Bad Mother Or Overwhelmed???

[Unregistered]

You are right some people don't have a choice and it sounds like you are a very good mother doing everything you can to get good time in with your child. it make s me sad when Mothers have to work so hard and don't have enough time left over. You are also completly right about your child needing good rest. Your daughter is very lucky to have a great mom like you.

The mother the OP is writing about gets off of work at 2 each day and doesn't not pick up untill 5. Not a hard workign mother like you who makes the most of every minute you do get to spend with your child.

I always feel bad when parents who do try hard are teh ones who get offfended or upset when we post about small number of parents that take advantage of care.

I understand that, but the poster before me said:

"I just wouldn't feel like I was a good mother if my childcare provider was with my child more than I was "

I feel bad enough as it is, I don't think I get enough time with me daughter. But I don't think that automatically means I'm a BAD mother.

[kayla]

Some people don't have a choice. I pick up my DD around 5:45 and we're home by 6-6:15, depending on traffic. Dinner, play a bit, bath and bed. She's in bed by 8. Do I like it this way? No! But there's not a whole lot I can do about it. She sleeps from 8pm-7am, then we're out the door by 7:20 in the morning. She can't go on less sleep. I can't work fewer hours. I'm at work from 8:30-5 each day. It doesn't automatically mean I'm a bad mom or I love my daughter any less. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with her, in the evenings and on the weekends.

no but my point is this parent is not at work... she gets off at 2 and just doesnt feel like being with her child she leaves him from 7-5 picks up makes dinner and puts him to bed at 7 this is wrong to me!!! The only time she has ever picked up early was to drop him off at his dads, they are divorced... pretty sad, and how do you know your child cant make it on less sleep your not with them anyway but for 2 hrs!!!

[Unregistered]

no but my point is this parent is not at work... she gets off at 2 and just doesnt feel like being with her child she leaves him from 7-5 picks up makes dinner and puts him to bed at 7 this is wrong to me!!! The only time she has ever picked up early was to drop him off at his dads, they are divorced... pretty sad, and how do you know your child cant make it on less sleep your not with them anyway but for 2 hrs!!!

My DD is 18 months old. On the weekends she sleeps at least 11, usually 12 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. On weekdays she gets a 2 hour nap at daycare and needs all 11 of those hours at night. I can't keep her up any later than 8, she gets cranky. And wouldn't a daycare provider prefer a well rested child, instead of a cranky one because I purposely kept her up late?

[Mandy_Jane]

My DD is 18 months old. On the weekends she sleeps at least 11, usually 12 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. On weekdays she gets a 2 hour nap at daycare and needs all 11 of those hours at night. I can't keep her up any later than 8, she gets cranky. And wouldn't a daycare provider prefer a well rested child, instead of a cranky one because I purposely kept her up late?

Maybe you could suggest to your provider that she lay the baby down for two naps during the day, so you could spend more time with her in the evening. That way she would get all the sleep her body needs and get to spend more quality time with you.

[sharlan]

My DD is 18 months old. On the weekends she sleeps at least 11, usually 12 hours a night and takes a 3 hour nap. On weekdays she gets a 2 hour nap at daycare and needs all 11 of those hours at night. I can't keep her up any later than 8, she gets cranky. And wouldn't a daycare provider prefer a well rested child, instead of a cranky one because I purposely kept her up late?

I understand exactly what you are saying. My youngest had to be in bed by 7 every night until she was over 2.. At 7:05 she was unconsolable (SP). At 7, she went right to sleep, at 7:30, she cried for an hour.

You are not a bad mother, just one who has to do what she has to do to keep a roof over your child's head.

[Christian Mother]

Nope, not a bad mother at all. Both my children are in bed now by 8pm..but they are now 8 and 4 1/2. A yr ago it was 7:30pm and a yr before that 7pm. When I worked and my son was in childcare I worked 8am til 5pm however, my husband had a 5am to 2pm job so he was able to pick up our son at 2:30pm but I am sure there where times in there that my son had to stay later til 5:30pm bc my husband had a side job or doctor appt or other plans. We all do what we can to survive and although the OP is talking about why isn't this parent picking up her child at 2:30pm when she gets off at 2pm...she should address it right away. I only provide care for working families...as soon as there off they must pick up there child. If I knew a parent left at 2pm I'd be making arrangements for a meeting.

[mainegal]

Ba Mother/Overwhelmed

I *DO* understand what the poster is trying to say, and normally I might have agreed except that I was in a very similar situation as a working mom (back in the day). Working all day (and being away from your children) is not a 'break' - it's often frustrating work (if you have a job like the one *I* used to have before opening up my childcare!).

After working 8 hours under frustrating conditions, and then you pick up your child (especially if your child is very 'active') can be exhausting to deal with. You do what you can to enjoy dinner and evening rituals together before they finally go to sleep. Then, if you're lucky, you can manage to stay up another hour or so to unwind before you go to sleep yourself and start all over again with the morning shuffle.

If a parent is lucky enough to get out in the early afternoon, I personally do not see anything wrong with them taking an hour or so to run arrands or have some 'me' time away from their kids. We all deny that to ourselves, and really I happen to believe that self-care is very important!

That mother is probably much better able to give their child quality time after recharging for an hour or so after work.

I just ask that the parent have a cell phone or other way for me to reach them in an emergency.