Am I wrong??? ((Eating Question))

[Ariana]

Yep like others have said this is a power struggle. It's very evident in the fact that she asked for chicken nuggets and then refused to eat them. The poor girl is so used to fighting her way through a meal she doesn't even know when her belly is hungry or not!!

Let it go, serve her meal, don't say and word and toss the food. She will eventually start eating I can promise you!! Kids will never starve and it's really sad that parents cope with their fears of a child starving by offering McDonalds and junk food.

[krissy_mo]

LOL!!! at the eating it out of the burger king bag....

DCM said she had an issue with her recently, she loves wendies nuggets and aske for them, mom said, Ok, and took her there... then she refused to eat a single bite... so she felt the same way and has the same issues.

I told mom all about it and we discussed it and a lot of other issues. Mom is looking at getting her into some counseling and evaluations because of the other issues, she's concerned about the girls past... (with other daycares and with a family member) She is also looking at changing her schedule so that maybe she is partly overnights too... so that the girl is sleeping most of the time she's away. She loves putting on PJ's and going to bed because she knows sleeping means it's almost time for mom to get her.

She says her daughter has started saying, "Mom I won't be bad anymore, don't go to work and leave me." and "you will never come back and get me." and "I don't want to go to the babysitters."

I was stunned at what the lil girl was saying. She has a decent vocab, but she's still only three!!

I don't want her here if there is a better place for her, but even the lil girl admits she cries for all of her sitters and even her grandparents and mom's boyfriend when he has her.... so, I dunno. I'm at a loss... so I think there's more going on that I don't know about....

I am concerned for her, but I'm also hoping that whatever issues she has experienced in the past don't end up getting blamed on me.... I'm 100% up front with mom about the entire day...

this child also won't go far away from my side, won't play with my other kids, dislikes my own three year old, etc. The only time she's happy is when I'm loading her up with attention or wthen she can cut paper and occasionally when we play with playdough. Most of the time, she's twisting her hair into knots and refusing to do anything... just sits and groans and then rips her hair out when she gets really bored and frustrated.

but.... she has wonderful manners with adults, takes care of her toileting needs really well, is usually clear about yes, I want that or no, I don't has no problems cleaning up, in fact, LOVES to pitch in and be involved.... listens really well...

She just spends 80% of her day crying for mom... and has issues eating and can be kinda spiteful toward other kids her age. I'm hoping that I can help them... cuz mom is single, she is gonna have to have a job... and child care is part of that.

I did tell mom that she might do better if mom switched to days and got her into a "preschool" setting... she likes when we do structured activities, but this is just a home and just cheap babysitting.. (cheap!) and I can't do non-stop structure. I also think that mom being home at the same time every day and her schedule more set is important, too.... I get her any day of the week (even sundays) from 3-4 and sometimes 5 days weekly. I also think that she really wears down in the afternoons to evenings and this is a good time for her to be going home, not starting her daycare day.

Just my thoughts... I like them both, and willing to keep trying... but just want what is best for this kid.

[christinaskids]

Sounds like the mom is trying to do everything she can but it makes me wonder how much mommy time she actually gets at home or if mom is busy doing everything else or leaving her with grandparents or sitters often. I suppose you just cant tell if she experienced abuse with another sitter either. Poor girl...

[youretooloud]

O.K...Here's my take on this.

It sounds like this little girl has other issues way beyond eating. It's entirely possible that she would have these problems no matter who was with her. She's clearly only comfortable with Mom.

But, if you can hang in there, and it isn't causing your family too much stress, I would encourage to to keep giving it time. You might be the only other adult that can handle her emotions.

I have had two kids like you describe. (minus the food issues) and they both had a lot of anxiety issues even when they were very little. One is now 29 years old, and still has serious problems, the other one is four years old, and is in a special preschool for gifted kids, but he also gets services for OCD.

I talk to the now 29 yr old every day. She said she was happy in school, but happiest at my house, because I was OK with her little episodes, even though I didn't understand them, I let her think what she wanted, and then we'd work through her fears. She never slept at night because she thought someone was outside her window and was going to steal her, so she would wake her brother up, and they'd sit in the hallway with flashlights.

Her mind just works differently. She is afraid to say her kid's names in public because she doesn't want anybody to lure them away by using their names.

Nobody did this to her, she just comes this way. She needed a lot of understanding, and she needed someone who was OK that she had these strange fears, and was willing to talk about them without telling her the fears were dumb.