachment parent. I breastfed, carried my child and held her all the time, but then I lost myself. I began to realize that my own mental and physical health mattered too. We did the "Sleep Easy Solution" which is a loose version of Farber's method. She began sleeping well and I would wakeup to nurse her once a night. I began to live life again and I was physically able and mentally able to be a GOOD mom.
If there are people who wake up 8 times a night and are able to be "present" for their child the next day then kudos to you. But don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes. The guilt I felt over the whole "attachment parenting" malarky was clouding my judgment. My child and I both needed sleep. A funny thing happened when my child learned to self soothe. She began hitting her milestones and our relationship improved.
I also tried the "no cry sleep solution" first because people swore by it. I tried it and it made my child cry even worse. I felt like I was torturing her. You see my child wanted to fuss herself to sleep and the constant going in her room was disrupting that. I see it now because she's 2.5 and loves to sing and talk to herself in her bed alone before she falls asleep. I think she was doing this when she was a baby and I misread her cues thinking she needed me.
Bottom line is that every child is different.Comment
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Sorry but I think all articles about CIO are not good articles.Comment
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This the thinking I've always equated with "crying it out," not the "leave them alone to cry hysterically until they are literally vomiting" scenario.
I do think the very term "cry it out" carries a negative connotation for most people. I will go out on a limb and say that I don't believe there are many parents or providers who would really leave an infant alone in a room to scream themselves into hysterics. This just my opinion, however, as I do not have any empirical evidence to back it up.Comment
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Don't worry about it. I think it's something we should talk about! Obviously we have VERY different opinions on here and the MAIN reason I come onto this forum is to gain knowledge and insight from others. So don't feel bad!
Personally, I used the CIO method with my son. Our pediatrician advised us to do it because at 10 months he hadn't EVER slept through the night. She said that for our mental health, it needed to be done. It just about killed me that first night, but the next night, he slept! For 8 hours!
He's 4 now and no scarring, no sleep issues. I personally do not see the harm in helping them learn to self sooth and I would like to hear from someone why they do not do it. And also, what do they do to help the child go to sleep while taking care of others. Not angry replies about how I'm abusing my baby, but calm and rational reasons for what they DO.Comment
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My thoughts exactly!
I also agree with Zoe. Good educated discussions are the point of this forum. We need to talk about issues that are controversial. If we just duck and run every time a "difficult" subject comes up, then what do we or anyone else learn from it?
I have been doing childcare for almost 2 decades. I have worked in the field for 2/3 of my adult life. I have recently went back and completed school on the subject of early childhood and I still learn something new every single day. I have leared a lot just reading and sharing on this forum. I have learned from experiences I have never been in before.
I am open to learning and viewing every single perspective out there. I am an information gatherer. If I cannot have all the information possible, then how am I suppose to make educated choices in my life and business?
I say, let's open every can of worms we have! I say, let's rise above the pettiness of disagreeing and disrespectfulness and let us share like adults. Let's learn and talk and discuss and debate and GROW!!!
Let's stop expecting everyone to simply say "Oh yes, I agree!" and let's start getting into all those little nooks and crannys people are afraid to look in and let's learn!
When we know the right thing to do, this job is easy...when we know WHY it is the right thing to do, it makes us great providers!!Comment
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One thing that sometime dissapoints me about formal education (finishing my degree too), is that there is a lot of theory, but not always a lot of practical information.
One reason I come here is because we can help each other with "this is what has worked for me". Practical solutions. Sometimes, they work for others, and sometimes, simply because of personalities or dyamics with each provider and their children, they dont.
My other reason is social. I need to visit with adults, especially other adults who understand how isolating this job can be, and how trying some days are. You all walk in similar shoes, and can empathize. It's a healthy way to vent, too. Keeps my kiddos from witnessing my ugly side!
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I knew nothing about cio when I had children. Well with the 3 and 4th we did the 10 min cry, check, cry, check but they would never fall asleep. What was very hard for us though was they shared rooms with siblings and kept the sibling up and scared that we were hurting the baby.
With number 4 we pretty much coslept because my body was simply exhausted from working and trying to function and not sleep at night. I actually was having issues with my mentality due to lack of sleep.
My first child it was brutal. Baby would nurse for 40 min than take a bottle 2 to 4 oz., then need changed and try to put back to bed. Baby would only sleep 1 hour or so and then the whole thing again. I was barely surviving. Doctor finally said no more bf, bottle only!!!! Well then I was shunned from the breastfeeding support group because of this, no one would help me figure out how to put her on a schedule because the all nursed on demand.
Experience of babies and sleeping for me isn't a good one. If I could go back and do it all over again you bet I would. I would soooooooooooo listen to the women who said "let the baby cry, its ok!"Each day is a fresh start
Never look back on regrets
Live life to the fullest
We only get one shot at this!!
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