Mom's Relaxed I Am Structured

[Unregistered]

what happens at daycare happens at daycare and what happens at home happens at home. To a point of course.

Honestly, I don't think that it was fair of you to tell the parent how to be a parent when the child is in their home.

Yes it's annoying that the child has two different set of rules, but you can't police what parents do with their child at home or tell them how to do it.

It sounds like you need to change the environment of your daycare setup so that this does not continue to be a problem. Make this child's environment a "Yes" environment where he CAN do things.

Also, I think that it has a lot to do with how much time the child spends with you and at home. Are they there full time? If they are part time, then you could be beating a dead horse.

[MarinaVanessa]

Marina-do you have any pics of your environment?

I don't I'm sorry, I actually don't even have infants under 1yo right now so I don't have the crates out. I did until a few weeks ago but my son is 1 now and he's the youngest in my group and he's already outgrown the crates, he wants to play with the older kids and lost interest in them. It's nothing special believe me, they're all just wooden crates and boxes that the Melissa & Doug toys come in. The bigger the toys, the bigger the crate/box. When I have them out I just put the boxes on the area rug for the babies in random order in various sizes and flip most over to create different levels and obstacles.

They're all wood but no sharp corners or anything. Sometimes if the kids are closer to their first year and they are really good at getting around the obstacles I may make the "structure" taller by flipping a large plastic bin over and making that the middle but like I said, it's not really anything special. I have a small space and a small yard (condo) so I don't have room for a playground here. We have toddler slides and such but not a real playground. For that we go to a park that's a short walk away that has a toddler park for the littles and a bigger playground right next to it for the older kids (age 5 and up). We go there 3 to 4 times a week, more when we can. I have to get creative with our activities and use of space

These are some examples of what I mean. I bought several sets of the big block sets and the blocks come in wooden boxes. The crates are from the food sets. I have others but I'm not sure what toys came with them. I've had them for years.

http://www.melissaanddoug.com/cutting-food

http://www.bestpricetoys.com/Melissa-and-Doug-0271/

[sahm2three]

I don't I'm sorry, I actually don't even have infants under 1yo right now so I don't have the crates out. I did until a few weeks ago but my son is 1 now and he's the youngest in my group and he's already outgrown the crates, he wants to play with the older kids and lost interest in them. It's nothing special believe me, they're all just wooden crates and boxes that the Melissa & Doug toys come in. The bigger the toys, the bigger the crate/box. When I have them out I just put the boxes on the area rug for the babies in random order in various sizes and flip most over to create different levels and obstacles.

They're all wood but no sharp corners or anything. Sometimes if the kids are closer to their first year and they are really good at getting around the obstacles I may make the "structure" taller by flipping a large plastic bin over and making that the middle but like I said, it's not really anything special. I have a small space and a small yard (condo) so I don't have room for a playground here. We have toddler slides and such but not a real playground. For that we go to a park that's a short walk away that has a toddler park for the littles and a bigger playground right next to it for the older kids (age 5 and up). We go there 3 to 4 times a week, more when we can. I have to get creative with our activities and use of space

These are some examples of what I mean. I bought several sets of the big block sets and the blocks come in wooden boxes. The crates are from the food sets. I have others but I'm not sure what toys came with them. I've had them for years.

http://www.melissaanddoug.com/cutting-food

http://www.bestpricetoys.com/Melissa-and-Doug-0271/

I had wooden blocks as a kid and loved them. However, the group I have would use them as weapons and I would be explaining black eyes and bumps and bruises constantly. I can't imagine letting them climb all over the place. They would be pushing eachother off of things. I have a group of about 4 boys that are super rough and are too physical with eachother.

[MarinaVanessa]

I had wooden blocks as a kid and loved them. However, the group I have would use them as weapons and I would be explaining black eyes and bumps and bruises constantly. I can't imagine letting them climb all over the place. They would be pushing eachother off of things. I have a group of about 4 boys that are super rough and are too physical with eachother.

I have 5 boys and my own DS (the 1yo). I also have 2 DCG's and my own DD but I don't have that issue. I never have actually, they all follow the rules :confused:

[sahm2three]

I have 5 boys and my own DS (the 1yo). I also have 2 DCG's and my own DD but I don't have that issue. I never have actually, they all follow the rules :confused:

I am telling you all, I think I have the kids who would be beaten in another daycare, ! I joke, but seriously, very trying kids. I think my issues come from parenting issues. Or lack there of. I think in the future I will ask what their parenting philosophy is. Because it is pretty frustrating to fight the battles alone.

[blessed mom]

what happens at daycare happens at daycare and what happens at home happens at home. To a point of course.

Honestly, I don't think that it was fair of you to tell the parent how to be a parent when the child is in their home.

Yes it's annoying that the child has two different set of rules, but you can't police what parents do with their child at home or tell them how to do it.

It sounds like you need to change the environment of your daycare setup so that this does not continue to be a problem. Make this child's environment a "Yes" environment where he CAN do things.

Also, I think that it has a lot to do with how much time the child spends with you and at home. Are they there full time? If they are part time, then you could be beating a dead horse.

In this particular situation mom is a very young single mother and welcomes all feedback from me. The child is full time and mom has a long commute. I have the child most of the time. Mom is very loving and involved, however also very tired with the long work schedule.

I am not sure where you get that my home is not a "yes" environment. My home is a yes environment. Kids play and learn inside and outside, and we have a very creative hands on learning style. Some things are off limits and maybe I am wrong to expect my no to be no...but I don't think so. It really doesn't matter what the "no" rule is in my opinion...no means no...it is part of teaching them for future success in life. Seems kind of silly to debate rules in this thread.

All that aside, I love this child and have no plans to have them exit my program. I guess I was just wondering if others have experienced similar things and if so how was it handled with the parents if at all.

[Lianne]

I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.

I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.

I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.

We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.

Your post and YoureTooLoud's post are making me think. I've got three little boys in care (12mos, 14mos and 18mos) that are giving me a run for my money. I find myself saying no all day and I don't like that. I also find myself frustrated a lot and they cry a lot. I'm guessing they are frustrated, too, and I don't like that either. I've been thinking that I need to change something lately and maybe this is it. Maybe I'm controlling their environment too much. They can always use more gross motor activities, too. I've got some more mulling around to do but I appreciate you and YoureTooLoud posting. You've given me a perspective to consider that I hadn't thought of before.

[WImom]

I have kids like this too. I will tell them alot that at school we have certain rules and at home you have different rules. When we are school we follow my rules.

It works for most.

[Unregistered]

I have read both sides of this conversation-

my three cents... I think there needs to be a balance, but I lean towards its ok to say NO and set rules, boundaries, limits etc.... kids thrive on knowing what to expect and what not to expect. For most homes, its not ok to jump on the couch- so if the child is taught to not do this it helps him to know what is expected when you go to someone's home or have to sit and wait in a Dr.'s office etc... Outside you want to jump and bounce and run, go for it

Free Range reminds me of cattle for some reason or animals.

Everything being off limits is not cool either-

Balance

I think the balance comes from within our own comfortabilities, what is a yes, and what is a no in our homes or centers. The kids pick up quick the difference. Fun part is during transition, when they test to see who is in control.

[MarinaVanessa]

Maybe I'm controlling their environment too much.

Hopefully changing it up a bit will reduce some stress and make everyone happy. Try it out and see if it works for you. I tend to be available if the kids need me but I don't spend every minute of time that they are here playing with them. I supervise their play and I'm always close just watching and waiting in case they need me but I don't usually intervene or participate in their play unless they ask me too.

It gives them a lot of freedom and opportunities to figure things out on their own. Unless it's unsafe I don't get involved. I found that sometimes by me hanging out, playing and talking to them all day they would become fussy. I think they were overstimulated. It's much easier on me now and the kids really seem to enjoy playing without having an adult always interjecting. Maybe it'll work with you too .

[Lianne]

Hopefully changing it up a bit will reduce some stress and make everyone happy. Try it out and see if it works for you. I tend to be available if the kids need me but I don't spend every minute of time that they are here playing with them. I supervise their play and I'm always close just watching and waiting in case they need me but I don't usually intervene or participate in their play unless they ask me too.

It gives them a lot of freedom and opportunities to figure things out on their own. Unless it's unsafe I don't get involved. I found that sometimes by me hanging out, playing and talking to them all day they would become fussy. I think they were overstimulated. It's much easier on me now and the kids really seem to enjoy playing without having an adult always interjecting. Maybe it'll work with you too .

I usually don't get involved in their play either unless they're breaking a rule or hurting someone. If they're squabbling but managing, I don't get involved, either. I will step in if they're hurting each other. I was thinking they might benefit from me being on the floor with them a bit more. This morning I sat on the floor, away from where they were, and started stacking some blocks. They came over and we spent a few minutes knocking the blocks down and then I backed off and they wandered away. A few minutes later I started playing with something else and the boys came over to see what I was doing. In total I probably spent 20mins on the floor and 10-15mins playing with them but it did make a difference. After snack we decorated cookies and when the two little boys lost interest, I tossed the couch cushions on the floor. They (and then the 2 and 3yr olds) jumped on, jumped off, climbed over, laid on and did so much more with the cushions for a good hour. There was much less crying and I was less stressed even though I was busier.

I have an indoor slide that's put away til after Christmas to make room for the Christmas tree but they love the slide. I'd love some more gross motor ideas for the 12-18mos olds if you have any.

[MarinaVanessa]

I'd love some more gross motor ideas for the 12-18mos olds if you have any.

For gross motor we dance a lot. I get songs that you need to move alot and we make up dances to others. They LOVE Greg and Steve's listen and move and we make a ppoint to be VERY silly and overexagerrated when we do the movements. Every kid is hot and sweaty at the end of this one song ... it's so funny. We use scarves and streamers too in dancing sometimes.

About 3 or 4 days a week we go on walks to the park. It's about a 10 minute walk through our complex and they DO walk. Only my now 1yo gets to ride in the stroller. If the 2yo gets tired then I'll sit him in it too but not until he really is tired (it's a double stroller). The park has a toddler playground so they do their running, climbing and crawling there. We take balls and sand toys with us so there's always that. On other days we just go for a walk to a nearby grassy area within the complex and they play tag, run races, to cartwheels and roll on the grass.

I'm sure that you can find lots of things to do that encourage gross motor development but my favorite (and the kids too) is the music and dancing. We do that everyday.

[kayakalp]

Hello folk thanks for information.